Humourous and Satirical Posts:
Coming Soon To A Waste Pipe Near You - Intelligent SlimeBut you don't want to read such dross today so here's a story about the yellow peril. We're not being racist, this yellow peril is intelligent slime that can think like humans (i.e. it's about a billion times more intelligent than the computers that are ...
Mozart Exposes Another Scientific Scam
The world is in trouble, over production, over consumption and over population combine to mess up the environment, the global exonomic system and the societies humans have formed. And the only solution our leaders can offer? More of the same stuff that screwed everything up ...
Suicide Dolphins
Amongst the numbers of missing and unaccounted for in the aftermath of Hurricane Rita are a number of fully armed combat dolphins who are trained to carry out missions behind enemy lines. Such Dolphins are not expected to return from their assignments but be happy to lay down their lives in the service of their country.
Evidence (As If You Needed Any) That All The Green Movement Are Insane
The Green movement are trying to make a big thing of earth hour, suppoedly the one hour each year we all switch off our lights and appliances to remind ourselves of how our lifestyles harm the planet. The trouble is despiter much hype and dishonest reporting from mainstream media Earth Hour has never really caught on. In fact most peope are completely in the dark about it.
Midsome Gang Wars
The Politically Correct Thought Police have the fictional coppers of Midsomer Murders in their sights. They say there are no ethnic minority members in the cast. So while most of us ordinary punters are fine with prople from Africa, the Caribbean Asia and the Indian Sub Continent we have yet another reason to hate politically correct lefties.
Empathic Chickens Or Silly Science
In a news item that deserved to be listed in the 'gobsmacking scientific breakthrough of the week' dedicated to the work of scientists who get very excited when they discover something the rest of us hown known for years, we report on the discovery of empathic chickens.
The Wonders Of Brian Cox
I haven't much time for scientists normally, especially those con artists who cooked up the global warming scam and the lapdogs of Big Pharma who tell us if we would only take enough prescription drugs we could live forever. Brian Cox on the other hand is as always good television in his new Wonders of the Universe series..
The Truth Is Not Out There
The truth is out there, promised the voiceover man at the start of television cult sci - fi series The X Files. Well it might be but if it is we are no nearer to finding it. And since the X Files introduced us to cryptozoology and quantum weirdness we don't seem to be any closer to the truth. Maybe out there is the wrong place to look.
Football Is Becoming A Game For Wimps or Who Banned All The Pies
News that a football stadium has gone vegetarian is never going to do the game's already tarnshed image much good. We get the feeling there soon will be a day when grizzled old pundits will be more likely to remark, cor, nice arse about the Ref rather than his comely female assistant. Football ued to be a man's game,there was a kind of poetry involved in the play of Tom Finney, Johhny Haynes, George Best and the other greats but it was the poetry of ...
You Can Keep Your Hat On - If You Want To Beat Climate Change.
Never go out without a hat in cold weather was Grandma's wise advice. Turns out the old girl was right. Gooing outside without a hat may be contributing to global warming ...
Malawi: Where Farting Is A Crime.We in the west have endured the gradual erosion of our civil liberty, human rights and personal freedom in the name of politically correct thinking but while we look to the developing world as offering a simpler, more common sense approach to life it seems their situation is worse. A new law in Malawi has made farting a crime. At least in the west we can still fart at will.
Face It: Eating Shite Makes You Fat And Ill
Governments are worried that we as a nation are getting too fat. Bigger ambulances and bigger prison cells are needed. They blame the public for lack of self control. But we are being brainwashed by advertisinf and the food industry into eating toxic chemicals that make us gain weight. Hilreious comedy rant.
Everything They Said Is Bad For You Is Good For You.J
ust when you thought it was safe to go back into the pleasuredome Nanny State's Politically Correct Thought Police are now using CAll Me Dave's Dave's nudger try to nudge us towards being better citizens, eating more shite and refusing things we like, drinking less booze, smoking less ciggies, avoiding dangerous sports like bowls and tiddleywinks, driving less miles in a less cavalier fashion and being less idle (unless of course being idle is the alternative to driving, boozing, eating or enjoying yourself by doing things the Thought Police do not like.
Tobogganing Teacher Sacked
The Politically Correct Thought Police read their ugly heads again as a teacher in a secondary school is sacked for putting pupils at unnecessary risk by letting them do a bit of toboganning in the recent cold, snowy weather.
And Starlings Will Fall - Bladdered -From The Heavens
Odd, and we mean really strange, stuff happens all the time. The world is a strange place. Sometimes when strange stuff happens God fearing types start yelling about the end of the world and the raptures when all our clothes fall off and we ascend to heaven Nothing happens of course. Scientists say science wil provide the answer and it doesn't because the world is not scientific. And all the time only Boggart Blog knows what happened.
Filth Is The Most Popular Thing In Suffolk
If you Boggart Blog readers, like us Boggart Bloggers Fatsally, Cleo Hart and myself, hate public relations campaigns and the whole industry that has grown up around telling us what we have to think and how we have to ...
SHOCK HORROR! Cats More Manipulative Than Humans
In another instalment of our Utterly Gobsmacking Scientific Revelation Of The Week series be bring you an item from MSNBC that reports veterinary researchers have found cats are even more cynical and manipulative creatures than was previously thought ...
Christmas Is Bollocks part 2.
For Christmas 2010 Boggart Blog has continued its long tradition off slagging off the modern, consumer oriented, shoddy, politically correct, conformist christmas if favour of supporting people who do their own thing.
You Get What You Deserve.
Are mobile phones, celphones as they are called in some parts, destroying good manners and the basic civility we need in order for ociety to finction? In the internet destroying our way of life? Are we becoming slaves to technology? Boggart Blog's resident technophobe Fatsally has a few things to say on that.
Apprentice Speak: Talking Corporate Bollocks.
As the government tried to sell off last year's stock of swine flu by telling us the pandemic that did not happen last year had come back to not happen again this year. There is a pandemic running round at the moment though as evidenced by this year's UK run of The Appentice on television. If Lord Sugar's candidates were as good at getting things done as they are at talking management spek bollocks he's be on a winner.
It's Life Craig, But Not As We Know It.
Since the publication of Frankenstein and maybe before that it has been the ambition of many scientists to discover the science of life itself and thus create new life in the laboratory. Now modern adances in delusional thinking have led science to move beyond dreams into the realms of fantasy fiction and claim they have created artificial life when they have not.
Batteries Not Included
"Batteries not inclded" The dreaded words on the boxes of toys bought for Christmas presents. At first sight of those words Dad knew that stuffed with turkey, roasties and duff he was in for a trek round the destered streets on Chistmas day to find an open all hours. Now as governments and sciencyheads and green, three hugging weirdie - beardies whose love of science and the environment is more to do with religious zeal than reason and logic we are starting to the that the words "batteries not included will be even mkore terrifying when see in the small priint of the contract we have just signed for a new electric car.
Magic Hat Works For Me.
It does not take much to get the grumblies grumbling and mumbling. I'm talking about the sciencyheads and people whose irrational belief in logic, reason and order makes us pity them. Ten to one they will be getting their knickers in a twist about any mention of my magic hat. Well when I'd worn my hat to go out shopping for wine and it's magic helped me to pull a pretty girl of less than half my age, that's the kind of magic I can believe in. And the sciencyheads and pointyheads can fuck right off.
Normal, Fat, Obese?
Can it be true as one newspaper headline suggested this week parents do not know whether their child has a weight problem because they do not know what the difference between normal, fat and obese. But with the politically correct though police forbidding us to call somebody a fat bastard and medical professionals using terms like clinically obese (slightly over the ideal weight) and morbidly obese (a right tunb of lard) is it any wonder people are confused.
Ban Terry Jones
As usual the Labour Loony Left are getting their knickers in a right old twist about somebody most of us might not care to have as a dinner guest being allowed into the country. When you hear the name Terry Jones you might think of phrases like 'He's not The Messiah, he's a very naughty boy,' or 'Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition,' but alas it is not the Terry Jones of Monty Python fame.
It's Life Jim But Not As We Know It.
Scientists, those shallow, excitable people so to prone to hyperbole and easily moved to hysteria were last week claiming they had discovered alien life forms in the shape of arsenic eating bacteria in Lake Mono, California. Science and reality are often a long way apart and in the cold light of reason we wonder what the NASA astrobiologist who led the project was getting wound up about. Milliband: Labour Will Demand Equal Rights For Toothpaste.
New Labour leader Ed Milliband pledged at his press event relaunching the party under his leadership that Labour will lok after the "squeezed middle." The press, broadcast media and the world of politics have been speculating about what this means. Only Boggart Blog can bring you the exclusive, Ed was talking about family values, sibling rivalry and toothpaste.
SAS - Satnav Antipathic Soldiers and The Misadventures Of Suzie From The Isle Of Skye
Boggart Blog loves Sat Nav stories. We love all stories that make those people trying to turn science into a religion and make technology one of its idols look stupid. Not that we are against science and technology, we are simply against the kind of people who try to tell us what we can and can't think. And if we give up map reading slikks and the power to think for ourelves then when the machines go wrong as sat nav often does, we're fucked. As a young friend of ours found out.
Carl Sagan Day.
If there is one man the sciencyheads hail as the prophet of their religion, the worship of speculative theories and unproveable assertions, the conflation of fact with fantasy, legend and myth and the replacement of hard evidence with mathematical modelling it is Carl Sagan. So was the man a genius or a knobhead. Read this article and decide for yourselves...
Under The Influence Of Mind Altering Drugs Eight Legs Is A Few too Many
You may have heard of the Men Who Stare At Goats if only throuh the George Cloony film of the same name but have you heard of the Men Who Do Drugs With Spiders? Not 'do drugs and see spiders' you understand but actually get together with spiders for the purpose of taking consciousness altering drugs. It's another war winning idea from the US Department of Defense Advanced Research Projects team. Go America, those bearded ragheads must be shitting themselves.
They're Coming
The recording on video of a vapour trail from an unexplained aerial object sighted near California has caused a stir.
The American government and military deny it was anything to do with
Obama The Philosopher President
In anew book to be published soon Havard Philosophy Professor James T Kloppenberg (that is not a Boggart Blog piss take, it's his real name OK) hails Barack Obama as ...
Breaking News - Nanny State On Suicide Watch
Reports are just coming in of a dramatic incident at the Palace of Westminster. It seems a mythical woman has been prevented by fire brigade and police officers from committing suicide by impaling herself on John Redwood's pointed ears.The woman, whose real name is not know but who has previously been referred to by the media as Nanny State became distraught as David Cameron announced a new government policy aimed at dismantling the ..
Footballers More Highly Valued Than Scientits - Scientists Complain
We are used to scientists whingeing, oh they're so hard done by, they work long and hard at the task of extending human knowledge and are paid peanuts ('if you pay peanuts you end up hiring monkeys' goes an old business maxim. Now they are complaining immigration law values football more highly than science as footballers' work visas are priorities. Why not we ask, footballers entertain some people, scientists seem to spend all their time molesting mice. When you see (below) some of the work they turn in you might think as we do that if scientists are earning peanuts we're overpaying them...
Comedy Cops Oust Plod.
Police chiefs have finally come clean and admitted their officers spend more time dealing with bureaucracy than chasing criminals. This exposes the ever improving crime statistics proclaimed by the previous government as a fraud. It was not jut that police were not investigating crimes, they wrre not even logging the calls. Boggart Blog reports on the bureaucracy of policing.
Ello, 'Ello, 'Ello, Who's Engine's Running Here Then?
The crazier a law is the more enthusiastic the police will be in enforcing it. Report a murder, robbery or gand fight and the boys in blue will turn up two days later to give out leaflets on victim counselling but go 1mph over the speed limit and they're like mustard.
Speed Dating For Lawyers
When somebody decided to launch a spped dating for single young lawyers who are to busy to develop relationships tt must have seemed a good idea at the time, not so says Boggart Blog's Ian R Thorpe, lawyers are as entitled to the cuddles, companionship and sex we all seek from relationships, but speed dating. Lawyer and speed are words that will never sit comfortably together
Apocalypse North
England is two nations, north and south it is often said. Most people think this refers to the wealth gap, they have more money in the south, in the north we have better beer, better pies and we get more sex. But the real gap is cultural. This does not mean southerners are always at the opera or ballet while we are at football or bingo. It means southerners are obsessed with social status, we in the north couldn't give a fuck what you think of us so long as we're having a laugh.
Recycling Into Danger
Power may well corrupt but it certainly removes those who hold it from reality. So as Gordon Brown squats in Downing Street hoping that a bizarre sequence of events following the indecisive election will lead to him staying on as Prime Minister in a hung parliament one cannot help but think The Gordon Show is turning into a Truman Show type movie fantasy.
Safety First, Second and Third, Fun Last.
The politically correct thought police and their health and safety cohort are tireless in their efforts to ensure you are never ever at risk from anything, especially the risk of having fun.
Are You Smarter Than Your Kids.
Every year we are told school pupils are getting brighter as record numbers of exam passses are achieved. Every year employers complain that their new recruits, from university graduates to year ten drop outs are getting dumber. So is the education system really turning our brighter children or are the examining boards cheating?
Ryanair To Let Passengers Fly Planes?
News that in a cost cutting move budget airline Ryanair were considering abolishing the role of co - pilot and training cabin vrew to fly planes was greeted with disbelief. We wondered why, the travel industry has been hit hard by the recession and ruthless efficiency is necessary for survival. A Boggart Blog investigation revealed however that there may plans to go even further and let passengers fly planes.
David Cameron Shoots Himself In The Face
David Cameron had got off to such a good start in his relations with America, putting Obama in his place about economics and deficit spending, revealing plans for withdrawal from Afghanistan, pointing out the BP has not been British Petroleum for many years and getting some concessions for convicted pentagon hacker Gary McKinnon. So why has it gone wrong?
Is It A Bird, Is It A Plane, Is It Superman, No, its Supermuslim!
In an effort to show Muslims are really fun people and Islamic publisher has launched a muslim superhero comic book series. Move over Superman and all the other all American superheroes, Super Muslim has arrived.
Parent Power: Mr & Mrs Lardarse Join The Parent Council
One of the recent big new ideas in education is parent power and the introduction of parent councils in schools to encourage parents to have a more active role in school life. The problem here is will the more articulate type of middle class parent dominate or will the more physical approach of Mr. and Mrs Lardarse win the argument?
Back To Basics by Sir Hector Gobbett - Broadsides
Sir Hector Gobbett Broadsides, Conservative MP for Rawtenborough since 1832 and a great champion of old fashioned values has agreed to write for us in support of a return to traditional convervative values, self determinations and the restoration of traditional British right like Primae Noctis. In this first article he argues for the reten of ritualistic beatings in schools, the death penalty for single mothers and the 95 hour working week for poor people.
Pity The Poor Binmen
Whether the government in power is Labour, Conservative or coalition their idea of improving public sector efficiency sems to be to stop provinding services to the public but hire bigger and bigger armies of penpushers to administer the non provision of services. Just look what has happened with refuse collection over the years. We have ended up with a situation in which binmen are not allowed to lift or carry a bin for health and safety reasons...
2010-06-28
New Political Leaders let us down.
by ianrthorpe
As satirical bloggers we have been waiting for David Cameron to fall flat on his face. It's disappointing then that he has emerged from the G20 conference of political leaders as the figure the world looks to for...
2010-06-28
What Goes around, Comes Around
by fatsally
Well, you have to admit there is a certain symmetry in life, even if you have to wait 44 years.
I thought it was quite ironic that England were denied a goal that clearly was over the line, (and yes the fans at the stadium were correct, the ref was a wanker... didn't his...
2010-06-28
The Ball Was In
by cleohart
Football. The World Cup. There's no escape, so I might as well cover it. On Sunday we lost spectacularly against our nemesis, Germany. To be fair, we were shit, and have been throughout the contest according to all commentaries. Really we should think ourselves lucky we didn't achieve ultimate embarrassment by ...
Welcome To Our World Cup
America's football (soccer if you must)team is taking part in the World Cup again. Lets hope their gallant performances as underdogs, and their good natured sportsmanship are not treated with the same indifference as four years ago. After all, though a sports team alone cannot undo the damage done to America's international reputation by the Bush administration, its a start.
England's Flag Racist?
Crimes like murder, robbery, kidnapping, rape and arson are not serious enough to warrant urgent police attention these days. The crimes that matter are... a flag that identified him as an England football supporter? Well no, he was actually pulled up because his World Cup flag was “racist and likely to offend Muslims.
England, England, England
World Cup fever doesn't strike Boggart Blog's fatsally. No worse than Swine Flu the writer says
World Cup: The Idea Is To Win But England Players Don't Get It.
Far be it from us to suggest footballers are thick, I mean thinking the idea of a penalty shootout is to put the ball as far wide or high of the goal as possible is a simple mistake to make. Emile Heskey reached a new level of incomptence however, and what more he did it in a warm up game against....
Rooney Not Of The Old School
It was always inevitable that England striker Wayne Rooney would get into trouble at the world cup. The scouser's ripe language was bound to upset referees who have been bribed (allegedly) to find any excuse for sensing off England players. But getting in trouble is a friendly with a local team exceeded our expectations...
Rooney To Ref: Swive You Earsling - Now Wayne Can Vent His Spleen Safely
Boggart Blog. though not a football blog is for the World Cup as patriotic as any British blog can be so we came up with a scheme to protect England star Wayne Rooney from overzealous foreign referees. We are sending out our expert on medieval English, Grammercy Pecksniff to coach Rooney in using archaic swear words and insulting phrases words even English referees will not understand..
The Misery Pill: Unhappiness and Arse DribbleWe have reported extensively both here and at the original Boggart Blog on the plague of obesity and the scourge of arse dribble that punishes those who seek a quick remedy in fat busting drug. Now the pharmeceutical indusrty has gone one better and created a pill that not only causes arse dribble, it makes people depressed as well.
The Worm In The Apple iPhone Apple CEO Steve Jobs, a man whose entire career has been built on finding creative ways of avoiding an admission that his company’s technology is overpriced shite insisted there is nothing wrong with the new iPhone and people are experiencing problems because they are holding it wrongly. We disagree...
Should The Cuts Hit The NHS?
As anticipation mounted about Chancellor George Osborne's emergency budget aimed at bringing the public sector spending deficit under control people were asking if budhgets for the National Health Service (NHS) would be cut. We can think of one area of the NHS where cutting the budget might improve matters...
The Adventures Of Posthumous Sperm
Parliament will allow women to be impregnated by Posthumous Sperm my first thought was to find out who this Posthumous Sperm person might be and why he is particularly qualified to impregnate women. It is after all a job many of us blokes would be well up for if we were given the chance...
Hybrid Embryos Will bring Viz Characters To Life
Parliament debated the hybrid embryo clause of the human fertility bill yesterday and despite the irrational and superstitious fears of Church of Scienceology scientists cult leaders that our elected representative “do not understand science” and therefore were not qualified to debate the bill, the clause was...
FILTH! The Mary Whitehouse Effect
Advance publicity for “FILTH!” a dramatised version of the Mary Whitehouse story starring Julie Walters and coming (oops, pardon!) to a television near you has predictably aroused (oops, pardon!) the holier-than-thou brigade to start ranting about ... any mention of “FILTH!” in the media tends to make the legions of the narrow minded come over Mary Whitehouse (oops, pardon!).
Is It Time To Ban Maths From Schools?
Academics and politicians are always banging on about how school pulpils have no interest in maths and science. They blame everybody but themselves of course. When you get down to it, maybe the way Maths and Science are taught in schools is to blame. Or maybe it is the nerds who teach it and try to infect pupils with their own irrational enthusiasm for the uttrly pointless that has made these subjects so uncool.
Welcome To Our World Cup
America's football (soccer if you must)team is taking part in the World Cup again. Lets hope their gallant performances as underdogs, and their good natured sportsmanship are not treated with the same indifference as four years ago. After all, though a sports team alone cannot undo the damage done to America's international reputation by the Bush administration, its a start.
High Flyers Wanted For Astronaut Jobs
In the light of secondary school teacher fatsally's experience of the current cup of school leavers the European Space Agency campaign to recruit astronatuts by advertizing the job as 'no formal qualifications needed' seems ill advised.
Bed and Breakfast Bible Society
When a gay couple turn up at a bed and breakfast hotel looking for a double room nobody bats an eyelid these days. Unless that is, the B & B is run by a Christian fundamentalist couple.
Sexless In The City
The great success of the series Sex In The City has always puzzled Boggart Blog because only one (Kim) of the four sex bombs in leading roles is actually sexy. Some critics have suggested the series ties in with the aspirations of many young cosmopolitan professionals. Are there really so many sex straved screwed up, neurotic fuck brains in the world? Read this hilarious critique...
British Teeth
Our American friends like to make jokes about British teeth. They might be more sympathetic towards our desire to keep our natural teeth if they knew the history of British dentistry since the formation of the National Health Service.
Conspiracy Theory of the Month - Patriotism
Whenever the word conspiracy is mentioned someone is bound to shout "Tin Foil Hat Wearer." The shouter is obviously involved in some kind of conspiracy and trying to divert attention from their activities. Conspiracies are all around us, large and small. Governments may not be beaming radio signals into our brains to control us but if such a technology was available you can bet they would be. This conspiracy theory concerns patriotism, an age old conspiracy among the elite to persuade the sons of the non elite it is a good and noble thing to die for one's country. Especially if the dead guy was the one carrying the flag.
When David Met Angie (satire)
What would happen when Britain's new Prime Minister David Cameron, leaders of the Conservative / Liberal Democrat coalition met Angela Merkel, German Chancellor and leaders of a coalition headed by the conservative Christian Democrats? The mother of all love ins perhaps? Of might one of our two star crossed lovers play it horribly badly?
War On Terror 2008: A Suspect Called Paddington
Paddington Bear makes a return to the printed page in a new book by author Michael Bond.
In the story Paddington copes with life in the 21st century in his inimicable way, leaving a trail of chaos and bemusement behind him. But just think if Paddington was making his debut in the 21st century, rather than the gentler more trusting times of post-war Britain.
Sugar is Kosher; Stupidity and Michael’s Chicken Aren’t
I have not been able to get interested in this new television series of The Apprentice with a bunch of chavs trying to demonstrate their budding business acumen to Lord Sugar and his sidekicks. The usual crop of desperate wannabes on The Apprentice are aged beteen twenty and thirty and thus have had time to develop the unique and idiosyncratic personality flaws and disorders that make them such a repulsive and obnoxious bunch of...
Teenage Prostitute Baby Poisoners
Today we have a surfeit of riches. Our favourite paper led on the headline “ Schools may be judged on teenage pregnancies and drug problems. What is all that about? Is the education system planning to start handing out GCSEs in getting up the duff and stonerology? Are the government offering NVQs for sex workers?
Ten - The First Night David and Sam Spend In Their New Home Turns Into A Nightmare
It is said ghosts are just echoes of the past, electro - magnetic shadows of long ago dramas imprinted on the fabric of buildings. But what is it like to enter a house where recent real life tragedies have taken place? And what mysteries of the mind might draw the people involved in those events back to the scene?
Labour Contenders Line Up With David Milliband To The Fore
Before Gordon Brown had even finished is maybe but not just yet, maybe never resignation speech David Milliband was pushing himself to the fore as a potential successor to Brown. But what other contenders may emerge from the Lbour ranks and can Milliband, admired by the party elite, the london metrosexual set and the intelligensia wing the hearts and minds of the grassroots Labour supporters
The Gordon Truman Show
Power may well corrupt but it certainly removes those who hold it from reality. So as Gordon Brown squats in Downing Street hoping that a bizarre sequence of events following the indecisive election will lead to him staying on as Prime Minister in a hung parliament one cannot help but think The Gordon Show is turning into a Truman Show type movie fantasy.
Lord Of The Blair Rings, (Emily, Tony and Precious)
Power corrupts maybe but it certainly removes those who hold it from reality. Tony Blair sits and schemes through his last days in office, hoping to find a way to hold on to his precious, the ring of office held by every Prime Minister or First Lord Of The Treasury to give the office its proper title. One cannot help but think power has warped Blair's mind so much he thinks he is the living embodiment of a character in a fantasy fiction.
Woman in Kansas lived on boyfriend's toilet for two years.
Boggart Blog's Star Reporter from the netherworld brings our readers the most private musings of Heather Mills McCartney as she contemplates her divorce, lawyer, injusdtice, prostetics and the burdens of celebrity.
Dangerous Musings of a Disturbed Mind
Boggart Blog's Star Reporter from the netherworld brings our readers the most private musings of Heather Mills McCartney as she contemplates her divorce, lawyer, injustice, prostetics and the burdens of celebrity.
[ Comedy & Humour ] ... [ celebrity ]
It's A Great Career Move, Britney.
What is poor Britney Spears to do. She's all out of comebacks, and everybody has had more than enough of her flirtations with madness and her star is fading fast. She has even worn out her victim status, her Dad having rid her of all the parasites who were sucking Britney and her bank accounts dry. Where Tiger Woods can repair his reputation by doing what he is good at, hitting little balls with sticks Britney's popularity depends on popularity. In the circumstances there is only one way forward for the fading celebrity, the fame junkie who is no longer famous. Fatsally reveals what in this article...
Scientists Blame Ancient Goddess For Volcanic Dust Disruption
Can this be true. While the volcano in iceland is still projectile vomiting ash and dust into the atmosphere scientists who have spent the last few decades dissing Gaia theory as superstitious unscientific nonsense are now saying the dust clouds are natures way of controlling global warning. Oo-er Missis, ancient earth science goddess very angry.
Mouse Scientists (Or Mickey Mouse Journalists) Do It In The Dark
We love scientists here at Boggart Blog (honest, we do) Where would we be without the constant stream of materiasl they feed us, especially on mouse science related projects. That is the science of studying mice and claiming to have gained vital understanding of human problems. Or fuckwittery to us uneducated folk. Here's a story of a health risk to humans identified by shing lights on mice at night.
Volcanic Dust And Divinity
The volcanic eruption in Iceland has closed most north European airports and grounded flights. Flying through the kind of dust emitted by the eruption can cause catastrophic failure in aircraft engines. So what could flights already in the air do except pray for divine. intervention...
Stating The Obvious Will Not Rebuild Our Economy
Given the obsession governments have with science and their irrational faith in the idea that sciencfe and technology will lead us out of the financial meltdown and rebuild the western economy, it is time we questioned some of the loony project that are being undertaken in Universities...
Schlock Celebrity Sex Tape Sounds Death Knell Of The Internet
No matter what depths web content sinks to the internet seems to go from strength to strength. But will a new celebrity sex video push back the boundaries of taste too far and bring about the backlash that will be the death of the world wide web
The Cheetah and the Television Cheats
Ever wodered how makes of those BBC television wildlife programmes get the wild animals to be so co-operative? Did you ever think there might be a bit of cheating going on? No, of course not, that nice David Attenborough who personally supervises all BBC wildlife programmes (he does, honest,) would never allow producers to cheat. Prepare to be shocked as we bring you the story of one little cheetah and the television cheats.
If There Weren't Any Canadians You'd Have To Invent Them
In the past few days I have been intrigued by a news story emerging from a district attorney’s office in Texas. A memo sent by an assistant DA to a prosecutor congratulated him on overcoming “a subversive defence that had some "Canadians" on the jury feeling sorry for the defendant. Canadiands it seems was a new euphemism for a certain ethnic minority group...
Poly Clinics - Not Just For Avian Flu.
In the latest example of pointless politically motivated tinkering with the National Health Service the Labour government announced today it is to introduce polyclinics to replace the traditional doctor's consulting rooms which will be phased out. But what kind of doctors will we see in these poly clinincs?
Ladettes To Ladies
One of the most bizarre and most entertaining of reality TV shows is ladettes to ladies. In this low budget schedule filler young slappers who habitually binge drink, shag around, piss in the street, get their tits out and projectile vomit are handed over to a charm school whose staff must attempt to turn the contestants from slappers into seductresses.
The Bash Street Politicians - Labour's Top Strategists.
Anthony "El Captainomundo" Blair and Beefy Prescott, two leading politicians of The Bash Street Kids Party are discussing how they can shrug off the legacy of Old Labour and winf the support of Mr. Richie Bastard in the election.
Research Suggests From Talking Bollocks Expert Surprise Liberal Democrat Victory
A new academic paper published by a researcher in sociology (the science of talking bollocks) suggests Nick CDlegg's erotic capitalpoints to a surprise Liberasl Democrat victory in the election.
The Whining Academy
Whining seems to have become a national sport. Politicians spend their time whining about the public's lack of respect for them except for when they are busy embezzling public funds, cutting cash for influence deals with fake lobbyists, sucking up to dodgy donors, fiddling their expenses or boffing their secretaries.
Giant Haystack Cheats The Law
A story of a man who when planning permission to build his dream home was turned down went ahead anyway, hiding his house behind a giant haystack has amused us.
Should Human Eggs Be Sold?
Should the sale of human eggs be banned? This and other etical questions raised by the advance medical science in solving fertility problems is addressed by the Boggart Bloggers in their usual irreverent style.
Samantha Cameron and The Spanish Inquisition
As the 2010 election campaign hots up attention is focusing on the party leaders wives. Samantha Cameron though she had won the battle of the headlines by getting pregnant but then she didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition
Live Forever Or Choose Life
Never a week and scarecely a day goes by without the latest shot in the wannabe global government's campaingn of fear and panic being fired at us ordinary folk. It will relate to health, drink, drugs, diet or smoking and offer in exchange for another freedom some dubious advantage. The lastest on the British front in this war on reality is a warning that air pollution in casusing 55,000 early deaths a year. Now if we stop all indusry in its tracks (because industrial processes are the main cause of pollution) thus increasing unemployment to 99% of the employable population (those who work in public services are in real terms unemployable) thus stopping those 55,000 deaths, ban smoking and drinking, stop people eating dodgy stuff that promotes stomach cancer etc. etc. pretty soon, if you add up all the lives these measures will save, nobody will be dying... Which would be a nightmare future in a world full of incontinent old gits.
No Help For Those With Self Inflicted Health Problems
News that the National Health Service will if future offer only palliative care to people whose heath problems can be described as self inflicted either through lifestyle or high risk behaviour is not a surprise coming from an increasingly authoritarian bureaucratic dictatorship.
The Contraltos
The Contraltos are a family of ruthlessly ambitious politicians who originated in the dark age of industrial politics when labour was a consumable resource. Though not individually capable of hitting the real political high notes as the Sopranos had, The Contraltos, by a combination of dirty tricks, murder and covering each others backs the contraltos have become a dominant force in British politics...
A Crisis In An Englishmen's Undercrackers
One of the causes of the west's economic decline has been the rise in imports from low labour cost nations like China and the depletion of our own industries that can no longer compete. This in turn has led to a crisis of quality in underwear. One good fart can blow the arse out of your guzzies these days. Which is good for China because we have to buy replacements every five minutes but bad for our country because it increases imports and bad for us. Join Boggart Blog in demanding a return to the days when a man could buy underwear he knew would last his lifetime and be passed down through succeeding generations.
The Evil Green Bastards Who Want To Save The Panet
So you heard all the politically corect propaganda and you thought going green wouls show you are a good person. Wrong. According to scientists adopting a green lifestyle is more likely to make you an evil, selfish bastard...
Ethical Knickers For Your Green Valentine
A sexy valentine gift for your green lover? Why not some ethical big knickers. Hemp knickers are all the rage with planet friendly females this year. If your girlfriend is more of a thong wearing climate change sceptic than a lentil loving Earth goddess howeer dont blame us if she kills you.
Calorie Offsetting - The Fair Trade Way To Stay Slim
Everybody has heard of carbon offsetting, the super wheeze that will allow those of us in the civilised world to carry on as we are while the people of developing nations sell us their carbon allowances to keep body and soul together. Well how do you fancy our calorie offsetting scheme that allows you to eat what you like and pay a poor person to get fat for you
Rubber Baby Syndrome
If you thought the title would lead to a piece about sexual fetishes you are wrong – well wrongish. A programme on television last night dealt with a fad among women of a “certain age” (post menopausal insanity syndrome) for buying fake babies and acting as if they are not rubber but real real. These women, all well heeled and expensively if often somewhat...
The True Hockey Stick
Believer in the new religion of AGW, anthropogenic global warming or climate change will be sick of having their science based faith mocked and their scientist priests ridiculed. To help them hold to their belief we offer a change to own a fragment of the true hockey stick, the sacred symbol of their religion.
Slutbot, The Internet Cyberhooker
Men, have you been approached by a slutbot yet. A slutbot is a piece of malwae that arrives liooking like an e mail from a sexy young female who is desperate to have sex with you. CFlick on a link to find out more however and you invite a worm. trojan or key logger onto your computer where it will steal all your personal data. Unlike a real prostitute however who may give you a social diseas or if you are lucky just a hand job before running off with your money, you are never going to get anything from Slutbot.
Gordfellas - Is The Labour Government Really Like Goodfellas?
Stories coming from Downing Street accusing Labour Prime Miniter Gordon Brown of bullying and being tempramentally unstable should worry us all. We know little of what goes on inside the seat of government and what we hear makes it sound like the movie Goodfellas. Read this hilarious pastiche then decide.
The World's Strongest Beer
So what is the world's strongest beer? Carlsberg Special Brew, Tennants Super, HSL which is a kind of Ace for the seriously brain damaged? For those not in the know about beer or Viz characters Ace, a weak, cheap beer best drunk when fortified with barbecue starter, is the poison of choice for Octavius Tinsworth (Eight) Ace. Well wrong, wrong and wrong. The strongest beer in the world now is Sink The Bismarck at 41% Alcohol By Volume from Brew Dog brewery in Aberdeen...
The Little Cellphone - A Christmas Story
What happens to all those cellphones that have given loyal and efficient servive only to be abandoned to their fate at Christmas when a newer model with more bells and whistles, apps and software widgets replaces them
Starve Yourself And You Might Live Longer
New scientific research advises us to starve ourselves if we want to live longer. But is it as usual just a case of you will not actually live longer, being permanently hungry on your calorie free diet will just make it seem so...
Health And Safety Halloween
First they killed bonfire night with stupid, petty rules and regulations, now the politically correct thought police and the nanny state conspiracy are trying to kill halloween. It will be another step towards abolishing everything that puts people at risk of having fun.
READ ALL Health And Safety Halloween
Book Review: How To Talk About Books You Haven't Read.
Can we really talk about books we haven't read as the title of the book reviewed here suggests? The author, french literature academic Pierre Bayard argues that it is perfectly feasible as books are not so much about narrative and characters as ideas. Does Bayard's argument hold up? Poet Ian R. Thorpe reviews How To Talk About Books You Haven't Read (without having read it of course)
2009-11-20
A Fit And Proper Person
by ianrthorpe
The dark forces of football oligarchy are ganging up on little Chester City but it looks like one rule for the minnows, another for the big clubs. The FA have ordered Stephen Vaughan, Chester’s owner and main financial prop to sell his shareholding because he is not a “fit and proper person” to be...READ ALL A Fit And Proper Person
Presidential Pardon For The A Team?
In a little reported incident in 2007, in odrer to stop the costs of the Iraq war running out of control President Bush offered a full pardon to The A Team if they could get some of the combat vehicles wrecked by roadside bombs back into action.
2009-11-19
Playing Politics With The Dear Old Queen
by ianrthorpe
The Queen’s Speech by convention, wile setting out the government’s programme is not about party politics nor is it supposed to be about a failing government shafting the opposition that will soon replace them by making it impossible for the new lot to...READ ALL Playing Politics With The Dear Old Queen
2009-11-17
The Real Queen's Speech Redux
by ianrthorpe
It is well known that every year HM The Queen writes her own speech for the state opening of parliament and that every year The Government goes to great lengths to ensure the draft is lost and Queenie has to read the speech prepared for her by the Prime Minister.
Last year one of Boggart Blog's unseen reporters managed to obtain...READ ALL The Real Queen's Speech Redux
They Prayed Him Straight
After the latest developments in the bizarre story of rent boy using homo hating evangelical preacher Ted Haggard I my have to rethink my lifelong refusal to have anything to do with religion.
No Bitching
The New York Politically Correct Thought Police are planning to make use of the word 'bitch' a crime. Will that make all dog breeders criminals ponders Ian Thorpe.
Bad Taste Treat
The great Mel Brooks onc said "you can't crate humour without bad taste." Was he right? If you though your neighbours were were read about some of these people.
2009-11-14
Things Just Keep Getting Better!
by fatsally
The other day Boggartblog brought you the news that we're just not drinking enough, tipping the unfinished bottle down the sink wastes an incredible amount of the old Mucho Collapso and so we should all ensure that we drink every last drop, a practice Boggartblog has advocated for years. But things just keep getting better...
... but some of us are looking at the stars...
Why is it OK for 'scientists' to spend billions of $ loking or aliens but when ordinary folks do it much more cheaply and with greater success they are dismissed as nutters. This story throws some light on the situation.
Marking Computer Says No AsTop Writers Fail Their English A Level.
by Ian R Thorpe
Boggart Blog makes it our business to invigilate the progressive education lobby for sings of loonyness. An we have to be honest, they keep us busy.
One of the most crackpot ideas to come out of the academic clique that supervises the dumbing down of standard was the recruitment of a marking computer to assess A level papers.
On being given samples of writing by great authors including... READ ALL Marking Computer Says No
2009-11-11
Simon Cowell Secret Revealed
by Ian R Thorpe
Boggart Blog has not been following The X Factor this time round because, well let’s be honest, we have done all the cheap jokes in the past. Also the biggest X Factor joke this year is...READ ALL Simon Cowell Secret Revealed
2009-11-11
Bottoms Up!
by fatsally
Good news for drinkers - the Waste and Resource Action Programme has estimated that Britons are pouring £470 million worth of wine down the plughole...READ ALL Bottoms Up
2009-11-10
Going Batty For A BJ
?Very Short Post but funny enough to be worth a visit
2009-11-12
Evolutionary Science Classes In Junior School Might Be Counter Productive.
A new plan to reform the primary curriculum proposes teaching evolutionary science to kids aged 4 to 11. This article shows how such an approach might be counter productive.
Have A Nice Day - From The ***** Who Want Your Money (very strong language)
Doesn't all the false bonhomie in the retail sector get up your nose. Enjoy you meal chirrup food schleppers in franchise restaurants as if they are commanding you to relish the barely edible pap they have just slapped in front of you. But the one that really gets everybody is "Have a nice day.
The Seven Profitable Habits Of Self Help Gurus
KEYWORDS: self help, success, positive,self-esteem, wealth,humour,humor,satire
How do all those self help gurus whjo have made millions form their wealth / success / self-esteem programmes keep managing to sell their unremittingly banal, predicable and useless self help books? Here satirical writer Ian Thorpe reveals the secret methods know only to a few wealthy international con artists that keep those self help books selling.
Decadent Exam Results Day
Where do the television people find those wussy, goodie goodie A level students who come over Anthea Turner on a level results day. It just does no present a realistic picture of modern youth. Here our cub reporter recounts is own decadent exam day. You might call it Fear and Loathing In Leeds...
Barack Obama, The Electric Monk and the Museum Of Creation
In America the collapse of the economy, the inexorable rise of unemployment and the hostility of developing nations to President Obama's climate change proposals have so far failed to dent the belief of Obama's rabid supporters in the divinity of their 'beloved President'...
Government By Fear And Panic
The more the Government try to control people through fear and panic the more sceptical people get. Read about the latest installment in the saga of Fear and Panic and decide where you are going to draw your personal line...READ ALL Government by Fear and Panic
Childhood Drinking:The Slippery Slope That Brought Us To Greenteeth Labyrinth
Will the odd sip of wine or beer from the parents glass for young children or a small glass of watered wine or lemonade shandy for older ones lead to moral decrepitude, alcoholism, living in a carboard box and early death as a government survey claims or will children included in this adult activity develop a heathier attitude to drink...
READ ALL Childhood Drinking:The Slippery Slope That Brought Us To Greenteeth Labyrinth
Nanny State Has Her Cake And Eats It
Are governments everywhere showing an increasing desire to meddle in the minutae of individual citizens lives or is it just the English speaking world?
Well We Did Warn You
A new health scare pops up every week it seems and with each scare comes a public information campaign costing millions and telling us what we have all known for years or do not give a brass fart about anyway.
Sleeping With Conservatives - The Sex Of Politics
by ianrthorpe
2009-10-08
Could You Hug A Tory asks a feature in today’s Guardian in which several typical Guardian writers describe their feelings of fear and loathing when, purely in the interests of science of course, they hugged prominent members...
Let Her Breasts Satisfy Thee At All Times
A bitchy homosexual attacks a Chistian beauty queen, the religious right respond. The gay lobby hit back by revealing the young woman has very ungodly silicon enhanced breasts. What do the fundies do? They find a phrase in the Bible that justifys breast implants. Brilliant
The Logic Of Python by ianrthorpe
Before we hand over control of the blog to Lord Snooty And His Pals for the duration of the Conservative Party Conference we’d like to use today’s post in appreciation of Monty Python’s Flying Circus as we celebrate the show’s...
Today In Manchester
Today's guest blog from the Conservative conference in Manchester is contributed by Rupert Chynliss - Wunder, a Tory work and pensions spokesman.
OK Yah! Are we weady to wock Manchester? When old Cammers and Osborne talk about getting disabled people off benefit and back to work we expect the namby pamby hand winging wefties to start whining so we don't give too much. READ ALL Today In Manchester
Isn't It Grand Boys To Be Bloody Well DeadAn audio blog which provides the Labour Party a new song to sing while in terminal decline. Isn't It Grand Boys To Be Bloody Well Dead was an old music hall song. This version is to be sung by thouse fire breathing old socialists as they gently turn in their graves at the antics of the yuppiefied modern party
In The Future The Saddest Thing Will Be...
by Ian R Thorpe
2009-09-28
In the future The Politically Correct Thought Police and their cohorts in New Labour and The Lib Dems, The Health and Safety Executive and the dark forces of The Nanny State will conspire to suck all the joy out of life and turn us into... READ ALL In The Future The Saddest Thing Will Be
St Thérèse gig at Paddy’s Wigwam
by Ian R Thorpe
2009-09-27
Who would have thought it possible? St Thérèse is touring the UK again. Last week she was packing them in at the Paddy’s Wigwam venue in Liverpool. People queued round the block to get in we hear and the “Little Flower” is drawing bigger crowds than Duran Duran or Spandau Ballet on their ... READ ALL St Thérèse gig at Paddy’s Wigwam
Decaffinated Bullshit
by Ian R Thorpe
2009-09-26
In one of our very first Boggart Blog posts titled The Bullshit Factor we revealed scientific proof that bullshit and not money makes the world go round.
Everything is bullshit these days, even doing something simple like ordering a cup of coffee, you know you are only going to get a cup of bullshit. We always knew of course that those multinational chains that sell plastic foam in plastic foam cups were selling...
CLICK HERE to read Decaffinated Bullshit
Freedom Of Speech And The Right To Offend
The Dark Forces of politically correct tyranny are at work everywhere, telling us what we can and cannot say, do and think. The Politically Correct Thought Police and their cohort Nanny State are omnipresent, curtailing our civil liberties and refusing to allow us to do anything that may possibly put us at risk of having fun. But there are still freethinkers and anarchists out there, people prepared to raise their heads at the bullyboys of wussiness and promote our right to make our own choices.
Prisoner Cell Block H(ilton)
Would celebrity air-head Paris Hilton survive in Prison , the gossip industry asked. We think she might find her spiritual homeWould celebrity air-head Paris Hilton survive in Prison , the gossip industry asked. We think she might find her spiritual home
Well We Did Warn You
Oddball behaviour from politicians is not news, they're all insane deviants anyway. But when it comes to self flagellation, sports stars are not far behind in the crazy stakes. Share with us some of the best moments of self inflicted pain from the year's top sporting events.
Blair's Last Audience
Details of her Majesty The Queen's conversations are never revealed, not even in matters of great public interest such as what was said in her final audience with retiring Prime Minister Tony Blair. Thanks to a Greenteeth Insider we can now reveal all.
Schadenfreude Is The Zeitgeist
It's always nice when those oh - so - smug politically correct types with their sustainable lifestyles, hemp knickers and wierdie - beardie philosophies are impaled on the horns of a dilemma. You know what happens, their determination to be green and politically correct on one issue causes them to give aid and comfort to the forces of climate change denial in another.
Flushing Social Status Down The Toilet or Little Katie Middleton Has A Lucky Escape
News that Prince Willie's squeeze Little Katie Middleton had been deemed not of sufficient social status to be come the wife of the future King must have come as a great relief to her family and friends. But are we seeing the making of the next Camilla?
Sexy Sam's Supernatural Shenanigans
When a teacher and part time writer who specialised in horror tales showed her class her latest vampire novel featuring a rather glamourous cover photo of her, christian parents were quick to over-react.
Heather McCartney Vegan? She's Pulling Your Leg Heather Mills, the gold digger formerly known as Heather Mills McCartney is on a mission to convert us all to veganism. Shame on all you (us too) who thought the vegan thing had been nothing more than a cynical ploy to win the heart of billionaire ex Beatle Paul.
Flat Pack World, Flat Pack Life
KEYWORDS: flat pack,china,tractor,humour,humor,satire,technology
The unholy alliance of technology and consumerism has brought us many material wonders. It is difficult to see though how a flat pack tractor will find its niche in the agricultural equipment market which it dominated by mechanical engineering companies or in the consumer tat market dominated by Swedish vendors who sell to people with no money, no taste or both.
Strewth, the Wallabies Have been At The Opium Crop
KEYWORDS: opium,drugs,australia,tasmania,crop circles,humour,humor,satire,technology
The Australian Island of Tasmania is the largest grower of legally licences opium poppies in the world. But strange things have been happening, crop circles have appeared in the poppy fields. And this has produced a new theory of how crop circles are made.
An Inspirational Old Queen
KEYWORDS: An Inspirational Old Queen, British,monarchy,drink,humour,humor,satire,
The British Royal family have always been held up as role models of probity, civilised values and moral rectitude. If the Queen Mother (died2002) was a role model no wonder we are a nation of drunken, debauched freeloaders.
The Power Of Positive
Self help techniques promoting the power of positive thinking have become a major industry in America. There are even therapists who specialise in treating people addicted to self help books. But is positive thinking all it is hyped up to be?
To The Barricades
As The French (perfidious Gaul) and their allies try to force on us worthy Britons further integration with the European Union is it not time we started a propaganda campaign to remind the world of the superiority of all things British and the smelliness of all things French. Especially their cheese ...
Your Father Told You It Would Make You Go Blind
Bad news for all Viagra users.
Psycho benefit Fraud
When Boggart Blog's FatSally read of a man in New York who dressed in his dead mother's clothes in order to claim social benefits some rather familiar spooky music started playing in her head
Escalator Crime Escalates
As concerns grow about crime and anti-social behaviour among young people we not a trent of rising violence among mechanical street furniture. Is this the end of civilisation as we know it. Has the rule of law finally given way to the tyranny of bureaucracy?
i hate ol peeps by beKKa badgene
There was a time long ago when human beings lived in communities. Members of these communities were all of the same race and religion and old or young. rich or poor, male of female, clever or stupid, all had their place as part of the community and respected each other. It is not so now as you will learn when beKKa badgene tells why she hates old peeps.
Your Right To Party
Since men first stood erect the status of student has carried with it a responsibility to behave irresponsibly, get up the noses of honest, upright citizens and generally cling by one's fingernails to the freedoms of childhood while indulging unrestrainedly in sex and drugs and naked twister...
The Apprentice Prime Minister
News that Prime Minister Gordon Brown has appointed Sir Alan Sugar, anchorman of reality television show The Apprentice to his cabinet team as Labour's small business tsar makes us wondr just what king of showbiz government is Brown running Or is the decision perhaps based on the knowledge that Labour will be seking to appoint a new leader very soon. As the party's internal elections process failed so disastrously last time perhaps Surgar will lead a new selection.
The Adventures Of A Deranged Call Centre Worker
by ianrthorpe
2009-06-08
No time to blog today as I have been busy with technical stuff (the other might be along later.) In the meantime you might like to look at the new strip cartoon posted at Greenteeth Multi Media today.
Christopher Walkden - Customer Service Clerk
Obama Prepares To Conker The World
U.S. President Barack Obama seems to have lost interest in domestic politics and the realities of the economic crisis and the global recession. People familiar with Obama's track record will be aware that every time he has been elected top an office, state congresss, US senate, President, instead of fulfilling the duties of that role he has immediately started campaigning for his next elevation. So having become, de facto...
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>Q.E. with Stephen Fry, the Quantititative Easing television panel game for the recession
Television panel games are alweays popular and recently they have become the primary vehicle for comedy as sketch shows and sitcoms, deprived of their supply lines of theatre, clubs and cabaret dry up. The recession and the financial hsrdship many people have experienced because of it, the greed and irresponsibility of the banks and the cluelessness of politicians though should be a rich pasture for humourists. We suggest adapting an existng show to fit the recession.
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Climate Change Killed A Guardian Reader
The Copenhagen Climate Summit threatens to be the biggest ever festial of bullshit and hypocrisy. Can politicians emplty talk save the planet? Are they even talking about the right things? Does the planet need saving? Do we really care? Which way is doomsday party?
You Live, You Die: In Between You May As Well Have A Ciggy.
As the government bombards us at an ever accelerating rate with propaganda about health, lifestyle, diet, exercise, drink and just about everything else, people just become more immune to all the scare stories. It has reached a level now where dire warnings of ill health resulting from smoking, drinking alcohol, using recreational drugs...
Something Rotten in The State Of Denmark
We though it would be President Bush (in the middle east with a cruise missile for fans of Cluedo) but in the end it was a Danish artist with a pencil and sketchpad. It seems a trgically trivial way to highlight the irreconcilable differences between east and west but a set of cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammed (PBOH) have led to the...
SPECIAL FEATURES
God's Blog - the weblog of Dagda the chief god in the Ancient irish pantheon.
[ #1 What's in a name Dagda reflects on holy and unspeakable names]
[ Sheep and Goats #1 ] A little philosophy on the nature of sheep and goats.
COMIC FICTION
What the Dickens - Chapter 2
In the first episode of What the Dickens, only fragments of which survive, Oliver Nicklefield, heir to a substantial fortune and his father's egg pickling business is orphaned when his flaky mother dies suddenly following a visit by the family physician Dr. Mordaunt. Oliver is taken in by his greedy step - uncle Grasper Pickweasel and sent as a boarder to Noynces Academy, run by the nightmarish Pervisal Noynce. After six weeks working on a treadmill to help him learn the multiplication tables Oliver runs away....
A VERY SPECIAL PUBLICATION of interest to fans of Harry Potter and anyone interested in witchcraft, wizardry, adolecent sex fantasies and laughter; available on the web only. Here are all seven parts of Ian Thorpe's series of children's stories (pigs might fly one day you understand) about the journey of a boy wizard, the star pupil of Swimemoles City Academy Gary Trotter as he makes the perilous journey to manhood in his quest for The Portal Of Pleasure. Read them all here.
Part 1 : The Magic Wand Garry encounters the Swinewarts junior dorm resident inebriate ghost, Slightly Legless Len and later makes a wonderful discovery.
Part 2 : The Chamber Of Privacy Garry's lack of experience at controlling the Magic Wand he found after his encounter with Slightly Legless Len leads to a problem for him. Fortunately the Head, Rebus Hubmlebore is sympathetic and soon finds a solution.
Part 3 : The Forest Of Mystery Helped by a zealous but stupid elf Garry finds a way to spy on his classmate Briony when he is in the girls shower. What he sees and what he learns from books stolen when he raided an Adult Buggle bookshop with the help of his cloak on inviibility only leave him more confused.
Part 4 : The Delta Of Venus Garry and had best friend Don hae fallen out over Harry's private bedroom. Anxious to repair the rift Harry shares a magic secret with Don. Don is not as impressed as his friend had hoped however.
Part 5 : Lavender and Dragonmusk Deranged by lust Garry starts to take insane risks to be close to the object of his desire and finds he does not mind being close to classmate Briony either. His cloak of invisibility helps him achieve this aim but is he heading for trouble?
Part 6 : The Portal Of Pleasure Garry's wild adventures under The Cloak Of Invisibility have landed him in a lot of trouble. Briony too risks expulsion from the school. Lust is the strongest of emotions though and they cannot resist sneaking away under the cloak of invisibility to be together. Little do they know their love affair will change their lives.
Part 7 : Gary Trotter and The Oders Of The Penis: (oops, pardon!) to our tale as the lovers Garry and Briony find reality is much more magical than childish fantasies of wizards and spells.
THE END.
GENERAL FICTION
The Little Vegetarian Shoemaker Of Barking
a tale of vegetarianism, love, betrayal and a man's pursuit of his dream
My Hero
A tribute to Spike Milligan in this surreal take on the legend of The North West Frontier
. King Of The Ribble Delta Blues
You thought The Blues originated in the Mississippi Delta. The truth will amaze you. More comic craziness from Ian Thorpe
The Queen's Birthday Breakfast
Eavesdrop with our supernastural reporter as she takes you inside The Queen's bedchamber on the morning of her 80th birthday. Listen to AUDIO track or read text.
Mr. Wilde's Final Farewell - Part 1
A less surreal syle in this award winning short story but plent to laugh at as supernatural entities take on the dark forces of Corporate Fascism
Mr Wilde's Final Farewell - Part 2
When the landlord of The Gilded Lily announces that the last civilised drinking place in London is to be taken over and integrated into a chain of theme pubs the regulars are not pleased.
Mr. Wilde's Final Farewell - Part 3
A fitting climax as the oldest customer of The Gilded Lily makes a stand against the march of modernisation.
Queen Vic's Knicks Fetch A Tidy Sum
Why do Queen Victoria's skanky knickers fetch such astounding pices at auction. Ian Thorpe has some off the wall ideas about what the attraction might be.
FROM THE ARCHIVE
Boggart Blog Select #1
For over two years Boggart Blog has been a top comedy blog in the UK. Most blogs have a theme and at Boggart Blog the theme is humour
The sole objective here is to amuse readers and the bloggers spread their posts across a wide spectrum. From dark ironies, over the top invective and cruel sarcasm to wicked parody and surreal fantasy, you never know where they will pitch it or what the target of theior mockery will be. Mostly writing on topical items or news stories Boggart Blog are proud to boast they have never knowingly sacrificed a joke for the sake of the truth.
Boggart Blog Select #2
The second batch of selections from the Boggart Blog archive. Dip into this box of goodies and be certain of finding something to tickle your laughing tackle.
Boggart Blog Select #003
Another selection of the best, most hilarious posts from Boggart Blog, the UK's top comedy blog. Find humour ranging from acute satires to whacky and surreal pastiche. The Boggart Bloggers can turn their hand to almost any style of comedy writing - and do so with enthusiasm. If it's a belly laugh you are after or a wry smile, you will find it here.
Boggart Blog Select #4
Volume 4 of selections from the archives of hilarious boggart Blog posts. In this page the satirical to surreal humour of the blog takes aim at topics including: cloned beef, reality TV; confession culture; diets; sausages of terror; suicide dolphins and much more.
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Boggart Blog Select vol 5
The series of selected archive posts from Boggart Blog reaches number 5. Since 2005 Boggart Blog has been one of the foremost humour and satire websites in Britain. As usual the this selection of Boggart Blog's humour covers a wide range of topics from sharp political satire to wild, surreal fantasy, dark, almost cruel ironies, incisive parody and ridiculous clowning. Explore this and other Boggart Blog archives for the best humour online and then stay and find your way around our Multi Media Labyrinth.
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Boggart Blog Select 006
Our archive selections from the UK's top comedy blog Boggart Blog moves into volume 6. As usual this selection of posts covers a wide range of topics from sharp political satire to wild, surreal fantasy, dark, almost cruel ironies, incisive parody and ridiculous clowning. Explore this and other Boggart Blog archives for the best humour online and then stay and find your way around our Multi Media Labyrinth.
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Boggart Blog On Education
Boggart Blog Archives sorted by topic. In this page you will find our best posts on all aspects of education from life in school and university, teachers, pupils, bureaucracy, government policy, school dinners, sex, science teaching, all presented in our no holds barred style of humour.
Boggart Blog Select #1
For over two years Boggart Blog has been a top comedy blog in the UK. Most blogs have a theme and at Boggart Blog the theme is humour
The sole objective here is to amuse readers and the bloggers spread their posts across a wide spectrum. From dark ironies, over the top invective and cruel sarcasm to wicked parody and surreal fantasy, you never know where they will pitch it or what the target of theior mockery will be. Mostly writing on topical items or news stories Boggart Blog are proud to boast they have never knowingly sacrificed a joke for the sake of the truth.
Boggart Blog Select #2
The second batch of selections from the Boggart Blog archive. Dip into this box of goodies and be certain of finding something to tickle your laughing tackle.
Boggart Blog Select #003
Another selection of the best, most hilarious posts from Boggart Blog, the UK's top comedy blog. Find humour ranging from acute satires to whacky and surreal pastiche. The Boggart Bloggers can turn their hand to almost any style of comedy writing - and do so with enthusiasm. If it's a belly laugh you are after or a wry smile, you will find it here.
Boggart Blog Select #4
Volume 4 of selections from the archives of hilarious boggart Blog posts. In this page the satirical to surreal humour of the blog takes aim at topics including: cloned beef, reality TV; confession culture; diets; sausages of terror; suicide dolphins and much more.
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Boggart Blog Select vol 5
The series of selected archive posts from Boggart Blog reaches number 5. Since 2005 Boggart Blog has been one of the foremost humour and satire websites in Britain. As usual the this selection of Boggart Blog's humour covers a wide range of topics from sharp political satire to wild, surreal fantasy, dark, almost cruel ironies, incisive parody and ridiculous clowning. Explore this and other Boggart Blog archives for the best humour online and then stay and find your way around our Multi Media Labyrinth.
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Boggart Blog Select 006
Our archive selections from the UK's top comedy blog Boggart Blog moves into volume 6. As usual this selection of posts covers a wide range of topics from sharp political satire to wild, surreal fantasy, dark, almost cruel ironies, incisive parody and ridiculous clowning. Explore this and other Boggart Blog archives for the best humour online and then stay and find your way around our Multi Media Labyrinth.
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28 Jan 10
Poverty: Labour Succeeds Where Thatcher Failed.
Ian R Thorpe
At last, a success New Labour can claim as their own. Under the party's rule over the past twelve years the gap between rich and poor in Britain has gone bak to the level of 50 years ago. We get a view from the MP for Rawtenborough since 1832 Hector Gobbett - Broadsides on what this means for unemployment, the revovery and the election prospects of conservative and labour...
Keep Health Out Of Politics
Have those government sponsored health scares about fats, alocohol, chocolate and ciggies ever got up your nose? No? They would if you knew the special advisors dreamed them up over brandy and cigars after a jolly good lunch.
Looks Like A Job For …… BICYCLE REPAIR MAN!
One of my favourite Monty Python sketches though it is remembered by few other people which may prove I am more of a Python geek than I thought, featured a Superhero called Bicycle Repair Man. A bike mechanic superhero? you might well ask...
The Fag Drag - Will Banning Cigarettes Spawn A New Industry?
Still detmined to be the killjoy government Labour are passing new anti smoking laws. But do they really think banning the display if cigarettes in shops will stop anybody from smoking?
The World Champion Losers
Nobody remembers the guy who comes second say vulgar colonials like the people from America and Australia. We British beg to differ, our athletes and sports competitors are still committed to the corinthian ideal that it is not winning that matters but playing the game. We refuse to stoop to the win at all costs attitudes of our former colonies.
Stupid Criminal Of The Month
You can't help loving stupid criminals. They don't do much harm and provide us with endless enetrtainment. Here's an example from our Stupid Criminal Of The Month Series
Nine Out Of Ten Brits chose Custard Creams? Get outta here!
by Ian R Thorpe
2007-08-28
Is The Internet Making Us All Stupid.
The more gullible and wide eyed among academics like to burble ecstatically about how the internet has ushered in a new age of creativity. We have to wonder just how much time these self styled experts have spent surfing scial networking sites
Web Induced Dementia
In most civilised societies there are laws governing what outrageous claims advertisers can make for their products. This does not apply on the web it seems, where 'revolutionary new world changing technology' means 'not fit for purpose'
A Clockwork GCSE Exam Paper
Repeated complaints from bosses suggest school exams in English have become too easy. But is this true or are examiners simply testing not so much on formal grammar as English like wot it is spoke?
The Stools Of Satan
Another American evangelist has heard the voice of the Lord. This one was told his mission was to warn the faithful against letting the devil enter their digestive tract. Christiand must be ever vigilant lest they find their bottoms passing The Stools Of Satan...
Another Stupid Criminal Story
You can't help loving stupid criminals. They don't do much harm and provide us with endless enetrtainment. Here's an example ...
Daredevil Diners Of Tsuruoka
Are you sick of all those government health warnings about the dangers of eating perfectly good food? Miss the days when the Health and Safety Police were not all powerful and pie and chips down the local greasy spoon was a high risk experience? You should head for Japan where high risk dining is still on the menu.
Strange Bedfellows, a lib dem and a lingerie model
by ianrthorpe
What topics do we think might come up in the post coital conversation of a Liberal Democrat MP and business & enterprise spokesman and a lady who models underwear for...READ ALL Strange Bedfellows
2009-10-15
Let Down By Hope? Embrace Nihilistic Despair.
by ianrthorpe
Following the shock of last week’s announcement that the Nobel Peace Prize for 2009 had been awarded to Barack Obama in spite of nominations for the prize closing only a few days after he was inaugurated as President of the...
READ ALL Let Down By Hope - Embrace Nihilistic Despair
Guinness Gazing Education Expert.
The latest recommendations from the health and safety nannies and the politically correct thought police to halt all scientific experiments in school classrooms in the interests of child safety makes mockery of the givernment's pledges to boost science teaching in schools. So where will the do -gooders attack next?
Learn Yersel Jadeish.
The government is in the process of revising immigration policy in response to complaints that people who come here to work should be able to speak English. But academic tutoring may not prepare people for the workplace, they need to learn English like what it is spoke.
GCSE English? F*ck Off.
One of the recurring themes in the education debate is the issue of dumbing down. Educationalists always insist this is not happening. One examiner when making this year's english papers was plleasantly surprised by an erudite answer we are happy to report
Practical Sex Education
Schools have been teaching the theory of safe sex for years but with STDs and teenage pregnancy on the rise the lessons don't seem to be sinking in. What kids need is practical sex education says Boggart Blog's Fat Sally... READ ALL Practical Sex Education
Macology, The Science Of Burger Flipping
For some the announcement that employer - specific specialised training courses are to be accepted as vocational qualifications is proof that standards in education have hot rock bottom. But how do those people feel for whom a degre in Macology might be the only qualification they wll ever get... READ ALL Macology, The Science Of Burger Flipping
posted by Ian Thorpe
2005-05-11
NOTE: Some people may find this in bad taste.
For years employers and concerned parents have complained that school examinations are getting easier. Politically correct thinking among education academics aims to eliminate failure. But have new plans gone a step too far. The plan which proposes taking into account the emotional state of the pupil rather than marks being pased on the quality of the answers would be open to abuse by wily pupils this article suggests.
by Ian Thorpe
@ 2005-07-16
Many commentators on the Right of the political spectrum have banged on for years about the steady lowering of standards in education. Left of Centre opinion holds that a different type of education is needed if modern children are to grow up able to cope with the emotional demands of post - industrial society. The truth ought to lie somewhere between these extremes but the Greenteeth investigative team have found what is actually going on to be much more sinister. Evidence suggests that the trend known as Dumbing Down has been engineered by a conspiracy of the Government, the Press and that bloke with the jam - jar bottom goggles on the Halifax ads....
posted by Ian Thorpe
@ 2005-08-16
As record numbers of semi literate pupils achieve grade one A levels in a million subjects each the annual storm over standards in secondary education breaks out. Now as someone who was a manager I do sympathise with the employers who complain that even recruits with the highest degrees as lacking in basic academic skills. On the other hand I know... click button to open window
posted by
Ian Thorpe@ 2005-12-13
Forgive me for feeling like a smug bastard but once again I have been proved years ahead of the mainstream in my thinking. A friend remind me of a conversation we had years ago when, after the unfortunate death of John Smith we were discussing the prospects of the new Labour Leader... click button to open article
To Hell And Back Before The Pubs Close
With religions having such a downer on sex one might think they would be in favour of drink, I mean if you drink enough you are going to be too busy choking on your own vomit to bother about shagging. In spite of that religious leaders continue to promise hell and buggeration to people who like a bevvy
Here Be Dragons
Adults in the developed nations of the west claim they are not frightened on monsters but our fears emanate from the most primitive parts of the brain. Can you really be sure there are no monsters lurking in the deep dark depths of your imagination?
KEYWORDS: monsters, dragons, medieval
Politically Correct Liars
Congressman Joe Wilson made a lot of trouble for himself when he shouted 'You Lie' at Barack Obama during the Presidents big speech on healthcare. Wilson was not wrong but it is a breach of etiquette to name someone, especially the President, as a liar in the debating chamber. Here are some politically correct ways of saying Liar, liar, pants on fire.
Nude Models Of Paris Are Revolting
The nude models of Paris are revolting. This does not mean they have beome less attractive or charming than they ever were, they are simply up in arms about the poor pay and conditions for their job.
Forward Psychic Soldiers
It is well know the United States Military has a physchic warfare unit. What is not quite so well known, nor discussed in the mainstream media regularly is that the people running this unit do not live on planet reality...
They Didn't Think It Through (Again)
Don't you love it when a story that ought never to be of interest outside the local papers makes world news because people who consider themselves very smart just haven't thought things through properly...
V2G, Technology You Can't Believe In
Vehicle to Grid ( V2G), the new idea for clean, pollution free cars. Probably the craziest and most ueseless idea yet from the "Let's make a quick buck out of climate change" fear and panic industry...
The Only Reason You Will Ever Need To Hate The Toyota Prius...
by Ian R Thorpe
What is it that makes Ian R Thorpe hate the Toyota Prius. Is it the smug, self righteous bastards that drive them, the dubious statistics used to establish the green credentials of the car, the fact they look like a mororised turd or something else? Click on the button to find out
Memoirs Of A Performance Poet
Performance poetry is at best on the fringe of the entertsinment business. There is more to it that sitting on a stage in front of three people and muttering monomaniacal thoughts into your own navel. Sadly not enough peiple are aware of this.
Never Mind The Politics, Sport's The Bollocks
KEYWORDS:
Oddball behaviour from politicians is not news, they're all insane deviants anyway. But when it comes to self flagellation, sports stars are not far behind in the crazy stakes. Share with us some of the best moments of self inflicted pain from the year's top sporting events.
A Tenor Less
Everybody loves those operatic tenors who sing the great arias in such impassioned tones, even people who are normally opera haters. How do those guys reach such glass shattering high notes as they render tunes that are actually quite hummable? So it is a matter of global importance when we lose a great tenor.
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Shock Revelation! Michael Jackson and Barack Obama Are The Same Person
by Ian R Thorpe
7 July 2009.
Heather Mills On A Mission
Heather mills is back and this time she's on a mission. The ex Mrs McCartney and unber mentalist aims to save the planet by turning us all into vegans
Breaking News from the Boggart Blog Conspiracy Theory Department.
As fans gathered in Los Angeles to pay a tearful farewell to their hero, the self – proclaimed King Of Pop Michael Jackson (tickets $2000 each - no concessions) the mourners were shaken by the latest revelation from the Boggart Blog conspiracy theory investigators tasked with delving into the mysteries surrounding the death of the word’s greatest
The Seven Profitable Habits Of Self Help Gurus
How do all those self help gurus whjo have made millions form their wealth / success / self-esteem programmes keep managing to sell their unremittingly banal, predicable and useless self help books? Here satirical writer Ian Thorpe reveals the secret methods know only to a few wealthy international con artists that keep those self help books selling..
Michael Jackson's Death Was Faked And We Can Reveal Why
KEYWORDS: music,celebrity,media,fame,humour,humor,satire,relationships
It is inevitable that people would quickly start to claim Michael Jackson is not really dead. It happened with Buddy Holly, Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, Jim Morrison and Janis Joplin who all found it possible to be dead, dead famous and at the same time evade the all seeing eye of the media. But at Boggart Blog we like to go a step further and so we will reveal why Whacko Jacko and his handlers decided death was the only way left to salvage the singer's stalled career.
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A Career In Substance Abuse? Sounds Just The Job...
KEYWORDS: career,public,violence,ethnic,sex,singing,humour,humor,satire
There are some weird jobs advertised in the public sector but a full page in a newspaper recruitment supplement dedicated to careers in substance abuse deminded investigation
Britain's Biggest Gobshite
The Boggart Network News search for Britain's Biggest Gobshite is over. We have found a man so vain, so up himself he makes even Barack Obama seem modest.
Examination Questions, Whacky Answers
Schoolkids eh? Don't we love the way their little minds work.
They Didn't Think it Through
It's surprising how often people just don't think things through, as you will see from these website domain names.
Fear Of Soup
Dendrophobia (fear of trees) Pognophobia (fear of beards) and claurophobia (fear of clowns) are all recognised conditions, but fear of soup, that's a joke surely? Not so, there are people out there with an irrational fear of soup, they start...
Men No Longer Hitting On Jordan
It was quite a surprise today to learn that 85% of the people who visit the website of Jordan (aka Katie Price) are women. A disturbingly high proportion are in fact young women hoping to pick up some tips on how to become a professional tits
Suit You Nurse
How are the National Health Service suits planning to deal with the burden of adminidtration placed on then by a government obsessed with targets and bureaucracy? They are going to make nurses spend less time looking after patiens and more on paperwork
Who's Looking After Homeland Security
Politicians use the threat of terrorism to justify imposing all sorts of restrictions on or human rights and civil liberties. It is necessary for security reasons in the homeland they tell us. But when you get down to it, just who is looking after our homeland security?
Bring On The Racing Tortoises
Television sport producers seem to be obsessed with showing interminable swimming championships. Are there any slower sports than swimming that they might offer us. Ian Thorpe for Boggart Blog speculates on one.
Father's Away Day
Should father's be present in the delivery room during the birth of a child? Opinions have changed about this over the years, in this satirical artricle Boggart Blog describes how the birth procedure has developed over 30 years.
Sex On The Beach
When we are holidaying in sub tropical climes, the warm, balmy evenings, the booze and the romantic atmosphere make a midnight romp on the beach seem tempting. The British government warns travellers against such adventures though. Here Boggart Blog explains why.
The Art Of Cheating
Boggart Blog's Cleo Hart and artist who actually makes pictures people enjoy looking at by slapping paint on paper, canvas or board has a little rant about the moderist approach to art of putting any old shite in the middle of a room and talking bollocks about it.
Sun, Sand and Sweaty Feet
A sure way to avoid problems when holidaying abroad is to become familiar with local customs and observe them. Often though local customs are just TOO weird for west Europeans
Peacock Rescue When a Peacock invaded the Boggart Blog garden the incident turned into a typically bizarre, surreal, story for Britain's most popular comedy blog. Naturally, this being Boggart Blog it wasn't just a case of the Royal Society For The Protection Of Birds getting involved, somehow Steve Irwin, the Aussie crocodile wrestler, King Henry VIII and a blues singer are part of the story too.
Farting About With The Climate
Will the Cow Fart Tax proposed by the Obama administration in America do anything to help the fight against climate change or is it just another gimmick. Get the Boggart Blog view.
It's The Sausages, Stupid
The European federalisation lobby sneer at suggestions that Bureaucrats in Brussels want to regulate British sausages and standardise on the Eurosausage model. But Bureaucractic regulatory schemes never die, they are just put into suspended animation.
Exclusive Interview with Susan Boyle's Cat Pebbles
Following the sad news of Britain's Got Talent Star Susan Boyle suffering a nervous breakdown as a result of media pressure following her success we bring you an exclusive interview with Susan's cat Pebbles.
The Best Day Of His Life
Concern over the quality of education available in state schools continues to grow as reports reach us that many pupils leaving juior school for comprehensive education can barely speak let alone read and write. In this piece we look at a piece of work turned in by one ten year old pupil and at his English teachers reaction to it.
Health Of The Nation
This is a very sad poem about the privatisation by stealth of the UK National Health Service. Sad; because I wrote it almost twenty years ago and it is just as topical now. Being familiar with the wrong side of the institutionalised incompetences perpetrated by public service bureaucracy I hate to think what human rights abused could be dreamed up by healthcare accountants in pursuit of a profit.
Sexual Salvation
Almost every man in a reltionship dreams of having an extra partner join in for a threesome. But over in overtly religious America they have some stange ideas about who might be joining them forkinky group sex.
Ascot Follies
Horses know they have no manners and they jusdt don't care. This freedom from inhibition was the cause of an extraordinaruy incident in 2005 when the Royal Ascot meeeting (transferred to York due to rebuilding) was taking place. The normal horse racing activities of betting, boozing and socialising gave way to an explosion of mirth when one of the horses got excited.
Can Things Get Any Worse?
The government, as always anxious to meddle in the minutae of our lives, health, lifestyle, diet, exercise, drink etc. resurrects a plan for compulsay mass medication, this time giving us all drugs to lower blood pressure whether you have high blood pressure or not. A mother is to have her baby taken for adoption having been branded too stupid to be a mother. On the same day news that 800 Britons are on the waiting list to visit a Swiss suicide clinic. How much worse can things get
Obama Prepares To Conker The World
U.S. President Barack Obama seems to have lost interest in domestic politics and the realities of the economic crisis and the global recession. People familiar with Obama's track record will be aware that every time he has been elected top an office, state congresss, US senate...
Favourite Boy
Ever wondered what happened to that little shit who made your life misery in school, the little shit who was fortunate enought to be good at the school sport which gave him immunity from any rule or sanction. He was the bully but anyone who fought back was punished. He stole the nerd's homework project and copied it but the nerd was accused of copying. Such people teach us a valuable lesson of course, authority will always favour those who kiss its arse.
Practical Sex Education For Schools
Most subjects in the school curriculum include a practical element so why mot sex education. Boggart Blog's fatsally suggests a radical approach to teaching the practical side of sex as opposed to pure theory.
Dr. Strangelove's Secret Bacon Butty Weapon
As the science versus faith debate revs up again it seems a good time to bring back online dome of the posts on Little Nicky Machiavelli blog in which a logician challenged those who would elevate science to the status of a religion. In this post, Dr. Strangelove's Secret bacon Butty Weapon the argument in the main post and related comment thread centres on a report published by scientists which was so shoddily written and presented even an averagly intelligent person with no interest in food science could blow it apart. As usual the scientific community then blamed misreporting by the media for the inadequacies in their work.
Extrudedpolymerhange
What's the daftest thing you ever heard? How about a bunch of hippie scientists and weirdie-beardies trying to recreate the jurney of the Bluestone sarsens from the quarry in the Preseli mountains, Wales to Stonehenge. Daft eh? But doing it with styrofoam blocks instead of granite, that just does not make sense.
Did You See That?
Have you ever seen something strange in the sky, something that was there for a split second then after you blinked it was gone. We're not talking about UFO's or hallucinations here but weird shapes, like the primitive amorphous creatures that live in the ocean depths only bigger and airborne.
Lost Weekend
You are seeking solitude in a small reote hotel. There is only one other guest, the solitude seekers worst nightmare, an evangelical vegan cyclists. Is there any way you can escape?
Are You Educated - Quiz
Have you ever wondered how educated you are. Governments tell us standards of education offered in state run schools are rising all the time so people who have not been in full time education for twenty years or more ought to be total mortons, right? Take the test and find out how you rate.
Positive Reinforcement As A Tool For Behaviour Change, An Assessment
A Labour plan to encourage weight loss by giving incentives in the form of gift vouchers to fat people to lose weight could actually be seen by the aquisitive as an incentive to get fat, hus earning rewards. All the scheme proves is that the government is insane
Surprise! Sex Does Not Sell Computer Games.
You might think computer games are one of the most obvious examples that the adage "sex sells" is not just an advertising industry cliche but a universal truth. Not so, sex does not actually sell computer games - at least not if it is the kind of sex that involves real woment or even realistic looking avatars."
Holy Hibernation Batman. The Bat Cave Is Closed
Have the caped crusaders been beaten at last? Will a new disease than has been wiping out bat colonies across America and led to all Bat Caves being closed and boarded up finally put the Dynamic Duo out of action and left the streets of Gotham City without protection from the mendacious miscreants who prey on honest citizens? And what will happen when the disease wiping out bats jumps to humans? It's another opportunity for the government to spread Fear and Panic.
Lend An Ear While I Tell Of Van Goch
As a new theory about the fate of the severed ear of artist Vincent Van Goch emerges, Boggart Blogger Ian R Thorpe reexamines the whole bizarre case of the severing of Van Goch's ear. Did the artist cut off his own lug'ole as previously thought or was it, as the new theory suggests removed by fellow artist Gaugin. And why did Van Goch give his ear to a prosttute?
Conspiracy Theory Of The Month - Dumbing Down
Ian Thorpe.
humour, satire education, politics, war
The Conspiracy Theory of the Month feature kicks off with Dumbing Down. A stupid population is a compliant population so what better way for the New World Order brigade to strip people of their rights, liberties and the ability to think for themselves than by first making everybody stupid. The decline of education and its replacement by coaching to examination, the homogenisation of the media, all could be parts of a giant conspiracy to take us back to the days when ordinary people could be sent put in a very deep hole for breaking wind in front of a gentleman. The gentleman had a divine right to fart first.
posted by Ian Thorpe
2005-05-11
NOTE: Some people may find this in bad taste.
For years employers and concerned parents have complained that school examinations are getting easier. Politically correct thinking among education academics aims to eliminate failure. But have new plans gone a step too far. The plan which proposes taking into account the emotional state of the pupil rather than marks being pased on the quality of the answers would be open to abuse by wily pupils this article suggests.
EXTRACT: In my school days, admittedly more years ago than I care to remember, trying to justify the non - delivery of homework projects with the excuse "please Sir, the dog ate it," was not exactly fresh and original but was still guaranteed to raise a ripple of laughter from classmates. Now of course it is a tired and lame excuse used as a last resort only by the terminally dull - witted. Family pets have advanced in status so much they can actually make a positive contribution to academic achievement.
Pissed Pensioners Are A Social Blight
There is an ever growing tendency in government to stick their noses into the everyday detail of people's daily lives. Nowhere has this been more apparent than in the case of The Pised Pensioners. Despite the governmen'ts repeated dire warnins about the effects of drinking on health and the cost to health services of drinking related illness a lot of pensioners still like to enjoy the occasional glass of beer or wine. And the pokenose bureaucrats intend to put a stop to it. Read full post
Alistair Darling's Buds Of Recovery Shaken By Rough Winds...
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May says Shakespeare's sonnet but will Alistair Darling'd Budget survive the rough winds of ridicule. This satire compares the chancellors attempts to get the economy back on track to the futility of the Large Hadron Collider experiment in that the people in charge of the experiment do not really know what they are trying to do.
CLICK HERE to read all Alistair Darling's Buds Of Recovery
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Breakfast With The Apprentices
Ian R Thorpe
23 Apr 2009
The Apprentice rolls on oblivious of the budget, Britain's Got Talent and Barack Obama. Some might suggest that is because it was recorded several months ago but we at Boggart Blog would never stoop so low as to suspect Surrealan of being involved in such a deception. Trust us the programme goes out live in real time and is not edited at all. Next week's task for The Apprentices is to convince sceptics that pigs really can fly.
The usual stereotypes are emerging among the contestants, the obligatory loudmouth, sneak, backstabber, gobshite, airhead, slapper and bitch are all there as well as the girl who is competent but too nice to win and the tosser who is incompetent but enough of a bastard to win.
CLICK HERE to read all Breakfast With The Apprentices
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The Science Of The Stones
Sometimes scientists get a bit above themselves and need to be put in their place. It has been so recently which a faction seemingly trying to place science in the role of a religion. This article by Ian R. Thorpe analyses the shortcomings of science when it is applied to philosophical questions and historical conundrums. Humour, satire
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Boggart Blog On Education (Vol 1)
Twenty hilarious articles of the craziness of the education system from the bloggers at Britain's top comedy blog Boggart Blog. Find out how easy exams are gtting these days, learn of plans for practical sex education, read about how burger flipping became a science. There are also blogs on Dumbing Down, the benefits of private education, how to get a degree in stating the obvious, teaching Englsh as a foreign language to Polish plumbers and much more
The New Way To Chill? Why Not Skin Up A Toad
As the UK government raises the dangerous drug classifications for cannabis and ecstasy from Calls C restricted substances to Class B and the recession puts the bite on people's wallets it gets hrder to chill out through a little mild substance abuse. Fear bot. Greenteeth has found a new legal narcotic that can get you out of your head without your having to worry abouth the drug squad breaking the door down.
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Atheists Miss The Bus
A plan to put advertisements promoting atheism on London buses misses the point, says satirist Ian Thorpe. Surely if we have to advertise our opposition to the views of religious organisations we are conceding that maybe they have a point.
Broadsides on the Energy Crisis
An outrageous satire on the energy crisis suggesting how unwanted children may be used to generate power
Broadsides on Child Labour
In another outrageous political satire from comedy writer Ian Thorpe veteran right wing politician Sir Hector Gobbett - Broadsides gives his views on the disastrous effect the abolition of child labour had on western industrial nations .
William McGonagall is widely acknowledged as the worst poet ever published. Now ith the benefit of post modern irony and the fact he has ben dead a hundred years we have come to love his badly written, unimaginative poems as comic gems, the writer's sheer ineptitude and choice of mundane subject matter making them wildly funny.
The Government is pushing a new law to make it illegal to buy or sell sex (would that they were planning laws to ban buying and selling toxic debt derivatives) but in the past neith law, nor witch hunt nor religious persecustion had succeeded in utting an end to "the oldest profession. So long as there are men willing to buy sex there will be women willing to sell it. But if oppressive laws drive the sex trade off the streets where will it go. Could an idea from Hungary to put legal brothels in Supermarkets have any potential we wonder...?
Queen Vic's Knicks Fetch A Tidy Sum
Why do Queen Victoria's skanky knickers fetch such astounding pices at auction. Ian Thorpe has some off the wall ideas about what the attraction might be.
SNACKS:
Shorter items from our comedy pages:
Geordie Poetry
A Seasonal Miracle
Killjoy's Christmas Decorations
Jesus Is Not The Messiah
X Factor - Gobshite On Television
We Need Another Government Crackdown
Tree Hugging Cannibals In Wales
Shock, Horror! Fashion Model Takes Drugs
French Pig Talks Sausages
Prince Harry says a forbidden word - does nobody respect British values any more
Nine Million Facts About Katie Melua
A Sense of Self
Infertile Grounds For Speculation Sperm farms seem like a por investment opportunity
Spooky Supernatural TelevisionCan a Boggart Blog post really have predicted the future?
Trouserless in Whitehall as Labour minister Prescott turns Parliament into a sex farce.
Crime and Punishment; sorted! Get rid of juries and appoint managers Labour's big new idea for being tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime? Easy, get tough with juries, go soft on criminals.
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BBC Comedy Feed

Updated : Thu, 02 Feb 2012 13:52:39 +0000
Mark Watson as... Mark Watson So naturally we cornered Mark by the lifts and asked him to write a blog about it! Mark writes: At last I’ve got five minutes to reflect on Wednesday night’s antics. When some people say ‘take five minutes to think’ they actually mean take a nice hour with a cup of tea. But unhappily thanks to my remarkable current schedule, it really is five minutes. Still, that’s just about long enough to conclude that it went reasonably well. There were a couple of unforeseen setbacks, like the bit where a microphone made the world’s worst noise for a while; and a not-quite-foreseen moment when the public voted for the ending to the show which we had not predicted. But that of course is precisely the fun of doing it live. As you’ll be able to verify if you were there, I squawked and flailed in my usual manner and kept yelping 'THIS IS LIVE!!!!!' as my brain continually registered that thought. I was slightly less madcap than in the pilot though, which I think went equally well overall. Tim Key and Tom Basden... hard at work (ish) The usual (but heartfelt) thanks go to everyone who made the trip to Broadcasting House. It would be a grim experience to do it live with anything less than a very enthusiastic audience. Plus those laughs fill the time. Although once again, it was a case of speeding up rather than trying to pad things out. (Actually, within the space of ten minutes we went from being worryingly behind schedule to worryingly ahead of it, but I’ll spare you the details because my heart is starting to accelerate all over again just remembering it.) I guess if we had gone short I could always have filled the silence with, say, some jokes. That is what my job’s meant to be. But it doesn’t always feel like that when the nation’s Radio 4 listeners are poised by their radios and you hear those bleeps and it all begins. Still, it’s for precisely that sort of ‘aaargh!' moment that you take on a live show. If you didn’t listen – I can only assume it's because you were kidnapped etc – you can still catch the first episode on iPlayer. I won’t give away any spoilers but WATCH OUT FOR THE GLADIATOR. Tune in for more Mark Watson's Live Address to the Nation on Wednesdays at 11pm on Radio 4.
Publ.Date : Tue, 08 Nov 2011 16:05:00 +0000
BBC Comedy Commissioning and BBC Writersroom have joined forces for a second nationwide talent search to find new comedy gold. If you have a big studio sitcom brewing in your mind and can tell original stories, invent characters and catchphrases that can make a live audience laugh, then send in your script. This is an opportunity not to be missed - you may get the chance of your work performed at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and at our Sitcom Showcase at the Studio in MediaCity, Salford. You could also be in line for a comedy masterclass on how to write studio sitcoms, plus an intensive week away developing your idea hand-in-hand with BBC comedy producers and established comedy writing talent. The amazing Dawn French will be on the panel of judges. Cheryl Taylor (Controller, Comedy Commissioning), who judged last year's BBC writersroom comedy talent search says: "I was thrilled last year by the number of very funny and original scripts that we were asked to judge. It was a pleasure to read all of the short listed projects as was having the opportunity to meet some of their very talented authors." The deadling for entries is Wednesday, 21 March 2012. For information on how to enter, visit the Writersroom website.
Publ.Date : Thu, 02 Feb 2012 13:52:39 +0000
In order to see this content you need to have both Javascript enabled and Flash installed. Visit BBC Webwise for full instructions. If you're reading via RSS, you'll need to visit the blog to access this content. For over 25 years, Edinburgh Fringe audiences have gathered, like Romans to the Coliseum, to watch comedians fight against hecklers at the Gilded Balloon venue and it’s Late 'n' Live event. These people are renowned as the comedy world’s most unpredictable audience; never sedated by a famous name: they expect laughs or they give better than they get. Now for the first time, with narration by Late 'n' Live veteran performer Lynn Ferguson, and interviews with other comedians who performed there, exclusive archive footage of Late 'n' Live can be revealed to those who never made it to the post-midnight show. Or indeed weren’t sober enough to remember it. Amongst those taking part in the programme are Russell Brand, Johnny Vegas, Jason Byrne, Zoe Lyons, Shappi Khorsandi, Caroline Rhea, Ross Noble and Rich Hall. And now we welcome on to the blog, the woman behind both Late 'n' Live and the Gilded Balloon venue, Karen Koren, to tell us more. Karen Koren remembers... Many a wild night was had. Johnny Vegas would have me running around getting him concoctions from the bar. He would inevitably throw up on stage and induce many an audience member to do the same. All I can say is it was no fun for my staff who had to try and clean up after him, as it made them sick as well. Luckily the tv viewing public will not be exposed to that sort of thing in the next few shows, however, there is plenty that is funny or bizarre and a bit scary. Next Monday’s show is about the first timers: Jason Byrne with his sticks, he always had loads of props his first time. Rich Fulcher was brilliant as Eleanor – the Tour Whore! Then there is Shappi Khorsandi’s first and only time. Tim Minchin too, who says Late’n’Live was not for him but there were plenty who it did work for. Why are there so many comics afraid of performing at Late’n’Live – is it because it really will make them a better comic? Or is it too much of a ritual for some comics to get through? It would seem so! Late 'n' Live Guide to Comedy, BBC One (Scotland) Monday 11.05 pm Or watch on iPlayer
Publ.Date : Thu, 26 Jan 2012 15:18:00 +0000
Tomorrow night the fabulous Tom Hollander (In The Loop), Olivia Colman (Twenty Twelve) and Steve Evets (Looking for Eric) return to BBC Two at 9pm in the new series of Rev. So we cornered Steve, who plays the heavy-drinking, unemployable lost soul Colin, and offered him a packet of crisps in exchange for an interview. And he said yes! But then, they were pretty posh crisps. What do you think is the appeal of Rev?
I think the appeal of Rev. is mainly down to Tom and Olivia because of the way they've made this married couple so real. It’s lovely to see the human failings they both have without it turning into Terry and June (Er, the boss is coming round for dinner and my promotion depends on it. What’s that? Next door's dog has stolen the chicken? Oh no! You run out and try to buy one while I pretend you're cooking it in the kitchen...etc…etc) We've come a long way in sitcomland - I think if the main characters are real then everyone around them echoes that and just falls into place. Plus it's a blessing that we don't have a laughter track (the lord moves in mysterious ways)! View the full blog post to access video content. In order to see this content you need to have both Javascript enabled and Flash installed. Visit BBC Webwise for full instructions What made you want the part of Colin?
When my agent told me I had an audition for Rev., I didn’t have a clue what it was. They sent over a couple of scenes for me to look at and, as I recall, they were both bench scenes between Adam and Colin. I fell in love with both characters straight away and made it my business to learn the scenes word for word so I could put the character over without stumbling and reading from pages of script. What I loved about Colin was his naivety, his bluntness, his violent undercurrent and the sense that he desperately wants to belong to something in his lonely little drink-sodden world. I did ok because they then asked me back for a recall and I got the job!
How would you describe Colin?
Colin is a lost sheep trying to make sense of a world that has dealt him a bad hand. He’s not the brightest person and doesn’t always think before he acts. But I think his heart is in the right place and he’s very malleable. He's always looking for the next step to enlightenment and I think God gives him a sense of belonging and makes him feel less lonely.
Were there any amusing off camera moments you can share?
When I came back for the audition recall I was wearing an old duffel coat that I had bought at a festival. I threw it on the floor and did the scenes again. Then Peter Cattaneo (the director) said, “Can you do it again with the coat on?” So I did. And I got the job. When I went for a costume fitting the Wardrobe Ladies had bought three duffel coats and the conversation went like this: “Can you try this coat on?” I did. “Can you put your one on again?” I did. “Now try the second one on.” I did. “Yours again please.” I did. “Now try the third one on please.” I did. Then they both stood there looking sheepishly at the floor and not speaking. So I said, “Would you like me to wear my own coat?” And they replied, practically in unison. “Oh would you mind?” Those ladies were so polite. Apart from keeping me warm at many a festival, I think that coat swung the job for me.
What’s your favourite line or scene in the last series?
My all time favourite scene in the first series is in Episode 6 when Adam has practically lost his faith and is stumbling around drunk with a kebab, trying to pick a fight with some kids. The policeman more or less arrest him and take him to give the last rights to a dying woman, who is holding on till her vicar gets there.
It's stunning how that scene shifts gear from a drunken vicar questioning his own faith and meaning in life, to a man who has to find it in himself to come through for those in need. Not only is it a testament to the writing but the way Tom Hollander shifts gear in such a realistic way. It’s practically a master class in acting and is so beautiful and tender. I wept.
What was the worst bit about filming series 2?
The worst bits were the days I wasn’t on set. I just loved being there and soaking it all up. When I had time off I didn’t know what to do with myself. So that just shows what a lack of imagination I have!
The second series of Rev. begins Thursday night on BBC Two at 9pm.
Publ.Date : Wed, 09 Nov 2011 17:25:00 +0000
We've just heard from the folks at Jesting About 2, the North East-focused initiative which gives people the opportunity to pitch to BBC commissioners, and they were very excited because they're ready to reveal the results of their search for up-and-coming comedy talent. This is what they told us: Over 600 comedy scripts and sketches were submitted, from which 31 talented individuals have been selected to take part. Candidates were selected by a panel of BBC commissioners and include Game of Thrones and Ideal actor Ben Crompton, Teesside brothers James and Jack Boughen, and Lesley Gair, who recently left a career in retail to concentrate on writing and whose partner John Scott has also been selected. The full list can be seen below. The successful applicants will attend workshops and receive support from BBC commissioners, executive producers and on-screen talent to develop their ideas into pilots over the next three months. Last year’s Jesting About resulted in successes such as an animation commissioned for BBC Comedy Online, and a sitcom script optioned by Pett Productions, the indie run by Vic Reeves, Bob Mortimer and Lisa Clark. View the full blog post to access video content. In order to see this content you need to have both Javascript enabled and Flash installed. Visit BBC Webwise for full instructions Ross Noble reveals one of his favourite heckles - from Jesting About 1. BBC Creative Head of Comedy, Simon London, said "we've been overwhelmed by the response we've had to our ideas and briefs" and Peter Salmon, Director of BBC North, added "we've discovered some new and authentic comedy voices, and can’t wait to see their ideas turned into reality". Agnes Wilkie, Creative Director at Northern Film & Media is confident that the combined investment and commitment "will produce a fantastic return of new, North East focused commissions across the three strands”. And so, without further ado, here are the names of the successful candidates! TV Comedy - creating a pilot sitcom for BBC One Jamie Diffley (Whitley Bay)
Lee Henman (Cleveland)
Alex Reid Milligan (Northumberland)
Robert Rodriquez (Chesterfield, Derbyshire)
Jessica Silcock (Barnsley)
Naomi Smith (Macclesfield, Cheshire)
Ian Skelton (County Durham) Radio - creating a half hour sketch show for BBC Newcastle and BBC Tees Jack Boughen (Teesside)
James Boughen (Teesside)
Alex Collier (Sunderland)
Victoria Cook (Whitley Bay)
John Cooper (County Durham)
Ben Crompton (Newcastle)
Lesley Gair (Newcastle)
Janet Plater (Newcastle)
Andy Fury (Northumberland)
David Williams (Northumberland)
Steve Bugeja (Manchester)
Mike Whalley (Stockport) TV Entertainment - creating a pilot for a weekly live comedy and entertainment series for BBC Three Will Cooper (Newcastle)
Owen Cooper (Newcastle)
Hal Branson (Newcastle)
Charlie Richmond (Newcastle)
John Scott (Newcastle)
Alex Collier (Sunderland)
Rob Gilroy (Gateshead)
Alex Oates (Whitley Bay)
Guy Emery (Whitley Bay)
Gavin Webster (Tyne and Wear)
Mark Meiklejohn (Edinburgh)
Robert Girvan (Edinburgh)
Peter Donachie (Edinburgh) Congratulations to everyone involved, now the hard work begins!
Publ.Date : Mon, 09 Jan 2012 15:00:00 +0000
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Updated : Sat, 04 Feb 2012 16:20:22 +0100
BRITAIN is in the hands of a Huhneless government.
Publ.Date : Fri, 03 Feb 2012 11:14:29 +0100
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FABIO Capello has been asked to submit an empty team sheet for Euro 2012 to avoid selecting gits.
Publ.Date : Fri, 03 Feb 2012 09:12:55 +0100
SAUDI women have been banned from using supermarket self check-outs amid fears the female voiced systems could lead to homosexuality and the extinction of virgins.
Publ.Date : Wed, 01 Feb 2012 10:47:37 +0100
SNOWY weather will result in a million of pictures of nothing much, experts have warned.
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