Did you see that?
An excursion into the weird world of Cryptozoology.
by Ian R Thorpe
http://greenteeth.blog.co.uk/2005/06/27/did_you_see_that
There, in the sky, how could you miss it? It was only their for a split second but it was enormous; the size of a Jeffery Archer Pork Pie,* an enormous, amorphous thing. But it was a thing - the shadow of a cloud, not a flock of birds. It was something NOT OF THIS WORLD.
You have heard all the UFO stories and the conspiracy theories and you may well be going "Yeah, yeah, yeah, what were you doing last night Ian, a secret shroom festival up in the Ribble Valley was it?" (more on shrooms later in the week.) You are just not convinced that all those shapes in the night sky are anything to do with extra terrestrial activity, that aliens are visiting our planet on a regular basis.
Well you are absolutely right! Aliens my arse. All that nonsense about crashed spacecraft being hoarded in air force bases in the Nevada desert or Norfolk are ludricous. All those stories about people being abducted by aliens down near Stonehenge are the result of one too many nights on the scrumpy. Just the ramblings of lonely, insecure people trying to draw attention to themselves. Sadly these people often end up deluding themselves that the events they fantasised really happened.
Truth is stranger than fiction though and it is time I cut myself free of the Official Secrets law to reveal the reality of UFO sightings. The semi transparent, vaguely Zeppelin shaped objects so many people see in the night sky are not alien at all but very much of this world. They are not of this time though, but are survivors of an older race that inhabited the Earth… well, before there was any earth on Earth. Our planet started out as a gaseous ball and these creatures, beings of pure energy, inhabited the sphere before it had solidified into the mass it is today. They are not complex life forms like Cthulu or any other of H.P.Lovecraft's inventions, more gigantic protozoa. In fact their cryptozoological name is Amoeba Constablea after the paranormal researcher who first photographed them. Their closest relatives are those mysterious orbs of light often captured on film by ghost hunters.
The problem of making a serious study of cryptozoological creatures of course is their evasiveness. While we are bound by our physical mass in the time / space continuum we can hardly chase after beings that are usually invisible to the naked eye. The serious investigator needs to master the trick of disconnecting the senses from the consciusness without the aid of psycho-active drugs. I usually manage it with the aid of my friend Jack - Jack Daniels.
I will keep you posted on my attempts to track down and capture and Amoeba Constablea but must end this first episode now. I have to go and collect some of those little mushrooms that grow on cow pats before it becomes illegal.
The reason for posting material like this which offends some readers who think of themselves as rationalists I know, is to highlight the wide range of weird, whacky and downright surreal ideas people have. Rather than beinmg an offence against "rational scientific thinking" the crazy ideas of some people are part of whar maked being human so much fun. Take a look at this article ( Fillinig the knowledge gap ) by an uptight, joyless little nerd and see how horrible life would be if intellectual fascists had their way. Life will not be better when we all think the same. I wish these people would read Huxley's Brave New World but then they probably have and thought it was a self help book.
*Jeffery Archer - a British politician and writer who served a jail sentence for telling "pork pies" (rhyming slang: lies.)
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