The Boggart Blog crap new product of the week award goes to the company that has just launched flat - pack tractors on the U.K. market. The flat pack tractor is, as one might expect, a product of that hotbed of innovation China. Well if they carry on like this they might even invent steel cutlery soon.

How can anybody claim to have created a flat - pack tractor you might well ask, after all it is not easy to flatten an engine block and one that component has been flattened it would be even harder to restore it to a functional state. Still, we’re not supposed to ask questions like that.

Were you to buy yourself a flat pack tractor how difficult would it be to assemble? The importers claim the project would involve no more than two days work for anyone who can change an electrical plug. Yeah, right; anyone who has ever tried to assemble flat pack furniture with know this means “if you can change a plug and just happen to have a degree in mechanical engineering. Why would anyone want a flat pack tractor? Turning up on one for a dinner party and parking it alongside the Mercs and Beemers would certainly stimulate conversation.

“Ya, actually my house has doubled in value in last three weeks.”

“Really, well I bought a flat pack tractor.”

Maybe not. Perhaps the only valid reasons for buying flat pack tractors will be first, that nobody else has got one and later, that everybody else has got one. Another triumph of purchasing power over perspicacity.

So what next from the flat - pack personality industry. A flat pack Buckingham Palace from My-Husband-and-I-kea? A flat pack Victoria Beckham from Victoria Beckham?

You could cash in on the property boom by building your own apartment with a flat pack.

Or…the Judaeo - Christian conspiracy will supply you with a flat pack small middle eastern country. There is a waiting list for these though, it takes time to flatten a nation.