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Sex On The Beach
KEYWORDS: sex,travel,holidays,humour,humor,satire,relationships


When we are holidaying in sub tropical climes, the warm, balmy evenings, the booze and the romantic atmosphere make a midnight romp on the beach seem tempting. The British government warns travellers against such adventures though. Here Boggart Blog explains why.

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Sex On The Beach
by fatsally
2009-06-16

The Foreign Office today issued a warning to British people intending to travel abroad this summer of the risks thery face should they succumb to the temptation to have sex on the beach.

. Whether you are a little bit squiffy or completely off your trolley, a bit of a 'From Here To Eternity' romp in the surf may seem like a good idea, but the paper warns you could come home with more than you went away with. That's if you don't find yourself banged up for offending public decency.

However in Boggartblog's usual spirit of helpfulness we decided to give you our own guidelines on sex on the beach.

Don't have sex on the beach in a country which has a strict dress code for females in public, unless you have one of those really baggy changing robes that just drop over your head and is secured around your neck, and your chap is a skinny little fellow who can be concealed underneath.

Don't have unprotected sex on the beach, those grains of sand will really irritate if they get under the foreskin.

Don't have sex on the beach if the red flag is flying.

Don't have sex on the beach if the tide comes in quickly.

Don't have sex on the beach in areas of special interest for wildlife. When you are body searched because you can't stop itching and they find a colony of endangered crabs in your pubic hair they are still going to arrest you for smuggling rather than give you some soothing cream.

Don't have sex on the beach if either of you weigh over sixteen stone, some do-gooders are bound to come along to try and re-float you on the next high tide.

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