Jenny Greenteeth
The New Way To Chill? Just Skin Up A Toad.
Ian Thorpe

As the UK government raises the dangerous drug classifications for cannabis and ecstasy from Calls C restricted substances to Class B and the recession puts the bite on people's wallets it gets hrder to chill out through a little mild substance abuse. Fear bot. Greenteeth has found a new legal narcotic that can get you out of your head without your having to worry abouth the drug squad breaking the door down.

Creative Commons: Some rights reserved (non commercial, attrib, no derivs.
All reproductions in whole or in part should acknowledge Ian Thorpe as author of these works and link to Greenteeth Multi Media Productions



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With a constant stream of bad news battering us who could be blamed for seeking temporary respite in a little mild substance abuse? Smoke the odd joint, drop a couple of Es maybe? It's no big deal. There is a risk with all drugs of but how great a risk depends on one's susceptibility. For a healthy person who is not prone to allergic reactions smoking a joint or popping a few pills is no more dangerous that wholesome sports and hobbies such as horse riding, mountain biking or sliding down Ben Nevis on a Grand Piano.

The control freaks in government do not see it that way of course. As part of their war on freedom they have decided to reclassify ecstasy, cannabis and Fisherman's Friend lozenges (if you don't believe me try eating six in quick succession) as Class B very very very dangerous drugs that must not be available to anyone not approved by the dark forces of Political Correctness or The Politically Correct Thought Police. In other words NuLab members, academics, meeja professionals and social workers can get high on what they like, We The Punters must do as we are told.

No gentle highs to transport our minds beyond the realm of credit crunches, mortgage arrears, job insecurity or any of the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to, no - the refuge offered by enjoyment is only to be available to the elite of the meritocracy. No booze or ciggies, no pies, bacon butties and absolutely no recreational drugs for the likes of you my friend. (Boggart Blog exists in another dimension so we can do what we like, Thought Police be damned…)

No drugs for the ordinary punters, geddit? It is strange, is it not, that not so long ago the hand wringing faction of the elite were whining in an ever so caring way about the "epidemic of depression" and "Government Scientific Advisors" (salesmen for Big Pharma) were floating the idea of putting anti depressants in drinking water to keep the general populace in a Brave New Work state of mind, that was fine of course but heaven forbid that anybody should take responsibility for their own mental state by trying out a bit of self medication or sliding down Ben Nevis on a Grand Piano.

Ever the New Media's foremost champion of punter's rights Boggart Blog is proud to be first to bring you news of a narcotic that is not yet illegal and can probably not be made so. If you want to see the walls of the room gently move as your house breathes, watch your toes turn into flowers or talk to giant mice in the Seven / Eleven, if you want to get outside your head in other words, we suggest you skin up a toad. The species Bufo viridis contains in its skin certain chemical compounds that if ingested produce a hallucinogenic experience similar to an LSD trip.

Native to Iran, Afghanistan (well they would be, wouldn't they) and other parts of the middle east the toad can flourish in ponds and ditches in Europe. It's skin when harvested and dried can be rolled up in a cigarette and smoked like a joint. We see an opportunity here to start a cottage industry.

Our global business division, Boggart Unlimited Marketing will be taking delivery of its first batch of toad spawn in late March. Order your starter pack now and get in on the ground floor of this exciting business opportunity. And once you have mailed us your check get out in the garden and start digging your pond.

RELATED POSTS: A Career In Substance Abuse? Sounds Just The Job Imagine our surprise when we saw in a leading newspapers recruitment section a page devoted to careers in substance misuse.

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