Jenny Greenteeth
Oi Canada; Get Orf Our Laaand! by
Ian Thorpe
Humour /Humour /Satire/education/ Britain
For years employers and concerned parents have complained that school examinations are getting easier. Politically correct thinking among education academics aims to eliminate failure. But have new plans gone a step too far. The plan which proposes taking into account the emotional state of the pupil rather than marks being pased on the quality of the answers would be open to abuse by wily pupils this article suggests.

Creative Commons: Some rights reserved (non commercial, attrib, no derivs.
All reproductions in whole or in part should acknowledge Ian R Thorpe as author of this works and link to Greenteeth Multi Media Productions http://www.greenteethmm.com/ ......... e-mail us: edbuttuk@yahoo.com


740 x 90 banner image only

The Lazy Pupil's Examination Aid.

Ian R Thorpe
2005-05-11

NOTE: Some people may find this in bad taste.

In my school days, admittedly more years ago than I care to remember, trying to justify the non - delivery of homework projects with the excuse "please Sir, the dog ate it," was not exactly fresh and original but was still guaranteed to raise a ripple of laughter from classmates. Now of course it is a tired and lame excuse used as a last resort only by the terminally dull - witted. Family pets have advanced in status so much they can actually make a positive contribution to academic achievement.

Britain's leading examination boards announced this week that results may be upgraded if it is know that the candidate has suffered an emotionally distressing experience in the run up to the exam. Qualifying experiences include death of a parent or sibling (5% upgrade) parent or sibling being diagnosed with a serious illness (5%) death of a distant relative (3%) a broken limb within 48 hours (3%) a broken limb on the mend (2%) - this throws a whole new light on the theatrical expression of encouragement "break a leg" - and so on, with the death of Fido or Tiddles weighing in at 2% if it happens within 48 hours of the exam or 1% between to days and a week prior. Monty Python fans will be emotionally distressed to learn that the death of a parrot warrants nothing.

A spokesperson for one of the examination boards responding to criticism that the scheme is politically correct mollycoddling of the young said that the maximum upgrade had been set at 5% in order to discourage abuse of the system. As she does not say whether the upgrades will be cumulative I fear the bureaucrats have once more underestimated the ingenuity of ordinary punters. Consider the possibilities in a literature examination…

QUESTION: In Shakespearean tragedy the downfall of the main character is often a result of a failure to address obvious flaws in his own character. Discuss this with particular reference to Hamlet and Macbeth.

ANSWER: Both Hamlet and Macbeth are…Oh GOD! WHAT IS THE POINT? Why should I sit this exam when with a bare bodkin I could my quietus make. Who cares about qualifications and careers. Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Shakespeare's tragedies? Are there not enough tragedies in the real world. To write or not to write that is the question, when all our yesterdays have lit the way of fools to dusty death.

Only yesterday my beloved Labrador Bonzo shuffled off this mortal coil when a car, driven by my uncle Jim, mowed him down. Jim did try to avoid Bonzo but lost control of the car and perished himself when he hit a wall.

I felt guilty about having let Bonzo off the leash and rushed to cradle the poor dogs noble head as he breathed his last. When the paramedics led me away I noticed my hands were covered in blood. "Will all Neptune's great ocean was clean the blood from this my hand I cried out.
Just then my mobile phone rang. It was my mother calling from the hospital to tell me she had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and within six months would be heading for that unexplored country from in whose bourne no traveller returns.

In a perfect world I would be able to turn for comfort to my Dad, a virtuous man, but as it says in Hamlet, Act 2 Scene 2 "Virtue itself 'scapes not calumnious strokes and Dad has been paralysed these three years.

I asked my sister, a Goth to let me have some of her downers. Each man is but a poor player who frets and struts his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more I said.

"But in that sleep of death what dreams may come, she quipped rather wittily in the circumstances just before she fell downstairs and broke her leg.

Then I heard a terrible sound coming from the kitchen and rushed in just in time to see poor Tiddles choke to death on a furball.
I tried to sleep last night, for after all, we are such stuff as dreams are made of, our little lives are rounded with a sleep.

But what will it avail me if I pass this examination. There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamed of in your philosophy Mr. Examination Marker.

And if you add it all up that should be worth a pass.



RELATED POSTS:

Personal Irritation Claims - Professional claims service
OMFG, we've had about ten calls yesterday and today about personal injury claims, mis - selling, unfair treatment at work, medical negligence, you name is, a bunch of shyster lawyers want to sue someone on your behalf for it.

World IQ is falling in direct correlation to increase in global military spending
This is scary, very, very scary. A colleague once said to me that with intelligence, common sense, perseverance and goodwill there is not challenge that human being, working together cannot overcome. This should provide a decent amount of hope that we can overcome the tsunami of shite our elites are directing our way right now.

Are A Levels Only For Thickos? Private School Headmaster Says Yes.
The A level results published last week show a record percentage of pupils passing for the 28th year running. Is this really due to the wonders of our education system and the success of state schools. Or is it that exams have beome so easy to pass 97 per cent of pupils succeed. And why are top private schools dropping the A level curriculum in favour of the international baccalaureate?
< class="relate" HREF="lardarse-school-council.shtml">Parent Power: Mr & Mrs Lardarse Join The Parent CouncilOne of the recent big new ideas in education is parent power and the introduction of parent councils in schools to encourage parents to have a more active role in school life. The problem here is will the more articulate type of middle class parent dominate or will the more physical approach of Mr. and Mrs Lardarse win the argument?
Practical Sex EducationSchools have been teaching the theory of safe sex for years but with STDs and teenage pregnancy on the rise the lessons don't seem to be sinking in. What kids need is practical sex education says Boggart Blog's education expert Fat Sally For years employers and concerned parents have complained that school examinations are getting easier. Politically correct thinking among education academics aims to eliminate failure. But have new plans gone a step too far One of the recurring themes in the education debate is the issue of dumbing down. Educationalists always insist this is not happening. One examiner when making this year's english papers was plleasantly surprised by an erudite answer we are happy to report The Pursuit Of MediocritySATS test, introduced in 1993, were supposed to meaure a pupil's progress through the education system from junior to senior school and ensure every child was fulfilling their potential. Now we see the government constantly lowering standards in order to ensure enough pupils from each school are reaching government imposed targets.

Is It Time To Ban Maths From Schools?Academics and politicians are always banging on about how school pulpils have no interest in maths and science. They blame everybody but themselves of course. When you get down to it, maybe the way Maths and Science are taught in schools is to blame. Or maybe it is the nerds who teach it and try to infect pupils with their own irrational enthusiasm for the uttrly pointless that has made these subjects so uncool.

Teenage Prostitute Baby PoisonersToday we have a surfeit of riches. Our favourite paper led on the headline “ Schools may be judged on teenage pregnancies and drug problems. What is all that about? Is the education system planning to start handing out GCSEs in getting up the duff and stonerology? Are the government offering NVQs for sex workers?

No Child Left Behind - Just £800 millionEverybody has been feeling the pinch this past couple of years so just think how well off we would all be if this government stopped wasting our money! Each party is suggesting the other will bring in the more savage cuts to public spending. But they don't have to cut any necessary spending at all, just stop wasting the money we bung into the kitty via our tax on stupid schemes thought up by The Politically Correct Thought Police...
by fatsally

Mr. Bollocks Goes To Cookery ClassToday our education correspondent, N.E. Teecher, was invited along with the press corps to observe with Education Minister Ed. Bollocks a modern New Labour New Cookery lesson The school visit was part of the Education Ministers new initiative to improve the way the general public and especially chioldren eat by teaching pupils how to cook.

Bleep Till You Drop - Labour's Plan To Stop Children Getting FatThe Labour Government's obsession with meddling n the minutiae of individuals lives grows as Labour's eviction from power becomes more inevitable. Their lastest propsal for social enginering, launched health minister Liam Donaldson, is a plan to use military style bleep tests in schools to indentify pupils who are unfit and likely to become obese. This piece of social enginerring or let's be honest and call it eugenics, is aimed at eliminating obese or overweight people from the population but sounds more like something that would be more appropriate in Guantanamo Bay than a Junior School in Britain.

SATS - The Science Of Dumbing DownThe government and education academics have been obsessing about SATS tests for a long time, believing intelligence can be measured by examination results. All this pseudo - scientific bullshit has achieved is a meaurable dumbing down through a teaching to test mentality in which exam results give a false impression of school leavers intelligence.

A Clockwork GCSE Exam PaperRepeated complaints from bosses suggest school exams in English have become too easy. But is this true or are examiners simply testing not so much on formal grammar as English like wot it is spoke?

Marking Computer Says No As Top Writers Fail Their English A Level.Boggart Blog makes it our business to invigilate the progressive education lobby for sings of loonyness. An we have to be honest, they keep us busy.
One of the most crackpot ideas to come out of the academic clique that supervises the dumbing down of standard was the recruitment of a marking computer to assess A level papers. On being given samples of writing by great authors including...



A Generation Of LosersDaily Stirrer education expert Sally Redfern lambasts the control freakery of government that has prompted teachers to rebel againsts the too frequent and too highly emphasised testing of pupils. Wth more pupils than ever leaving school unable to read and write the constantly improving examination results are exposed as a fraud. High Flyers Wanted For Astronaut Jobs
Apprentice Chicken
Teen Binge Drinking Crisis
The best day of his life
Escalator crime escalates
I hate ol peeps
In Praise Of Child Labour
Macology
Comedy and Humour
INFORMATION & NAVIGATION

navigate

CATEGORIES

Fiction
Animal related
Art Menu
America:
Belief, Faith and Religion
Celebrity mocking and knocking
Climate and Environment
Comedy, Satire, Humour
Debt Crisis and Money Matters
Driven To Drink
Europe index of posts
The trade and commerce catalogue page
EU Immigration crisis
Education Menu
Fear and Panic
Globalisation - the enemy of freedom
Geoengineering: Science versus Humanity
Health Menu
History - new perspectives
Immigration crisis
Humanitas
ISIS and the Middle East War
Jobs Crisis
Living Within The conspiracy
Middle East
Nanny State and The Thought Police
Past Perspectives
Philo & Sophia
Politically Correct Stupidity
Fools & Dreamers
Politics and Economy
Recommended Reading
Science and Technology
Sex and sexuality
Sport
UK politics
Weird and Supernatural
World Politics
SNACKS (sub topics)
The Ageing population
age
Religion and spirituality
Climate Change
Comedy and Humour
Education is overrated
The environment
Europe
Health
Internet Technology
Jobs and employment
Money and finance
Myths and traditions
Nanny Orwell
People and Places
Science, technology
Society
UK politics
War
World Politics

Our Internet Places
Scribd
Blogster
Ed Butt at Bubblews
Wikinuts
Boggart Blog
Little Nicky Machiavelli
Boggart Network News
Greenteeth Bites
Greenboggart
Boggart Blog Central
Daily Stirrer briefing
Boggart Network News
BOGGART BLOG ARCHIVES
BBselect001
BBselect002
BBselect003
BBselect004
BBselect005
BBselect006
MULTI MEDIA
Spoken Word
Video
Music
Graphic Art

Left Complicit In Violence Ripping Through Paris Migrant Neighbourhoods?
As rioting by immigrant populations spreads from the poorer areas of Paris to the city centre and civil unrest spreads throughout France, former special advisor to France’s interior ministry Hugues Moutouh has accused the left-wing political establishment of complicity in the violence raging through the country’s migrant-dominated suburbs.

Infant Twins Die Shortly After Being Vaccinated, Medical Board Rules ‘Just A Coincidence’
In this era of high tech health care and rapidly advancing developments of drug therapy, sudden infant death syndrome (cot death) is a rare thing in the developed world, around one per hundred according to World Health Organisation statistics. Given that, you might think the sudden and simultaneous deaths of twins might cause somne raised eyebrows among medical professionals ...

PARIS ERUPTS: Many streets are NO-GO ZONES As Immigrant Violence Spreads
Five large areas have been reduced to no go areas for the past five nights as masked men cause mayhem on the streets. Now there are fears the fall out from allegations of police brutality could spread all over the country as unrest in the city grows. Police were hit with molotov cocktails and the heavy metal balls used in the French game Petanque ...

J.K. Rowling Goes Silent After Getting Challenged To Put Her Money Where Her Mouth Is
JK Rowling, who wrote 7 great books for kids (and an absolutely shit one for grown ups) has become one of those annoying celebrities who thinks we all need to hear regularly from her on the topic of how to live our lives. she sees no reason why a superior being such as her should abide by the advice she dishes out to the rest of us.

Corruption: Paraphrasing Johnny Rotten, 'Never trust a fahkin' liberal'
As the 'liberal supporters of Barack Obama's hapless presidency and more recently the US Democratic Party's 2016 failed candidate 'Crooked Hillary' Clinton whip themselves into an ever greater frenzy over the hugely entertaining antic of President Trump, An editorial at Investors Business Daily may end up being considered by historians as defining exactly why the Obama administration failed so catastrophically ...

Is a Global Wide Cash Ban Coming?

Anyone who has been paying attention over the last four years knows the Europe is ground zero for Central Planning insanity. Europe was created as a union with open borders with the open flow of capital. However, the elites have clearly demonstrated that they are willing to lie cheat and steal in order to maintain their agenda.

Trump Foiled Soros' Master Plan to Impose New World Order - Hedge Fund Manager
President Donald Trump came to power just in time to prevent George Soros and Hillary Clinton achieving a secret Trans Pacific trade deal, that would have transferred sovereign rights to global corporations Wall Street hedge fund manager and financial analyst Mitch Feierstein told Sputnik. George Soros and Clinton Inc. were nearly able to declare the ‘New World Order’ complete" hedge fund manager Feierstein, said on Tuesday.

TIME Magazine runs vile hit piece against Robert Kennedy Jr. for daring to tell the truth about mercury in vaccines
When newly inagurated President Donald Trump appointed Robert Kennedy, Jr. to head a commission to investigate and report on vaccine safety, it was inevitable the Big Pharma Corporations, the big money interest behind them, and their 'pet poodle' scientists would hit back and try to undermine the initiative. That it would happen so quickly, with higly respected fake news publication Time magazine lining up its biggest hitters to smear Kennedy's reputation

The War On Cash Intensifies In Response To Trump and Brexit
It appears Europe is charging towards a cashless society. Just days after Davos’ elites discussed why the world needs to “get rid of currency,” the European Commission has introduced a proposal enforcing “restrictions on payments in cash.” – because only terrorists and drug-dealers need cash (nothing at all to do with totalitarian control over a nation’s wealth) – we are not surprised that this proposal from the European Commission would appear…

French Finance Minister Says UK’s May Is Not In A Position To Negotiate With Trump You have to wonder just who the testicularly deficient little pen pusher of the failing EuroNazi project think they are. What do they not understand about Brexit that enables them to think they can still tell us what we can and can’t do? They may have got away with it while cottaging Prime Minister Blair or Old Etonian bum boy Cameron were in charge ...

Obama’s Gone, But His Genocidal Wars Go On
Continued fighting in Yemen between Houthi rebels seeking to overthrow the tyrannical Sunni Muslim government and ground and air forces of the SSaudi Arabian led coalition backed by the Obama administration in the USA killed at least 66 people in 24 hours, medics and security sources said on Sunday.
More Obama war

Inauguration crowd size lies: The Hypocrisy Of Mainstream Media Is Infinite When They Can Publish Shite Like This


Trump and liberals exchange insults over wether the inauguration audience for Trump was bigger than Obama's or not. It's hard to know which side is lying, probably both of them.
Liberal hypocrisy

‘Integrate or Leave’: As Wilders Surges in Polls Dutch PM Ramps Up Migrant Rhetoric


Just one day after polls which gave Geert Wilders’s insurgent populist party a nine-point lead on the ruling conservatives, Prime Minister Rutte took out a full page advert and spoke in an interview with Dutch daily Algemeen Dagblad to tell migrants they should integrate or leave, and to issue a call for a return to “common decency”.

Soros Is Responsible for Europe's Immigration Crisis Says Hungary's Viktor Orban
With Britain's Conservative Government pressing ahead with a 'hard Brexit agenda, and the Trump administration setting abou demolishing the expressway to socialism Barack Obama had spent eight years contruction, there is a lot of speculation and precious little hard evidence to indicate where the globalist elite, having seen their ambition for a world government thwarted will go next.
More Soros mischief

Post Trump and Brexit, Predicting The Globalists Next Move
Hungary's Prime Minister Viktor Orbán has made the American billionaire and philanthropist George Soros for the current refugee movements in Europe with responsibility. "This invasion (of migrants) on the one hand steered from the tractor business, on the other hand of those (human) activists who support everything that the nation-states weakens,
Globalisation index

The role of cosmic electric currents in earth’s climate
If you’ve been following the growth of the Electric Universe movement, you know that this growth is due largely to the power of a new paradigm to explain things left unexplained by conventional theory. The greatest surprises of the space age are not surprises to researchers exploring the role of the electric force across the cosmos. Nor is it surprising to see the electric force at work close to home, both in the sculpting of planetary surfaces and in the evolution of life on earth ...

The Reality Of Globalism - World Trade Has Increased By Less Than 1% Annually In The Last Decade
There can be little doubt that 2016 was the year the great pushback against globalisation and the push towards an authoritarian world government (NWO) really got off the ground. Fears that the world is on the edge of rejecting globalization and a global economy, with its false promise of prosperity for all and its reality of an ever widening gap between rich and poor have dominated ...

World Bank Aims to Hand Over Seed Industry to Agribusiness
Today Donald Trump will be inaugurated as 45h President of The United States, his victory in the November election having been a major setback to those dark forces that give the impression only one more big push was needed to drive the world into accepting a global authoritarian government. Trump's victory, combined with 'Brexit' the vote by British citizens to leave the EU, combined to make 2026 a bad year for the globalists.

The Left In Meltdown
As the UK Labour Party crumbles into complete disarray with it’s leader, the sixty – eight year old perpetual student protestor Jeremy Corbyn proving a more divisive figure than any of his predecessors, as he sacrifices more and more votes on the altar of fashionable causes, and the EU, natural successor to Hitler’s European unification project falls apart in the face of resurgent cultural nationalism, it is quite satisfying to see ...

Fake News and fake Fake News
The buzz phrase this past month has been ‘Fake News’ as over in the USA the Donald Trump camp have had to swat away repeated attempts to smear and the discredit the victor in the 2016 Presidential Election and supporters of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, unable to accept their team lost because people rejected perpetual war and ...

Obama Has been An Inspirational President?Well He Probably Inspired More Suicides Than Any Other Obama’s greatest achievement perhaps it to have put Donald Trump in The White House. Whether you think this is a good or bad thing depends on your political stance. This blog is neutral, our view being that Trump can’t be a worse president than any of the three that preceded him.

Over 4000 Civilians Have Died In Forgotten War.
As attention has focused on Syria ans then on the efforts of the Obama administration, in its dying months, to avenge the defeat of the anointed successor Hillary Clinton and discredit the election victor and President - elect Donald Trump, and simultaneously demonize Russia and President Putin

NEW CHAINS FOR OLD
The problem with losing your chains is knowing what to do when you are free to act without them. The answer most people choose should not really be all that surprising.

Former UK Ambassador Says Obama's 'Russian Hacking' Claims Are Bullshit
Former UK ambassador to Uzbekistan, Craig Murray, who has always publicly opposed the demonization of Russia by United States and European Union official propaganda and has in the past collaborated with WikiLeaks editor Julian Assange to expose western propaganda as being aimed at persuading voters war with Russia and China,is justified has dismissed the CIA's claims that Russia interfered in last month’s presidential election as "bullshit"

An Item In Todays News About US Gov't Internet Security Hack has Tipped Our Editor Over The Edge
The US election was on November 8, by November 12 it should have gone away, but the Democrats, proven crooks and liars who crookedly rigged their own selection process to cheat a man who could have beaten Trump out of the nomination and ensure their candidate was the traitor, war criminal, liar, AND head of the Clinton Crime Syndicate Hillary Clinton as their candidate.

Democrats Russia Hacked Us and Failed Recount Campaign is Political Suicide. The US Democratic Party’s inability to accept that they lost the Presidency to Donald Trump is turning into a slow polictical sucicide. The party that has always been quick to scream ‘conspiracy theorist’ to discredit critics of its dealings with oversreas governments and foreign billionaires like Soros has revealed in its efforts to overturn the result by claimING that Russian hacking influenced voters in favour of Trump.

Oxford University wants to turn English into a sterilized Orwellian language
Oxford University, one of the oldest universities in the world and, one might think, the 'home' of the English language is now, it seems, engaged in a New World Order campaign to destroy the English Language. It appears the finest young minds in society are so deeply offended by words that remind them men and women are biologically they, backed by their fuckwitted Marxist lecturers and professors, are demanding gender specific pronouns be abolished.

I Was Right - Gravilty Does Not Exist

Well OK, saying gravity does not exist is a bit of an oversimplification, but there is strong evidence Isaac Newton's theory of what makes things fall to the ground, which does not attempt to explain how gravity makes things fall, but only states gravity is a natural force, really misunderstood what was going on.

France Falling Apart As The World Looks On
France will elect a new president in May 2017. Politicians are already campaigning and debating about deficits, welfare recipients, GDP growth, and so on, but they look like puppets disconnected from the real country. Violence. It is spreading. Not just terrorist attacks; pure gang violence. The media does not dare to say that this violence is coming mainly from Muslim gangs

The Internet Purge Of Politically Incorrect (aka truthful) Content Begins
Facebook, Google (owners of YouTube) and Microsoft have long been known as CIA collaborators and it has been acknowledged that Obama's move in divesting the US government of responsibility for ICANN allows The White House to make outraged noises about suppression of free speech while using Search Engine Operators as proxies to shut down anything challinging US and NATO propaganda (on the grounds no doubt that challenging the politically correct orthodoxy constitutes hate speech.)

UK Education: Ofsted, Not The Government, Is Blighting Poor Pupils’ Chances
Experienced teacher say it is possible to teach effectively with that kind of a workload and although such working hours are common in business and commerce, people in those sectors do not have to deal with stupid, snotty nosed, hormonally hyperactive adolescents.

Older Posts index
If you enjoyed this, share it with others.
delicious magnolia mixx pulsetaggeddigg

Greenteeth Navigation
Top Of PageThe Daily StirrerMore ComedyHomeBoggart Blog CentralA Tale Told By An Idiot

News Feeds (Go back to top) <
Health News Feeds