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The Tue Hockey Stick
Believer in the new religion of AGW, anthropogenic global warming or climate change will be sick of having their science based faith mocked and their scientist priests ridiculed. To help them hold to their belief we offer a change to own a fragment of the true hockey stick, the sacred symbol of their religion.

The True Hockey Stick
by Ian R Thorpe
2010-03-13
CREATIVE COMMONS: Attribute, non commercial, no derivs.
KEYWORDS: hockey-stick-climate-change-climategate-agw-science-scientists-religion-faith-carbon-cap-trade-humour-humor-satire

BOGGART BLOG exclusive offer for readers.

Climate Change Evangelists: Own A Fragment Of The True Hockey Stick.

Alert readers may have noticed we at Boggart Blog take delight in excoriating a certain kind of scientist. It is not all scientists we ridicule, just those who insist on behaving as if science, like some oppressive religion is beyond question and doubt. If people insist on claiming science is sacrosanct and to question it is heresy they must accept being treated as religious funny mentalists.

NB Excoriate is Boggart Blog's word of the month. We have previously not drawn your attention to our words of the month, not even Solipsism last December although it was a cracker, but recently a magazine that supports the agenda of the Politically Correct Thought Police published a "good writing guide" in which, apart from denouncing commas, semi colons and exclamation marks as abominations it excoriated writers who use biggish words in properly constructed sentences and pay attention to the meaning of what they write. Such things are reactionary and anti - progressive they said.

At our next editorial meeting we decided to resist the march of the Politically Correct Thought Police and the "progressive humanists" who support them, (these control freaks always describe themselves as progressive though stripping people of the power to think for themselves can hardly be describes as progress.) We particularly want to irritate people like the boy scientist who recently told us "the scientific way of knowing is the only way of knowing." One might well respond to that by saying "The scientific way of being a twat is the only way of being a twat."

The new religion of omnipotent, omniscient and ineffable (especially by inarticulate scientists) science is gaining many adherents particularly among the evil nazi control freaks politicians who guide the destiny of nations. These people are getting closer and closer to declaring any questioning of or lack of belief in Anthropogenic Global Warming, the sanctum sanctorum of modern science, a grand felony and upgrading the minor misdemeanour of thinking for oneself a capital offence.

The religion of science and particularly the cult of Climate Change Science looks set to follow the medieval Catholic Church in enforcing belief so ruthlessly people will be competing to show their devotion lest they be denounced as doubters or less than fully committed to the cause.

Such an atmosphere creates entrepreneurial opportunities for religiously self interested businesses.

After extortion, kidnapping for ransom, rapine and plunder and cracking people over the head with one of those spiked iron balls and stealing their valuables the biggest industry in the medieval warm period era of religious oppression was selling holy relics.

All over Europe the trade in genuine Holy Relics flourished to such an extent that documentary evidence shows Jesus had fourteen foreskins (three of which still exist) and Saint Augustine had over a hundred fingers.

The greatest treasure of all however was a fragment of the true cross. If all the fragments of the true cross in all the churches in Christendom were assembled in one place it would prove The Son Of God was crucified on a small forest.

What has this to do with excoriating the Hierophants The Cult Of Climate Change Science? you might well ask. Anyone who knows history will know that after the oppression of free thought the church fragmented into a thousand warring cults because there was no tangible and unifying symbol of faith. The cross had its origins in Hinduism, the foreskins (not to be confused with the neo -nazi punk band The Four Skins) were mostly lost but could have been anybody's, the transubstantiation of communion bread and wine in the communicant's mouth was an abstract idea, it tasted like bread and wine and everyone knew the Christmas Lights were pagan.

Here, thanks to this exclusive Boggart Blog reader offer the followers of the God AGW and the cult of Climate Change can help preserve a tangible symbol of their faith. If you believe Carbon is Satan and all the carbon in the world should be purged of evil by being turned into statues of St. Michael Mann and Maharishi Rajendra Pachauri act now.

The sacred symbol of the Climate Change cult of Lord AGW is the hockey stick. You may recall from reading the scripture that after the anomaly of The Medieval Warm Period was discredited by the discovery of a bog oak preserved in a peat bog for several centuries showed the tree rings during the alleged warm period indicated less than normal growth when in warm weather more growth would be expected there was less growth (medieval trees were not scientifically advanced enough to know that in hot, dry weather they are not supposed to grow.) Once St. Michael Mann understood this message from their God the sacred hockey stick manifested itself of a piece of graph paper.

It was a clear sign of the will of Lord AGW; St. Michael Mann and Maharishi Rajendrea Pachauri caused a hockey stick to be fashioned from the bog oak that had been God's messenger. It was to be erected in the Church of Cap And Trade in the United Nations Plaza.

Sadly the True Hockey Stick was stolen by fanatical freethinkers in an operation known as Climategate and smashed into fragments by followers of a cult dedicated to letting nature take its course. Without a sacred symbol on which to focus their belief the AGW cult that had claimed to be the only hope of humankind fell into disarray.

If you are a true believer in Cap And Trade and the Lord God AGW and you are prepared to sacrifice 95% of your personal wealth, your reputation and your sanity to own a fragment of the True Hockey Stick act now. Send details of your bank account along with your PIN number to Boggart Blog (Crazy Religions Department) Pismire Moss, The North Of England.

We regret that we cannot show you a photograph of the True Hockey Stick fragment you will own, the ancient timber is too fragile to be exposed to photographic lighting. This does have an advantage however in that sceptics and unbelievers will not be able to erode your faith by pointing out the sacred fragment looks like a cocktail stick you could buy from any supermarket.

Save the Hockey Stick, save the faith.

ATTENTION CLIMATEGATE BELIEVERS. Boggart Blog is now negotiating with the Church of Climategate keepers of the True Gate. We hope to shortly be in a position to give you the chance to own a fragment of the True Gate.

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