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Suicide Dolphins
Amongst the numbers of missing and unaccounted for in the aftermath of Hurricane Rita are a number of fully armed combat dolphins who are trained to carry out missions behind enemy lines. Such Dolphins are not expected to return from their assignments but be happy to lay down their lives in the service of their country.

Greenteeth Multi Media
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KEYWORDS: hurricane, climate, caribbean, USA, United, Startes, America, military, secret, suicide, dolphin

Suicide Dolphins


posted 2005-09-28 by ianrthorpe

Amongst the numbers of missing and unaccounted for in the aftermath of Hurricane Rita are a number of fully armed combat dolphins who are trained to carry out missions behind enemy lines. Such Dolphins are not expected to return from their assignments but be happy to lay down their lives in the service of their country.

The U.S. Military made have lost track of these specialist attack personnel but you should all remember that our sponsor Jenny Greenteeth is a water spirit and thus is in touch with all that goes on in the seven eighths of the world covered by water. Because of our connections Boggart Blog connects you live with a feed from surveillance equipment planted on two of the dolphins whose dolphon names are Chk - chk and Drrrrrrrrup!

Chk - chk: Any fish left Drr?

Drrrrrrrrup!: Just a couple of herrings, but they are past their sell by date.

Chk - chk: Bugger. We are going to have to go out and find a shoal.

Drrrrrrrrup!: Hey, it could be fun. I haven't had to chase fish in years.

Chk - chk: Oh, I don't mind chasing the fish but maybe leaving the gulf was not such a great idea after all.

Drrrrrrrrup!: We had to. Anywhere in the gulf those flat-faces could track us on radar.

Chk - chk: Get real, their radar is a joke. Have you heard it? bink...bink...bink. What's all that about.

Drrrrrrrrup!: I suppose it means something to them

Chk - chk: arrroo-rakkayakka-twonk-twonk-prup-hrup-yecyecyec-brrrupprupp

Drrrrrrrrup!: And anoth-

Chk-chk: Shh!

There is a moment's silence. Chk-chk listens intently while Drrrrrrrrup! raps his fins together.

Chk-chk: There's a shoal of sardines about twelve miles away. Now THAT'S radar.

Drrrrrrrrup!: I was going to say that the local Caribbean Dolphins are well hard and they don't like strangers on their turf.

Chk-chk: We'll tell them we are U.S. Military Dolphins. They will leave us alone then, they will remember how we kicked their ass in Grenada. The local army ran so far nobody even saw them.

Drrrrrrrrup!: Ahem. Grenada does not actually have an army.

Chk - chk: That's irrelevant.

Drrrrrrrrup!: If you are such a patriot all of a sudden how come you escaped.

Chk - chk: (looks around furtively) It was planned, I'm on a secret mission.

Drrrrrrrrup!: You're spying on dolphins. Traitor.

Chk - chk: I'm not. I'm preserving homeland security. You saw those blue,yellow and black chappies snooping around a couple of days ago. The ones who would not talk.

Drrrrrrrrup!: They were flat - face tourists scuba diving off Barbados.

Chk - chk: Tourists my blowhole. They had shiny yellow, blue and black skin and funny faces. That's UnAmerican if you ask me. Uncle Sam's dolphins are grey and have proper noses.

Drrrrrrrrup!: They were wearing neoprene wet suits and breathing gear. Look out, here come some of the locals. They will be warning us off taking their fish again.

Chk - chk: Hey, we are military dolphins, we have a right to their fish. I say we take them on.

Drrrrrrrrup!: Bad move. A slight blow in the wrong place could set off that dirty bomb implanted under your skin.

Chk - chk: What?

Drrrrrrrrup!: Didn't you know. We are suicide dolphins. There is a radio receiver implanted in our brain so that our survival instinct can be overridden and on command we will swim up enemy rivers and smash into strategic targets like bridges, oil refineries and fish canning factories.

Chk - chk: No way.

Drrrrrrrrup: Way. Did they give you that bullshit about "only for intelligence gathering purposes."

Chk - chk: If I had known the truth I would never have signed up.

Drrrrrrrrup!: We didn't sign up, we were hauled out of the water, transported to Louisiana, put in a tank and told we would not get any fish until we started co-operating. And then we were subjected to ritual humiliation.

Chk - chk: You mean when that ugly woman made us look as if we were having a sixty-niner it was not to prepare us in case we were tortured.

Drrrrrrrrup: No, they were just having a laugh.

Chk - chk: And now we are loaded with highly volatile explosives and they only way we can be safe is to give ourselves up?

Drrrrrrrrup!: Whichever way you look at it, we're going to die a horrible death. And for nothing. We will not advance the cause of dolphins in any way.

Chk - chk: We have to do something. Some futile grand gesture, you know; confirm our existence by a pointless act. Let's fly into the World Trade Centre and detonate ourselves.

Drrrrrrrrup!: Can't. One, Its been done; and Two, we can't fly - we're dolphins.

Chk - chk: Well how about swimming into a tuna cannery. That would tech them a lesson. Their sandwiches would be contaminated for years.

Drrrrrrrrup!: Its more feasible, but why do you suddenly want to become a suicide dolphin.

Chk - chk: It will give me a sense of porpoise.

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The Internet Purge Of Politically Incorrect (aka truthful) Content Begins
Facebook, Google (owners of YouTube) and Microsoft have long been known as CIA collaborators and it has been acknowledged that Obama's move in divesting the US government of responsibility for ICANN allows The White House to make outraged noises about suppression of free speech while using Search Engine Operators as proxies to shut down anything challinging US and NATO propaganda (on the grounds no doubt that challenging the politically correct orthodoxy constitutes hate speech.)

UK Education: Ofsted, Not The Government, Is Blighting Poor Pupils’ Chances
Experienced teacher say it is possible to teach effectively with that kind of a workload and although such working hours are common in business and commerce, people in those sectors do not have to deal with stupid, snotty nosed, hormonally hyperactive adolescents.

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