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It's Life Craig, But Not As We Know It.
Since the publication of Frankenstein and maybe before that it has been the ambition of many scientists to discover the science of life itself and thus create new life in the laboratory. Now modern adances in delusional thinking have led science to move beyond dreams into the realms of fantasy fiction and claim they have created artificial life when they have not.

It's Life Craig, But Not As We Know It
by Ian R Thorpe
2010-05-22
CREATIVE COMMONS: Attribute, non commercial, no derivs.
KEYWORDS: artificial, life, science, scientist, biology, dna, organism, clone, genome, patent, money, humour, humor, satire

American Biologist Dr. Craig Venter(stein) claims he has created artificial life in a test tube. Venter and his team have built an artificial genome and implanted it into a bacteria. Naturally the team, because they are Americans remember and Americans are addicted to four things; hyperbole, the internet, recreational drugs, fast food and.... American are addicted to five things.... Among the many things Americans are addicted to as well as hyperbole are fame, success and money. Therefore we should reduce everything they say by a factor of 1000.

OK, what is a realists assessment of what Venter has done?

Well he has not created life for a start. He has merely taken a living organism and meddled with its genome. Geneticists have been doing this for many years in their research into preventing hereditary diseases. Next, can his creation truly be described as "life." Just as computer scientists in their eagerness to convince the world of the possibility of true artificial intelligence have tried to redefine intelligence, to equate thought to an ability to parse and filter vast amounts of data very quickly, so Venter's team have adopted a very restricted definition of what life is. They have created a self replicating organism but laboratories have been creating self replicating polymers for some time so again nothing new.

To put Venter's modus operandi in perspective this is the greedy, money grubbing twat who tried to patent the human genome after claiming (falsely - but he's fucking Yank, all mouth and no trousers) to have been the first to decode it. For the record the multinational team that were actually the first to decode the human genome decided not to try to patent it because it belongs to the world and indeed understanding of how our genes work could benefit all human kind greatly. Venter was only interested in how much money he could make from his "invention" so we think that proves he's a total piece of shit and we should all sue the greedy fucker for a billion dollars each for trying to steal the blueprint to our genes.

In the case of this new "breakthrough" which as we said is no different to things other less vain, less egomaniacal biologists have been doing for a while Venter hopes by fooling politicians and bureaucrats into believing that by reinventing the wheel he has made a scientific breakthrough that will transform the future of humanity for which he hopes to net a cool $1 trillion. One Trillion Dollars - do you see any similarities with Dr. Evil here?

We should dismiss this fraud now, ridicule his false claims and belittle his bogus science. He's just a wannabe celebrity in a white coat. Or a practicioner of scientific onanism maybe

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