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The series of selected archive posts from Boggart Blog reaches number 5. Since 2005 Boggart Blog has been one of the foremost humour and satire websites in Britain. As usual the this selection of Boggart Blog's humour covers a wide range of topics from sharp political satire to wild, surreal fantasy, dark, almost cruel ironies, incisive parody and ridiculous clowning. Explore this and other Boggart Blog archives for the best humour online and then stay and find your way around our Multi Media Labyrinth.
All posts protected by CREATIVE COMMONS licence: Some rights reserved. Distribution: Non - commercial, attrib, no derivs, All reproductions should be credited to "http://www.greenteethmm.com/" with a link back to our hime page if possible. email: edbuttuk@yahoo.com
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The Charge Of The Anti-enlightenment Brigade
I don’t know if many of you remember London's Atheist Bus a few years ago. It toured the city bearing adverts that read: ‘There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.’ and was a great success[ ... ] this demonstrates the Sheeple - like tendencies of those who claim they have reason on their side: the religious propagandist with the sandwich board saying ‘repent, the end is nigh' was always the subject of jokes. Why do the opposing side now feel the need to parade high tech sandwich boards saying, "no need to repent, the end isn't nigh'?

Donald Trump's Latest Appointment Exposes hypocrisy Of His 'Liberal' Opponents
We have said many times that liberals' and socialists' fondness for members of minority groups only extends to those minority group members who suppport every detail of the left wing politically correct agenda. The latest appointment by President Donald Trump to his administration proves this. The new Surgeon General appointee, Rear Admiral Sylvia Trent-Adams, a black fmale, would fill most of the criteria one would expect to make a liberal happy ...

When The Robots Rule The World
Economist and humanity hater (apparently) Paul Krugman takes up a subject that as a former Information Technology professional I have long been mildly concerned about. In these two blogs Futurism and Policy and The Conscience Of A Liberal) Krugman discusses the rise of robotics. How a big government authoritarian like Krugman can put a title that includes the words 'liberal' and 'conscience' to one of his justifications of economic Fascism is a testimony to the fact that you don't have to be either intelligent or even literate to be a university Professor

ISIS touts chemical weapons attacks, but Iraqis, US play it down
Islamic State may be on the brink of defeat in Mosul, but the terror group is determined to go down with all guns blazing. A few days ago the world was going crazy about the alleged chemical weapon attack by the Assad regime in Syria. But while European and American media and politicians were laying the outrage on with trowels, in Mosul, Iraq, the US backed 'moderate rebels' (the same ISIS afilliated guys as are our allie in Syria,) were attacking Asmerican and Iraqi government personnel with chemical weapons of their own ...

Threat Of Major Scandal Prompted Early Election Move – UKIP
Leaders of the (UKIP) have made astonishing claim that Prime Minister Teresa May’s calling an early General Election was done to pre-empt a series of by-elections that could be called following alleged electoral fraud. Accusing the Conservative government of “putting party before country”, UKIP appeared to suggest the scandal and ensuing disqualification of MPs could rob the government of its slender majority.

Russian Long Range Bombers Fly Within 36 Miles Of Alaska For Second Day In A Row
Like many people both in and outside the USA, our contributors hope for something better from President Donald J Trump, the businessman, the deal maker, than a quick return to the warmongering and belligerence of the Obama era. It was always obvious Trump would struggle to keep his campaign promise to disengage from Obama's wars, because Obama's wars were Bush's wars also, the profit engine of the military / industrial complex.

France arrests two men suspected of plotting 'imminent' attack ahead of polls
French police found guns and bomb-making materials during searches of suspected terrorist bases in the southern city of Marseille on Tuesday (April 18). Two men suspected of plotting a major attack days before presidential polls were arrested, sources with inside knowledge of police operations said. The weapons and bomb making tackle were discovered after the suspects – “radicalised) (i.e. Muslim) Frenchmen aged 23 and 29 – were taken into custody.The informants asked not to be named because they were not authorised to speak publicly.

What economists will never understand about Brexit
... soon childcare become an industry and ruled young mums out of taking part time work. If you work, you need expensive childcare. The response to this was another bureaucratic voucher system consuming vastly more money. This gradual appropriation and regulation of just about every facet of life has destroyed the voluntary ethos and in so doing has destroyed communities and made people entirely dependent on mechanisms of the state. Our welfare policy is an extension of this. The nationalisation of poor people.

As Uber Implodes Are Unicorns An Endangered Species?
Unicorns, they're fabulous, beautiful, mystical and infallible. And they have no substance to enable them to survive in the real world. I'm not talking about the Unicorns in fairy stories, like Tinkerbell they will exist in the real world as long as someone believes in them. No, I mean the high tech Unicorns that have emerged from Silicon (Silly con?) Valley in the past decade. It will take more than belief to preserve their existence.

All Is For The best In This The Best Of All Possible Worlds?The title is a phrase used to sum up the philosophy of Dr. Pangloss. "Dr. who?" you might well ask because few people today are likely to be familiar with Pangloss or his philosophies. Dr. Pangloss, you see, is a fictional character, friend and mentor to the main character in Voltaire's novel "Candide", his purpose is to highlight the foolishness of optimism in the face of reality.

The Rise Of Populism: an Explainer
It was obvious to anyone who has done even a little reading in the field of political philosophy that Barack Obama was a Marxist, not an economic Marxist but a political or cultural Marxist, whose thinking like that of The Frankfurt School and Saul Alinsky was based more on Marx's other book, The Communist Manifesto than on his impractical but good-looking-on-paper economic theories

Freedom Of Thpught And Information: Quotes
If the ruling elites want to establish global control they need to be able to control all information the general population have access to. The idea of controlling information in order to limit the ability to think and develop ideas served Hitler, Stalin, Mao Tse Tung and many other dictators well…

As Middle East Analysts Focus On Syria's Alliance With Russia, They Forget Assad's Other Friend
Since the Syrian civil war began analysts commented only on Syria’s alliances with the Russian Federation and the Islamic Republic of Iran. Both are important allies in President Assad’s struggle against Islamic extremist rebels, but they are not his only powerful friends. Interviewed by Chinese media last month, Assad called China, “a real friend, a friend that you can rely on.”

FBI Director James Comey Tried To Reveal Russian Tampering Months Before Election
When the eventual winner of the presidential election, billionaire Donald Trump (and the fact that Trump is a billionaire should tell you he's no angel himself) introduced into his campaign rhetoric the phrase "drain The Swamp" it seems he had littley idea how big, deep or rotten the swamp left behind by the Obama administration would actually be.

Hungary Passes Law Targeting Soros University
Hungarian lawmakers from Prime Minister Viktor Orban's Fidesz party approved a law that could force a university founded by financier George Soros out of the country despite a protests from Soros hirelings and condemnation abroad. The legislation passed with 123 votes in favor and 38 against, while 38 deputies did not vote.

AGENT REFUSED OBAMA’s HUSH MONEY & Just REVEALED THE DEPTHS OF OBAMA & HILLARY’s TREASON
In testimony last year to the Senate Committee on Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs, ICE Agent Taylot Johnson said she was stripped of her gun and badge without explanation after discovering fraud and abuse. She was then offered hush money in the amount of a severance package of $100,000 if she would just sign a non-disclosure agreement and quietly go away.

Will Big Data" Make A Centrally Planned Economy Possible?
Though the Marxist ideal of a centrally planned economy has been discredited everywhere both communist and socialist economic systems have been implemented, only to fail in chaos with the gap between rich and poor wider than ever and the poor reduced to penury. Both in theory and in practice, the notion of the all powerful central run by the academic and managerial class ought to have been completely buried.

Left In Denial About Europe's Immigrant Problems
In January 2015 The New York Times printed an article in which the author totally denied that there are "no-go-zones" - areas that are not under the rule of law but are controlled by immigrant criminal gangs and ruled according to sharia law by Imams linked to the gangs, and areas dominated by certain immigrant groups into which state security agents, medical staff and firefighters dare not go ...

Moscow And Beijing Join Forces To Bypass US Dollar In Global Markets, Shift To Gold Trade
Throughout this omnibus volume we have been reporting for several years on the moves by Russia, China, their allies and other nations in the Asia - Pacific zone to bypass the US dollar as the reserve currency for global trade. We have now learned the Russian central bank opened its first overseas office in Beijing on March 14, marking a majot step towards forging a Beijing-Moscow alliance to bypass the US dollar in cross border trading, and to phase-in a gold-backed universal currency of trade.

Deep State Control:Free Speech Is Under Attack And Journalism Is Dead
What has happened to the news. At one time the news press referred to itself as 'the fourth estate', a reference to the three estates of the nation, the government, The Monarchy and the church The news and commpent journals assigned to themselves the task of objectively and impartilly holding the others to account by investigating the background to events and reporting the facts. No more it seems.

Police separate far-right & anti-fascist protesters in London
Twelve people were arrested in London today as police and protesters clashed at an anti-Islamic terrorism rally organised by nationalist groups Britain First and EDL. The protest was held under the banner "London Under Attack," by Britain First, along with the anti-immigration group English Defence League (EDL), to “protest against radical Islamic terrorism.” a reference to the recent terror attack in London in which a police officer on guard duty outside the parliament building was stabbed to death and

Russia Fears Possible US Preemptive Nuclear Attack
American Intelligence Services like to brand Russia, China, Iran or North Korea as the greatest threat to world peace, according to whichever new conflict they are trying to sell to the American public. This thirst in Washington and the boardrooms of defence contractors for endless war is actually the greatest threat to world peace, stability and security.

Swedish Man Prosecuted for Assaulting Muslims with Bacon
A Swedish man has been arrested and charged with racism after being accused of eating bacon in proximity to a group of veiled Muslim women. The alleged offence occurred in the Swedish capital of Stockholm last weekend. The Swede, who has not been named by media or the police, is said to have approached the women, on a train while he was eating a bacon sandwich. He is alleged to have dangled the bacon in front of their faces

Canada Ruled By Politically Correct Stupidity?
On Thursday, March 23, the Canadian Parliament passed a blasphemy law specifically designed to protect Islam, which is unprecedented in Western democracies, where free speech is a right and freedom of worship includes the right to criticise and even mock all religions. Al-Jazeera reported on Friday, the previous day's vote condemned "Islamophobia and all forms of systemic racism and religious discrimination."

Space Travel…Will This Eventually Become A Reality?
The very concept of sending people into space has always been an interest to me, not because I actually believe it will happen, but just with the thoughts of how far we would have to advance, technically in order to achieve such a quest. I was reading an article which spoke of someone who was wondering if we would ever form colonies in space, and I felt compelled to respond. This was my response.

Boat Migrants Landing in Italy ‘at a Pace Exceeding Anything We’ve Seen Before’
The International Organization for Migration (IOM) estimates 20,484 migrants have arrived in Europe by sea since the beginning of 2017, with numbers now averaging around 3000 per day and increasing as spring brings better weather. These numbers put Italian arrivals well ahead of the total for the first three months of 2015 (10,165) and the first three months of 2016 (18,777)

How to stop Google tracking your every move
Do you ever get the feeling you are being watched or followed? OK, it could possibly be because you are paranoid but more likely you’ve noticed a few things that are just beyond creepy when you are using the web and particularly Google services. For example, has an advertisement for a product or service ever popped up on your screen just after you were talking to someone about it?

Men Menstruate? Latest Dickheadedness From The Legion Of The Dickless
Yes you read that headline right, the GayBLTQetc. lobby propagandists are now pushing the most preposterous idea yet in their determination to make unequal things equal. A colouring book aimed at children in the age range that use colouring books floats the idea that men can have periods.

Wikileaks: Clinton Campaign Team Bribed Republicans To Smear TrumpThe latest batch of electronic documents release by WikiLeaks contain email that appear to show  Hillary Clinton campaign staffers bribed 6 Republicans to discredit Trump during the Presidential election campaign. John Podesta, who worked as Chair opf the Hillary Clinton campaign wrote to Huma Abedin, Hillary's personal assistant regarding the possibility of diverting Clinton campaign funds to various Republicans who were secretly on the Clinton payroll.

Chemtrails Exposed - NASA has admitted weather modification experiments
We know that since World war Two ended governments have been engaged in experiments to control weather, they know we know, so why keep denying it. Repeated denials of projects like chemtrail spraying and HAARP have only spawned more, and more outlandish conspiracy theories. So what is going on?

Australian Aborigines and Eurasians Left Africa at the same time?
One of the internet memes propagated a broadcast by the Church Of Scienceology cult, those closed minded people who believe science is infallible omnipresent and omniescent is the "Weez Aalz From Afrireekaa" fallacy, so when I spotted online an article reporting a news study which, relying heavily on guesses and assumptions, made a case that all humans living outside Africa were put there by a mass migration between 50,000 and 60,000 years ago ...

EU punishes Turkey For Repairing Relations With NATO Public Enemy No1 Russia
Leaving aside the current spat between The Netherlands and Turkey which is a different thing altogether, The EU’s diplomatic service is currently trying to punish Turkey for seeking better relations with Russia, after their supporting different sides in the Syria conflict brought the two nations close to war. It is true that NATO member Turkey has recently shown less commitment to the West, but there are probably good reasons for this ...

Does It matter If The Dollar Is Replaced?
While mainstream media in the developed world continues to agonise over the Trump presidency, the rise of nationalism in Europe and the threat they pose to the global elite, important changes are happening within the strategic triangle of Russia, Iran and China, which has been engaged in economic manoeuvres to replace the US dollar as global reserve currency for a decade.

White Girl Is Burned Alive, 17 Black Gang Members Arrested. Mainstream Media Blanks The Story Remember how the Social Justice Warriors of the politically correct 'left' screamed when a young black man named Trayvon Martin was shot by Hispanic George Zimmerman, because it was assumed someone named Zimmerman would be white? Remember how they wailed and stirred up civil unrest when a black man was shot by white cops in Ferguson, Missouri, automatically assuming the the killing was racially motivated. more >>>

The University Formerly Known As Cardiff Polytechnic Published List Of Forbidden Words Cardiff Metropolitan University formerly known as Cardiff Polytechnic may not be a seat of learning on a par with Oxford, Cambridge, Heidelberg, The Sorbonne or Princeton but when it comes to politically correct idiocy it is at the right up there with Harvard, Uppsala, University of California or The London school of Economics more>>>

Things Are Getting crazier In USA As Trump Supporters Push Back Against Obamas Silent Coup

A congressional investigation has revealed that the Obama administration channeled billions of dollars to activist groups through a Department of Justice slush fund scheme. “It’s clear partisan politics played a role in the illicit actions that were made,” Republican Representative John Ratcliffe of Texas told Fox News. “The DOJ is the last place this should have occurred.” more >>>

Donald Trump Just Exposed Obama for HORRIBLE Crime! HERE IS THE PROOF!!
As the first scandal to hit the Trump Administration, the truped-up accusations that team members had contact with Russia was splashed over mainstream media, American liberals were quick to claim (dishonestly) that the Obama administration had been scandal free. The “scandal-free” Obama’s may finally have just been caught red-handed. This morning President Trump took to Twitter from the Mar-a-Lago resort to reveal a HORRIFYING crime committed by Barack Obama right before he left office: Political wiretapping!
more >>>

Are Spineless, Snivelling Liberal Scum Sucker Bringing Back Blasphemy Crimes To The West For The Sake Of Sucking Up To Islamic Extremists?
All the signs suggest the Western democracies are submitting to presure from Islamic extremists and reviving blasphemy laws, but applying them only to those who insult Islam. We are still free to be obscenely disrespectful to Christianity, Judaeism, Hinduism and buddhism. Canada and Denmark are leading the way back to medieval religious oppression ...more >>>

Jacob Rothschild Says Putin “A Traitor To The New World Order”


Jacob Rothschild, patriarch of the megarich banking family, and a leading proponent of the drive to create a global authoritarian government made up of people drawn from the corporate and financial elite, has accused Russian president Vladimir Putin of being a "traitor to the New World Order". Evidence we have suggests the elitist conspiracy sees Russia as an obstacle that must be removed before its plan for a global government can be completed more >>>

Katie Hopkins Reports From Hellacious Sweden, ‘Where Females Fear to Tread’
A news feed filled with reports of the rape and assault of Sweden’s young women, some inexplicably streamed live on Facebook by the gang as they attacked. Other reports filed quietly away in a box marked unmentionable: the rape of a 12-year-old unaccompanied immigrant by a so called fellow 'unaccompanied minor' immigrant who later bragged he was 45.

Junk Food Killing Kids? We often hear about the plague of obesity from talking – head ‘nutrition experts’ on TV, but less is said about the other problem caused by a diet of junk food. On a typical teenager’s diet it is possible to develop both obesity and malnutrition. On the flip side, you have malnutrition. According to the United Nations (UN) special rapporteur, Hilal Elver, Ph.D., the impact of processed food on public health is “alarming.”

Report casts new doubts on WETC official story The controversy goes on, fifteen years later. While it ought to be obvious even to the most casual observer that the way the twin towers collapsed on 9/11 did not look as if it could be the result of a random strike (and Tower 7 was not hit by anything - well a careless sparrow maybe,) many people who should know better but are in awe of authority continue to scream conspiracy theorist at even those well qualified to challlence the official narrative.

Oslo Police Declare “We Have Lost the City”…Islam Has Taken Over
While attention has been focused on Sweden because of remarks made by US President Donald Trump, the apocalyptic level of culturally-enriched violence in neighbouring Norway and particularly in Grønland, a district of the capital city of Oslo. After years of unchecked immigration it looks more like Karachi, Basra, and Mogadishu all rolled into one than part of a Scandinavian capital. People sell drugs openly just next to the Grønland subway station.

American Journalists Who Travelled To Sweden To Debunk Trumps Comments About Migrant Violence Run Out Of Town by Migrants
Two journalists from Chicago who had travelled to Sweden with the intention of debunking Donald Trump's allegations that in Sweden's cities there are many immigrant dominated suburbs that have become trouble spots and 'no - go zones' for Europeans and that the country is a dangerous place to visit had to be given a police escort so they could safely leave an immigrant neighbourhood in Stockholm.

Germany Facing Mass Blackouts Because The Wind And Sun Won’t Cooperate
Germany’s power grid came close tp collapse in January because the poor performance from sustainables, wind turbines and solar panels which the Germany government encouraged heavy investment in, data from a major trade union leaked to German business newspaper Deutsche Wirtschasfts Nachrichten.

Courts Quietly Confirm MMR Vaccine Causes Autism
After decades of passionate debate, parents probably missed the repeated admissions by drug companies and governments alike that vaccines do in fact cause autism. For concerned parents seeking the truth, it’s worth remembering that the exact same people who own the world’s drug companies also own America’s news outlets. Finding propaganda-free information has been difficult, until now.

CIA Admists Using fake News To Subvert Democracy For Decades
Newly-declassified documents show that a senior CIA agent and Deputy Director of the Directorate of Intelligence worked closely with the owners and journalists of many of the largest media outlets. The United States Senate Select Committee to Study Governmental Operations with Respect to Intelligence Activities found in 1975 that the CIA submitted stories to the American press.

Left Complicit In Violence Ripping Through Paris Migrant Neighbourhoods?
As rioting by immigrant populations spreads from the poorer areas of Paris to the city centre and civil unrest spreads throughout France, former special advisor to France’s interior ministry Hugues Moutouh has accused the left-wing political establishment of complicity in the violence raging through the country’s migrant-dominated suburbs.

Infant Twins Die Shortly After Being Vaccinated, Medical Board Rules ‘Just A Coincidence’
In this era of high tech health care and rapidly advancing developments of drug therapy, sudden infant death syndrome (cot death) is a rare thing in the developed world, around one per hundred according to World Health Organisation statistics. Given that, you might think the sudden and simultaneous deaths of twins might cause somne raised eyebrows among medical professionals ...

PARIS ERUPTS: Many streets are NO-GO ZONES As Immigrant Violence Spreads
Five large areas have been reduced to no go areas for the past five nights as masked men cause mayhem on the streets. Now there are fears the fall out from allegations of police brutality could spread all over the country as unrest in the city grows. Police were hit with molotov cocktails and the heavy metal balls used in the French game Petanque ...

J.K. Rowling Goes Silent After Getting Challenged To Put Her Money Where Her Mouth Is
JK Rowling, who wrote 7 great books for kids (and an absolutely shit one for grown ups) has become one of those annoying celebrities who thinks we all need to hear regularly from her on the topic of how to live our lives. she sees no reason why a superior being such as her should abide by the advice she dishes out to the rest of us.

Corruption: Paraphrasing Johnny Rotten, 'Never trust a fahkin' liberal'
As the 'liberal supporters of Barack Obama's hapless presidency and more recently the US Democratic Party's 2016 failed candidate 'Crooked Hillary' Clinton whip themselves into an ever greater frenzy over the hugely entertaining antic of President Trump, An editorial at Investors Business Daily may end up being considered by historians as defining exactly why the Obama administration failed so catastrophically ...

Is a Global Wide Cash Ban Coming?

Anyone who has been paying attention over the last four years knows the Europe is ground zero for Central Planning insanity. Europe was created as a union with open borders with the open flow of capital. However, the elites have clearly demonstrated that they are willing to lie cheat and steal in order to maintain their agenda.

Trump Foiled Soros' Master Plan to Impose New World Order - Hedge Fund Manager
President Donald Trump came to power just in time to prevent George Soros and Hillary Clinton achieving a secret Trans Pacific trade deal, that would have transferred sovereign rights to global corporations Wall Street hedge fund manager and financial analyst Mitch Feierstein told Sputnik. George Soros and Clinton Inc. were nearly able to declare the ‘New World Order’ complete" hedge fund manager Feierstein, said on Tuesday.

TIME Magazine runs vile hit piece against Robert Kennedy Jr. for daring to tell the truth about mercury in vaccines
When newly inagurated President Donald Trump appointed Robert Kennedy, Jr. to head a commission to investigate and report on vaccine safety, it was inevitable the Big Pharma Corporations, the big money interest behind them, and their 'pet poodle' scientists would hit back and try to undermine the initiative. That it would happen so quickly, with higly respected fake news publication Time magazine lining up its biggest hitters to smear Kennedy's reputation

The War On Cash Intensifies In Response To Trump and Brexit
It appears Europe is charging towards a cashless society. Just days after Davos’ elites discussed why the world needs to “get rid of currency,” the European Commission has introduced a proposal enforcing “restrictions on payments in cash.” – because only terrorists and drug-dealers need cash (nothing at all to do with totalitarian control over a nation’s wealth) – we are not surprised that this proposal from the European Commission would appear…

French Finance Minister Says UK’s May Is Not In A Position To Negotiate With Trump You have to wonder just who the testicularly deficient little pen pusher of the failing EuroNazi project think they are. What do they not understand about Brexit that enables them to think they can still tell us what we can and can’t do? They may have got away with it while cottaging Prime Minister Blair or Old Etonian bum boy Cameron were in charge ...

Obama’s Gone, But His Genocidal Wars Go On
Continued fighting in Yemen between Houthi rebels seeking to overthrow the tyrannical Sunni Muslim government and ground and air forces of the SSaudi Arabian led coalition backed by the Obama administration in the USA killed at least 66 people in 24 hours, medics and security sources said on Sunday.
More Obama war

Inauguration crowd size lies: The Hypocrisy Of Mainstream Media Is Infinite When They Can Publish Shite Like This


Trump and liberals exchange insults over wether the inauguration audience for Trump was bigger than Obama's or not. It's hard to know which side is lying, probably both of them.
Liberal hypocrisy

‘Integrate or Leave’: As Wilders Surges in Polls Dutch PM Ramps Up Migrant Rhetoric


Just one day after polls which gave Geert Wilders’s insurgent populist party a nine-point lead on the ruling conservatives, Prime Minister Rutte took out a full page advert and spoke in an interview with Dutch daily Algemeen Dagblad to tell migrants they should integrate or leave, and to issue a call for a return to “common decency”.

Soros Is Responsible for Europe's Immigration Crisis Says Hungary's Viktor Orban
With Britain's Conservative Government pressing ahead with a 'hard Brexit agenda, and the Trump administration setting abou demolishing the expressway to socialism Barack Obama had spent eight years contruction, there is a lot of speculation and precious little hard evidence to indicate where the globalist elite, having seen their ambition for a world government thwarted will go next.
More Soros mischief

Post Trump and Brexit, Predicting The Globalists Next Move
Hungary's Prime Minister Viktor Orbán has made the American billionaire and philanthropist George Soros for the current refugee movements in Europe with responsibility. "This invasion (of migrants) on the one hand steered from the tractor business, on the other hand of those (human) activists who support everything that the nation-states weakens,
Globalisation index

The role of cosmic electric currents in earth’s climate
If you’ve been following the growth of the Electric Universe movement, you know that this growth is due largely to the power of a new paradigm to explain things left unexplained by conventional theory. The greatest surprises of the space age are not surprises to researchers exploring the role of the electric force across the cosmos. Nor is it surprising to see the electric force at work close to home, both in the sculpting of planetary surfaces and in the evolution of life on earth ...

The Reality Of Globalism - World Trade Has Increased By Less Than 1% Annually In The Last Decade
There can be little doubt that 2016 was the year the great pushback against globalisation and the push towards an authoritarian world government (NWO) really got off the ground. Fears that the world is on the edge of rejecting globalization and a global economy, with its false promise of prosperity for all and its reality of an ever widening gap between rich and poor have dominated ...

World Bank Aims to Hand Over Seed Industry to Agribusiness
Today Donald Trump will be inaugurated as 45h President of The United States, his victory in the November election having been a major setback to those dark forces that give the impression only one more big push was needed to drive the world into accepting a global authoritarian government. Trump's victory, combined with 'Brexit' the vote by British citizens to leave the EU, combined to make 2026 a bad year for the globalists.

The Left In Meltdown
As the UK Labour Party crumbles into complete disarray with it’s leader, the sixty – eight year old perpetual student protestor Jeremy Corbyn proving a more divisive figure than any of his predecessors, as he sacrifices more and more votes on the altar of fashionable causes, and the EU, natural successor to Hitler’s European unification project falls apart in the face of resurgent cultural nationalism, it is quite satisfying to see ...

Fake News and fake Fake News
The buzz phrase this past month has been ‘Fake News’ as over in the USA the Donald Trump camp have had to swat away repeated attempts to smear and the discredit the victor in the 2016 Presidential Election and supporters of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, unable to accept their team lost because people rejected perpetual war and ...

Obama Has been An Inspirational President?Well He Probably Inspired More Suicides Than Any Other Obama’s greatest achievement perhaps it to have put Donald Trump in The White House. Whether you think this is a good or bad thing depends on your political stance. This blog is neutral, our view being that Trump can’t be a worse president than any of the three that preceded him.

Over 4000 Civilians Have Died In Forgotten War.
As attention has focused on Syria ans then on the efforts of the Obama administration, in its dying months, to avenge the defeat of the anointed successor Hillary Clinton and discredit the election victor and President - elect Donald Trump, and simultaneously demonize Russia and President Putin

NEW CHAINS FOR OLD
The problem with losing your chains is knowing what to do when you are free to act without them. The answer most people choose should not really be all that surprising.

Former UK Ambassador Says Obama's 'Russian Hacking' Claims Are Bullshit
Former UK ambassador to Uzbekistan, Craig Murray, who has always publicly opposed the demonization of Russia by United States and European Union official propaganda and has in the past collaborated with WikiLeaks editor Julian Assange to expose western propaganda as being aimed at persuading voters war with Russia and China,is justified has dismissed the CIA's claims that Russia interfered in last month’s presidential election as "bullshit"

An Item In Todays News About US Gov't Internet Security Hack has Tipped Our Editor Over The Edge
The US election was on November 8, by November 12 it should have gone away, but the Democrats, proven crooks and liars who crookedly rigged their own selection process to cheat a man who could have beaten Trump out of the nomination and ensure their candidate was the traitor, war criminal, liar, AND head of the Clinton Crime Syndicate Hillary Clinton as their candidate.

Democrats Russia Hacked Us and Failed Recount Campaign is Political Suicide. The US Democratic Party’s inability to accept that they lost the Presidency to Donald Trump is turning into a slow polictical sucicide. The party that has always been quick to scream ‘conspiracy theorist’ to discredit critics of its dealings with oversreas governments and foreign billionaires like Soros has revealed in its efforts to overturn the result by claimING that Russian hacking influenced voters in favour of Trump.

Oxford University wants to turn English into a sterilized Orwellian language
Oxford University, one of the oldest universities in the world and, one might think, the 'home' of the English language is now, it seems, engaged in a New World Order campaign to destroy the English Language. It appears the finest young minds in society are so deeply offended by words that remind them men and women are biologically they, backed by their fuckwitted Marxist lecturers and professors, are demanding gender specific pronouns be abolished.

I Was Right - Gravilty Does Not Exist

Well OK, saying gravity does not exist is a bit of an oversimplification, but there is strong evidence Isaac Newton's theory of what makes things fall to the ground, which does not attempt to explain how gravity makes things fall, but only states gravity is a natural force, really misunderstood what was going on.

France Falling Apart As The World Looks On
France will elect a new president in May 2017. Politicians are already campaigning and debating about deficits, welfare recipients, GDP growth, and so on, but they look like puppets disconnected from the real country. Violence. It is spreading. Not just terrorist attacks; pure gang violence. The media does not dare to say that this violence is coming mainly from Muslim gangs

The Internet Purge Of Politically Incorrect (aka truthful) Content Begins
Facebook, Google (owners of YouTube) and Microsoft have long been known as CIA collaborators and it has been acknowledged that Obama's move in divesting the US government of responsibility for ICANN allows The White House to make outraged noises about suppression of free speech while using Search Engine Operators as proxies to shut down anything challinging US and NATO propaganda (on the grounds no doubt that challenging the politically correct orthodoxy constitutes hate speech.)

UK Education: Ofsted, Not The Government, Is Blighting Poor Pupils’ Chances
Experienced teacher say it is possible to teach effectively with that kind of a workload and although such working hours are common in business and commerce, people in those sectors do not have to deal with stupid, snotty nosed, hormonally hyperactive adolescents.

Older Posts index

Boggart Blog Select vol 5

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Join The Christmas Resistance
posted by Ian R Thorpe
2005-11-22

When politicians talk of the "War on Terror" I wonder do they ever think of the commercial terrorism inflicted on our world at this time of year. Think about the endless media message that we must be happy, this is the happiest time of the year so if you aren't having a great time you are some sort of failure. That would be sinister enough of course as people have different and very individual ways of coping with life, but it is underlined by an unspoken subtext blasted at us through the medium of advertising. "The way to be happy is through buying things." Can buying stuff make us happy or is the idea that buying expensive gifts for friends and family will prompt them to buy us expensive gifts in return, thus proving that they love us? Either way it is a rather bleak view of the human ...

read all Join The Christmas Resistance

RELATED POSTS: Christmas Is Bollocks part 2.
For Christmas 2010 Boggart Blog has continued its long tradition off slagging off the modern, consumer oriented, shoddy, politically correct, conformist christmas if favour of supporting people who do their own thing.

The Little Cellphone - A Christmas Story
What happens to all those cellphones that have given loyal and efficient servive only to be abandoned to their fate at Christmas when a newer model with more bells and whistles, apps and software widgets replaces them

Defying the Tyranny of Consumer Christmas
Manipulation is everywhere from the X Factor to Christmas, media hype is the tool that influences the sheeple to think what their masters want them to think. The careers of people as diverse as Michael Jackson and Barack Obama as well as the political success of Tony Blair are all built on nothing more substantial than spin. Repeat the lie often enough, that Michael Jackson is the most talented performer ever, that Barack Obama represents the dawn of a new era in politics, that Saddam posed a threat to the west, and enough people will believe it. So what can you do to regain your freedom. You can start by resisting the tyranny of the consumer Christmas.

The Boggart Blog Christmas SOS - Save Our Socks
The Boggart Blog Irrelevant Christmas Charity Appeal. Our inaugural Christmas Carity Appeal requests your help in providing shelter and support for homeless socks, those unfortunate items of hoisery that have become separated from their partners and are now homeless and hungry. These sockes are often given as Christmas Presents without the giver forst checking what kind of home they are going to. All over Britain single, homeless, pairless socks are sheltering in the recesses of laundry baskets, hiding behind radiators or cowerting in changing room lockers. Please help us to help them.
Boggart Blog Christmas Appeal - Save Our Socks

Christmas Is Bollocks
Come on, admit it. When you saw the headline your heart leaped for joy. At last you thought, a like mineed person, sombody who thinks for himself. because let's be honest, if you had not agreed you would not have clicked through.

And so this is Christmas - Menu

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New England Rednecks Attack Dover
posted by Ian R Thorpe
2005-11-24

I was surprised to read in my paper this morning that Dover is being attacked by rednecks. The mothers of Dover (Mass.)are having to carry baseball bats, hockey sticks and tennis raquets to fend of attacks on children in baby buggies by wild male rednecked turkeys that have invaded the town.

Nice to know that Dubya and his friends have managed to get away from the white house for the weekend.

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No-thanks giving
posted by Ian R Thorpe
2005-11-27

Friends in America have just finished digesting Thursday's Thanksgiving dinner. We don't do thanksgiving here of course, although it has been suggested to me recently that we should, as any reason to give thanks to God should be welcomed. This is a line taken by many American's even those whose religion is mainstream rather thn evangelical.

As you may guess, a suggestion like that to a pagan went down like a lead balloon.

But as a pagan I welcome any opportunity to have a party so I think we should declare the day The Mayflower set sail a public holiday and celebrate the fact that we had said No Thaks to crackpot religions by exporting our religious nuts to America. The story that they left because the evil pagan brits persecuted them is a total lie. They left because King James the First refused to abidcate and declare that in perpetuity God would be head-of-state in Britain.

Another batch departed because after King Charles 1 had been deposed Oliver Cromwell, a sensible puritan. Rumour has it that the puritans were all dour and joyless miserymongers, not true - that was the Calvinists.

The real Puritans were quite jolly by comparison. Some of them even tolerated dancing. So anyway Cromwell pointed out that God wasn't much interested in taxation and getting the night soil shifted or handing out the poor relief so someone had to take responsibility for it, after all in those days the peasants were revolting (and even the Lords and Ladies whilst not actually revolting had no objection to the chamber pots being emptied into the street.)

Cromwell said to the Calvinists "listen lads, Britain has resisted attempts by the Catholic Church to declare the Pope supreme lord since 370 AD we're not going to accomodate a bunch of crackpot protestants now."

Not long after that Cromwell fell when people could no longer take him seriously because of the ridiculous wart on his nose. He was succeeded by King Charles 2. "You must abdicate and let the nation be guided by God" the religious nuts said. "Bugger off," said the new King, being King is better than owning a sports sedan chair when it comes to pulling power."

Protestants have a tendency to take everything literally and so they did bugger off. To America.

Personally I think Cromwell and the Kings made a mistake here. We pagans and humanists should have taken America for our home because we would have known how to enjoy it and the climate is much better there for dancing naked under the full moon. The Protestants would have been much happier in Britain's cold, miserable climate.

But back to the Pilgrim Fathers. They didn't bother to learn anything about America but put their faith in God and planted British crops. When the British crops did not grow the native tribes took pity on the settlers and brought food. "Look" said the Religious nuts, "God has provided food for us and these red skinned, heathen bastards are trying to steal it. So they shot the tribespeople and gave thanks to God for his providence. ( told you they were nuts and you may want to observe that nothing much has changed) Killing people whose generosity of spirit makes them vulnerable is not something to celebrate in my view which is why we should say no thanks to Thansgiving and have a day of celebration that we lost our God Botherers followed by a day of penance for inflicting them on the tribes of the New World.

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Bible Bashers - Evangelical Christianity
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My Problem With God

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Wind Power
posted by Ian R Thorpe
2005-11-30

So in the face of stubborn indifference from people who know about science from living and working in the real world the government shows no sign of giving up on trying to tell us that putting big windmills in our back gardens is the answer to all our energy problems. They would rather listen to the tax eaters who waft about saying 'I'm a scientist' as if that makes them an expert on everything.

The climate science sceptics, the people who point out that covering the entire country in giant wind turbines wil generate just about enough electricity to keep the lights on in Buckingham Palace, are gradually winning the arguement however.

About time too. In the very cold snap last week did anyone notice as they were turning up their heating to full how still it was outside. Not a breath of wind over the whole country and vast fog banks hanging around all day. QED?

Well maybe but I doubt we have heard the last about wind. One campaigner for "renewable energy" came out with a clever piece of mathematics to show that all the worries about what happens when the wind does not blow are exagerated.

"You only need an average wind speed of 7 meters per second all the year round to be able to meet all our energy needs form this source trilled the radio environmentalist (with emphasis on the "mentalist." Now I am not great at maths but you don't have to be Pythagoras to work out that 7 meters per second is about 18 miles per hour around the force 4 or 5 mark on the Beaufort scale, quite windy in fact. Good windsurfing weather. I might know fuck all about Pythagoras but I kow a lot about windsurfing.

That's all we need 24/7 - he's having a laugh.

The mathematics of Wind Power are deeply flawed too as is described in our article The Great Wind Turbine Scam

I have always said "Mathematics is the only exact science - by using it well you can always prove the answer is exactly what you assumed in the first place."

So how far can we trust the mathematicians?

Well Pythagoras is acknowledged as the world's greatest maths genius and he never ate beans. You see old Py-face believed that every time we fart a little bit of our soul escapes. That means we should either give up beans on toast or else be willing to have a little wind generator up our arses.

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The True Hockey Stick

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Blair and Pensions
by ianrthorpe
2005-12-02

Don't you just love Tony Blair. The latest whacky and zany scheme from the fun loving fascist is to change the pension arrangements so that we can all work 'til we are a hundred and three and save money throuh a compulary savings scheme so we can pay the government for having lived lives dedicated to making mortgage providers and privatised public services companies wealthy.

Actually I have come up with an alternative to the government's pension reform plan. Everyone will retitre at 45, get loads of money subsidised travel, free health care and a Chritmas dinner in a restaurant of their choice. "And how are we going to pay for that", the politicians ask. Simple, we just stop mega corporations mopping up all their UK operating profits with consultancy charges and management fees from their Cayman Islands dummy corporations and e thy proper share of the tax burden.

Now why has no government ever thought of that?

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Life Expectancy Rises By 44 Days In One Year

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NHS Crisis.
posted by Ian R Thorpe
2005-12-03

Do you remember that nice Mr. Blair telling us all a while back how he was putting shedloads of cash into the NHS because waiting lists were too long. Well now we hear that hospitals are having to delay operations until the start of the next financial year because there is no cash. So when "porky" Blair was shouting about how the waiting lists had been reduced because he had done so well for us was he being economical with the truth? Of course not. The waiting lists were reduced because the government spent that extra cash on hiring managers and clerks and management consultants to administer the waiting lists more efficiently. You did not really think waiting lists could be shortened by simply doing more operations quicker did you?

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The Imminent Death Of Google
posted by Ian R Thorpe
2005-12-03

I read that there are signs Google is losing its grip on the web. Wikipedia will be the next big thing apparently. Oh WOW! I have always said that Google is the worst possible search engine you could choose - except for all the others.

Google was bound to fail because it reduced the web merely to a matter of links. Thus relevance is not decided by accuracy or depth of information but by how many link go into a page and how many people are linking into the pages that link into you. Try a search on something like DVD rewriters on Google and as you check down the list just look how many of the high entries do not give information about the search object but simply lists of links to pages of search results. That is a simple way of getting yourself a high Google rating but is any of it relevant.

But if you think the web is in deep poo now, wait til Wikipedia takes over. This is the online encyclopedia anyone can update. So that means serious articles can be superseded by the arse dribble of ego tripping idiots and serious searches will be steered towards cretinous content.

Great innit? Still Google are not going down without a fight and webheads are nothing if not anal. It might be a while yet.

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Goog;e's Private Surveillance Society

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I'm a Bit Bothered About Madonna.
by Ian R Thorpe
2005-12-04

Never a great fan of Madonna, I always considered her more a celebrity seeker than a serious music contender but I have seen the promo video for Madonna's new single quite a lot and yes I agree she has an amazing body for a woman her age. And that leg lift that gets her chuff right in your face is something else. But I hope she is not performing that manouvere live on stage while on tour.

Time may have been generous but the lady is forty seven, an age at which women, no matter how fit and well preserved, start to experience a little slackening of the pelvic floor muscles. Its quite common for even the most well brought up middle aged ladies to have a little involuntary wee-wee when performing such strenuous exercises. On video its fine of course, skilful editing can take care of accidents, but live on stage???

You wouldn't want to be in the front row would you?

Does anyone know if the next single will be called "Golden Rain"

RELATED POSTS: Celebrity Menu

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Its Chico Time-out
posted by Ian R Thorpe
2005-12-05

I was never really interested in the X factor or Pop Idol after the audition rounds when you get all the nutters turning up, but I did think the producers aimed a little higher that the old 1970s talent show "Opportunity Knocks" presented by Hughie Green, a man so cheesy he makes David Dickinson look like a cheese free zone. OK provided a cringe factor higher than any other show ever including I Love Lucy. Talented performers with great potential and wannabees who would realistically never progress beyong journeyman were asked to compete against cutesy pie infants singing songs about their mother or worse, groups of child-dancers from some stage school or other, dancing out the story of Chicken Little.

Throw in a few pensioners playing the spoons and you had a show of such monumental awfulness it ran at peaktime on Saturdays for about fifteen years. Through all this time the cjhild - dancers, buoyed up by the granny factor in the vote won time after time and were never heard of again. Opportunity Knocks had a rival, New Faces, which introduced some real talent to TV including the late Marti Cane. But the cheese factor proved too much and despite featuring a one - legged acrobat (honestly, they did) in its final run, New Faces was seen off.

Me and the ex - factor coexisted peacefully. Until effing Chico came along. Now the object of the X factor is to find a new singing sensation who has that indefinable star quality that will propel them into the nations' hearts. Chico is a male stripper whose only talent is to rip his clothes of while tunelessly croaking a Ricky Martin song. This man has previously been Mr. Muscle Mania and (allegedly) an erotic dancer in Raymond's Revue and yet, mentored by Sharon Osbourne who is obviously vying with Hughie Green as the celebrity most blissfully unaware of their own cringe factor, Chico and his shirt ripping antics - later superseded by inclusion in the act of child -dancers that was a bit too Michael-Jacksonesque for comfort, has seen off some people who, while not earthshatteringly brilliant were at least easy on the eye and ear.

So what we have to do, all of us now - no backsliding, is decide who Simon Cowell least wants to win and vote for them in the final. My recommendation is Journey South who started off with the bands but now have their very own category, the bland section. Surely an act so uninspiring they would be destined to follow Steve Brookstein (who?) into instant oblivion having failed to repay the record company's investment.

So remember to VOTE, VOTE, VOTE - and I mean that most sincerely friends.

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The wind of change for reality TV
posted by Ian R Thorpe
2005-12-06

The latest batch of non - celebrities got out of the jungle last night with Carol Thatcher emerging as the winner.

Yes, the daughter of the old Iron Lady herself has won the hearts of the great British public (or at least those of them who could be bothered to vote) and become queen of the jungle.

But what swung the pendulum in favour of Carol?

Sure she went a long way towards healing some of the still festering wounds her Ma. inflicted on British society when she performed well in test that required her to eat shit (or something very close), live animals and kangaroo's bollocks.

She also displayed truly British sang - froid when allowing rats, snakes and poisonous toads to crawl over her. But the deciding factor was the body functions. Not only did our fave Daughter of Medusa have a nocturnal waz on camera for the benefit of the viewing figures, whipping down her guzzies and performing in the middle of the camp while the others, including Saint Jimmy Osmond, slept peacefully; a few days later she also, without embarrassment, lifted the cheek of her arse macho man style and ripped off a noisy fart.

The women of the Thatcher clan must be genetically programmed to be first at something. Mum was first woman to lead a western nation, daughter is now and for evermore the first woman to drop her guts on live television.

The fad for "reality TV is fading but lets hope there is one more season of this show, because anyone who wants to do well will now have to top "Thatch."

Better still how about a spin - off in which Thatch, Johnny Vegas, Gordon Ramsey and Tracey Emin have to share a flat for a month?

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Forward to the past
posted by Ian R Thorpe
2005-12-07

A big welcome to new Conservative leader David Cameron, if only because an old Etonian is bound to be an absolute gift for satirists. Mr Cameron talks of caring Conservatism and of being in touch with the voters but if you asked him "how should one ensure savings are secure" would he not reply " Ay, thet is say simple, jast leave one's funds in the famlay trast."

But it is comforting in a way to know that the Conservatives are once more led by a wealthy and privileged patrician. There is a kind of warm feeling coming out of Westminster, generated by the knowledge that traditional values are not lost. Why, before you know it we will be having a Labour leader who used to work in a coal mine...

Conservative Contender

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So Robbie Williams Is Not Gay
posted by Ian R Thorpe
2005-12-08

Or actually, as this was a libel case rather than a criminal case, we are not allowed to allege that Robbie is Gay. Now call me dim if you like, but unless someone is really getting desperate to get their name in the papers why would they spend as much money as Robbie and his management have on trying to look and act gay.

(Actually Robbie, if you want to catch the Gay audience try copying Will Young whose behaviour is well "out" but he behaves with dignity. Or if you must prance about like a 1950's screaming queen at least do it with a sense of irony.)

A lot of shrinks and other talking heads have been spouting about what makes Robbie tick recently. Its his abysmally low self esteem apparently, he desperately wants everyone to like him. Perhaps someone should tell him to stop bering a twat then.

Of course Robbie has good cause to feel insecure about his career, after all he would not have a career but for the millions spent by the record company (EMI - the death wish Corporation) on hyping everything he does.

Robbie' recent exploits have been getting so bizarre they are bordering on Michael Jackson - esque.

So Robbie, you can get all the court judgements you want. We migh believe you are a hetrosexual regular guy when you stop telling us how big your knob is and how many girlies you have shagged. Straight ment stop acting like that when they are around 25.
(OK, I know... There are a lot of latent homosexuals in the world.)

But even when you convince us you are straight Robbie, you will still be a talentless dancer from a boy band.

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Hospital Food.
posted by Ian R Thorpe
2005-12-08

We did not need the papers to tell us hospital food is crap.

When I was in hospital a few years ago they had a very creative approach to getting patients to eat. Refuse the pigswill put in front of you and they would call in the shrinks.

In one instance, when I had refused several meals in a week, the shick came around and asked me if I liked eating. "Oh yes, I love good food I replied."

"Then why" said the shrink, "are you behaving like someone with an eating disorder and refusing meals?" I replied, very calmly and slowly "because you would have to have an eating disorder to put that shit in your mouth." (Actually I used to get family members to bring stuff in. Marks and Spencers single portions are very palatable - but of course not everyone was in that position.)

RELATED POSTS: Health Menu

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The Chronicles of Nadia?
posted by Ian R Thorpe
2005-12-09

On seeing the schedule of new film releases for this week I had a panic attack. "Oh no," I screamed, "some idiot has made a film about that noisy transsexual from Big Brother, the one with the stupendously unreal breasts. But the reality was worse, I had read Nadia for Narnia; someone has made a film about those stupendously boring children's books that a certain type of adult was always very keen to force on us in the 1950s and 60s.

The story of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe had great appeal as an indoctrination tool because it was claimed to be an allegory for the Jesus myth (where does the wardrobe come into it? you might well ask. Well Jesus was a carpenter. Oh yes, they were originally a trio before he left to form his own band. Rumour has it he was jealous of Richard's somewhat suspect relationship with Karen.) You see that Christian allegory is all rubbish. LW&W is a nazi allegory. Think about it, were the Pevensie family black? No, they were Middle class English protestants. Why was the messiah character portrayed as a Lion? Well everybody knows Lions are not Jewish. And the plot? After a spot of unrest among the plebs the Lion is killed which throws the Kingdom of Narnia into despair. When the Lion is then resurrected everyone realises it is folly to question authority and they all start toeing the line with unquestioning obedience. C.S. Lewis was a white supremacist from a privileged background. In his version of Christianity, Jesus was an Anglo - Saxon apologist for the ruling classes. Do you want to expose your kids to this stuff?

Fortunately my family were left wing bohemians and kept me well away from such stuff. I was brought up on The Wind In The Willows, in which of course the creatures of the riverbank form a revolutionary militia the resist the oppressive capitalism of the weasels. The old feudal Lord is not stood against a wall and shot, but is allowed to live out his days peacefully so long as he gives up his anti-social activities. After that I moved on to Animal Farm.

Of course, given the plague of religiosity gripping America any film that can claim a twisted Christian theme will do well. Look how they flocked to see "Passion of The Christ" directed by Mel Gibson (5'3") which was not only historically inaccurate but the dialogue was incomprehensible.

What I want to know is when will Hollywood make a film of The Ragged Trousered philanthropists? When I hear about that I will know we are turning a corner.

For the latest on the mounting tension between Jehovah and the Gods of the Celtic Pantheon check out God's Blog.

God's Blog

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Chip and Pin on my shoulder
posted by Ian R Thorpe
2005-12-12

Went Christmas (oops, sorry - I mean "Wintermas," got to be P.C. - shopping today. Every shop I went in the chip and pin system was not running. Now I recall earlier this year getting lots of mail from my bank about how great the chip and pin system was and yet, far from having teething probles like any other baby, it seems to have been born without a head.

Or......could it be....... no, of course not, those nice people at the banks can be trusted can't they......but just imagine if they were a buch of crooks, would it be possible thay lied to us about the security advantages of chip and pin, maybe the system actually makes fraud easier. So maybe the systems are down because it is the only way of stopping people getting ripped off this Christmas. But of course I'm a long standing hater of Christmas, Banks, Government and Blue Peter (just thought I would throw that in.) Maybe I am getting paranoid. Perhaps my travails in the shopping centre were just a multiple case of "Computer says noooo."

SERIOUSLY: Chip and pin does make more difficult the kind of fraud that occous when criminals "skim" you card and use the details to order goods by phone but of course with no visual check, it helps enormously those fraudsters you can get your card details and your pin number (easier than you think) and just wander into shops and buy stuff.

RELATED POSTS: Money Index

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Education, Education, Edu - Show me the money
posted by Ian R Thorpe
2005-12-13

Forgive me for feeling like a smug bastard but once again I have been proved years ahead of the mainstream in my thinking. A friend remind me of a conversation we had years ago when, after the unfortunate death of John Smith we were discussing the prospects of the new Labour Leader.

Amid much wailing and gnashing of teeth we held up silver crucifixes, chewed garlic and recited protection spells. " Oh Lords of the four winds, Oh Great Mother Goddess of All Things, Oh Guardians of Sidhe, Save us from ............. TORY BOY.

Yes, the new patron of the peoples' party looked for all the world like those frightful Hooray Henries who throughout the eighties had brayed obnoxious phrases like "it's impossible to be over-privileged, one is either privileged or one is a prole"; and; "proles ask how can we move to where there is work? Simple, just call Harrods and they take care of everything."

And of course Blair proved to be just such a creature, albeit with better presentation skills. So deft in fact were his presentation skills that he managed to fool the electorate into voting for him in three General Elections.

But now even the most loyal labourite, David Blunkett, has had enough of the leader's constant sucking up to the rich and powerful, e.g. "'ere Mr Murdoch sir, don't you be beating that starving, wheelchair bound, educationally disadvantaged blind fellow with that awful heavy stick sir. Such onerous tasks are beneath your eminent self sir, your highnessness. Let New Labour do it for you. Ho yes sir, the likes of us sir, we hought to know our place and halways be willing to do the dirty work for you rich people what are clearly the beloved of God sir."

The loyal (well while he had his trousers on at least) Blunkett is said to be organising opposition within the Labour ranks to Blair's plan to sell of education provision to rich American corporations who will indoctrinate our kids with religious bigotry and demand fat fees in return for that dubious service.

But Blair need not worry, for who is promising support for the Education Bill? Its the Eton Rifles led by New Improved Tory Boy. David Cameron has pledged to support Blair "when he is right" i.e. whenever he comes up with a plan to hand money so painfully extracted from the British middle and working classes and hand it over to fat rich fascists who have promised to do absolutely nothing in return.

EDUCATION MENU

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Goodbye Charlie ?
by ianrthorpe
2005-12-15

Goodbye Charlie Kennedy

The Claymores are out for poor Charlie (Chuckie-bum) Kennedy. Surely we will soon have two new party leaders in British politics and will be counting down to the demise of The Great Satan Blair himself.

Charlie K is a nice guy, a brilliant panellist on Have I Got News For You and the sort of convivial bloke nobody would mind having a drink - or numerous drinks if the press are to be believed - with. But as the potential leader of a great nation Chuckie Bum has never quite been able to hack it.

Maybe this lack of credibility is due to the fact that he is a Liberal - Democrat, hardly a confidence inspiring name as it suggests they can't make up their minds what they are, or perhaps it has something to do with his more than passing resemblance to the child actor who plays Victoria Sugden in T.V. soap Emmerdale.

The biggest part of the problem though is that Charlie has red hair. Can you think of a single charismatic leader since Erik the Red (no, not Cantona but a relative of Thorfinn Skullsplitter and Ragnar the Bloody) who had a carroty top. Let's face it, if Charlie Kennedy had asked the 600 men of the Light Brigade to follow him into the Valley of Death they would have replied "Ours but to do or die? Eff off, you're a ginge."

CHECK OUT There Are Many Dieases at Headbutt blog

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The Fix Factor
posted by ian r thorpe
2005-12-16

So the day of the final is upon us and are we all gripping the edge of our seats as we wait, agog, to learn who will win the X-Factor, be awarded a "multi-million" pound recoding contracts and propelled on a trajectory that will take them beyond the orbit of mere mortals and into the stratosphere of superstardom. I think not, I just wantewd to show that I can do hyperbole even better than the X - Factor publicists.

"That's fine Ian," you all shout, "but can you do litotes."

"AHEM.....lalalalalaaaaaa." (just warming up)

"Last year's winner Steve Brookstein, you may remember, went on to display the gobsmacking depths of his mediocrity and was quickly dropped by his record company."

YEEEES, RESULT! Poor Steve, but he never had it did he.

The mediocrity of the year's winner is already assure because the talented and incredibly good looking Maria was eliminated a while ago and the good looking and incredibly talented Brenda bowed out last week, leaving us with a Robbie (Zero Talent) Williasms - wannabee Shayne; a boy bland, Journey South and nice guy Andy who is talented but in an International Cabaret Circuit kind of way.

Amazingly (honestly, you will be absolutely a-fucking-mazed to learn this)this leaves each of the celebrity no-mark mentor/judges with a contestant each in the final. Now who would ever have thought it would turn out like that.

Let's face it, we are lucky not to have Chico in there, although I suspect Mr. Muscle Mania 1999 will be the real winner if he reinvents himself as a cross between Black Lace and The Chuckle Brothers.

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Cup - Bearer to the Celebs
by ianrthorpe
2005-12-19

Mariah Carey would have us believe that she is a regular sort of girl who does not mind getting her hands dirty and not the egomaniacal diva some sections of the media suggest.

So what does a regular sort of girl do when she goes into Starbucks? Well if she is in any way at all regular she does not take her cup-bearer along.

You might think that cup bearing is a profession that died out with the Olympian Gods of Ancient Greece. Gods are too important to lift cups to their own lips of course, so they had Hebe* who had previously been a herder of Peacocks, another profession for which there is not much call down at the local job - centre, and Ganymede, a beautiful young man, carried off by Zeus to replace Hebe as tastes in Olympia became more sophisticated (or less Arcadian and more Greek.)

A picture in this weekends' press shows Ms. Carey attended by her cup bearer who solicitously holds a polystyrene cup while La Donna Mariah sucks on a plastic straw.

Well if Mariah has a professional cup bearer you can bet Madonna has one. Or maybe that is just the title The Queen Of Wrinkly Rock gives the pretty boy who follows her around out of regard for Guy Ritchie's feelings.

One wonders what will be the next ego-inflating fad among the celeb culture? Who will be first to emulate King Henry VIII and appoint a Groom Of The Stool (or in the language of the street, a Royal Arse Wiper. I have it on good authority that the position was created before Henry got too fat to wipe. Presumably he was too busy sacking monasteries and topping his wives to bother with mundane tasks.

If Posh was too proud to push will she also be too weird to wipe. Will J-Lo appoint a cludgie assistant to work alongside the eyebrow assistant, the bikini line assistant and the moustache assistant (oops - that's another "cease and desist" on the way.)

Would I apply for the job of Mariah's arse wiper? Certainly not.

Now if it was Kate Winslet...

*Hebe trebled up as Goddess of Youth. In an excellent TV adaptation of Mary Wesley's novel "Herding Peacocks" she was portrayed by Serena Scott- Thomas (a relative of Kristen and just as lovely) who provided the most erotic TV scene ever when she posed in front of a full length mirror, naked except for a red hat and matching stiletto heeled shoes, thus providing both front and back view.

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The Grey and White Peril Coming To Your Backyard
posted by ian r thorpe
2005-12-20

A new hazard threatens the peace and security of the Nimby's who so recently fled the social chaos of the urban jungle to seek a better quality of life in the country. These people are now clamouring to get back into loft apartments cocooned safely in the regeneration areas of the city centres as nature red in tooth and claw conspires to drive them to new levels of paranoia. The nimbys are under threat as gangs of Badgers roam the fields and hedgerows threatening to spread T.B. and Bird Flu among dogs, cats, ornamental poultry, other domestic animals and garden gnomes. The Badgers, mostly young and predominantly male, feel marginalised and alienated by the way their environment has been bulldozed to make way for Persimmon Homes Developments.

"I feel some sympathy for them in a way" said Chief Inspector Eric Hunt of the Merchantbankershire police, even a one bedroomed starter hole round here can cost close to quarter of a million. What chance has a local Badger of ever getting on the mortgage ladder?" Investment Bankers Rupert and Jacintha Offcomer told Boggart Blog that the police are hostile to people like themselves because they are newcomers.

"Our cat Raffles is was traumatised when a young Badger in a hoodie stopped her and asked if she was sorted for TB and Bird Flu." she said Jacintha (32) and looking radiant in a scoop necked T-shirt from D&G.

Rupert (37) then added "that is just the kind of thing we moved out here to get away from as his wife broke down in tears

. "It's a difficult situation" said Eric Hunt, "We are trying to work with the leaders of the Badger community but each time we arrest a renegade Badger it just attracts new recruits for the gangs. Some people say we should get tough, but if you send an unruly young Badger to prison, a few months later you release a fully trained criminal into the community. No, I think we should persevere with Anti Social Badger Orders and ask the rich, privileged, egomaniacal cu..... country migrs to be a little more tolerant. After all, the Badgers were here before the Bankers.

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Dance Me To The End Of Sanity
posted by ian r thorpe
2005-12-22

A team of scientists have found that men who are good at dancing have the most sex appeal.

That scientists can be so arse - brained as to carry out such a pointless survey should astound nobody. That scientists can draw such an arse - brained conclusion makes one wonder if the Intelligent Design people might be onto something after all, because the study was inspired by one of Darwin's theories.

Now men of my generation, who have always known that dancing is something you would not be seen dead doing unless you are trying to cop off will understand that trying to acquire skills at dancing is deeply suspect behaviour in a man (too narcissistic to be homosexual even.)

According to Prof. William Brown of Rutgers University, New Jersey, dancing ability is one of the most important qualities women seek in potential mates. Prof. Brown does not offer any further elaboration so I must refer to the UK's most learned academic forum, the Lounge Bar at the Albion for an explanation.

The "Golden Chamber" has concluded after many years of study and debate that women are naturally predisposed to pick the most useless males on the basis that total wankers are more likely to need "mothering." Yes, women may complain of the general total-tosserishness of their mates but if they will insist on mating with guys who are more interested in "perfecting their moves" than learning how to pout a new washer on a tap then who is to blame when the kitchen floor is flooded again.

Prof. Brown further demonstrates how long it is since any of his team visited Planet Reality by suggesting his survey proves women are more choosy in selecting partners.

CALUMNY!

Men take time, we look for many qualities; warm, outgoing personality, modest tastes in drinks and gifts, attractive hair, smart clothes, sexy eyes, CSL, firm arse, pert breasts, and of course, IS SHE UP FOR IT? And for this they brand us commitmentphobes. On the other hand I remember saying to a female member of my team once "Tracey, this is the third time in four months he's sent you to work with black eyes, why do you stay," to which Tracey replied "he's a great dancer but he gets so wound up before competitions." Let's face it, some women are just too easy to impress. A man can be a total bastard, so long as he is good at dancing he's certain to score.

But we all know (even women who marry such guys) that good dancers posses in abundance all the qualities women claim to hate. What kind of a man is willing to make a total twat of himself in front of all his mates by getting out on a dance floor and poncing about like Ricky Gervais on Meth?

Oh well, we can take comfort in the fact that the survey was carried out in New Jersey.

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Rolf Paints The Queen.
by ianrthorpe
2005-12-30

Hi there cobbers, heh heh,

The picture we're gonna paint today tells the story of an old Queen who used to come and visit us in the Australian Outback sometimes and how her son Cheerful Charlie tried to get rid of her because he wanted to be King. Well wouldn't you?

Just paint all this kinda yellowy - brown (slosh slosh), and a few little splashes of green for the scrubby little bushes and trees, yeah, and a big red mound on the horizon, that's Ayres Rock and you're starting to get an idea of what the outback is like, heh heh.

Well what happened was like this, one day Cheerful Charlie and his shiela, Camilla were taking a walk by the Billabong with his boys, Willie and Harry.... and the old Queens pet dingo named James Whittaker who was panting along behind them land he was making a noise something like hoooh-ah-ah-aaaah-ah-ah-hooh.

Yeah heh-heh-heh, just paint a bit of greeny blue in there for the water of the Billabong (slosh slosh) and a few little dabs of white for the fluffy clouds reflected on the water.

Anyway, they were walking by the Billabong and Camilla says, "its time you got a proper job Charlie, you spend too much time talking to trees - and we'd better put an old Eucalyptus tree in here (slosh slosh) coz that's Charlie's best mate, and a bit of a broken old fence there, just to add atmosphere.

There. D'y know what it is yet?

So while Charlie is thinking of an excuse to get Camilla off his case one of the boys has brought along his new Boomerang that he got for Christmas, and so as there's just the four of them around and a bunch of Aborigines in the far distance he speaks up, "Ay say Pater, ay'm absoluteleh dying tay tray may new boomerang. If I thray it ite here will it come back?" And the voice of one of the Abo's comes across the Outback, "If it hit any of us it bloody will mate." Little bit of black hair on the Abo's there, and a couple of thin lines for their ceremonial spears, coz they are about to perform a traditional dance. And that gives Charlie an idea. (slosh slosh) heh-heh-heh.

Four kinda knobbly little legs in there, and a fancy hat, all gold and purple with some spots of green, red and blue for emeralds, rubies and sapphires coz its a crown, yeah, and some little brown corks hanging off the rim. D'y know what it is yet.

And when Charlie has thought through his idea he says to Camilla and the boys, "You know, Mama likes watching natives dancing, how about we kidnap her and send her out here to live with the Abo's. No one will ever find her and I can be Prince Regent, a bit of swirly grey there, like an old lady's hair, a nose, a pair of glasses, and another face here, kind of droopy expression on it and y'see its the Queen sitting on her throne in the outback watching the Abo's dancing and Charlie, Camilla and the boys and they're singing...


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