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New Immigration Law Values Footballers More Highly Than Scientists - Say Scientists
We are used to scientists whingeing, oh they're so hard done by, they work long and hard at the task of extending human knowledge and are paid peanuts ('if you pay peanuts you end up hiring monkeys' goes an old business maxim. Now they are complaining immigration law values football more highly than science as footballers' work visas are priorities. Why not we ask, footballers entertain some people, scientists seem to spend all their time molesting mice. When you see (below) some of the work they turn in you might think as we do that if scientists are earning peanuts we're overpaying them.

Footballers More Valued Than Scientists - Say Scientists
by Ian R Thorpe
2005-07-10
CREATIVE COMMONS: Attribute, non commercial, no derivs.
KEYWORDS: science, nobel, health, physics, footballers, scientists, immigration, medicine, biology, laugh, fun, hazard, satire, humour, humor

A group of eight Nobel laureates, including two Russian migrants who won the physics prize on Tuesday, has urged a retink on the government's newly introduced visa policy, saying Britain’s reputation for scientific excellence was under threat.

The scientists called on ministers to make similar allowances for the elite players in science and industry as have already been made for top athletes, such as Premiership footballers, wishing to work in Britain. full story

So should footballers be valued more highly than scientists? Let's have a vada.

Britain lands a national record four wins at awards for scientific research that makes people laugh.

Researchers from across the UK were honoured for achievements that included proof that swearing relieves pain, a means of collecting whale snot with a remote-controlled helicopter and the first documented case of fellatio in fruit bats.

Not to be confused with the real (and more lucrative) Nobel prizes, which are due to be announced next week, the "Igs" are awarded to scientists whose work makes people laugh.

Unintended consequences are always a feature of scientific developments but surely for scientists who set out to make world changing, life enhancing breakthroughs in human knowledge, causing laughter is the most tragic outcome possible.

Here are some of this year's prize winners.

Medicine
Psychologists Simon Rietveld and Ilja van Beest at the University of Amsterdam share the award for discovering that breathing difficulties brought on by asthma can be alleviated by repeated rollercoaster rides.

Physics
Awarded to Lianne Parkin and her team at the University of Otago in New Zealand for demonstrating that people are less likely to slip over on icy footpaths if they wear their socks outside their shoes instead of inside.

Biology
A description of the sexual antics of the short-nosed fruit bat earned the award for Gareth Jones at Bristol University and collaborators in China. The team showed that females who performed oral sex on their mates copulated for longer. "It is the first documented case of fellatio by adult animals other than humans to my knowledge, and opens questions about whether female animals can manipulate males via sexual activity, perhaps in this case to improve their chances of successful fertilisation," It was reported that on learning of his award Jones planned to demonstrate the fruity batty behaviour at the ceremony using puppets.

Peace
Awarded to psychologist Richard Stephens and others at Keele University for confirming that swearing relieves pain. Fuck me gently, what shitting planet has that skunk felching bell end been living on if he didn't know we all knew that.

Transportation
Working with Japanese scientists, Mark Fricker and Dan Bebber at Oxford University used slime mould to model an effective railway network. In the experiment, cities were represented by porridge oats that were linked to one another as the slime mould grew.

Sounds like a model of the London Underground system to us. But can that by any stretch of the imagination be considered an effective railway system?

Public health
Awarded to Manuel Barbeito at the Industrial Health and Safety Office in Maryland for scientific studies that found microbes cling to beards, making more hirsute men a potential laboratory hazard.

Chemistry
For research in 2005 that overturned the long-held belief that oil and water do not mix, the prize was awarded to researchers at BP.

Economics
Awarded jointly to the executives and directors of Goldman Sachs, Lehman Brothers, Bear Stearns, Merrill Lynch, AIG and Magnetar for "creating and promoting new ways to invest money – ways that maximise financial gain and minimise financial risk for the world economy, or for a portion thereof." The Stearns - Lehman - Sachs - Lynch method - or theft as it is commonly known - showed initial promise but in the past three years has performed disappointingly.

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Mouse Scientists (Or Mickey Mouse Journalists) Do It In The Dark
We love scientists here at Boggart Blog (honest, we do) Where would we be without the constant stream of materiasl they feed us, especially on mouse science related projects. That is the science of studying mice and claiming to have gained vital understanding of human problems. Or fuckwittery to us uneducated folk. Here's a story of a health risk to humans identified by shing lights on mice at night.

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