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SAS - Satnav Antipathic Soldiers and The Misadventures Of Suzie From The Isle Of Skye
Boggart Blog loves Sat Nav stories. We love all stories that make those people trying to turn science into a religion and make technology one of its idols look stupid. Not that we are against science and technology, we are simply against the kind of people who try to tell us what we can and can't think. And if we give up map reading slikks and the power to think for ourelves then when the machines go wrong as sat nav often does, we're fucked. As a young friend of ours found out.

SAS - Satnav Antipathic Soldiers and The Misadventures Of Suzie From The Isle Of Skye
by Ian R Thorpe
2010-11-18
CREATIVE COMMONS: Attribute, non commercial, no derivs.
KEYWORDS: sat nav, satellite, navigation, technology, science, computer, Hull, Leeds, Wales, machine, satire, humour, humor

This is a trueish but highly embellished version of something that happened to one of Cleo Hart's friends. Cleo is travelling at the moment.

As all our regular readers know we Boggart Bloggers are great fans of all whacky and totally unnecessary technologies and Sat Nav systems especially. Sat Nav seems to lead the field in providing an expensive, complicated, extremely fallible and irritating way of performing a function that should be simple and free. If you want to drive from London to Leeds and don't mind going via Bristol, Aberystwith, Preston Gubbals, Carlisle, Burton on Trent and Wigan or being rescued from mountain torrents, bogs, feral chavs in Blackbird Leys or a snowdrift outside Kiruna and having to face the ridicule of your friends down the pub trust your Sat Nav. If however you just want to get from London to Leeds without much fuss simply drive round the M25 until you see signs for M1, Watford, The North. Follow them and keep following signs for The North. Ignore your Sat Nav' yelling that you should take the next exit. It will only lead you eventually to the A666, the road to hell. Actually the A666 runs from Bolton to Blackburn so for most people is probably the road to somewhere worse than Hell. Leeds is at the other end of the M1 from London. Just stay on the M1. Easy peasy.

So why do we cruel, sarcastic bastards love Sat Nav?

Because of the blind faith that people who buy one have in their system and the way that when things have gone so badly wrong blind faith is no longer enough the childlike trust they show that their parent - surrogate gadget will somehow make things alright.

At this time of year our esteemed colleague Cleo Hart and numerous others set off for The Alps to work in ski resorts throughout the season. Most make the long and arduous trek via London and the M25 (gridlocked 24 / 7 because of sat nav users driving at 5mph while scratching their heads and saying "This doesn't look much like the Lake District) to Dover for the short, unpleasant crossing on the regular cattle ship to Calais.

Cleo however, tipped off by her dear old Dad who knows about these things, heads from Lancashire across to Hull (just get on the M62 and head east (the opposite way to Liverpool) until you come to the North Sea Ferries terminal or drive into the water off Spurn Head. Even easier than peasy.

Several of the others now use the northern crossing, its an easier drive in the UK, a more comfortable crossing with a good meal, a pleasant evening and a good night's sleep on the ferry and a better route across France. So last year another girl from northern parts, let's call her Suzie from the Isle of Skye thought it would be a good move for her too. Western Scotland to Hull sounded easy. At the time Suzie was seeing a soldier, a member of and elite regiment (we are a bit sceptical about the veracity of this claim, members of this elite regiment as well as being trained to jump out of planes, navigate by the sun and stars, live on a diet of worms, beetles and dandelion leaves and light fires by rubbing two boy scouts together are trained to read maps.

Suzie's soldier friend approved on her idea and volunteered to programme the sat nav for her. Great, who could be better equipped to program map references into a sat nav than a man trained to find his way round barren, featureless deserts and tundras? Surely Suzie could not go wrong if she just relied on her sat nav.

Suzie missed Hull, in fact she ended up in Wales Not just the civilised bit of Wales that joins on to Cheshire or the Wales, populated by Gavin and Stacy, Charlotte Church and the only gay in the village but Welsh wales where it is a crime to speak English and those things that look like basketwork garden ornaments can be assembled in a matter of minutes into a wicker man. A combination of blind faith, childlike trust in the parenting skills of inanimate machines and her boyfriend's ignorance of maps and references, the cardinal points of the compass, left and right and the difference between his arse and his elbow led to her turning right instead of left and driving past all the signs printed with red dragons and pointing to towns with names like Llanfairpwyllgwillgynn-bibble-yibble-yibble-yibble-llantisiliogochgochgoch give or take the odd goch without realising she had a problem. Maybe it was because the signs were printed in two languages, Welsh and Ogham (the secret language of The Druids)

Now in our house we think we have an idea how this might have happened. You see we know a young person who some years ago was headed from Lancashire to Sheffield and phoned home in a panic to say. "Help, I think I've taken a wrong turning and ended up in Wales, I've just passed a sign for Pontefract . Maybe the sat nav logic had made a similar mistake and interpreted "continue past signs for Pontefract" as "follow the shortest route to Pontypridd". We shall never know however.

The problem for our lovely lass Suzie from the Isle of Skye was not so subtle. She was still following her sat nav's orders and desperately trying to convince herself the device was taking her via a shortcut to Holyhead which must be near Hull as they both start with H. For Suzie, even though the blacktop road had become a muddy track several miles ago blind faith had been replaced by childlike trust in the machine. When the muddy track became a verdant Welsh hillside even childlike trust gave out. Suzie stopped and got out of the car only to be confronted by a Welsh farmer who spoke in Welsh, not saying "Iached Da (pron. Yakki da) young lady, do you need any help" but something she guessed from the way he was pointing a shotgun sat her meant "GET ORF MOI LAAAAAAAAAND".

Suzie did get to France eventually after spending several weeks in a clinic where she was given post traumatic stress therapy.

From this shocking sat nav story of betrayal we learn several things:

(1) When driving from West Scotland to Hull it is a good idea to turn left somewhere no matter what the sat nav is telling you.

(2) Sat nav is useless, whatever it tells you, do the opposite.

(3) We are not going to win the Afghan war for the simple reason that when our elite soldiers' were sent to flush the Taliban out of the Hindu Kush their map reading skills caused them to end up running round Patagonia.

(4) Never listen to the kind of techieheads, webbyheads, sciencyheads and other pointyheads who try to tell you machines are smarter than we are. Machines are unthnking automatons and people who think they will ever be intelligent are cunts.

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The woman is a phoney, a self interested, self aggrandizing elitist with a sense of entitlement the size of a galaxy. Whatever Hillary does, and whatever minority group the claims she is acting in the interests of, you can bet the main beneficiaries are Hillary Clinton, her family and her cronies.
No surprise then that a whistleblower has exposed Hillary's charity, 'The Clinton Foundation as a fraud.

De Dollarisation Accelerates As Russia Prepares To Launch Ruble-Priced Oil Trading Platform Russia is ready to take the next step towards killing the petro-dollar and dumping the US$ as global reserve currency, a move we reported last year. Vladimir Putin's ruble-based pricing of its domestically-produced oil is on the verge of realization. SPIMEX (The St. Petersburg International Mercantile Exchange) is actively courting international oil traders to join its emerging futures market ...

Google Now Has Access To Millions Of Patient's Health Records


A controversial deal between tech giant Google and the National Health Service (NHS) will allow artificial intelligence units access to 1.6 million confidential medical records. Since 2014, Google has partnered with several scientists in an attempt to understand human health, but a new report reveals the data gathering goes far beyond what was originally anticipated - well now there's a surprise.

How Facebook, Instagram, Google, and Twitter Use Censorship to Kill Free Speech
A new study by Onlinecensorship.org — a collaborative effort between the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) and Visualizing Impact reveals that social media sites and search engine operators have been collaborating closely with government agencies to control the type of content we may see online. Most readers will know of people who have been kicked off the social networking site for designated periods of time for ‘violating community standards' ...

EU Commission Backs Turkey Visa-Free Travel Amid Terrorist Cautions
As if the EU does not have enough problems of its own, the Bureaucrats of Brussels seem determined to take on the middle's east's perpetual violent chaos by granting Turkey the right of visa - free movement throughout the Schengen zone for its 70million citizens and tens of thousands of jihadists

German Justice Minister Runs From Stage As Angry Audience Members Yell "TRAITOR!"
The peoples' pushback against European federalisation and genocide of Europe's white working classes by flooding nation states with third world immigrants continues to gather pace as, with the onset of warmer weather, the flow of illegal immigrants into Europe starts to increase towards last year's levels.

TTIP document leak - A preview of the corporate fascism treaty from War On Want
The Trans Atlantic Trade and Investment Partnership (TTIP) was teetering on the brink of failure before Greenpeace Netherlands obtained a massive swathe of leaked documents that prove the treaty is, as many people feared, a corporate power grab rather than a free trade arrangement. This exposure will not stop the fascist regimes of the European Union and the United States trying to push it through against massive public opposition. The ruling elites have only contempt for democracy and the people

The ‘Colossal Unmentionable’ of the Climate Fraud
An incisive analysis from The Wall Street Journal that shows who and what will benefit from the great climate change scam (clue, it will not be the climateor the environment and it will certainly not be people like you and me.)

US-Created System In Iraq Is Collapsing: Protesters Storm Parliament
Less than two years ago, the US set up a puppet government in the mid-east state of Iraq when, following US pressure, on August 14, 2014 then prime minister al-Maliki agreed to stepped down and be replaced with Haider al-Abadi. Today, the regime is in chaos and the system set up by the US is collapsing. Yesterday protesters loyal to popular Shiite cleric Muqtada al-Sadr broke through a security cordon into the Green Zone, home to government buildings

So Long, Schengen: Six EU States to Resurrect National Borders in Mid-May

The governments of six European state have announced they will reinstate border controls as the immigration crisis starts to gather momentum once more with the onset of warmer weather. The authorities of Germany, France, Austria, Belgium, Denmark and Sweden are in favor of extending the temporary border controls within the European Union, which are due to expire in May, in the framework of the Schengen Borders Code rules, German media reported Saturday.

Obama Admin Denies Saying “No Boots on the Ground” in Syria After Saying It 16 Times This is our second report today that catches Barack Obama and his administration of 'homies' in a blatant lie. The first related to the TTIP trade treaty, this one concerns the decision to deploy American ground troops in Syria, after Obama had repeatedly stated there would never be any US soldiers on the ground in Syria

The Oligarchy Is Tottering - Trump Tramples The Neocons' "False Song Of Globalism"
Donald Trump scares the global establishment as do the anti Federalisation parties in the EU. We take a long and detailed look at why, and exactly what the globalist agenda would have meant for freedom and democracy had people not wonken up and opposed it in vast numbers. Kudos to the Islamic Jihad too, medievalist religious nuts they may be, but they resisted American attempt to impose western consumer culture on them.

The Pretensions Of Pop Culture And The Death Of Intellect

... It’s part of a distressing pattern these days of overwrought commentary about popular culture. As well as Beyoncé thinkpieces there are the Stars Wars thinkpieces, of course, and the Lana Del Rey thinkpieces or, God help us, even Kanye West thinkpieces. Don’t get me started on the fact that “thinkpiece” is now treated as if it were a single word...

FBI Drops Hints They Are Ready to INDICT Hillary Clinton
Sources close to the FBI investigation into Democratic Party presidential candidate Hillary Clinton's offences relating to national security when she was Secretary of State say the Feds are ready to indict the frontrunner in the nomination process on charges relating to classified information.

Europe Rejects Obama Doctrine - US Exceptionalism Is Not Acceptable
With a backlash against his efforts to bully Britons into voting to remain in the EU pushing the leave campaign into a narrow lead in opinion polls Obama's vistit to Europe last week could hardly be described as a success. And now he has been told a foreign policy based on 'American Exceptionalism' is not acceptable and the USA must abide by the same international law as the rest of the world

Illegal Immigrants, Bogus Refugees and Jihadist Asylum Seekers - Europes Self Engineered Crisis For a UK based libertarian site dedicated to promoting the traditional values of personal and national liberty, freedom of speech and thought and democratic rule accoring to the will of the majority, the social and economic disaster that is the consequence of the European Union's 'borderless world' project is a big news topic that will run for years. Here are the Greeneeth team's posts on Europe's Immigrant Crisis and The Islamification Of Europe

US Threat to Businesses Scares EU Members As Summit On Continued Sanctions Nears
Although the US and EU economic santions on Russia in retaliation for Moscow's annexation of Crimea to prevent a genocide of the ethnic Russian majority by the neo Nazi government installed in Kiev after a US engineered coup deposed the elected government, weaker European nations are spooked at the possibility of US retaliation if they do not obey Washington's diktat

Weather Channel Founder Slams Global Warming Fraud
The climate change lobby have been on the back foot for a long time as eminent scientists queued to be next to point out that when real world observations repeatedly contradict data produced by mathematical models run on university computer systems, any credible research team would take a long critical look at their models rather than adjusting the empirical data so it gives the required answer.

Lifelong Feminist Carmen Paglia Slams Hypocrite Hillary Clinton And Her 'Liberal' Supporters
As strong evidence emerges that the New York Democratic Primary election between Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders was rigged by the Democratic Party Nominations Committee in favour of their preferred candidate Clinton, America's hectoring on other nations on democracy are making it a laughing stock around the world.

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