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SAS - Satnav Antipathic Soldiers and The Misadventures Of Suzie From The Isle Of Skye
Boggart Blog loves Sat Nav stories. We love all stories that make those people trying to turn science into a religion and make technology one of its idols look stupid. Not that we are against science and technology, we are simply against the kind of people who try to tell us what we can and can't think. And if we give up map reading slikks and the power to think for ourelves then when the machines go wrong as sat nav often does, we're fucked. As a young friend of ours found out.

SAS - Satnav Antipathic Soldiers and The Misadventures Of Suzie From The Isle Of Skye
by Ian R Thorpe
2010-11-18
CREATIVE COMMONS: Attribute, non commercial, no derivs.
KEYWORDS: sat nav, satellite, navigation, technology, science, computer, Hull, Leeds, Wales, machine, satire, humour, humor

This is a trueish but highly embellished version of something that happened to one of Cleo Hart's friends. Cleo is travelling at the moment.

As all our regular readers know we Boggart Bloggers are great fans of all whacky and totally unnecessary technologies and Sat Nav systems especially. Sat Nav seems to lead the field in providing an expensive, complicated, extremely fallible and irritating way of performing a function that should be simple and free. If you want to drive from London to Leeds and don't mind going via Bristol, Aberystwith, Preston Gubbals, Carlisle, Burton on Trent and Wigan or being rescued from mountain torrents, bogs, feral chavs in Blackbird Leys or a snowdrift outside Kiruna and having to face the ridicule of your friends down the pub trust your Sat Nav. If however you just want to get from London to Leeds without much fuss simply drive round the M25 until you see signs for M1, Watford, The North. Follow them and keep following signs for The North. Ignore your Sat Nav' yelling that you should take the next exit. It will only lead you eventually to the A666, the road to hell. Actually the A666 runs from Bolton to Blackburn so for most people is probably the road to somewhere worse than Hell. Leeds is at the other end of the M1 from London. Just stay on the M1. Easy peasy.

So why do we cruel, sarcastic bastards love Sat Nav?

Because of the blind faith that people who buy one have in their system and the way that when things have gone so badly wrong blind faith is no longer enough the childlike trust they show that their parent - surrogate gadget will somehow make things alright.

At this time of year our esteemed colleague Cleo Hart and numerous others set off for The Alps to work in ski resorts throughout the season. Most make the long and arduous trek via London and the M25 (gridlocked 24 / 7 because of sat nav users driving at 5mph while scratching their heads and saying "This doesn't look much like the Lake District) to Dover for the short, unpleasant crossing on the regular cattle ship to Calais.

Cleo however, tipped off by her dear old Dad who knows about these things, heads from Lancashire across to Hull (just get on the M62 and head east (the opposite way to Liverpool) until you come to the North Sea Ferries terminal or drive into the water off Spurn Head. Even easier than peasy.

Several of the others now use the northern crossing, its an easier drive in the UK, a more comfortable crossing with a good meal, a pleasant evening and a good night's sleep on the ferry and a better route across France. So last year another girl from northern parts, let's call her Suzie from the Isle of Skye thought it would be a good move for her too. Western Scotland to Hull sounded easy. At the time Suzie was seeing a soldier, a member of and elite regiment (we are a bit sceptical about the veracity of this claim, members of this elite regiment as well as being trained to jump out of planes, navigate by the sun and stars, live on a diet of worms, beetles and dandelion leaves and light fires by rubbing two boy scouts together are trained to read maps.

Suzie's soldier friend approved on her idea and volunteered to programme the sat nav for her. Great, who could be better equipped to program map references into a sat nav than a man trained to find his way round barren, featureless deserts and tundras? Surely Suzie could not go wrong if she just relied on her sat nav.

Suzie missed Hull, in fact she ended up in Wales Not just the civilised bit of Wales that joins on to Cheshire or the Wales, populated by Gavin and Stacy, Charlotte Church and the only gay in the village but Welsh wales where it is a crime to speak English and those things that look like basketwork garden ornaments can be assembled in a matter of minutes into a wicker man. A combination of blind faith, childlike trust in the parenting skills of inanimate machines and her boyfriend's ignorance of maps and references, the cardinal points of the compass, left and right and the difference between his arse and his elbow led to her turning right instead of left and driving past all the signs printed with red dragons and pointing to towns with names like Llanfairpwyllgwillgynn-bibble-yibble-yibble-yibble-llantisiliogochgochgoch give or take the odd goch without realising she had a problem. Maybe it was because the signs were printed in two languages, Welsh and Ogham (the secret language of The Druids)

Now in our house we think we have an idea how this might have happened. You see we know a young person who some years ago was headed from Lancashire to Sheffield and phoned home in a panic to say. "Help, I think I've taken a wrong turning and ended up in Wales, I've just passed a sign for Pontefract . Maybe the sat nav logic had made a similar mistake and interpreted "continue past signs for Pontefract" as "follow the shortest route to Pontypridd". We shall never know however.

The problem for our lovely lass Suzie from the Isle of Skye was not so subtle. She was still following her sat nav's orders and desperately trying to convince herself the device was taking her via a shortcut to Holyhead which must be near Hull as they both start with H. For Suzie, even though the blacktop road had become a muddy track several miles ago blind faith had been replaced by childlike trust in the machine. When the muddy track became a verdant Welsh hillside even childlike trust gave out. Suzie stopped and got out of the car only to be confronted by a Welsh farmer who spoke in Welsh, not saying "Iached Da (pron. Yakki da) young lady, do you need any help" but something she guessed from the way he was pointing a shotgun sat her meant "GET ORF MOI LAAAAAAAAAND".

Suzie did get to France eventually after spending several weeks in a clinic where she was given post traumatic stress therapy.

From this shocking sat nav story of betrayal we learn several things:

(1) When driving from West Scotland to Hull it is a good idea to turn left somewhere no matter what the sat nav is telling you.

(2) Sat nav is useless, whatever it tells you, do the opposite.

(3) We are not going to win the Afghan war for the simple reason that when our elite soldiers' were sent to flush the Taliban out of the Hindu Kush their map reading skills caused them to end up running round Patagonia.

(4) Never listen to the kind of techieheads, webbyheads, sciencyheads and other pointyheads who try to tell you machines are smarter than we are. Machines are unthnking automatons and people who think they will ever be intelligent are cunts.

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Why Do The Weatern Powers, The United nations And The EU Continue To Tolerate The Terror Sponsor Erdogan And Turkey
The terrorist links of NATO member Turkey and its corrupt and tyrannical President Erdogan are so well documented they are beyond reasonable doubt... Erdogan has traded oil and arms with ISIS, committed humanitarian crimes against The Kurds and given refuge to ISIS fighters in Turkey. And yet Barack Hussein Obama continues to support his regime and the European Union is determined to fast track Turkey to full membership.
Why Do The Weatern Powers, The United nations And The EU Continue To Tolerate The Terror Sponsor Erdogan And Turkey

BREXIT vs. GREXIT – The Truth About The European Union And How It Treats Members
The only thing that will halt the European Union in its tracks, stop the push beyond Europe's geographical borders and prevent EU expansion to incorporate Asian, middle eastern and north African nations is war. Unless the testicularly deficient politicians stand up to the bean counters of Brussels. That's what they are, bean counters; not one among them is a risk taker or a person who has advanced because of their willingness to put their arse on the line.

How Barack Obama Did Not Save The World (and he isn't desended from King Tut.
President Barack Obama boasted of his legacy during a question and answer session in Britain, asserting that he single- handedly saved the world during his presidency. “Saving the world economy from a Great Depression — that was pretty good,” Obama bragged when asked by a student in London what he wanted his legacy to be.

The Hypocrisy and Snobbery Of The Remain Campaign And The Antidote
When I had to defriend a Facebook contact because she was arguing in favour of the EU, it was not simply because I support Brexit that I had become pissed of with her, it was the snobbish and condescending way she dismissed supporters of LEAVE and their case. People are entitled to their opinion on the European Union, but they should check the 'facts' they post in support of their arguments.

The Labour Case For Brexit by Kate Hoey M.P.
After my short intro is a savage indictment by Brexit supporting Labour MP Kate Hoey of the way the Labour Party has abandoned the working class and is now trying to betray the party's proud heritage and its roots in the industrial areas by taking Britain into an undemocratic, corporate controlled, capitalist friendly, elite dominated globalist control freak project.

FBI Vows To Go Public If Obama Blocks Indictment Of Hillary
The only thing saving Hillary right now is the protection being given her by The Obama Administration. However, if Obama’s Attorney General, Loretta Lynch, does not follow her oath of office and indict Hillary Clinton, FBI investigators will go public with their findings, according to former US House of Representatives majority leader Tom DeLay.

Orlando Shooting: Eyewitness Testifies ‘More Than One Shooter’
Just as happened with the San Bernadino shooting in California and the Paris attacks of 2015, accounts of the incident in Orlando in May 2016 from people who were at the scene differ from the version of events given mainstream media. A victim of Sunday’s terror attack at the gave a bombshell interview to ABC news in which he alleged there were several terrorists rather than the lone gunman news reports describe.

The Tyranny of The Economics Academics Is Coming To An End
The pseudo-Keyneseanism peddled by economics academics has failed disastrously, at huge human cost and to the advantage of authoritarian tyrants around the world. At last, as the global economy totters on the brink of collapse, the economic idiocy looks to have entered its end days. The 'sound of the last trump' will probaly occur in early November this year.

NSA Planning To Exploit 'Internet Of Things' Including Biomedical Devices
The post might appear from the headline to be aimed primarily as a US audience, but with US Government Surveillance now global, other governments sharing data with the NSA and The Internet sliding its tentacles into domestic appliances, cars and even the plumbing in our houses it affects us all.

Is Bilderberg A Sinister Group That Runs The World Or Just A Tea Party For Rich And Powerful People
Are the Bilderberg Group meeting, this weekend in Dresden, Germany, really The Shadow Government (the New World Order, The Illuminati,) that rules the world?

It's That Bilderberg Time Of Year
Every year, the world's richest and most powerful business executives, bankers, media heads and politicians sit down in some luxurious and heavily guarded venue, and discuss how to steer the global economy in a way that maximizes profits for all involved, while perpetuating a status quo that has been highly beneficial for a select few, even if it means the ongoing destruction of the middle and working classes and the creation of a servile, uneducated, ill informed underclass, the 'proleteriat' of Karl Marx' writing.. We are talking, of course, about the annual, and always secretive, Bilderberg meeting.

EU's Bureaucratic Dictatorship Is Losing The Support Of The Most Loyal Nations
When the unelected bureaucrats of the European Union Commission decided, without consulting member states, to comply with the wishes of the warmongering rent - boy in The White House and impose sanctions on Russia, after Vladimir Putin ordered the annexation of Crimea (to prevent the US backed neo - fascist government in Kiev carrying out a genocide of ethnic Russians in Crimea,) the idiotic goons were as usual duped into doing Washington's dirty work.

What Did Donald Trump Say To Earn a Liberal Lynch Mob On His Case
Over in the good ol’ US of A the ‘progressive liberals’ as that failed state’s authoritarian reactionaries like to label themselves, are getting their knickers in a right old twist about alleged ‘racist’ remarks made by the presumptive Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump who said something unforgivable about a Hispanic US federal judge. So what exactly was it he said about this bean – bandit judge that led intellectuals and academics to call for his murder?

Adolf Hitler, His Part In Our Downfall

.pdf dowload
A thirty five thousand word book on the authoroitarian, undemocratic, bureaucratic dictatorship that is the European Union. Following the outburst of left wing hate politics following Boris Johnson's reminder that the EU has its roots in Hitler's Naziism, which as any intelligent person is aware is both true and very well documented. My blog colleagues and I decided to assemble this collection of our articles (with some long extracts quoted from public domain and creative commons sources) to help people misled by the REMAIN campaign into thinking the arguments are solely economic.

US Senators Attack Attorney General Loretta Lynch For Sanctioning With Hunt On Climate Change
Lawyers for Exxon Mobile went to court in Texas last month seeking to block a subpoena issued earlier this year by the attorney general of the U.S. Virgin Islands, which, alleging that the oil and petroleum giant is deceiving the public about the effects of climate change, demanded the company open its records to Department of Justice lawyers. Exxon responded by claiming that the subpoena is an unwarranted phishing expedition into Exxon's confidential records and as such violates its constitutional rights;

b>US Missile Shield; Loved Up Obama And Cameron Laugh As Putin Warns Poland, Romania Now In The "Cross Hairs"
No surprise then that during a joint press conference with Alex Tsipras in Greece, Putin warned Romania and Poland they could find themselves in the sights of Russian rockets because they are hosting elements of a U.S. missile shield that Moscow considers a threat to its security. Under the malign influence of Washington and Brussels these country's leaders have now exposed their people to the threat they most feared.

UK Conservative Politician Says Referendum Is An Establishment Stitch Up
Britain will be unable to stop Turkey from becoming a member of the European Union (EU), the Minister of State for the Armed Forces, Penny Morduant, has said. Predicting that up to a million Turkish people could come to the UK unless Britain votes to leave the EU in June, declared that the EU referendum is an “establishment stitch-up”.

EU Vows To Use Powers To Block All Elected ‘Far Right’ Politicians From Power
... populist social conservatives are regularly topping the polls across the Europe, but have been victims of EU orchestrated stitch ups to keep them out of power and ddeny the democratic will, in France, Sweden, Holland, and now Austria – and anti-migrant populists are already in power in Hungary, Poland, and the Czech Republic. Mr. Junker’s definition of “far right” is somewhat broad, noted by him previously describing Hungary’s conservative president, Viktor Orbán, as a "fascist".

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