Barack Obama, The Electric Monk and the Museum of Creation
by Ed Butt
"The more preposterous the idea, the more readily people will believe it;" so said Douglas Adams, the comic genius behind The Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy and many other weirdly hilarious novels. One of Adams' most preposterous creations, from his novel Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency is the Electric Monk which will on behalf of its owner, believe anything it it programmed to believe.
Who needs Electric Monks. Certainly not those Americans who describe themselves as Christian Fundamentalists even though the fundamentals of Christianity seem to have no place in their beliefs. Nor, it seems, those American's who abandoned common sense, reason and anything resembling objectivity to jump on the quasi religious revivalist bandwagon of the Barack Obama Presidential campaign.
Now Obama, a man with no past it seems, certanly no birth certificate, and a CV showing that every job he has ever held, every qualification he claims, was handed to him on a plate because the race card was played crudely and ruthlessly. Even the Presidency was bought for him by supporters with seemingly bottomless pockets and little regard for laws concerning campaign contributions. There have been numerous allegations about funding irregularities but opaque accounting methods and the labyrinthine nature of the American legal system will prevent any receiving a proper hearing in a court of law.
Fundamentalist Chistians and the more secular Obama supporters might appear to have little in common. Both however have no problem believing anything apart from the truth, not are they willing to listen to anything that challenges their beliefs.
Some people, like The Electric Monk will believe anything. Final proof of this, as if any more proof were needed, is the success of the Museum of Creation.
A museum is a place where we can look at evidence of how things were in the past. The natural history museum in London has dinosaur skeletons reconstructed from fossils found in rock laid down eighty million years ago. The last dinosaurs died out around sixty million years ago.
It also has fossil remains of early humans and examples of the stone tools they used in their battle for survival. The earliest of these date from around quarter of a million years ago. The oldest stone age tools discovered are from around seven hundred thousand years ago.
Quite a gap between dinosaurs and humans then you might think. Yet in the museum of Creation you will see a totally fake display showing early human children playing with a baby Tyrannosaurus Rex. All that is missing is Fred Flintstone yelling "Yabba Dabba Doo."
Dinosaurs and humans missed each other by around 59 million years.
So visitors to the museum must be in Electric Monk mode to believe what they are being presented with as factual history.
But why do the operators of this fairy tale theme park need to tell such a stupid lie. Well quite simply they don't, the truth is much more interesting and miraculous. The problem is its the truth and Christians have always feared the truth because if the truth is ever universally known it will scupper their seventeen hundred year old dream of total world domination. Truth isn't the only obstacle of course, there are also the small matters of a billion Shintos and Buddhists in China and South East Asia, a billion Hindus in India, a billion Muslims spread right around the world and a billion Chistians who are just the wrong sort of Christians, mostly Roman Catholics. Oh and about a billion humanists, atheists, minor faiths and donotgiveashitists. Included among these categories is the sane six tenths of America.
Somehow the fundamentalist leaders like the managers of the Obama campaign have persuaded people to delude themselves that if the lie is big big enough and is told often enough people will believe it. (Do you know who first used that principle by the way? I'll tell you; it was Adolf Hitler. Nice people the fundies and Obamabots keep company with.) So they invent "facts", dream up bogus science and twist and prevert anything that does not fit in with their crackpot agenda.
Here are some examples.
The Bible is the word of God, typed on his Apple Mac (well the early Macs were much better than early PCs)
Barack Obama's biologcal father was a poor goat herder in Africa who had a dream.
God created the world in seven days just over four thousand years ago.
Barack Obama's mother, a US Embassy worker and well ranked bank employee was so poor she had to depend on food stamps when the future President was growing up
The first man and woman were also created by God just after he created hamburgers and shopping malls and Fender Straocasters (yeah, he created everything, yogurt and pins and envelopes and wood and paint by numbers and AK47s and popcorn and ... well just everything OK...)
Barack Obama's law lectures at Chicago University were "inspirational." (Actually Obama's employment as a lecturer was a sinecure, he never delivered any lectures.)
God put the earth at the centre of everything. The sun and moon and stars all revolve round the earth which stands still in the middle. Some scientists think something called gravity stops us all floating away into space but that is just stupid. God covered the world in velcro and gave early men and hobbits felt footsoles. Truly he moves in mysterious ways his woodwork to perform.
Barack Obama was a brilliant lawyer (in fact Obama did little paid work as a lawyer, spending most of the time he was a member of the bar on rabble rousing and civl rights campaigning.
God created women. This was his big mistake because unlike Electric Monks, women did not believe many things e.g. no woman ever believed "I was working late at the office, honey." But they did believe they could think for themselves.
Barack Obama is elegible to serve as President of the United States. (In fact, regardless of where he was born if his father was a Kenyan national as he claims, he cannot possibly be elegible. Nobody in the political establishment questioned his elegibility because they were afraid of being branded racists.
Now people might wonder why I, an English writer, is concerned about Obama's elegibility. I'm not, in fact I find it rather amusing that America, with all its collective assumptions of superiority and God - given right to dominate the globe could have got itself into such a mess that the country is now effectively without a legitimate government. What concerns me, freaks me out in fact, is the way those Americans who rejected the piety and religiosity of the Christian Right, claiming they were rational and capable of critical analysis were so ready to embrace the message of this self proclaimed messiah.
It seems the Museum of Creation may soon have a new exhibit, a tabeau depicting Barack Obama creating a post racial, fair, Obama worshipping world in seven days then topping it off by creating American men and women in his own image. God help America.
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