Boggart Blog Central

There has been a lot of talk this week about how fat we (as a nation) are getting. The ambulance service say they are having to order vans with wider doors, reinforced beds and lifting gear (same as the kit on bin wagons we hope) to cope with the number of hugely huge gutbuckets (not a lot of sympathy here) who are getting sick. Prisons say they are finding obese prisoners sentenced to jail for stealing junk food are too big to fit into standard cells. Bus companies are running at a loss because passengers demand a double seat for a single fare. And riding schools are complaining that once they used to get young professionals who would take the mobile phone and filofax along to their riding lessons because they were trying to ride two horses with one arse but now two horses aren't enough to support one arse. We're getting bigger. Nudger Cameron has been asking his Big Society (no pun intended) (OK, I'm lying) why this is. Boggart Blog can tell him without need for an expensive social survey. We are eating too much shite made from chemicals. For the first time last night I saw an ad for a new food product that promises a quick, no fuss bacon and egg sarnie. Only it's not is it? It might be no fuss but it's also no bacon and no egg. Instead you get chemicals. What you buy is slices of bread impregnated with bacon flavoured chemicals and egg flavoured chemicals. You take it out of the expensive and ecologically hostile packaging and pop it in the toaster. Two minutes later you have a bacon and egg flavored slice of toasted chemicals. What's the betting it tastes as much like a bacon and egg sandwich as BBQ beef flavoured crisps taste like a char grilled filet steak. But you eat it because it does say on the packaging it's tasty. And the chemicals are addictive. So you eat another. And another. And some fish and chip flavoured crisps. And some jam roly poly with custard flavoured instant dessert. And the chemicals are not only addictive, they are toxic and make you retain water. So you become a bloater. But still you want to eat more chemicals because they promise they will taste so good you forget about the metallic, monosodiumglutimaey aftertase that lingers for days. And before you know it you are being carted off in a supersize ambulance to the "Too Fat To Wipe" ward at the local hospital where you are admitted through the goods entrance on a fork lift truck. When I read articles in a certain type of newspaper predicting the end of civilisation as we know it I take them with a pinch of salt (natural sea salt of course) But I wonder if I should read them more seriously. If our humanity has been so degraded by the advertising industry we would rather eat chemicals than take the trouble to knock up a delicious bacon and egg sarnie we are well and truly fucked. RELATED POSTS:
Banning Words Like "Fatty" Is Not Being Caring And Nice, It's Fascism By StealthThe more desperate the Thought Police get because they see the tide in society not just tuining against their stupid, politically correct agenda but becoming a torrent, the more loony their ideas get. The latest Loonytoons notion is to ban the use of terms like fatty and speccy-four-eyes and introduce body image and self esteem classes in schools. Pupils who offend can then join the 80,000 kids, some as young as four, who are on the racism register for crimes as serious as calling a black child velcro - head.
Bansturbators Hidden Agenda - Abolish Meat To Make Way For Grey Goo.The bansturbators of Nanny State and the neo-Fascists of the New World Order are set on devivering us into the Brave New World promised a hured years ago by those who decided democracy would have to be superseded by a scientific dictatorship. Replacing natural meat in our diets with stuff made from grey goo grown in laboratories is the latest item on their agenda to go public.
Pasty Wars: Osborne's War On Pies Is War On The NorthThere is a growing cultural gap in Britain. When hapless Cancellor George Osborne delivered his budget for 2012 the effete southern media tried to stip up a controversty about the so called ganny tax. But here in the nothern heartlands, the true England, what pissed us off was Osborne's attempt to tax our hot pies.
Latest Fear and Panic Strategy: They Tell Us We Are All Going To Starve

Have you noticed it has all gone a bit quiet on climate change? After all that screaming and shouting from politicians and scientists it turns out the science was never settled. So now they need to spread fear and panic about something else. Guess what ... Food. We are all going to starve if we do not obey The New World Order. Who says? Statistics say and we all know statistics never lie don't we? A must read for independent minded people.

Salt Health Risk - A Pinch Of Doubt
Remember we were told "ythe science is settled" on climate change and carbon dioxide - only it wasn't. Well here's another scientific scam. You know how we are always hearimg how salt in our diet is a major health risk? Well how come we never hear of the food scientists whose studies show it isn't. Here's how another science scam was pulled on us.

Scientists And Politicians Attack The Food We Love, But Is It Science Or Just Control Freakery
A sustained campaign of misinformation by politicians, scientists, bureaucrats and the media have tried to brand fat and salt as the twin demons of the modern diet. Both however are essential to our wellbeing. So what are the bureaucrats, government and science lobby up to. What is the politics of food fascism. Are they just behaving as control freaks must or are they softening us up for extra taxes and government regulation of our dinner plates and the food we eat.

Acohol Abuse Will Kill 250,000 A Year Unless Governmnt Acts say Control Freak Doctors
The Health fascists have been out in force this week. With reports on the dangers of alcohol, meat, salt and obesity published our resistance is being tested. The Daily Stirrer is on your side whether you like a drink, a bit of meat, a sprinking of salt on your food or you are a shade overweight. We are always happy to expose the dodgy scence and rigged evidence behind theses control freak fear and panic exercises.

We Must Let Darwinism Do Its Work.
Most of us in the UK believe in Darin's evolution principle, survival of the fittest or best adapted. It is a wonderful system that created all the wonders of the animal and plant world. Left to itself evolution will ensure the survival of life long into the future. So why do we keep trying to screw it up by preserving the lives of those who because of stupidity or incompetence do not deserve to live and should be stopped from breeding.
Safety First, Second and Third, Fun Last.
The politically correct thought police and their health and safety cohort are tireless in their efforts to ensure you are never ever at risk from anything, especially the risk of having fun.
Uptight - The Blood Donor ExperienceOnce upon a time giving blood was easy, the atmosphere relaxed and people were encouraged to feel as is they were doing something good and worthwhile. Now, acording to fatsally's latest experience, a visit to the blood bank to offer a life saving armful is like The Prisoner meets Orwell's Big Brother. Bureaucracy has taken over and nobody is allowed to feel relaxed. Rules are rules.
by fatsally

Your Shit Is Unique: More Shit Science From The No Shit Sherlock School Of Science Science is always looking for new worlds to explore, final frontiers to cross. We have reported on many branches of sciene, mouse, hockey stick, crocoldile and other but none more unappealing thaty the universe that exists up you arse. Now science has taken a great leap up the arse of humankind to explore the life of the shit uinverse and its many unique and individual life forms...
British TeethOur American friends like to make jokes about British teeth. They might be more sympathetic towards our desire to keep our natural teeth if they knew the history of British dentistry since the formation of the National Health Service.
Alcohol AwareThe government has launched one of those nanny state campaigns to raise public awareness of alcohol. This Boggart Blog in depth report finds the public don't need their awareness raising, they know all they ned to know about every kind of booze on the market and drink what they like best...
Blood Bank Toxic DeptIs the Blood Bank, the National Health Blood Transfusion Service, run by the same bankers whose speculation in toxic debt brought down the financial system. One might be forgiven for thinking so on the evidence of the penny pinching, profit first, service second way the unit is being run
Drugs OnlineOne of the few growth industries is the selling of fake prescription drugs online. So long as the drugs sold as viagra, vallium, ritalin etc are just sugar pills there is no harm done. It's when people buy the real thing the trouble starts...
Five a DayPower may well corrupt but it certainly removes those who hold it from reality. So as Gordon Brown squats in Downing Street hoping that a bizarre sequence of events will lead to him staying on as Prime Minister one cannot help but think The Gordon Show is turning into a Truman Show type movie fantasy
Keep Health Out Of PoliticsHave those government sponsored health scares about fats, alocohol, chocolate and ciggies ever got up your nose? No? They would if you knew the special advisors dreamed them up over brandy and cigars after a jolly good lunch.
Who Wants To Live ForeverNever a week and scarecely a day goes by without the latest shot in the wannabe global government's campaing of fear and panic being fired at us ordinary folk. It will relate to health, drink, drugs, diet or smoking. The lastest on the British front in this war on reality is a warning that air pollution in casusing 55,000 early deaths a year
The Misery PillWe have reported extensively both here and at the original Boggart Blog on the plague of obesity and the scourge of arse dribble that punishes those who seek a quick remedy in fat busting drug. Now the pharmeceutical indusrty has gone one better and created a pill that not only causes arse dribble, it makes people depressed as well.
Starve And Live LongerSo we are now being told we can live much longer, be healthier and save the NHGS and the government loads of money if we live on the verge of starvation. And who has this crackpot therory been tested on? You guessed it, mice.
POETRY:
Breakfast In Bed - Hot, Buttered Toast

If you liked this, please give it a boost

Contact Us

Close Window and return to menu

Comedy & Humour Feeds (Go back to top) <

BBC Comedy  BBC Comedy Blog Updated : Tue, 28 Aug 2012 09:53:42 +0000 Making The Matt Lucas Awards Ashley Blaker, series producer, co-creator & co-writer of The Matt Lucas Awards stopped by Comedy Towers to talk to us about making the final episode of series one. Everyone was very excited about making this episode of The Matt Lucas Awards and there was a fun end-of-term feel around the studio. For starters it was the final recording of an incredibly intense period that should have carried a government health warning. We were also really looking forward to having Ruth Jones, David Baddiel and Griff Rhys Jones on since not only are they three really funny people, but they are also seldom seen on other comedy chat shows so we were thrilled they'd agreed to do this. In order to see this content you need to have both Javascript enabled and Flash installed. Visit BBC Webwise for full instructions. If you're reading via RSS, you'll need to visit the blog to access this content. A few days before filming, the final Lucas was going to be Most Baffling Song and of course everyone would have to perform their nomination. However, locked in my office at Television Centre at around 2:30am - high on chocolate and processed food - Matt and I agreed we'd already had people singing and wanted to do something a bit different. So we changed the award to 'Most Baffling Campfire Song' and decided we'd like to build an actual campfire in the studio and get everyone to sit around it chatting and singing with the lights turned down. I'm sure the Health and Safety people were tearing their hair out, but credit to our amazing art department and in particular Production Designer Dennis De Groot who made it all happen. In order to see this content you need to have both Javascript enabled and Flash installed. Visit BBC Webwise for full instructions. If you're reading via RSS, you'll need to visit the blog to access this content. A reason for personal excitement was also the fact that we managed to track down our former swimming teacher Mr Keith Talbot. The first award is the Lucas for School Subject Most Likely To Induce Severe Depression and David Baddiel - who went to the same school as both Matt and myself - nominated swimming. So it seemed only fair that the man who depressed David all those years ago should have the right to reply! In order to see this content you need to have both Javascript enabled and Flash installed. Visit BBC Webwise for full instructions. If you're reading via RSS, you'll need to visit the blog to access this content. We asked fans of the show to send in their questions about The Matt Lucas Awards for Ashley to answer: Who was Ashley's favourite guest/anecdote? Favourite guest is a tough one. We really were blessed with having great guests who got into the spirit of the show and were happy to sing, perform magic tricks, eat cakes, perform gangster raps, wear silly wigs and anything else we asked them to do. So forgive me if I don't annoy 17 guests by picking one favourite. One of my favourite anecdotes was one we didn't have time to hear in the end. In the recording of episode four we had a Lucas for Most Embarrassing Item of Clothing Ever Seen In A Guest's Wardrobe and Johnny Vegas told a story about how he wasted his first ever student grant cheque on a poncho in Camden Market. We brought out models wearing all the nominations but in Johnny's case it was a very large woman and when she appeared it was a very funny moment. Sadly there just wasn't time to have it in the final show. What are the possible pitfalls of transferring a comedy from radio to TV? How have you avoided them? That's a good question. On the one hand you run the risk of pointing a camera at the exact same show and having people criticise you for just making a radio show on TV. On the other hand, if you change too much you run the risk of ruining the show and losing what was good about it in the first place. I'm sure there will be people who say they preferred the show on radio just as I know others who have told me they prefer the TV version. I think one needs to view them as quite distinct entities because there are things that we can do in one medium that we can't do in the other. Where do you get all the sofas from? Why? Do you want to buy one? Our Art Department did a great job on the set and in the weeks before filming they would constantly show us photos of sofas they had seen to find out if we liked them. They seem to be able to find anything although I genuinely have no idea where they get all this stuff. If we ask them for twenty 1970s annuals for a shelf they seem to magically appear. Would you ever consider making it more spontaneous where for example the audience could shout out categories and the panel would then have to come up with things on the spot? Absolutely, why not? Hang on, if we do that now you're going to say it was your idea! Make sure you tune into the final episode of series one of The Matt Lucas Awards on Tuesday 15th May at 10.35pm on BBC One. There will also be a compilation episode on Tuesday 22nd May. Check out Ashley's post on the TV Blog: Making the Matt Lucas Awards with my childhood friend Matt Publ.Date : Fri, 11 May 2012 18:00:01 +0000 The Thick of It Returns   Armando Iannucci's award-winning political comedy series The Thick Of It returns to BBC Two this autumn. Coalition rows take their place alongside Government embarrassment, ministerial cock-ups, backroom deals, policy U-turns, spin-doctoring, political back-stabbing and wild media speculation Roger Allam returns as Peter Mannion MP, the new Secretary of State for The Department of Social Affairs and Citizenship (DOSAC), supported by his team of special advisors, commanded by Number 10's Director of Communications Stewart Pearson (Vincent Franklin) and thwarted by his new Coalition partner, DOSAC's Junior Minister Fergus Williams MP (Geoffrey Streatfeild). BAFTA award winners Rebecca Front and Peter Capaldi reprise their roles as Nicola Murray MP and foul-mouthed spin doctor Malcolm Tucker, both now consigned to the Opposition. The ensemble cast is completed by Chris Addison, Joanna Scanlan, James Smith, Olivia Poulet, Will Smith, Ben Willbond, and Rebecca Gethings. Armando Iannucci says that this series takes us into exciting and uncharted territory: "A new Coalition Government, and Malcolm and Nicola fretting in the wings. For the first time too a storyline takes us all the way through the series right to the bitter, bitter end, with Government and Opposition convulsed in an incident that questions every political convention imaginable, but in a funny way." BBC Two Controller Janice Hadlow says she is delighted to welcome it back, "A new Coalition government, what better time for a new series of The Thick Of It?" Head of Comedy Mark Freeland is excited to see The Thick Of It return too - "No other show could coin the term 'Omnishambles' and see it become part of the political lexicon." Publ.Date : Thu, 12 Jul 2012 07:00:00 +0000 Chris Reddy - How to Write a Sitcom Pramface writer, Chris Reddy, stopped by to give us some top tips and insight into the world of sitcom writing: Hello. I've been asked to do a blog about my writing experiences on Pramface, so here goes... In brief, an average day would consist of me sitting in a room, staring at a white board covered with illegible scribbles, grinding out pages of scripts late into the night to ever diminishing deadlines while stuffing my face with sugar rich-foods, trying to stay awake. The next day I would typically wake up to notes from my producer telling me it was 'not good enough' and to 'go back and rewrite... and hurry up'. This went on for months. So, no, there was not a lot of hanging out in the British Library having lattes, or Soho lunches with glamorous actors talking about how much they love my work. It was basically just one very long slog of writing, rewriting and rewriting again. Have I put you off yet? If you're still reading, my guess is you're a writer because, let's face it, no normal viewer would be reading this. So rather than ramble on I thought I'd try to share some of the stuff I've learnt and a few things I'd like to have been told when I was starting out. I'd also add that none of what follows is original, it's just stuff that has struck me as useful along the way. It's all in the many screenwriting books and courses out there already, which brings me to my first point. 1. Read the books I am always amazed by how many scriptwriters haven't familiarised themselves with the basics of screenwriting technique. In no other profession (like dentistry for example) would you expect to just walk in and have a crack at it without any schooling. Six episodes of a mid-priced sitcom is going to cost over a million pounds to produce. So when you pitch a script to a broadcaster, you are essentially asking them to spend a million quid on your idea. Whilst they're making this decision, it's probably in your interests for them to feel you have some idea of what you're talking about. If you are a genius, then spending a couple of weeks reading won't stop you being a genius. You can then happily reject everything the experts say as formulaic nonsense and move on to collecting your armfuls of Oscars, Baftas and Emmys relatively untroubled. If, on the other hand, you're just a regular hack like me, you might find something useful in there. 2. Structure Everyone bangs on about the importance of structure, and who am I to question them. Half hour narrative comedy is in some ways the most demanding dramatic form (that's right, I'm saying Keeping up Appearances was a tougher gig than Hamlet). If you're making an art-house film, you've got time to go wandering off on a twenty minute philosophical tangent. The Everyman matinee crowd will love you and your rambling, ambiguous, anti-structure masterpiece. TV audiences, however, are less tolerant. In television comedy you have to tell funny, coherent, integrated stories in a very compressed time frame. This requires discipline and practice, but you've chosen to write in a populist medium so, no pouting - get used to doing it. And the truth is, learning to write structurally is actually one of the most rewarding bits of the job. And, when it comes to the dreaded rewrites, I've found having a strong grasp of my story allows me to work more efficiently and approach the task with more confidence. So how do you structure your comedy script? Well first, don't start with the script... 3. Premise Classical narrative sitcoms are made up of two acts, but they are acts ii and iii. What? All this means is that the de facto first act of a sitcom is the premise of the show itself. And I don't mean just the backstory; I mean the cast design, the character relationships, and the arena of the show. This is the real root of the comedy. Make sure you spend time designing your premise rather than just churning out thirty-odd pages of script, hoping your natural gifts will carry you through. Been there, done that, my natural gifts carried me through to a forty page confusing mess that still hasn't been shot. No surprises there. Writers' tendency to skimp on the design of their premise is the reason script development and script editing in half hour comedy is such a difficult job. By the time a new project makes it into development with a production company, it's often already broken. And since TV production companies typically develop scripts rather than premises, the structural elements causing the problems will always be out of their reach. This is why, despite the best efforts of talented people, TV shows can still arrive on screen hobbled by the inherent weaknesses of the initial design. 4. Funny stories. So now you've designed a robust narrative machine, you're going to need a funny story to feed into it. It's important that the events of the story themselves are funny (or at least dramatically interesting) prior to the inclusion of any dialogue or action. The individual scenes should be amusing just by dint of their position and context in the overall narrative. I go to my big whiteboard and start by plotting out the events I know I want in my story, putting them in approximately the right position, then I try to connect them up in an interesting way. It's somewhere between doing a jigsaw and drawing a picture. You try to see how the pieces you already have slot together, and then fill in the gaps. Do this for your A plot and any subplots until you have an interesting, escalating story with promising comic scenes, and a strong payoff, then fill in the dialogue and action. The benefit of this approach is that when you write your actual script, the dialogue magically improves because it's been released from the burden of carrying the plot. Conversely, a properly positioned scene becomes much funnier because it has the full weight of narrative behind it. The comic tension is generated by the entire story rather than disconnected bits of business in-scene, or superficially 'comic' dialogue. You should aim for about 35 pages in standard feature screenplay format. It'll be around six thousand words give or take a couple of hundred depending on how verbose you are with your stage directions. 5. Why won't they call? So you've written your spec and sent it out, and now everyone is ignoring it. When you first start out, the industry can seem to take an age to respond. Sometimes it never calls back at all. It's easy to feel isolated and get frustrated when everyone seems to be ignoring you or, worse, deliberately excluding you. However, your fears are unfounded. Conspiracy implies a degree of organisation that is absent from most of the organisations you currently believe to be maliciously ignoring you. If you have talent, then you will get through eventually. In the meantime, don't waste your time and energy getting angry and despondent. Get better at your job. The truth is that writing talent is relatively commonplace, craft is rare. If you develop your technical abilities, you will instantly distinguish yourself from 90% of the writers in the marketplace. Very few people can write at a professional level, very few do. Most of the television being produced today is written by a small group of people. This group has three subsets made up of the supremely talented, the moderately talented who have learned some craft, and a bunch of people who you could supplant if you write a decent script. Now stop browsing the Internet and go and do some writing. Publ.Date : Tue, 27 Mar 2012 15:00:00 +0000 Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle will be back in 2014! Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle has been commissioned for another two series. The show is set be broadcast on BBC Two in 2014/15. Since the first series aired in 2009, the programme has built up a fiercely loyal audience, and Stewart will once again be taking the opportunity to ruffle a few feathers. Produced by Richard Webb and directed by Tim Kirkby, Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle is a mixture of stand-up and sketches, performed by Stewart and special guest. BBC Comedy is thrilled with the commission, with the Head of In-house Comedy, Mark Freeland commenting: "How brilliant that BBC Two has given Stewart Lee two more series. It's reward for a unique, perfectionist, hardworking, bit scary comedy master and the wonderful team behind him. I'm standing by with my compliance forms". Stewart Lee is also excited at the prospect of two more series: "It will be amazing to be able to move forward and experiment in this unprecedentedly secure position. Thanks to everyone out there who watched the series, wrote about them, or lobbied for their return. I will make you proud. Peace! I'm outta here! You shoulda killed me last year!". Publ.Date : Fri, 23 Mar 2012 14:18:53 +0000 It's Kevin If you were visitng the internet yesterday, you may have heard about our new show for 2013 It's Kevin, starring and written by comedian Kevin Eldon. You may have heard that it's sketches, it's songs, it's characters, it's guests, and it's a man who's old enough to know better mucking about, with help from a number of his comedy friends. What you have probably not heard until reading it just now is that you can watch a clip from the show as a taste of things to come right here, right now!  It's Kevin: The Perspective Twins In order to see this content you need to have both Javascript enabled and Flash installed. Visit BBC Webwise for full instructions. If you're reading via RSS, you'll need to visit the blog to access this content. Publ.Date : Tue, 19 Jun 2012 15:30:00 +0000 SHOEORGANIZERSTORAGE.NET - pawn shop - http://www.1atlantagaforeclosures.com - PLRNICHEFUNNELS.COM - AUCTION-ALERTS.COM - pawn or sell? - http://www.cheap-webdesign.com - EZMORTGAGECALCULATORS.COM - business news - www.DATE-INTERRACIAL.COM - see more RSS For Web Pages Add RSS Feeds To My Web Pages

Daily Mash  The Daily Mash Updated : Wed, 19 Jun 2013 11:36:36 +0000 ‘Because I’ve got your iPlayer, thanks’ is top TV licence excuse THE most common excuse for not having a BBC TV licence is the existence of the BBC iPlayer, it has emerged. A BBC spokesman said: “You’d be amazed at how many people refuse to pay £145 a year simply because we give all our stuff away on the internet. “It’s really annoying. Maybe we didn’t [...] Publ.Date : Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:30:28 +0000 Bring back erotic thrillers to Channel 5, says Cameron DAVID Cameron wants erotic thrillers back on Channel 5 to wean the nation off hardcore internet porn. The prime minister said: “I always thought erotic thrillers like Night Eyes 2 with Shannon Tweed gave the right balance of titillation with gripping plotlines. “No one needs to see full penetration when you’ve got high production values [...] Publ.Date : Mon, 17 Jun 2013 10:19:02 +0000 All That She Wants was last proper Number One Two decades have officially passed since people knew what was at the top of the charts. Publ.Date : Mon, 17 Jun 2013 08:40:39 +0000 Home workers being sexually harassed by themselves PEOPLE who work from home are routinely coercing themselves to perform inappropriate acts, it has emerged. Publ.Date : Tue, 18 Jun 2013 08:00:03 +0000 Whiplash test to involve removal of telly and crisps ANYONE claiming to have whiplash will be denied telly and crisps for a week, as a test of their integrity. Publ.Date : Tue, 18 Jun 2013 09:41:43 +0000 pawn guitar - www.SHOEORGANIZERSTORAGE.NET - http://auction-alerts.com - www.PLRNICHEFUNNELS.COM - news articles - http://cheap-webdesign.com - 1atlantagaforeclosures.com - http://DATE-INTERRACIAL.COM - online pawn shop - http://ezmortgagecalculators.com - solarenergybillsavings.com Click Here To Add News To Your Website RSS Feeds