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The World Champion Losers


Nobody remembers the guy who comes second say vulgar colonials like the people from America and Australia. We British beg to differ, our athletes and sports competitors are still committed to the corinthian ideal that it is not winning that matters but playing the game. We refuse to stoop to the win at all costs attitudes of our former colonies.

The World Champion Losers
by Ian R Thorpe
2007-08-25
CREATIVE COMMONS: Attribute, non commercial, no derivs.
KEYWORDS: sport, athletes, competition, winners, humour, humor

The World Champion Losers - by our sports correspondant by ianrthorpe @ 2007-08-25 – 16:04:56 Its the World Athletic Championship again and few British Athletes have hopes of winning a gold medal. And if we remove from the equation those athletes who are totally delusional, no British Athletes have realistic hopes of winning a gold medal. No doubt an array of old farts will be trotted out to reminisce fondly about the time Albert Stodgehoughton ran the four hundred meters hurdles in his pit boots and almost came fourth, which is of course the last time a British Athlete got anywhere near winning any kind of medal. Stodgehoughton’s epic performance is usually brushed under the carpet by the Athletics establishment who don’t like British competitors who have unbritish attitudes like wanting to win. Albert Stodgehoughton damned himself in the eyes of officials on being told that Fartmeyer the American had devastating speed coming of the final bend. “We’st see ‘ow fast ‘ee is when ‘ee’s flat on ‘is face and ah’m stood on his back,” was the classic reply. The Athletics hierarchy were outraged by this blatant disregard for all that was good in British sport and closed ranks against the runner, apple pieing his bed and hiding his running shoes before the race. “Stodgehoughton needed to be taught that it is not the winning that is important but the taking part,” said Colonel H.H. “Stiffy” Chollerton - Flothers, the Old Etonian president of the Fifty Seven Old Farts” committee that run all Britain’s international sports except football which is run by Victoria Beckham. After the race a BBC commentator asked Stodgehoughton for his reaction to the rebuke he replied, “If ah’d ‘ad me runnin’ spikes ah’d of teken part alreet, part o’t’ German’s calf, part o’t’ American’s thigh and part o’t’ Frenchman’s ankle. As it were ah on’y managed to tek a bite aht o’t’ Swedish blokes showder.” As a result of that Stodhoughton faced trumped up charges of using illegal substances and having tested positive for Theakston’s Old Peculiar was banned from competeing for life. Who knows what he could have achieved in the future had he been given the support of the sport’s authorities and his running shoes. RELATED POSTS:
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Not Proud To Be BritishAs the war in Afghanistan draws to its inevitable conclusion, a futile stalemate we must again question the conflation of patriotism and balls out politics that drive nations to war. The NATO allies were never going to achieve anything in Afghanistan, the Afghans hate foreigners and the war, Bush's revenge for 9/11 became Obama's war when the new President needed to show America he could be tough on Muslim states. In his best known poem Wilfred Owen wrote of that charnel house war: “My friend, you would not tell with such high zest / to children ardent for some desperate glory / the old lie, dulce et decorum est / pro patria mori. (it is sweet and seemly to die for one’s country)

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