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Gordfellas - Is the Labour Goverment really like Goodfellas (strong language)
Stories coming from Downing Street accusing Labour Prime Miniter of bullying and being tempramentally unstable should worry us all. We know little of what goes on inside the seat of government and what we hear makes it sound like the movie Goodfellas.

Best Of Boggart Blog (8)

A Seasonal Miracle?


by ianrthorpe,
2006-11-30

South African Mr. (got that, Mr.) Charles Sibindana has been fined ZA$140 for making a fraudulent claim for sick pay. Mr. Sibindana submitted a certificate from his wife's gynaecologist to back up his claim that he took a week's sick leave because he was pregnant.

Now in my book that beats virgin birth by a distance.

RELATED POSTS:
Christmas Menu

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A Couple of Smiles Before It Gets Even More Painful

by ianrthorpe,
2006-11-29

Almost at the end of a month of bad and sad news; Iraq, Afghanistan, the Financial Markets, the environment and the death of Desert Orchid being just a few topics, its nice to hear something jolly.

So I enjoyed the story of the Surrey lady who while visiting the North East went into a hairdressers in Newcastle and asked "Could you do me a perm please."

"Why aye pet," came the reply, "I wandered lernley as a clerd..."

All in all its like the story of the northerner who took holy orders and was appointed vicar of an Anglican parish in Surrey. When he arrived at his church the verger said "I'm sorry about the state of the place, we have a problem with the myrrh." "The myrrh?" said the new vicar, "I didn't know you were high church."

"We're not," the verger said, "but what has that to do with cutting the grass?"

RELATED POSTS:
Comedy Main Menu
Poetry Menu

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Killjoy's Christmas Decorations

by ianrthorpe,
2006-11-28
Following on from last weeks revelations in Machiavelli blog about the Health and Safety Executive's plan to make sure all trees with the potential to fall over in high winds are properly managed with public safety the foremost consideration we bring you more news of Health and Safety fascism from the uber - jobsworths of Tower Hamlets Borough Council.

Last year these halfwit bureaucrats earned ridicule for banning all Merry Christmas type messages lest they offend the delicate sensibilities on non - Christians.

This year, with the complicity of Health and Safety Inspectors they have banned all wall and ceiling mounted decorations in all council premises because staff could be seriously injured while putting them up.

RELATED POSTS:
Christmas Menu
Authoritarian Box Ticking
Health And Safety Halloween

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"Jesus Is Not The Messiah"

by ianrthorpe
2006-11-27

The problem with protesters in other countries is they do not have a British sense of humour (to be fair neither do the police in other countries - and they tend to be a tad trigger happy into the bargain)

On last night's news I saw a shot of a protest against the visit of Pope Benedict to Turkey.

A woman in traditional muslim dress which made her look for all the world like Terry Jones in a famous scene in "The Life of Brian" brandished a placard that read "Jesus is not The Messiah, he is a Prophet of Islam."

"Oh why aren't you English dear," I thought. Had she been she might have had the wit to replace "he is a Prophet of Islam" with the words "he's a very naughty boy."

SCENE FROM LIFE OF BRIAN:
CROWD (in chorus) we want to see Brian, he is the Messiah.
T. Jones (as a woman): He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy.

I include that for the benefit of the very young or those who have led sheltered lives and have not yet seen the funniest film ever made.

RELATED POSTS:
Comedy Menu
Baby Bible Basher
Blair's Faith Foundation
They Prayed Him Straight

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Who Put That Gobshite On Television?

by ianrthorpe
2006-11-26

There's a wonderful scene in an episode of Father Ted where Dougal appears on T.V.

This arouses Father Jack from his drunken stupor. "Who put that gobshite on television?" he roars, hurling an empty whiskey bottle at the TV.

I have a similar moment every week when a certain contestant in X - Factor appears on screen. Its the one who is getting the "Granny" vote. Guess who (and I meant that most sincerely, friends.)

Meanwhile as Simon Cowell eliminated the most talented (the only talented?) contestant again I say GO PROCLAIMERS TRIBUTE BAND!

Oh I would vote five hundred times
if the voting lines were free,
yes I would vote five hundred times
to see Simon Cowell's misery...

RELATED POSTS:
X Factor Ship Of Dead Dreams
X Factor - The Bird Is The Word

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We Need Another Crackdown - suggestions please

by ianrthorpe
2006-11-25

Are Wee Johnny Reid's leadership ambitions distracting him from doing his job as Home Secretary? It must be all of a week since he announced a crackdown.

It is not so long ago the tartan terrier was announcing a dozen new crackdowns a day. There were crackdowns on anti social behaviour, binge drinking, illegal immigrants, truancy, exploding orange juice, obesity, beards, staying up late, harmless nutters, bullies, Clare Short, paedophiles, silly hats and the wrong kind of shite.

Then suddenly silence.

There are only two possibilities, that Dr. Reid is preoccupied with more important business or he has run out of things to crack down on.

Either way, to get wee Johnny back on the rails may we suggest crackdowns on the the following:

Farting in lifts,
Christmas albums,
Christmas books,
Christmas special offers
, Christmas,
Russell Brand,
Celebrity chefs,
Celebrities,
Delusional folk who go off to the jungle thinking they are celebrities,
Delusional folk who come back still unaware that everybody hates them, Panto Boy on the X - factor,
Peter Kay,
Spin.

Any suggestions you wish to add to the list will be forwarded to The Home Office.

RELATED POSTS: Comedy and Humour Menu
Politics and Economy Menu
Populisty Authoritarianism
The Politics Of Fear And Panic

Oo-er Missis, its the Tree Hugging Cannibals

by ianrthorpe
2006-11-23

In last night's episode of Torchwood (yes, I like Torchwood, after a dodgy first episode it has me suspending disbelief with great enthusiasm) the story was set around a remote farm in the Brecon Beacons. The tree - hugging locals had a very quaint tradition. Every ten years they would round up strangers in the area and eat them (shades if I'm the only cannibal in the village there I thought.) When the Torchwood statutory pretty girl asked the chief cannibal why they did this he replied "because it makes me happy." A chilling reminder there that among all the humandroids, shapeshifters, pan dimensional fart creatures and orgasm - eating aliens that pass through Cardiff's rip in the time - space continuum, good old human evil still has a lot to answer for.

Well that was how I saw it last night...

In this morning's paper I read that the nation's most famous tree hugger, Prince Charles, has just bought a run down farm in the Brecon Beacons.

Oo-er missis, is that coincidence or are sinister forces at work here?

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Alien Life In California
Life On Mars
Turd Nine From Outer Space
More Life On Mars
Alien In My Bed (MP3 audio)
Comedy, Humour Menu

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Blair's Super Nanny State

by ianrthorpe
2006-11-21

In an article for the Currant Bun Tony Blair announced the launch of The Super Nanny State.

As part of a crackdown on anti social behaviour teams of Super Nanny State Stormtroopers will swoop on areas where "poor parenting" is rife. "Poor parenting", according to Blair, is the cause of anti social behaviour and does incalculable harm to children.

People found guilty of "poor parenting" will be sent on parenting courses, to be run we guess by Ruth Kelly and a newly appointed parenting Csar rumoured to be Cilla from Coronation Street.

But, you might well ask, is the problem "poor parenting" or simply parenting? Boggart Blog thinks people with children should forget about parenting and go back to being Mums and Dads.

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Dolphins Don't Drink

by ianrthorpe
2006-11-20

You learn something every day. Yesterday, tucked up in bed with my cold and daytime TV I learned that Dolphins don't drink. Not "don't drink" in the sense of avoiding alcohol but don't drink full stop.

There are various theories as to why. Some zoologists say it is because aquatic mammals get their fluids from what they eat while others contend that as their kidneys cannot process sea water evolution has adapted them to get by without taking in water. While high on industrial strength lem-sips I have one of those moments of insight we get when our brains are addled. Dolphins don't drink because flippers are useless for holding a cup, glass or bottle.

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Government Warning - Trees Can Damage Your Health

by ianrthorpe
2006-11-19

URGENT HEALTH WARNING FROM H.M. GOVERNMENT - Standing under or near tress can seriously damage your health and lead may kill.

Our old friends at the Health and Safety Executive featured in our last blog (BTW apologies to readers who were expecting this post yesterday, there's a nasty bug going round the nether world and your favourite Boggart needed to take a sickie) when we highlighted Bozza Johnson's rantings at the ludicrous nannying of this bunch of hard - hatted, toetector - wearing fascists who seem intent on eliminating any kind of risk from our lives by making us prisoners of rules and regulations.

Now Boggart Blog pick up the standard itself and leads the resistance against the mindless bureaucracy of the clipboard wielding killjoys. Two years ago in Dunham Massey Park, Cheshire, a family were enjoying a winter outing in woodland of the 250 year old plantation when a freak gust of wind caused a Beech to fall. In falling the tree brought down its neighbour which, tragically, killed an eight year old boy.

It was an accident and nobody tried to pretend otherwise. Al least until The Health and Safety Executive got wind of it. As far as the Hard - Hatted, toetector wearing clipboard wielding box tickers are concerned there is no such thing as an act of God, there are only failures of management. If enough boxes had been ticked that freak gust of wind could have been managed.

The HSE Inspectorate demanded that the police arrest the park manager for criminal negligence.

A year later the police dropped the case due to lack of evidence. Presumably all the witnesses, being trees, declined to be interviewed. But the clipboard wielders could not accept a healthy tree simply falling down as healthy trees do from time to time.

The hard - hatted toetector wearers (who, we imagine, all have those anally retentive moustaches that are never allowed to grow more than a quarter of an inch long) were determined that in order to prevent any future tree - related incidents they would ensure procedures were put in place to identify any trees posing a danger to public safety because of their likelihood of falling over in high winds. Also the HSE are determined that the owners of potentially unstable trees are aware of their duty to manage woodland properly.

Whether this results in the National Trust having to cut down all the millions of trees under their management or in those tracts of ancient woodland the weirdie beardies have fought so long and hard to protect from building firms being destroyed because of public safety issues remains to be seen.

If this all seems a bit over the top to you, remember the motto of the HSE is "You Can't Be Too Paranoid.

Here is a facsimilie of a leaflet you will shortly be receiving through the post which details the HSE's advice for tree safety. Never go near trees when it is windy or it may become windy while you are there.

Do not let your dog worry trees, remember a frightened tree is a dangerous tree.

Do not try to feed trees, they may bite.

Do not catch trees or encourage them to follow you home, they make very bad domestic pets.

Always view trees from a safe distance, they can fall surprisingly quickly.

Do not consume fruit or nuts near trees. Seeing their offspring being eaten alive can upset them.

and finally
Always be wary of leaving the safety of your home to look for fun. Fun is dangerous and should be left to properly trained experts with adequate safety equipment.

Safety first second and third, fun nowhere,

The Health and Safety Executive.

Saving Lives Is A Risky Business say Heath and Safety Executive

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Bozza's Tree Crusade

by ianrthorpe
2006-11-17

I was snooping around the Blog of Bozza (or Boris Johnson M.P or Bo - Jo to his fans) the other day. You might think this strange behaviour for an unrepentant old Liberal like me, but I always find Bozza good value). On that occasion I enjoyed his fulminations against the Health and Safety Executive (H.S.E.)

"There are now 3621 pages of Health and Safety legislation, that's 76* times the length of War and Peace" the Blonde One thundered, ending with the question that mustn't be on everyone's lips "is this good for the country?"

Well it is certainly not good for trees. Which is perhaps why the arboreal population of this sceptred isle is coming in for some attention from the HSE which is worried about the safety risks posed by uncontrolled trees.

But we will be returning to that issue tomorrow.

*probably an exaggeration. If it was my blog it would be for comic effect but as its Bozza we're talking about, who knows?

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Pissed as a Moose

by ianrthorpe
@ 2006-11-14

I am always interested to get news from Sweden, having worked in that delighgtful country for a while. The trouble is Sweden is too nice, no terrorists want to blow things up, there is no religious right tarring and feathering people for having fun and even the corporations display a praiseworthy degree os social responsibility. In other words there just isn't enough news in Sweden. Which makes little gems like this more enjoyable.

The Goteborgs - Posten newspaper has been reporting stoeies concerning a moose that is terrorising the city's children. The local police chief blames apples. It turns out the moose is eating windfall apples which have fermented naturally to produce an alcoholic subsatance similar to the Scrumpy Cider know to all who have visited the English West Country (and particularly those who frequent jazz festivals in that part of the world.)

"We are dealing with an ELK - o - holic here," a spokesperson for the police department said (allegedly.)

Drunken Elk In The Orchard

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Cornish Pasty Wars

by ianrthorpe
2006-11-13

There be grumblings down in the west country, ooh - arrr. They ig'rant Dev'ners is trying to say they'm inventing t' Corrrrnish Pasty an' Corrrrnwall stoleded it of'n un."

The controversy arises from a discovery made in the audit book of a 16th century Devonian housekeeper who had written on one of the pages her recipe for pasties.

The first written record of a Cornish pasty dates from 1746.

The important word here is "written." As Terry Pratchett says, "never take any notice of things written down on paper. A thing cannot be of the least importance if somebody had time to write it down." Quite. Empirical evidence is needed and over in Cornwall they claim the recipe for pasties has been handed down through the oral tradition since 8000 B.C.

Nobody knows the true origins of pastry of course and therefore we can be certain of nothing, but I am with Cornwall on this one. And furthermore I am willing to testify that in Motorway services restaurants on many occasions I have eaten 10,000 year old pasties.

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I Just Met A Girl Named Maria

. by ianrthorpe
2006-11-12

From time to time something happens that makes me feel I am once more young and attractive to the opposite sex. I have the internet to thank for this. Such an instance was the e-mail I received this week from Maria. She wrote:

"Hello Mr. Torp. I am dark hair Russian, age 26, attractive professional lady and working in marketing structure selling cosmetic (ooh that accent sends chills up and down my spine.).I read your details on world wide web and find you interesting, attractive man (Isn't she wonderful?) I am intelligent, mature woman who is ready for creating family with good man. (ah - erm, creating family? As in making babies? She obviously didn't read the bit about the vasectomy...) Even if this is not your searching for in the future it would be fine if we can meet and do friendship (friendship, bugger! I thought I'd scored) or maybe do more than just friendship (I have scored!)

Mail me,
yours with love and many kisses, (now hang on girl, we haven't been properly introduced)
Maria.

Needless to say I'm all of a flutter wondering does she have green eyes and those classic Russian cheekbones, is her accent really that cute and will the overdraft stretch to an hour of her time or just a quickie?

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The Wages Of Sin

by ianrthorpe
2006-11-10

British Christian Fundamentalist minister George Hargreaves is known for his hard - line position on most issues concerning sex and drugs and rock & roll. His views on abortion, contraception (the only acceptable method it seems is the one where the woman holds a pocket bible between her knees) , stem cell research and same - sex partnerships are pretty much what you would expect from a founder member of an organisation called Christian Voice.

And George is a very active campaigner on all these issues.

But it has not always been so. In the 1980s George wrote a song that was a world wide hit for Sinitta and has since become a gay anthem in clubs on every continent. Here is a sample of the lyric:

So macho,
he's gotta be so macho,
gotta be big and strong,
enough to turn me on.

Well I suppose its OK to dance to the song so long as you don't act on its advice.

Nice though to see the wages of sin, estimated at Ł10,000 a year, providing us with such a wonderful iron.

Now I have a link to a searchable Bible somewhere, let's see what it says about hypocrisy.

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And I though it was just my wife

by ianrthorpe
2006-11-09

British women aged over 40 own an average of 19 pairs of shooes but it is not uncommon to have more than 100. Woman and Home polled more than 1,500 women over 40 on their attitudes and found that handbags are also popular, with 11 being the average. Some women said they owned more than 200 and a third said they lied about the cost of their shopping sprees.

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Stupid Crtminal Of The Week: Shrink wrapped criminal

by ianrthorpe
2006-11-07

A Bosnian burglar escaped from jail in Austria by having himself shrink-wrapped in plastic and taken out with parts for street lamps hade by inmates. The lorry driver noticed a rip in one of his pallets soon after leaving the jail, but Muradif H, 36, show was serving a seven-year term in Graz, had fled. He remains at large.

I hope he didn't need a wee while he was in the wrapping. The only way I can ever get stuff out of shrink wrapping is by stabbing the stuff with a knife or screwdriver.

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The Buzz About The X Factor

by ianrthorpe
2006-11-05

On last saturday's X - Factor show Sharon Osbourne criticised the prettiest and most talented girl singer remaining, saying the sound of her vibrato had ruined her performance.

I had to agree with La Donna O. Back when I was staging rock concerts I always used to remind female performers to switch their vibratos off before they wen't onstage. The Microphones can pick up the buzz.

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Who Makes All The Pies?

by ianrthorpe
2006-11-03

During environment question time yesterday, amid all the weighty queries about global warming, deforestation, drought, famine etc. Mary Creagh, MP for Wakefield, demanded that the Minister congratulate a butcher in her constituency for willing the Large Pork Pie category at the Great Yorkshire Pie Show as this, apparently, is the world cup of pie making.

Nice to see they have their pieorities (sorry, couldn't resist) sorted in Yorkshire

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Proud To Be Pissed - A New Year Message for readers. by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-31 – 17:03:32

Boggart Blog's New Year Message to our readers is "be proud of your heritage, get bladdered."

Despite repeated Government warnings of the health hazards of binge drinking which suggest it is a recent phemonnonomonxxx phnemnioxxxxx pfemonionxxxxx trend (sorry we've had a couple in the editorial office)binge drinking is a longstanding British tradition.

Hazel Blears who is minister for saying very silly things issued a statement to the effect that the British are not ready to adopt continental drinking patterns.

Too Bloody Right we're not. We enjoy getting rat - arsed. The Roman historian Tacitus, writing in the first century AD said, "The Britons have a tendency when feasting to drink ale or wine until they fall into a stupor." Julius Caesar had first noted the trend a hundred years earlier. "They are formidable fighters but unreliable due to their habit of drinking heavily before battle," he noted.

So forget the shame attached to drunkenness, that is just an invention of the nanny state. Let's welcome the New Year by proclaiming to the world that we the British people are Proud To Be Pissed.

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,
Its Just Criminal by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-29 – 16:49:09

There's bugger all happens between Christmas and New Year so its time to dig out the old Armitasge Shanks joke book (in my days as an occasional stand up I was Armitage Shanks, The Man Who Puts The BIZ in Showbiz,) and try to raise a smile.

Over the holiday theives broke into a greenhouse at Kew Gardens and stole many rare trees and shubs. Earlier today police arrested two men who were driving in a truck loaded with exotic vegitation.

A the men denied involvement in the theft and said the evidence was planted.

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A Bizarre Story From Derby by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-28 – 17:20:11 Derbyshire County Council have ordered their webmasters to use content filtering to prevent the Ramblers' Association Derby Dales Group web page being accessed from library internet cafes in the county.

The Derby ramblers' web content falls within the county councils' definition of a sex website the press release reveals.

No surprise then that Derby ramblers "love to go a - wandering along the mountain track" then but just what the hell does rambling involve in the Derby Dales we wonder?

I must ask Mike St. Mark if he has experienced any interesting variations from the norm while walking in the Peak district.

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Christmas is Bollocks by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-27 – 17:54:06

Its over! What a relief!

Don't you hate Christmas? Oh come on, be honest. Don't call me Scrooge. Christmas is bollocks. Christmas things are bollocks. Christmas specials on tele are bollocks. Christmas food is bollocks. Everything about the whole over-hyped, over commercialised, overadvertised, overcelebrated mess of modern excess is bollocks. Food. Nuts? Why do we buy nuts in their shells at Christmas? The rest of the year we (those of us who like to eat healthy anyway) get nice convenient ...

CLICK HERE To read all Christmas Is Bollocks

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Belated Greetings by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-26 – 16:52:09 Boggart Blog took unscheduled downtime a couple of days before the offiocial break started. This was due to (1) visitors, (2) server problems and (3) a totally silly wild adventure in Christmas shopping...

"oh yeah love, I'll be fine walking the half mile back to the car through this hilly town, you just whack the shopping in my wheelchair." (well I couldn't let Teri do the trip twice.

Now half a mile is a tad over my limit even on level ground. I made the trip but with several large back muscles totally wrecked and needing a few days.

Still, if you can't do something idiotic at this time of year when can you do something idiotic?

Belated seasons greetings to all regular readers and visitors.

Back tomorrow.

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A blog post about sweeet FA by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-22 – 17:29:41

Nice to see the Freedom Association* getting involved in the London mayoral election campaign with an attack on Ken Livingstone's anti - semitism. The appearance of a new political body promotiong libertarian values is always welcome.

Unfortunately their chance of winning any seats on the London Assembly are as described on their logo. F.A.

*I am assuming this F.A. is nothing to do with the 1970s F.A. a group of Express, Mail and Telegraph readers that campaigned for freedoms such as the right to enslave unmarried mothers and the right to put black babies in casseroles.

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A quick roundup by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-21 – 18:26:38

Boggart Blog has always prided itself on bringing you the news that is not worth reading from around the world: here is a roundup of the last few days...

Starting In Sweden

After enduring years of ridicule, the inhabitants of the Swedish village of Fjuckby have handed in an application to Swedish authorities to have the hamlet's name changed to Fjukeby.

Meanwhile in the USA

Border patrol officers found a four foot long alligator in a suitcase during a routine traffic stop in south-west Arizona. Lloyd Easterling, a spokesman, said it was discovered when agents detained a driver in Yuma after drug sniffing dogs singled out the car where the case was. Marijuana was also found.

...its the art of it that matters in France...

Pierre Herme, the so-called 'Picasso of patisserie' won the annual award presented by the newspaper Le Figaro for the best croissant in Paris. He said the test of a perfect croissant should be more than how it tasted, looked or smelt.

"The noise of the croissant is also very important," he said. "I can almost hear them shout when people tear them apart."

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The Durex List by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-20 – 17:29:21

Every year the makers of Durex condoms conduct a worldwide survey of sexual behaviour in adults. One of the facts this reveals is the average number of partners per person by nationality.

Out of idle curiosity I looked at the list and.... (blushes) I've been a very naughty boy.

Here are a selection of national scores:

Turkey - 14.5
Australia - 13.3
Italy - 11.8
Switzerland - 11.1
U.S.A. - 10.7 (Not top? that will shut them right up!)
Japan - 10.2
U.K. - 9.8
Austria - 9.7
France - 8.1
Singapore - 7.2
Surprisingly China and India are way down the list with 3.1 and 3.0 respectively. Makes you wonder how there are so many of them.

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Posh Spice becoming an Alien? Strange but possibly true. by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-19 – 19:58:11

If you have seen recent pictures of Victoria Beckham nee Posh Spice you may have thought there was something not quite human about them.

Well you could be right. The whisper over at Salon.com is that with the help of the ArchThetan Tom Cruise (4'6"), Professional celebrity Posh is to become an alien bride.

Well that should give us more entertainment than her singing ever has.

Read it for yourself here

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Pissed As A Camel by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-17 – 18:07:58

Staff at an Irish riding school had to postpone a Christmas party after Gus the camel chomped his way through 200 mince pies and several cans of Guinness meant for their festivities. Gus, starring in the riding school's Santa's Magical Animal Kingdon show, filled up while staff were changing for their party.

Camels store liquids in their humps of course.

Which means there is a camel with a hump full of guinness on the loose in Ireland.

I don't give much for his chances of making it through the next two weeks.

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AIDS Message Rammed Home by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-16 – 17:20:19

Now it is very naughty and not at all politically correct to make fun of serious subjects. But has that ever stopped Boggart Blog before?

Right!

So it would be remiss of us not to comment on the World Health Organisation's report on the spread of AIDS in Africa. Now the WHO is a very serious body that does not deal in puns, double entendres and smutty jokes.

So when the report of findings that male circumcision reduces the chances of contracting HIV infection by 50%, a document of considerable gravitas, who the hell decided the launch presentation would be given by Mr. Kevin de Cock.

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Those Whom The Gods Would Destroy... #1 by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-15 – 17:20:55

Those whom the gods would destroy they first make ridiculous. Dare we hope then that the forces of natural justice have something spectacularly nasty planned for the Labour politicians who have surpassed in arrogance the last days of John Major's tory government. Because events atre certainly making the dark lords of the New Labour project look a right bunch of twats.

Let us all rejoice then at the news that in this season of merriment an official Labour Party DVD containing Blair's last speech to conference as leader and a film record of Labour's years in office titled Labour Achievement Film (interesting acronym there BTW) has been reduced to Ł5 per copy to clear stocks.

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Golden Globes by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-14 – 17:20:49

A headline on teletext informed me Helen Mirren is nominated for "three globes."

Now I can't see why she needs three, I remember from when she was an up and coming young actress the two very attractive ones she grew herself.

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Boggart Abroad by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-13 – 17:54:49

Read this at Huffington Post yesterday.

Not surprisingly, the Bush administration is already backing away from most of the 79 proposals put forth by the Iraq Study Group. But while Bush isn't ready to follow the group's recommendations, he's ready to adopt its slogan, "New Way Forward." The president may not be into things like facts, truth, or reality, but he loves a good slogan. Of course, that's been the problem during this entire fiasco -- the substitution of rhetoric for policy -- the belief, even at this late date, that reality can be changed simply by changing the language used to describe it. Bush makes a big show of his religious faith, but what's truly impressive is his incredible faith in the power of PR, and, accordingly, his lack of faith in the American people. I think the slogan is a missed opportunity. As we know Bush and Blair are desperately seeking a way to get out without losing face could we suggest the new slogan be amended to read Backwards is the new way forward.

While we're on American military matters we also read while blogging abroad yeaterday that an independant watchdog has revealed senior US officers are coercing soldiers into converting fundamentalist christianity.

People who refuse to be "born again" are left in no doubt their careers will hit a dead end.

This is good news for the anti war movement. The fubnies are so paranoid that all the Afghans and Iraqis will have to do is dress in halloween costumes and the Americans will think the Devil has come to get them and run away.

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Farewell Augusto - you inspired so many by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-12 – 17:32:27

New Labour Blogger Bob Piper yesterday made a jibe at the "warm tributes" being paid to Pinochet and recalled that the Blessed Maggie's was best buddies with the dead dictator.

Our best buddy Little Nicky Machiavelli commented:

Yeah, Thatcher being best buddies with a murdering tyrant was a terrible disgrace to this country. A bit like Blair being best buddies with the tyrant, torturer and war criminal Bush, the tyrant Gaddafi and the limb amputating vagina mutilators of the Saudi Royal House

.

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A Very Boggart Christmas. by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-11 – 17:26:29

Working for Jenny Greenteeth has its perks. Boggarts such as Jenny live outside the normal time / space continuum and can move events around at random. So yesterday we celebrated our family Christmas.

The reason for this eccentric behaviour is that Darling Daughter is off to France to work as a sports masseur & physiotherapist through the not skiing season (no snow in France this year it seems)

It has been a hectic few days since Gabby twice arrived on the saner side of the Pennines bringing all her stuff from the apartment she has just vacated. David is also in residence having rendered himself homeless. Disregarding parental warnings he took up a tenancy in which rent books and contracts did not figure - and naturally landed back in the parental home several months ago.

Now I neither know nor want to know what kind of altered consciousness my offspring inhabit but they both seem unaware that it is six years since we moved from the TARDIS-like Thorpe Towers (an elegant old terrace with attic and cellar) to a bijou and compact three bedroomed bungalow. Things are a bit cramped to say the least.

But its amazing what good dining stools David's professional speakers make.

And that is why we took a Christmas break early. You see he's booked solid over the holiday and we would have nowhere to sit

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The New Redneck Sport - Animal Throwing by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-09 – 18:28:57

You may not have heard of the sport of pig throwing yet but I predict it is going to be the next big thing, surpassing pie - eating, dwarf - bowling and even cesspit snorkelling in popularity.

In West Point Mississippi a man named Kevin Pugh has become the first to be convicted of pig throwing. Pugh was fined $249 for throwing a pig at a hotel receptionist. Its a strange amount to be fined but I suppose it was the maximum $150 for assaulting the receptionist but only $124 for throwing a pig as the creature only weighed 60 pounds. It is not clear why Pugh threw a pig at the victim. Hotel receptionists are usually polite and helpful but occasional mutants have been mistaken for members of genus Jobsworth due to their infuriating refusal to listen to reason.

Any fault on the part of the receptionist involved in the case seems unlikely however as the Pugh pig-throw was one of a spate of check-shirt-wearing-pickup-truck-driving-lard-arse related animal throwing incidents in the West Point area that night.

A police spokesman said, "It must be some new redneck thing because no similar incidents have ever been reported before.

Pugh has pleaded not guilty to a further charge of throwing a possum at fast food restaurant counter hand.

On grounds of diminished responsibility we assume.

The psychiatric report will make interesting reading.

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Bono GetsThe Clap by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-08 – 17:53:04

Don't we all love it when the most pompous celebrities get their come uppance.

I heard a wonderful story yesterday, it happened a whiole ago so maybe some of you already know of it.

During a gig in Glasgow Saint Bono stood frontstage, held up his hands for silence and then started clapping slowly.

"Do you realise," he said, "every time I clap my hands a child dies in Africa.

And from the audience a Glaswegian voice called out "well stop fucking clapping Jimmy."

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Farts of Mass Destruction by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-07 – 16:05:22

A story picked up from Yahoo News yesterday makes us wonder if the Turrrists and People of Evelyn Tent are getting more subtle and cunning or if the security forces are getting more stupid and paranoid.

An Aircraft bound for Dallas on a U,S. internal flight was forced to land in Nashville when passengers complained of the smell of burning sulphur. The authorities immediately went on teror alert

Later a woman admitted to FBI agents she had struck several matches to conceal the stink of her rancid farts.

Were this a serious blog we might well ask how, when it is impossible to get a bottle of springwater on a 'plane Mrs Fartybottom managed to sneak matches past airport security.

Instead we will simply promise never ever to use the phrase "about as dangerous as a smelly fart" in an ironic way again.

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Reality Withdrawal by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-04 – 17:23:59

Now that Celebrity-Strictly-Come-Dancing-Out-Of-The-Jungle-To-Love-Island is almost finished its increasingly surreal - yes, surreal; think Peter Schmichel dancing the Tango, Robbie from East Enders actually being popular, Jan Leeming deluding herself she is a sex bomb and Smiley Smiley Carol Smillie almost looking sexy (not to mention Myleen's boobies) - and the altered state of Christmas still three weeks away how will we ever cope.

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Blair Style Apology by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-03 – 16:58:51

I want to say I'm very very sorry, not for slavery or the Irish Potato Famine, Blair has already done them; not even for The Dissolution of the Monatries or for Santa Claus The Movie even, although all of these were terrible crimes against humanity. No, I have to apologise for something much worse.

Last week, in commenting on The X - Factor I said The MacDonald Bros. were a Proclaimers Tribute Band.

Well to prove me wrong last night they showed their versatility by covering Shang - A - Lang by the Bay City Rollers, complete with a tartan-scarf-waving section in the audience. I have to say it wasn't half bad (not 'arf - farewell Fluff, thanks for all the music.) If fact its sounded just like...

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it would if The Proclaimers sang it.

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Jelly Fish dish takes the biscuit. by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-02 – 18:24:37

Japan is beseiged by two metre wide, four hundred pound alien jelly fish (OK, I lied about the alien bit.)

But in a twist worthy of Tim Burton's sci - fi spoof movie Mars Attacks in which the seemingly indestructibe aliens explode when Slim Whitman's record of Indian Love Call is played, the fearless and brilliant students of Obama Fisheries High School in Fukui Province (sorry, no pronunciation guide available) have developed a technique for making the giant invertibrates into biscuits (or cookies if you are American.)

A Japanese food writer comments "the biscuits have a superbly textured sweetness nicely complemented by the bitter, salty taste normally associated with jellyfish.

Yeah, right.

I think I'll stick with my Hob Nobs

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The Man With The Pollonium Gun by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-01 – 17:37:20

The murdered Russian Spy story rumbles on and the trail of suspicion which has pointed to a London Hotel, a Sushi bar, The Kremlin and Muswell Hill now shifts once more. A new figure has emerged in the form of Professor Scaramella of Naples.

Professor who? Somebody is having a laugh. Was this new twist by any chance reported by a correspondent named Ffion Lemming? And is the Professor a bald, weasel faced man who carries a Persian cat everywhere and rides round in a nuclear powered wheelchair that shoots jets of scalding hot minestrone soup at enemies.

I think the only way this case will ever be solved is if, for information leading to the capture of the criminals a substantial reward is offered.

ONE MILLION DOLLARS ought to do the trick

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Updated : Tue, 28 Aug 2012 09:53:42 +0000

Comedy Talent Search - Laugh Track

BBC Comedy Commissioning and BBC Writersroom have joined forces for a second nationwide talent search to find new comedy gold. If you have a big studio sitcom brewing in your mind and can tell original stories, invent characters and catchphrases that can make a live audience laugh, then send in your script.

This is an opportunity not to be missed - you may get the chance of your work performed at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and at our Sitcom Showcase at the Studio in MediaCity, Salford. You could also be in line for a comedy masterclass on how to write studio sitcoms, plus an intensive week away developing your idea hand-in-hand with BBC comedy producers and established comedy writing talent.

 

The amazing Dawn French will be on the panel of judges. Cheryl Taylor (Controller, Comedy Commissioning), who judged last year's BBC writersroom comedy talent search says: "I was thrilled last year by the number of very funny and original scripts that we were asked to judge. It was a pleasure to read all of the short listed projects as was having the opportunity to meet some of their very talented authors."

The deadling for entries is Wednesday, 21 March 2012. For information on how to enter, visit the Writersroom website.


Publ.Date : Thu, 02 Feb 2012 13:52:39 +0000

It's Kevin

If you were visitng the internet yesterday, you may have heard about our new show for 2013 It's Kevin, starring and written by comedian Kevin Eldon.

You may have heard that it's sketches, it's songs, it's characters, it's guests, and it's a man who's old enough to know better mucking about, with help from a number of his comedy friends.

What you have probably not heard until reading it just now is that you can watch a clip from the show as a taste of things to come right here, right now!

 It's Kevin: The Perspective Twins

In order to see this content you need to have both Javascript enabled and Flash installed. Visit BBC Webwise for full instructions. If you're reading via RSS, you'll need to visit the blog to access this content.


Publ.Date : Tue, 19 Jun 2012 15:30:00 +0000

David Walliams' Mr Stink Comes to BBC One
 

"Mr Stink stank. He also stunk. And if it was correct English to say he stinked,
then he stinked as well…"

David Walliams' best-selling children's novel Mr Stink is set to come alive as a comedy drama for all the family on BBC One later this year.

The touching, twisted and hilarious tale tells of Mr Stink, who is befriended by a local girl Chloe. Chloe sees Mr Stink every day, but she's never spoken to him, which isn't surprising, because he's a tramp, and he stinks.

 

When it looks like Mr Stink might be driven out of town, Chloe hides her unusual friend in her garden shed. As she struggles to make sure no one sniffs out Mr Stink, her dad tries to hide a secret of his own, and the stage is set for an epic family confrontation. There is also one other person with an extraordinary secret: it turns out that there is more to Mr Stink than meets the eye… or nose.

David Walliams, who will play the role of the Prime Minister in the show, says: "I am beyond thrilled that BBC One is adapting my children's book 'Mr Stink' into a family film. I have written the script, and can't wait to see actors bring it to life." BBC One Controller Danny Cohen added: "Mr Stink is a heart-warming, nose-clenching and funny tale which will appeal to viewers of all ages. It's brilliant to be working with David to bring his magical tale to BBC One." Mark Freeland, Head of Comedy, finishes the stinky love-in by saying: "I am delighted that the BBC is continuing its relationship with the multi-talented David Walliams. Mr Stink has become an instant classic and it's so exciting to see it come to life on TV. Both my children would echo that. But then they both want parts, so…"


Publ.Date : Tue, 21 Feb 2012 08:00:00 +0000

The Thick of It Returns

 

Armando Iannucci's award-winning political comedy series The Thick Of It returns to BBC Two this autumn.

Coalition rows take their place alongside Government embarrassment, ministerial cock-ups, backroom deals, policy U-turns, spin-doctoring, political back-stabbing and wild media speculation

Roger Allam returns as Peter Mannion MP, the new Secretary of State for The Department of Social Affairs and Citizenship (DOSAC), supported by his team of special advisors, commanded by Number 10's Director of Communications Stewart Pearson (Vincent Franklin) and thwarted by his new Coalition partner, DOSAC's Junior Minister Fergus Williams MP (Geoffrey Streatfeild).

BAFTA award winners Rebecca Front and Peter Capaldi reprise their roles as Nicola Murray MP and foul-mouthed spin doctor Malcolm Tucker, both now consigned to the Opposition. The ensemble cast is completed by Chris Addison, Joanna Scanlan, James Smith, Olivia Poulet, Will Smith, Ben Willbond, and Rebecca Gethings.

Armando Iannucci says that this series takes us into exciting and uncharted territory: "A new Coalition Government, and Malcolm and Nicola fretting in the wings. For the first time too a storyline takes us all the way through the series right to the bitter, bitter end, with Government and Opposition convulsed in an incident that questions every political convention imaginable, but in a funny way."

BBC Two Controller Janice Hadlow says she is delighted to welcome it back, "A new Coalition government, what better time for a new series of The Thick Of It?"

Head of Comedy Mark Freeland is excited to see The Thick Of It return too - "No other show could coin the term 'Omnishambles' and see it become part of the political lexicon."


Publ.Date : Thu, 12 Jul 2012 07:00:00 +0000

Comedy and Multiplatform

 

Up in Edinburgh, the BBC's College of Production (COP) has been talking to comedians about online shennanigans. The COP's Catherine Scott writes...


Yesterday saw four of comedy's bright new stars share their thoughts on how to be 'funny and multiplatform', during BBC College of Production's live podcast from the BBC Edinburgh Festival base in Potterow. The panel consisted of Daniel Berg, the comedy writer and developer who specialises in viral video, Bec Hill, named one of the "Top 10 Funniest Comedians on Twitter", Arron Ferguson of alternative comedy duo Not The Adventures of Moleman and Iván González, one half of Foster's Edinburgh Comedy Award 2011-winning duo Max and Ivan.

Prolific Tweeter Bec Hill told us how she started using online platforms simply to share her comedy sketches and cartoons with her friends, and was pleasantly surprised when it snowballed into a 3000+ Twitter following. Bec also noted that her online audience has grown much faster than her live audience – "I've reached 100,000 views on YouTube, I certainly haven’t got that in Edinburgh yet!".

Daniel Berg's passion for viral videos was evident when a strong gust of Scottish wind blasted through the pink tent and he remarked "Film that, that'll go viral!". Daniel spoke of how social media and online platforms give new acts the chance for exposure without the need to be commissioned. When wrangling with the shorter attention span of the internet audience, Daniel’s advice to comedians was "Keep your content topical, and keep it short."

Ivan Gonzalez sang the praises of online platforms such as YouTube for giving comedians creative control, and also gave a shout-out to BBC's iPlayer and Feed My Funny for allowing viewers to access comedy outside the restrictions of viewing schedules. Like Bec Hill, Ivan also enjoys the immediacy of 140 character jokes on Twitter – and if the #EdFest feed this week is anything to go by, so do a lot of us (“Just been to a lecture on how to build a ship. Riveting!")

Arron Ferguson's two-man sketch troupe Not The Adventures of Moleman actually began as a solely online act, only venturing out onto the live circuit once they had built a large online following. Noting that "some people think you need to be live to be comedians", Arron pointed out that a lot of NTAOM's sketches actually work better online, because film can provide subtle shots that might be missed in onstage comedy. Arron also gave us possibly the most useful piece of advice on treating online platforms with respect – "Don’t use Twitter to invite all your fans to KFC!"

Although the public passion for live comedy gigs remains strong, any new comedian entering the industry should remember that there is a plethora of other options available to them for making their name and getting their work out there. It might take a while to build up 100,000 hits on YouTube or 1000 followers on Twitter, but as our guests concluded “As long as you’re having fun, that's what matters."

Listen to the full podcast.

Follow College of Production @BBCCop


Publ.Date : Thu, 23 Aug 2012 13:48:00 +0000


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Just as we showed solidarity with the publishers of Charlie Hebdo magazine after twelve staff were murdered by religious extremists and defended the right of citizens in democratic nations to criticize religion by saying "Je Suis Charlie" so we are now making a stand in support of the freedom to eat sausages (which is an abomination to Allah apparently,) by saying "Je Suis Saussice".

Trade Treaties Fast Track Not A Done Deal, The People Will Stop It
The fast tracking of two trade treaties, TTIP and TPP that the corporate gofor, President Barack Hussein Obama, is pushing in the hope that the deals, will enable him to complete the task he was shoehorned into office for by transferring control of national laws from elected governments to corporate lawyers, looks to be stalling.

Prescription painkillers’ overuse has become ‘silent epidemic’ in USA, UK and Europe.
The United kingdon's Office Of National Statistics regularly publishes disturbing figure on the overuse of prescription drugs in the UK. Abuse of prescription painkillers by patients, overprescription by medical professionals and illnesses related to taking prolonged high doses of prescription painkillers are getting worse every year, to the extent that BBC Television has screened features and documentaries on the topic.

More Political Ineptitude Stirs Secterian Tensions
Amid the surfeit of scaremongering about Islamic extremist terrorism and attempts to secure immunity from attack by appeasement we have seen Oxford University Press ban all pig related words from its publications because pigs are an abomination to Allah and references to them will offend Muslims ...

More Global Warming Hot Air, As Climate Fundamentalists Continue Inflating a False Reality

We’re told this week that Washington’s National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration’s National Climatic Data Center (NOAA) had finally crunched its numbers for 2014, and Al Gore is a very happy man, as are the armies of amateur climate experts who take government scientific announcements as gospel.

Could 'DNA editing' lead to designer babies? Designer babies, human / animal hybrids, these things have been in wet dream territory for scientists for a long time. But now due to techniques such as DNA editing, they are getting worryingly close to reality. And as has been demonstrated many times, scientists have zero uderstanding of where the ethical boundaries lie.

We said 2014 was the warmest year on record
 but we’re only 38% sure we were right - NASA
Nasa admits this means it is far from certain that 2014 set a record at all. Does that mean 97% of climate experts are 62% sure they are wrong? The thing with half-truths is that they generate a glorious fog, but it has no substance. Ask of the spin-cloud a couple of sensible questions and the narrative collapses.

Prince Andrew allegations: Suday Mirror Asks: Is this the London house where 'sex slave' says she romped with him?
More Global Warming Hot Air, As Climate Fundamentalists Continue Inflating a False Reality

Believe The Phoney Narrative Or Be Branded a Conspiracy Theorist.
Right now the west is in big trouble, the move led by Russia and China to dump the petrodollar as global currency has provoked the Americans to lead the wesern allies into an economic war that we cannot win. Why not? One word: debt. A shooting war is the only option but it's by no means certain the allies would win that.

Seventy Years Down The Line And We Have Come Back To Appeasement As A Means To Peace.
As a spate of increasingly bloody and violent attacks on civilized values and the democratif freedoms of the western nations (free speech for example) continues to cause revulsion among the general population, our spineless leader are calling on us to be tolerant. The cowardly hypocrites who lead us may be ready to surrender, but anger is mounting in the cities and towns.

Russia throws down the gauntlet: energy supply to Europe cut off; petrodollar abandoned as currency war escalates
There are some big moves taking place on the global stage that you need to know about, as this could all lead to World War III. Yesterday Russia cut off its natural gas supply to Europe, "plunging the continent into an energy crisis 'within hours' as a dispute with Ukraine escalated," the Daily Mail reported. "This morning, gas companies in Ukraine said that Russia had completely cut off their supply. Six countries reported a complete shut-off of Russian gas shipped via Ukraine today, in a sharp escalation of ...

Europe’s Intensifying Immigration Debate
In an absolutely gobsmacking psychological meltdown and an unparalleled display of bourgeois self hate, the former Swedish Prime Minister Fredrik Reinfeldt demonstrated how wide the gap between the political and academic elite and reality has become in the materially advanced democracies. He also made himself an early fron runner for the title "cupid stunt of the century.

Spain's new migrant law upsets E U Thought Police
Spanish police have been accused of violating human rights conventions by beating African migrants who climb the fences between Morocco and Spanish African territories and deporting them on the spot (so-called "pushbacks"), ignoring asylum procedures.

‘Uncaged Corporate Parrots’ Of The Political Elite and The GMO False Narrative
The Environment Secretary in the UK Coalition Government, Elizabeth Truss has argued that genetically modified (GM) food should be grown in Britain because it is more ‘eco-friendly’. She adds that steps should be taken to speed up this development. Her statements come as little surprise to many because Truss’s predecessor, Owen Paterson, was also a staunch supporter of GM technology.

Earth’s CO2 Levels Pass Global Warming ‘Milestone', Nothing Happens - Daily Caller.
After two decades of panic stricken scientists and screeching lefties wailing about the catatrophe that would ensue once the concentration of carbon dioxide (CO2) in the atmosphere passed 400 parts per million, that figure was reached in December 2014. No islands sank, no ice caps disappeared, no cities were incinerated. Which is pretty much what those of us who recognize the science of scaremongering when we see it predicted would happen.

Who’s a Charlie? France cracks down on free speech in order to defend it
In grim and supreme irony, French police have fanned out to suppress free speech in order to defend it.“France ordered prosecutors around the country to crack down on hate speech, anti-Semitism and glorifying terrorism, announcing Wednesday that 54 people had been arrested for those offenses” since last week, the Associated Press reports.

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Labour's Cockfish Reveals How Mainfesto Will Piss You Off.
All three main parties in the UK General Election are campaigning from a Politically Correct Consensus (i.e. Control Freak) platform. But whenm it comes to politically correct control freakery, Labour will always outdo the others. The main early thut of their campaign is a promise to criminalise sugary snacks and breakfast cereals, fatty foods and some fizzy drinks. And they're serious, they have handed the job of selling this idiocy to The Cockfish of British politics.

Charlie Hebdo: No Wonder There Are Conspiracy Theories
With a little distance between us and the Charlie Hebdo killings, questions remain unanswered and are likely to remain so. These questions inspire conspiracy theories, which in turn trigger authority worshippers to dismiss anyone who asks legitimate questions as 'right wing nut jobs'...

Economist: World Leaders Will Exploit Charlie Hebdo to Eliminate Internet Privacy
Economist Martin Armstrong warns that the twin attacks in France will be used by world leaders to push for restrictions on Internet privacy and the total elimination of encrypted communications. Armstrong writes that, “They are using this latest event precisely as they used 911 to strip us of all rights. David Cameron, PM of Britain, wants to block WhatsApp and Snapchat if he wins the next election, as part of his plans for new surveillance...

Oxford University Bans All Things Pig Related In Support Of Free Speech
When does being reasonable and open minded become cowardice? When academics who pride themselves on intellectual detachment cave in to threats from extremists and try to pass off their pitiful weakness by pretending they are showing sensitivity to the feelings of minorities. Don't send you little geniuses to Oxfor, they may and up with a PhD in spinlessness.

While the world has been looking the other way, Boko Haram has been conquering Nigeria
One story that has slipped away from us recently as we have tried to bring you a fair and balanced view of the Ched Evans With Hunt, the Charlie Hebdo terrorist attack, ships full of migrants abandoned in The Adriatic and the collapse of the Petrodollar amongs other catastrophe's that have happened, are happening or are waiting to happen, has been the progress of the Boko Haram rebellion in Nigeria.

Insane Science Pushing The Earth Towards Ecocide. At the Daily Stirrer we have suspected it for a log time, science is insane, a game for the ethically challenged and sociopathic to compete to be first to develop a new plague, or a death ray, or to trash the enviromnent in pursuit of political power or corporate profits for their paymasters. There's even a name for what they are doing now, Ecocide.

A Republic Always Decays Into Oligarchy. Here's Why
Almost a rehash of Schumpeter's warning, that capital alwaysd contains the seeds of its own destruction while socialism always leads to fascism. I guess the old Austrian economist was trying to tel us the only thing that works is chaos. I can live with that.

France sees dozens of anti-Muslim incidents.
No doubt our leaders and the media will condemn the backlash from ordinary French people to the Charlie Hebdo massacre. Random attacks on decent Muslims are wrong. but how long do the elites expect us to keep showing tolerance when they have done nothing about a long standing problem.

The Debt Ponzi Deconstructed
Most of us are familiar with the concept of GDP as a measure of economic health. If GDP increases, the myth goes, then the economy has grown. It is a measure of how effectively or efficiently we are utilizing our assets to generate wealth. The idea is that the more I invest the more notional returns I can generate. Unfortunately GDP is a false economic measure, it only measures the rate at which money churns around the economic system.

In The War On Terror, Freedom Is Not Winning While we would like to write about more positive things, protecting democracy and free speech, guiding people towards healthy lifestyles, how we the punters can save the planet (especially from the idiocies of the Warmageddonist lobby) and so on, we find far too much of our time is spent trying to get the truth about important issues in front of readers. Mainstream media has abandoned news reporting in favour of simply repeating government and corporate propaganda. Terrorism is one issue on which you will only finds out facts from new media.

Why Iceland Recovery Is Being Ignored In Mainstream News
Iceland is a small country with less that half a million people so is not a good comparison with Britain. It's recovery from near bankruptcy in the wake of the 2008 financial crisis however is due to the rejection of politically correct, globalist politics so in that light it serves to illustrate that to suggest Britain (60 million people) cannot survive outside the EU is just globalist scaremongering.

Boggart Blog brings you Gogglebox special on the past two days television
Mainstream media may dive for cover or publish appeasing articles saying what very nive people Muslim fundamentalists are, following the massacre of French magazine Charlie Hebdo staff. Boggart Blog, fearless as ever, carries on taking the piss however.

The Robotification Of Human Society Is being Implemented
Are you ready to surrender your humanity to science, accept having computer chips implanted in your skull that will link your brain to the internet (via a Google server) and let your life be controlled by machines? That's what The Controllers are planning for you ...

Gogglebox on the Charlie Hebdo atrocity
Mainstream media has lost even more cribility because editors were afraid to publlish the Charlie Hebdo cartoons that are thought to have provoked the attack. boggart Blog, fearless as ever, has run them, along with our own cartoon on the topic.

Liberal Says We Shouldn’t Prosecute Sexual Predators
 if They are Black.
There are plenty of examples of the depths of stupidity to which 'liberals' or supporters of 'the progressive left' will stooop in order to curry favout from members of the darker skinned races, but few are as staggeringly idiot as this one.

The Strange Case Of The Footballer And The Witch Hunt.
In 2011 Sheffied United footballer Ched Evans was jailed for rape, a crime he has always insisted he did not commit. Now Evans is out, having served only helf his sentence. The left wing hate mob, the feminists and their testosterone hating gay fellow travellers are determined the player should be thrown to the dogs. but when you read the facts of the case not reported in mainstream media, the conviction starts to look very unsafe.

Merkel Agrees That Immigrants Abuse EU Welfare Systems
In a surprise statement German Chancellor Angela Merkel has agreed with Prime minister David Cameron that there is an urgent need to address the “abuses” of Britain’s benefits system by immigrants. It was the first time Chancellor Merkel publicly offered any support to the Prime Minister’s bid to reform the EU welfare system.

The Euro Is Closer To Collapse Than Anyone Cares To Admit.
A victory for the anti EU Syriza Party in the Greek elections later this month would lead to a Greek default on its massive sovereign debts. This in turn would mean Greece would have to quit the EU. And that would have massive repercussions for the major European economies and probably precipitate a global economic crisis (like the ongoing global depression isn't enough). It is going to be interesting to watch this one play out.

EU Challlenges Turkey On human Traffickers
The European Union has asked the Turkish government to explain how human traffickers could have taken two cargo ships filled with migrants out of the Turkish ports and sailed into European waters without the authorities notifying Greek and Italian marine authorities or even being aware. A spokeswoman for the European Commission, Natasha Bertaud said on Tuesday that “given what has happened in recent days with the two ships, we wanted to clarify things with the Turkish authorities.

Russia Propositions Europe: Dump The US$ And I'll Show You My Eurasian Economic Union
The wheels of bureaucracy turn slowly but they grind exceedingly fine, goes an old business maxim. It seems the slow turning of the E U's bureaucratic wheels is bringing Brussels round to understanding that as a result of the western economic and financial sactions on Russian, it is the European Union member nations and the EU itself that is being hit hardest...

America's Food And Drug Administration U Turn On Daily Asprin
For years many of us, particularly males over 50 have been badgered by our doctors and by government propaganda to take a daily does of asprin to prevent cardio vascular disease. senior health bureaucrats have even lobbied for laws mandating daily asprin.

the Sex Offenders Granted Licences to Drive Taxis in Manchester
A notable feature of the child sex abuse scandals in several boroughs of Greater Manchester, in Rotherham and Sheffied. south Yorkshire and in Birmingham, Oxford and numerous other large town and cities around the UK which have significant immigrant communities is the number of cases which centre on the premises of Taxi firms. The public have a right to expect that people being granted licences to work as taxi drivers would be vetted ...

New ‘Monsanto Law’ in Africa Would Force GMOs on Farmers

As we in the west draw up battle lines in the fight against the anything-but-free trade treaties being pushed by the Coroporate-owned Obama administration in the USA, it seems new wars are breaking out elswhere as national sovereignty and culture confronts the US led corporate power grab.

A notable feature of the child sex abuse scandals in several boroughs of Greater Manchester, in Rotherham and Sheffied. south Yorkshire and in Birmingham, Oxford and numerous other large town and cities around the UK which have significant immigrant communities is the number of cases which centre on the premises of Taxi firms. The public have a right to expect that people being granted licences to work as taxi drivers would be vetted,

2015 Will Be The Story Of China, Russia, Iran and The Petrodollar
If recent events are anything to go by, 2015 is set to be another year of 'interesting times' as China, Russia and Iran square up against the American bid for global hegemony and continue their efforts to see the US dollar dumped as the global reserve currency and the oil trading system known as The Petrodollar replaced by bilateral trades being settled in the currency of the vendor nation.

Greens Will Not Become UKIP of the Left By Talking Bollocks
A lot of people who are sick of politics as usual and aren't bright enough to see that UKIP are the only party with any chance of upsetting the politics as usual bandwagon in 2015 are hoping The Greens are poised to become the UKIP of the left. Well they're not if they carry on like this:

Labour Elite Thinks Northerners Are Thick - I Told You So
A strong feeling is starting to emerge that whatever the Labour leadeship does, the party is not going to win May's election. In spite of the unpopularity of the Conservative led coalition, the idea is taking hold that Labour is no longer the party of the working class, instead they represent professionals and academics and are thus an elitist movement.

German Chancellor Lashes Out at Anti-Islamification Marches as Support Grows
As the tide of anti - Islamic feeling grows among the German working class has gained huge momentum since the day in October 2014 when in the city of Dresden two hundred 'like minded people' gathered to launch PEDIGA (Patriotic Europeans Against the Islamisation of Europe), a movement to defend the nationality and culture of European nations and regions.

Floating Debris Is From Missing Air Asia Jet - Or Is It
As a wave of comment on internet news suites about the similarities between the disappearance of an AirAsia Airbus, flight QZ8501 on a routine trip from Jave to singapore and the equally inexplicable disappearance of Malaysia Airlines flight MH370 in the same area en route from Kuala Lumpur nine months ago, it was quite predictable that while there remains no trace of MH370, this time floating debrius and bodies have been found at the alleged crasah site.

Missing Aircraft: Does This Ring Any Bells Another airliner carrying a large number of civilian passengers has gone missing in the area between Indonesia and Malaysia. Here is what is known so far from the news feeds. As you read it, make a not of how far you get before the bells start ringing.

As Italy's poor struggle to come t o terms with a lack of job prospects and the challenges of a globalized world, some are blaming asylum-seekers.
We have reported on immigration related problems in Britain, France, Germany, Denmark, Germany and Sweden. Now it is Italy's turn. Obviously mass immigration is seen as a problem all around Europle. So why do the elite and their bourgeois sycophants insist it isn't?

Rape Horror In Swedish Muslim Ghetto
A story we found on a Danish television news channel relate to a particularly horrific sexual assault that took place on 19 June near. A group of Muslim men gang-raped the girl while one, who has not been identified, put a gun to her face and threatened to kill her if she did not stop screaming.

Influential Germans Appeal Against Another War In Europe
While the mainstream media has been obsessing about the collapse in oil prices and celebrating the problems of Vladimir Putin's regime in Russia, and fanciful economic pundits have been burbling about all time high stock markets a group of prominent Germans are less concerned about mainstream sensationalism than by something that poses a much bigger threat to the immeditate future of Europe: the threat of the Obama administration pushing us into a war with Russia.

Will 2014 Go Down As The Year Propaganda Replaced Information?
Those of us who pay attention will have noticed that 2014 has topped all others for the manout of spin and propaganda spread by mainstream news organisations and government departments but also news took on a new aspect. Evidence and facts were replaced by whatever fantasy served the US and EU leadership and their corporate paymasters. Scary.

Death Of Democracy: Why We Can’t Get The Government We Deserve And Vote For.
In every election campaign, in the UK, USA, Canada, Germany, France etc. politicians spout about delivering 'change'. And yet every government we elect, no matter what label they wear or what coulour the use on campaign materials, seems just the same as the last, making the same promises and mistakes. Ever wondered why?

Secret WTO Trade Deal Leaked - Threatens Internet Freedom, E - Commerce, Free Speech

This story is about another nasty little deal corporate business has been cooking up with Washington and The United Nations and with the full complicity of mainstream media. This one threatens you internet freedom, privacy and free speech, is totally biased towards corporate power and profit and like the TTIP and TPP it is supprted by leaders of the USA and EU.

Eight Subjects That Ought To Be Part Of The Manadtory Curriculum For Basic Education?
Should subjects like meditation and gardening be part of the school currriculum? Or as one high school in Massachusetts, USA, seems to believe, classes in analyzing conspiracy theories (if taught properly this could help students distinguish between a true conspiracy theory, a fantasy and what is legitimate questioning of official propaganda. The embedded article from Collective Evolution presents some interesting ideas.

China Stumps Up To Help Beleagured Russian Economy As predicted in The Daily Stirrer Currency Wars page, China was never going to stand aside and let the American and Arabs governments trash the economy of its ally Russia. We knew this because several of our writers, chiefly economics expert Phil T Looker has contributed on the orchestrated attempt by Russia, China and Iran to see the US dollar replaced as the global reserve currency (the petrodollar).

Don’t believe American lies about Russia
What we are seeing in western media about the currency and oil price war being waged against Russia by the Obama administration in America is not only a very subjective version of events being presented by Washington spin doctors, it ignores the fact that though the USA and EU may have imposed sanctions on Russia, China, India, Iran, Turkey, all African and south American nations and most of south east Asia are still doing business with Moscow.

Another Montauk Monster? Mystery Creature Washes Up On California Beach.
No matter how much the science tits and worshippers of reason, logic and order may hate it, the world had a habit of regularly throwing up mysteries for which there is no simple, logical explanation, for instance, several carcasses of as strange creature that looks to be a dog / seal mongrel have washed up on American beaches in the last few years. WTF is it? That's a question for the people who look after The X Files.

Establishment Closed Ranks When Police Investigations Into Child Sex Abuse Allegations Closed In
Latest development in the cover up of allegations that politicians, lawyers, and celebrities were involved in systematic child sexual abuse groups, police officers have now claimed a series of covert police investigations into alleged VIP paedophiles were shut down as they went 'to the heart of the Establishment'.

UN says Ebola-hit nations at risk of hunger - Al Jazeera
United Nations officials have warned that up to one million people in West Africa are at risk of food shortgaes as nations affected by the Ebola outbreak find harvests reduced due to border closures, restrictions on and neglect of crops. The deadly virus has now killed 6,800 people and severely disrupted daily life in the worst-hit nations of Liberia, Guinea and Sierra Leone.

Christmas Message: Economic Recovery, Bah, Humbug While western government economists pump out propaganda about how economic recovery is steaming ahead (in the hope of persuading consumers to take on debt ad start spending in the befief that good times are just round the corner, and politicians wallow in schadenfreude because Russia looks to be suffering) our economics experts writes about what is realy happening and why oil pices have collapsed. It isn't pretty.

Google quits Spain in paid content row
] Spain's government have defied Google's vow to shut down its Spanish online news service rather than pay for content, [ ... ] The internet search giant threatened to close Google News Spain in December, 2014, before an intellectual property law enters force in January obliging Internet news scrapers to pay for content automatically lifted from other websites. Spain's culture ministry, said it would go ahead with the new law, Google's response is "a matter for the company".

Another Blow To The US Dollar Reserve Currency Status As Russia Sings Up Turkey, India
The move led by Russian and China to dump the US dollar as global reserve currency continues to gain momentum. Most recent nations to sign bilateral agreements to settle cross border transactions in the currency of the vendor are India and Turkey.

Docors, Scientists Greased by Big Pharma? Told You So.
The Physician Payments Sunshine Act, which was passed by the US Senate with the help of an extensive investigation led by Senator Charles Grassley (R-IA), provisions that doctors who receive payoffs from drug or vaccine companies must disclose this when pushing new therapies or medical procedures from what would otherwise appear to be unbiased intentions. (It happens in Europe too, see links in article)

French Goss Mag Outs Gay Politician, Sparks Privacy Row
Gossip magazine Closer has sparked a privacy row in France after it outed a homosexual senior member of France's right - wing National Front party. Closer published photos of the man with his male partner. Politicians and journalists have reacted angrily to whhat they call a gross breach of privacy.

TTIP Tries To Dump US Frankenfoods On Europe; Left and Right Unite To Back States' Right To Ban Them.
As public awareness increases of the way the secret trade deals that even our elected representatives are not allowed to know the terms of, the Trans Atlantic Trade And Investment Partnership (TTIP) and the Trans Pacofic Partnership will increase American global hegemony ...

A beginners Guide To Thinking For Yourself About Climate Change
Climate change has become a more fanatical and more dangerous religion that fundamentalist Christianity, Islam or Zionism. Its followers are prepared to destroy not just themselves but the entire human race and most life on earth before they will admit there is little substance in their dogmas, which are all based on 'evidence' from idols they call mathematical models, rather than on any real world evidence.

CO2 vs Temperature comparison over 400,000 years shows CO2 and warming are not linked
Scientists who are part of the 'Science Is Settled' mob are quite adamant that there is no room for discussion, that climate change is caused solely by marginally increased levels of the trace atmospheric gas Carbon Dioxide is proved beyond doubt. Unfortunately their 'proof' exists only in mathematical models, studies based on real world evidence constantly disagree

Even The BIS Is Shocked At How Broken Markets Have Become.
If the Bank of International Settlements (BIS) the bank where banks and governments do business is worried about the state of the markets, we are in bigger trouble than anyone is letting on.

Child sex abuse inquiry in crisis as victims walk away
Alleged victims of abuse involved in the historic abuse case currently being investigated by MPs and police have advised Home Secretary Theresa May, that they are ready to withdraw support from the Government's child sex inquiry. Twenty = three individuals, some of whom claim as children they suffered serious and prolonged abuse at the hands on senior Members of Parliament, Senior Civil servants and other high ranking figures in the public sector, sent Mrs May a letter claiming the inquiry is "not fit for purpose".

Obesity pill to ‘replace treadmill’ being developed by Harvard University
A magic pill which burns away excess body fat has been one of the wet dreams of mad scientists for decades. Such a pill is now being developed at Harvard University. Researchers claim it could one ‘replace the treadmill.’ (This is daft as we still need exercise to maintain a healthy heart, muscles and bones.

Everything The Science Whores Told You About Eating Fat Was A Lie.
We have been telling you so for years, but at last the world seems to be cathing up with The Daily Stirrer. Another independent study confirms that the scientists ('A sack of rogues bought and paid for with corporate gods' to paraphrase Burns) have been lying about the health risks of eating saturated fat. It's process vegetable fat, created in laboratories by scientists and other synthesized foods that damage human health.

What Would George Orwell Think Of The Screeching Left's Horror At Plans To Shrink The State. In part one of his classic social commentary, The Road To Wigan Pier, George Orwell wrote of the grinding poverty and appalling living conditions endured by people in industrial areas. The second part, which is more revevant to the 21st Century is a rant against the superiority of the upper class 'Fabian' socialists who have hijacked the Labour movement and whose Paternal Liberalism is in almost all ways more repugnant that the uncaring attitude of the old elite.

What Will It Take to Get You to Swallow GMO and Nanotech Foods?

Are you one of these "new technology rejecters"? Apparently you will be given such a label soon if you don't want GMOs or nanoparticles in your food, just as those who ask can the 1.6% contributed by human activity of the carbon dioxide that makes up 0.025% of the atmosphere really be the sole cause of the changes in our climate which has been constantly changing for millions of years before men first stood erect.

Evolution: Theory, Fact or Fiasco?
Much as I have faith in Charles Darwin's Theory Of Evolution as a feasible explanation of how diverse species originate (The Origin Of The Species) it annoys me when science fans insist "Evolution is not a theory, its a fact." Especially annoying of course is when they cite evolution to explain the origin of life on earth or the development of human intelligence. Even more annoying is their assumption that anyone questioning them is a young Earth creationist. Here are a few thoughts on some of evolution theory's inconsistencies ...

Why Food Sovereignty Should Not Be Handed To GMO Biotech Corporations
Most of the GM produce that is finding its way into the human food chain has been modified to make it resistant to herbicides (weed killer) and pesticides (insect killer) that are deadly to humans - just look at the warnings on a packet of garden weed killer or domestic fly spray if you want proof of that. And remember in bulk food production we are talking about industrial quantities of industrial strength toxins. Scientists on the corporate payroll assure us ...

Are Humans Becoming Extinct
some scientists, Guy McPherson included, down at the Climate Change conference who fear that climate disruption is so serious, with so many self-reinforcing feedback loops already in play, that humans are in the process of causing our own extinction.

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