Best Of Boggart Blog (8)
A Seasonal Miracle?
South African Mr. (got that, Mr.) Charles Sibindana has been fined ZA$140 for making a fraudulent claim for sick pay.
Mr. Sibindana submitted a certificate from his wife's gynaecologist to back up his claim that he took a week's sick leave because he was pregnant.
Now in my book that beats virgin birth by a distance.
A Couple of Smiles Before It Gets Even More Painful
Almost at the end of a month of bad and sad news; Iraq, Afghanistan, the Financial Markets, the environment and the death of Desert Orchid being just a few topics, its nice to hear something jolly.
So I enjoyed the story of the Surrey lady who while visiting the North East went into a hairdressers in Newcastle and asked "Could you do me a perm please."
"Why aye pet," came the reply, "I wandered lernley as a clerd..."
All in all its like the story of the northerner who took holy orders and was appointed vicar of an Anglican parish in Surrey.
When he arrived at his church the verger said "I'm sorry about the state of the place, we have a problem with the myrrh."
"The myrrh?" said the new vicar, "I didn't know you were high church."
"We're not," the verger said, "but what has that to do with cutting the grass?"
Comedy Main Menu
Killjoy's Christmas Decorations
Following on from last weeks revelations in Machiavelli blog about the Health and Safety Executive's plan to make sure all trees with the potential to fall over in high winds are properly managed with public safety the foremost consideration we bring you more news of Health and Safety fascism from the uber - jobsworths of Tower Hamlets Borough Council.
Last year these halfwit bureaucrats earned ridicule for banning all Merry Christmas type messages lest they offend the delicate sensibilities on non - Christians.
This year, with the complicity of Health and Safety Inspectors they have banned all wall and ceiling mounted decorations in all council premises because staff could be seriously injured while putting them up.
Authoritarian Box Ticking
Health And Safety Halloween
"Jesus Is Not The Messiah"
The problem with protesters in other countries is they do not have a British sense of humour (to be fair neither do the police in other countries - and they tend to be a tad trigger happy into the bargain)
On last night's news I saw a shot of a protest against the visit of Pope Benedict to Turkey.
A woman in traditional muslim dress which made her look for all the world like Terry Jones in a famous scene in "The Life of Brian" brandished a placard that read "Jesus is not The Messiah, he is a Prophet of Islam."
"Oh why aren't you English dear," I thought. Had she been she might have had the wit to replace "he is a Prophet of Islam" with the words "he's a very naughty boy."
SCENE FROM LIFE OF BRIAN:
CROWD (in chorus) we want to see Brian, he is the Messiah.
T. Jones (as a woman): He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy.
I include that for the benefit of the very young or those who have led sheltered lives and have not yet seen the funniest film ever made.
Baby Bible Basher
Blair's Faith Foundation
They Prayed Him Straight
Who Put That Gobshite On Television?
There's a wonderful scene in an episode of Father Ted where Dougal appears on T.V.
This arouses Father Jack from his drunken stupor. "Who put that gobshite on television?" he roars, hurling an empty whiskey bottle at the TV.
I have a similar moment every week when a certain contestant in X - Factor appears on screen. Its the one who is getting the "Granny" vote. Guess who (and I meant that most sincerely, friends.)
Meanwhile as Simon Cowell eliminated the most talented (the only talented?) contestant again I say GO PROCLAIMERS TRIBUTE BAND!
Oh I would vote five hundred times
if the voting lines were free,
yes I would vote five hundred times
to see Simon Cowell's misery...
X Factor Ship Of Dead Dreams
X Factor - The Bird Is The Word
We Need Another Crackdown - suggestions please
Are Wee Johnny Reid's leadership ambitions distracting him from doing his job as Home Secretary? It must be all of a week since he announced a crackdown.
It is not so long ago the tartan terrier was announcing a dozen new crackdowns a day. There were crackdowns on anti social behaviour, binge drinking, illegal immigrants, truancy, exploding orange juice, obesity, beards, staying up late, harmless nutters, bullies, Clare Short, paedophiles, silly hats and the wrong kind of shite.
Then suddenly silence.
There are only two possibilities, that Dr. Reid is preoccupied with more important business or he has run out of things to crack down on.
Either way, to get wee Johnny back on the rails may we suggest crackdowns on the the following:
Farting in lifts,
Christmas special offers
Delusional folk who go off to the jungle thinking they are celebrities,
Delusional folk who come back still unaware that everybody hates them,
Panto Boy on the X - factor,
Any suggestions you wish to add to the list will be forwarded to The Home Office.
Comedy and Humour Menu
Politics and Economy Menu
The Politics Of Fear And Panic
Oo-er Missis, its the Tree Hugging Cannibals
In last night's episode of Torchwood (yes, I like Torchwood, after a dodgy first episode it has me suspending disbelief with great enthusiasm) the story was set around a remote farm in the Brecon Beacons. The tree - hugging locals had a very quaint tradition. Every ten years they would round up strangers in the area and eat them (shades if I'm the only cannibal in the village there I thought.) When the Torchwood statutory pretty girl asked the chief cannibal why they did this he replied "because it makes me happy." A chilling reminder there that among all the humandroids, shapeshifters, pan dimensional fart creatures and orgasm - eating aliens that pass through Cardiff's rip in the time - space continuum, good old human evil still has a lot to answer for.
Well that was how I saw it last night...
In this morning's paper I read that the nation's most famous tree hugger, Prince Charles, has just bought a run down farm in the Brecon Beacons.
Oo-er missis, is that coincidence or are sinister forces at work here?
Alien Life In California
Life On Mars
Turd Nine From Outer Space
More Life On Mars
Alien In My Bed (MP3 audio)
Comedy, Humour Menu
Blair's Super Nanny State
In an article for the Currant Bun Tony Blair announced the launch of The Super Nanny State.
As part of a crackdown on anti social behaviour teams of Super Nanny State Stormtroopers will swoop on areas where "poor parenting" is rife. "Poor parenting", according to Blair, is the cause of anti social behaviour and does incalculable harm to children.
People found guilty of "poor parenting" will be sent on parenting courses, to be run we guess by Ruth Kelly and a newly appointed parenting Csar rumoured to be Cilla from Coronation Street.
But, you might well ask, is the problem "poor parenting" or simply parenting? Boggart Blog thinks people with children should forget about parenting and go back to being Mums and Dads.
Dolphins Don't Drink
You learn something every day. Yesterday, tucked up in bed with my cold and daytime TV I learned that Dolphins don't drink. Not "don't drink" in the sense of avoiding alcohol but don't drink full stop.
There are various theories as to why. Some zoologists say it is because aquatic mammals get their fluids from what they eat while others contend that as their kidneys cannot process sea water evolution has adapted them to get by without taking in water.
While high on industrial strength lem-sips I have one of those moments of insight we get when our brains are addled. Dolphins don't drink because flippers are useless for holding a cup, glass or bottle.
Government Warning - Trees Can Damage Your Health
URGENT HEALTH WARNING FROM H.M. GOVERNMENT - Standing under or near tress can seriously damage your health and lead may kill.
Our old friends at the Health and Safety Executive featured in our last blog (BTW apologies to readers who were expecting this post yesterday, there's a nasty bug going round the nether world and your favourite Boggart needed to take a sickie) when we highlighted Bozza Johnson's rantings at the ludicrous nannying of this bunch of hard - hatted, toetector - wearing fascists who seem intent on eliminating any kind of risk from our lives by making us prisoners of rules and regulations.
Now Boggart Blog pick up the standard itself and leads the resistance against the mindless bureaucracy of the clipboard wielding killjoys.
Two years ago in Dunham Massey Park, Cheshire, a family were enjoying a winter outing in woodland of the 250 year old plantation when a freak gust of wind caused a Beech to fall. In falling the tree brought down its neighbour which, tragically, killed an eight year old boy.
It was an accident and nobody tried to pretend otherwise. Al least until The Health and Safety Executive got wind of it. As far as the Hard - Hatted, toetector wearing clipboard wielding box tickers are concerned there is no such thing as an act of God, there are only failures of management. If enough boxes had been ticked that freak gust of wind could have been managed.
The HSE Inspectorate demanded that the police arrest the park manager for criminal negligence.
A year later the police dropped the case due to lack of evidence. Presumably all the witnesses, being trees, declined to be interviewed. But the clipboard wielders could not accept a healthy tree simply falling down as healthy trees do from time to time.
The hard - hatted toetector wearers (who, we imagine, all have those anally retentive moustaches that are never allowed to grow more than a quarter of an inch long) were determined that in order to prevent any future tree - related incidents they would ensure procedures were put in place to identify any trees posing a danger to public safety because of their likelihood of falling over in high winds. Also the HSE are determined that the owners of potentially unstable trees are aware of their duty to manage woodland properly.
Whether this results in the National Trust having to cut down all the millions of trees under their management or in those tracts of ancient woodland the weirdie beardies have fought so long and hard to protect from building firms being destroyed because of public safety issues remains to be seen.
If this all seems a bit over the top to you, remember the motto of the HSE is "You Can't Be Too Paranoid.
Here is a facsimilie of a leaflet you will shortly be receiving through the post which details the HSE's advice for tree safety.
Never go near trees when it is windy or it may become windy while you are there.
Do not let your dog worry trees, remember a frightened tree is a dangerous tree.
Do not try to feed trees, they may bite.
Do not catch trees or encourage them to follow you home, they make very bad domestic pets.
Always view trees from a safe distance, they can fall surprisingly quickly.
Do not consume fruit or nuts near trees. Seeing their offspring being eaten alive can upset them.
Always be wary of leaving the safety of your home to look for fun. Fun is dangerous and should be left to properly trained experts with adequate safety equipment.
Safety first second and third, fun nowhere,
The Health and Safety Executive.
Saving Lives Is A Risky Business say Heath and Safety Executive
Bozza's Tree Crusade
I was snooping around the Blog of Bozza (or Boris Johnson M.P or Bo - Jo to his fans) the other day. You might think this strange behaviour for an unrepentant old Liberal like me, but I always find Bozza good value). On that occasion I enjoyed his fulminations against the Health and Safety Executive (H.S.E.)
"There are now 3621 pages of Health and Safety legislation, that's 76* times the length of War and Peace" the Blonde One thundered, ending with the question that mustn't be on everyone's lips "is this good for the country?"
Well it is certainly not good for trees. Which is perhaps why the arboreal population of this sceptred isle is coming in for some attention from the HSE which is worried about the safety risks posed by uncontrolled trees.
But we will be returning to that issue tomorrow.
*probably an exaggeration. If it was my blog it would be for comic effect but as its Bozza we're talking about, who knows?
Pissed as a Moose
I am always interested to get news from Sweden, having worked in that delighgtful country for a while. The trouble is Sweden is too nice, no terrorists want to blow things up, there is no religious right tarring and feathering people for having fun and even the corporations display a praiseworthy degree os social responsibility. In other words there just isn't enough news in Sweden. Which makes little gems like this more enjoyable.
The Goteborgs - Posten newspaper has been reporting stoeies concerning a moose that is terrorising the city's children. The local police chief blames apples. It turns out the moose is eating windfall apples which have fermented naturally to produce an alcoholic subsatance similar to the Scrumpy Cider know to all who have visited the English West Country (and particularly those who frequent jazz festivals in that part of the world.)
"We are dealing with an ELK - o - holic here," a spokesperson for the police department said (allegedly.)
Drunken Elk In The Orchard
Cornish Pasty Wars
There be grumblings down in the west country, ooh - arrr. They ig'rant Dev'ners is trying to say they'm inventing t' Corrrrnish Pasty an' Corrrrnwall stoleded it of'n un."
The controversy arises from a discovery made in the audit book of a 16th century Devonian housekeeper who had written on one of the pages her recipe for pasties.
The first written record of a Cornish pasty dates from 1746.
The important word here is "written." As Terry Pratchett says, "never take any notice of things written down on paper. A thing cannot be of the least importance if somebody had time to write it down." Quite. Empirical evidence is needed and over in Cornwall they claim the recipe for pasties has been handed down through the oral tradition since 8000 B.C.
Nobody knows the true origins of pastry of course and therefore we can be certain of nothing, but I am with Cornwall on this one. And furthermore I am willing to testify that in Motorway services restaurants on many occasions I have eaten 10,000 year old pasties.
I Just Met A Girl Named Maria
. by ianrthorpe
From time to time something happens that makes me feel I am once more young and attractive to the opposite sex. I have the internet to thank for this. Such an instance was the e-mail I received this week from Maria. She wrote:
"Hello Mr. Torp. I am dark hair Russian, age 26, attractive professional lady and working in marketing structure selling cosmetic (ooh that accent sends chills up and down my spine.).I read your details on world wide web and find you interesting, attractive man (Isn't she wonderful?) I am intelligent, mature woman who is ready for creating family with good man. (ah - erm, creating family? As in making babies? She obviously didn't read the bit about the vasectomy...) Even if this is not your searching for in the future it would be fine if we can meet and do friendship (friendship, bugger! I thought I'd scored) or maybe do more than just friendship (I have scored!)
yours with love and many kisses, (now hang on girl, we haven't been properly introduced)
Needless to say I'm all of a flutter wondering does she have green eyes and those classic Russian cheekbones, is her accent really that cute and will the overdraft stretch to an hour of her time or just a quickie?
The Wages Of Sin
British Christian Fundamentalist minister George Hargreaves is known for his hard - line position on most issues concerning sex and drugs and rock & roll. His views on abortion, contraception (the only acceptable method it seems is the one where the woman holds a pocket bible between her knees) , stem cell research and same - sex partnerships are pretty much what you would expect from a founder member of an organisation called Christian Voice.
And George is a very active campaigner on all these issues.
But it has not always been so. In the 1980s George wrote a song that was a world wide hit for Sinitta and has since become a gay anthem in clubs on every continent. Here is a sample of the lyric:
he's gotta be so macho,
gotta be big and strong,
enough to turn me on.
Well I suppose its OK to dance to the song so long as you don't act on its advice.
Nice though to see the wages of sin, estimated at £10,000 a year, providing us with such a wonderful iron.
Now I have a link to a searchable Bible somewhere, let's see what it says about hypocrisy.
And I though it was just my wife
British women aged over 40 own an average of 19 pairs of shooes but it is not uncommon to have more than 100. Woman and Home polled more than 1,500 women over 40 on their attitudes and found that handbags are also popular, with 11 being the average. Some women said they owned more than 200 and a third said they lied about the cost of their shopping sprees.
Stupid Crtminal Of The Week: Shrink wrapped criminal
A Bosnian burglar escaped from jail in Austria by having himself shrink-wrapped in plastic and taken out with parts for street lamps hade by inmates. The lorry driver noticed a rip in one of his pallets soon after leaving the jail, but Muradif H, 36, show was serving a seven-year term in Graz, had fled. He remains at large.
I hope he didn't need a wee while he was in the wrapping. The only way I can ever get stuff out of shrink wrapping is by stabbing the stuff with a knife or screwdriver.
The Buzz About The X Factor by ianrthorpe
On last saturday's X - Factor show Sharon Osbourne criticised the prettiest and most talented girl singer remaining, saying the sound of her vibrato had ruined her performance.
I had to agree with La Donna O. Back when I was staging rock concerts I always used to remind female performers to switch their vibratos off before they wen't onstage. The Microphones can pick up the buzz.
Who Makes All The Pies?
During environment question time yesterday, amid all the weighty queries about global warming, deforestation, drought, famine etc. Mary Creagh, MP for Wakefield, demanded that the Minister congratulate a butcher in her constituency for willing the Large Pork Pie category at the Great Yorkshire Pie Show as this, apparently, is the world cup of pie making.
Nice to see they have their pieorities (sorry, couldn't resist) sorted in Yorkshire
Proud To Be Pissed - A New Year Message for readers. by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-31 – 17:03:32
Boggart Blog's New Year Message to our readers is "be proud of your heritage, get bladdered."
Despite repeated Government warnings of the health hazards of binge drinking which suggest it is a recent phemonnonomonxxx phnemnioxxxxx pfemonionxxxxx trend (sorry we've had a couple in the editorial office)binge drinking is a longstanding British tradition.
Hazel Blears who is minister for saying very silly things issued a statement to the effect that the British are not ready to adopt continental drinking patterns.
Too Bloody Right we're not. We enjoy getting rat - arsed. The Roman historian Tacitus, writing in the first century AD said, "The Britons have a tendency when feasting to drink ale or wine until they fall into a stupor." Julius Caesar had first noted the trend a hundred years earlier. "They are formidable fighters but unreliable due to their habit of drinking heavily before battle," he noted.
So forget the shame attached to drunkenness, that is just an invention of the nanny state. Let's welcome the New Year by proclaiming to the world that we the British people are Proud To Be Pissed.
Its Just Criminal by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-29 – 16:49:09
There's bugger all happens between Christmas and New Year so its time to dig out the old Armitasge Shanks joke book (in my days as an occasional stand up I was Armitage Shanks, The Man Who Puts The BIZ in Showbiz,) and try to raise a smile.
Over the holiday theives broke into a greenhouse at Kew Gardens and stole many rare trees and shubs. Earlier today police arrested two men who were driving in a truck loaded with exotic vegitation.
A the men denied involvement in the theft and said the evidence was planted.
A Bizarre Story From Derby by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-28 – 17:20:11
Derbyshire County Council have ordered their webmasters to use content filtering to prevent the Ramblers' Association Derby Dales Group web page being accessed from library internet cafes in the county.
The Derby ramblers' web content falls within the county councils' definition of a sex website the press release reveals.
No surprise then that Derby ramblers "love to go a - wandering along the mountain track" then but just what the hell does rambling involve in the Derby Dales we wonder?
I must ask Mike St. Mark if he has experienced any interesting variations from the norm while walking in the Peak district.
Christmas is Bollocks by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-27 – 17:54:06
Its over! What a relief!
Don't you hate Christmas? Oh come on, be honest. Don't call me Scrooge. Christmas is bollocks. Christmas things are bollocks. Christmas specials on tele are bollocks. Christmas food is bollocks. Everything about the whole over-hyped, over commercialised, overadvertised, overcelebrated mess of modern excess is bollocks.
Food. Nuts? Why do we buy nuts in their shells at Christmas? The rest of the year we (those of us who like to eat healthy anyway) get nice convenient ...
CLICK HERE To read all Christmas Is Bollocks
Belated Greetings by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-26 – 16:52:09
Boggart Blog took unscheduled downtime a couple of days before the offiocial break started. This was due to (1) visitors, (2) server problems and (3) a totally silly wild adventure in Christmas shopping...
"oh yeah love, I'll be fine walking the half mile back to the car through this hilly town, you just whack the shopping in my wheelchair." (well I couldn't let Teri do the trip twice.
Now half a mile is a tad over my limit even on level ground. I made the trip but with several large back muscles totally wrecked and needing a few days.
Still, if you can't do something idiotic at this time of year when can you do something idiotic?
Belated seasons greetings to all regular readers and visitors.
A blog post about sweeet FA by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-22 – 17:29:41
Nice to see the Freedom Association* getting involved in the London mayoral election campaign with an attack on Ken Livingstone's anti - semitism. The appearance of a new political body promotiong libertarian values is always welcome.
Unfortunately their chance of winning any seats on the London Assembly are as described on their logo.
*I am assuming this F.A. is nothing to do with the 1970s F.A. a group of Express, Mail and Telegraph readers that campaigned for freedoms such as the right to enslave unmarried mothers and the right to put black babies in casseroles.
A quick roundup by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-21 – 18:26:38
Boggart Blog has always prided itself on bringing you the news that is not worth reading from around the world: here is a roundup of the last few days...
Starting In Sweden
After enduring years of ridicule, the inhabitants of the Swedish village of Fjuckby have handed in an application to Swedish authorities to have the
hamlet's name changed to Fjukeby.
Meanwhile in the USA
Border patrol officers found a four foot long alligator in a suitcase during a routine traffic stop in south-west Arizona. Lloyd Easterling, a
spokesman, said it was discovered when agents detained a driver in Yuma after drug sniffing dogs singled out the car where the case was. Marijuana
was also found.
...its the art of it that matters in France...
Pierre Herme, the so-called 'Picasso of patisserie' won the annual award presented by the newspaper Le Figaro for the best croissant in Paris. He said the test of a perfect croissant should be more than how it tasted, looked or smelt.
"The noise of the croissant is also very important," he said. "I can almost hear them shout when people tear them apart."
The Durex List by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-20 – 17:29:21
Every year the makers of Durex condoms conduct a worldwide survey of sexual behaviour in adults. One of the facts this reveals is the average number of partners per person by nationality.
Out of idle curiosity I looked at the list and.... (blushes) I've been a very naughty boy.
Here are a selection of national scores:
Turkey - 14.5
Australia - 13.3
Italy - 11.8
Switzerland - 11.1
U.S.A. - 10.7 (Not top? that will shut them right up!)
Japan - 10.2
U.K. - 9.8
Austria - 9.7
France - 8.1
Singapore - 7.2
Surprisingly China and India are way down the list with 3.1 and 3.0 respectively. Makes you wonder how there are so many of them.
Posh Spice becoming an Alien? Strange but possibly true. by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-19 – 19:58:11
If you have seen recent pictures of Victoria Beckham nee Posh Spice you may have thought there was something not quite human about them.
Well you could be right. The whisper over at Salon.com is that with the help of the ArchThetan Tom Cruise (4'6"), Professional celebrity Posh is to become an alien bride.
Well that should give us more entertainment than her singing ever has.
Read it for yourself here
Pissed As A Camel by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-17 – 18:07:58
Staff at an Irish riding school had to postpone a Christmas party after Gus the camel chomped his way through 200 mince pies and several cans of
Guinness meant for their festivities. Gus, starring in the riding school's Santa's Magical Animal Kingdon show, filled up while staff were changing for their party.
Camels store liquids in their humps of course.
Which means there is a camel with a hump full of guinness on the loose in Ireland.
I don't give much for his chances of making it through the next two weeks.
AIDS Message Rammed Home by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-16 – 17:20:19
Now it is very naughty and not at all politically correct to make fun of serious subjects. But has that ever stopped Boggart Blog before?
So it would be remiss of us not to comment on the World Health Organisation's report on the spread of AIDS in Africa. Now the WHO is a very serious body that does not deal in puns, double entendres and smutty jokes.
So when the report of findings that male circumcision reduces the chances of contracting HIV infection by 50%, a document of considerable gravitas, who the hell decided the launch presentation would be given by Mr. Kevin de Cock.
Those Whom The Gods Would Destroy... #1 by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-15 – 17:20:55
Those whom the gods would destroy they first make ridiculous. Dare we hope then that the forces of natural justice have something spectacularly nasty planned for the Labour politicians who have surpassed in arrogance the last days of John Major's tory government. Because events atre certainly making the dark lords of the New Labour project look a right bunch of twats.
Let us all rejoice then at the news that in this season of merriment an official Labour Party DVD containing Blair's last speech to conference as leader and a film record of
Labour's years in office titled Labour Achievement Film (interesting acronym there BTW) has been reduced to £5 per copy to clear stocks.
Golden Globes by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-14 – 17:20:49
A headline on teletext informed me Helen Mirren is nominated for "three globes."
Now I can't see why she needs three, I remember from when she was an up and coming young actress the two very attractive ones she grew herself.
Boggart Abroad by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-13 – 17:54:49
Read this at Huffington Post yesterday.
Not surprisingly, the Bush administration is already backing away from most of the 79 proposals put forth by the Iraq Study Group. But while Bush isn't ready to follow the group's recommendations, he's ready to adopt its slogan, "New Way Forward." The president may not be into things like facts, truth, or reality, but he loves a good slogan. Of course, that's been the problem during this entire fiasco -- the substitution of rhetoric for policy -- the belief, even at this late date, that reality can be changed simply by changing the language used to describe it. Bush makes a big show of his religious faith, but what's truly impressive is his incredible faith in the power of PR, and, accordingly, his lack of faith in the American people.
I think the slogan is a missed opportunity. As we know Bush and Blair are desperately seeking a way to get out without losing face could we suggest the new slogan be amended to read Backwards is the new way forward.
While we're on American military matters we also read while blogging abroad yeaterday that an independant watchdog has revealed senior US officers are coercing soldiers into converting fundamentalist christianity.
People who refuse to be "born again" are left in no doubt their careers will hit a dead end.
This is good news for the anti war movement. The fubnies are so paranoid that all the Afghans and Iraqis will have to do is dress in halloween costumes and the Americans will think the Devil has come to get them and run away.
Farewell Augusto - you inspired so many by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-12 – 17:32:27
New Labour Blogger Bob Piper
yesterday made a jibe at the "warm tributes" being paid to Pinochet and recalled that the Blessed Maggie's was best buddies with the dead dictator.
Our best buddy Little Nicky Machiavelli commented:
Yeah, Thatcher being best buddies with a murdering tyrant was a terrible disgrace to this country. A bit like Blair being best buddies with the tyrant, torturer and war criminal Bush, the tyrant Gaddafi and the limb amputating vagina mutilators of the Saudi Royal House
A Very Boggart Christmas. by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-11 – 17:26:29
Working for Jenny Greenteeth has its perks. Boggarts such as Jenny live outside the normal time / space continuum and can move events around at random. So yesterday we celebrated our family Christmas.
The reason for this eccentric behaviour is that Darling Daughter is off to France to work as a sports masseur & physiotherapist through the not skiing season (no snow in France this year it seems)
It has been a hectic few days since Gabby twice arrived on the saner side of the Pennines bringing all her stuff from the apartment she has just vacated.
David is also in residence having rendered himself homeless. Disregarding parental warnings he took up a tenancy in which rent books and contracts did not figure - and naturally landed back in the parental home several months ago.
Now I neither know nor want to know what kind of altered consciousness my offspring inhabit but they both seem unaware that it is six years since we moved from the TARDIS-like Thorpe Towers (an elegant old terrace with attic and cellar) to a bijou and compact three bedroomed bungalow. Things are a bit cramped to say the least.
But its amazing what good dining stools David's professional speakers make.
And that is why we took a Christmas break early. You see he's booked solid over the holiday and we would have nowhere to sit
The New Redneck Sport - Animal Throwing by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-09 – 18:28:57
You may not have heard of the sport of pig throwing yet but I predict it is going to be the next big thing, surpassing pie - eating, dwarf - bowling and even cesspit snorkelling in popularity.
In West Point Mississippi a man named Kevin Pugh has become the first to be convicted of pig throwing. Pugh was fined $249 for throwing a pig at a hotel receptionist. Its a strange amount to be fined but I suppose it was the maximum $150 for assaulting the receptionist but only $124 for throwing a pig as the creature only weighed 60 pounds.
It is not clear why Pugh threw a pig at the victim. Hotel receptionists are usually polite and helpful but occasional mutants have been mistaken for members of genus Jobsworth due to their infuriating refusal to listen to reason.
Any fault on the part of the receptionist involved in the case seems unlikely however as the Pugh pig-throw was one of a spate of check-shirt-wearing-pickup-truck-driving-lard-arse related animal throwing incidents in the West Point area that night.
A police spokesman said, "It must be some new redneck thing because no similar incidents have ever been reported before.
Pugh has pleaded not guilty to a further charge of throwing a possum at fast food restaurant counter hand.
On grounds of diminished responsibility we assume.
The psychiatric report will make interesting reading.
Bono GetsThe Clap by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-08 – 17:53:04
Don't we all love it when the most pompous celebrities get their come uppance.
I heard a wonderful story yesterday, it happened a whiole ago so maybe some of you already know of it.
During a gig in Glasgow Saint Bono stood frontstage, held up his hands for silence and then started clapping slowly.
"Do you realise," he said, "every time I clap my hands a child dies in Africa.
And from the audience a Glaswegian voice called out "well stop fucking clapping Jimmy."
Farts of Mass Destruction by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-07 – 16:05:22
A story picked up from Yahoo News yesterday makes us wonder if the Turrrists and People of Evelyn Tent are getting more subtle and cunning or if the security forces are getting more stupid and paranoid.
An Aircraft bound for Dallas on a U,S. internal flight was forced to land in Nashville when passengers complained of the smell of burning sulphur. The authorities immediately went on teror alert
Later a woman admitted to FBI agents she had struck several matches to conceal the stink of her rancid farts.
Were this a serious blog we might well ask how, when it is impossible to get a bottle of springwater on a 'plane Mrs Fartybottom managed to sneak matches past airport security.
Instead we will simply promise never ever to use the phrase "about as dangerous as a smelly fart" in an ironic way again.
Reality Withdrawal by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-04 – 17:23:59
Now that Celebrity-Strictly-Come-Dancing-Out-Of-The-Jungle-To-Love-Island is almost finished its increasingly surreal - yes, surreal; think Peter Schmichel dancing the Tango, Robbie from East Enders actually being popular, Jan Leeming deluding herself she is a sex bomb and Smiley Smiley Carol Smillie almost looking sexy (not to mention Myleen's boobies) - and the altered state of Christmas still three weeks away how will we ever cope.
Blair Style Apology by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-03 – 16:58:51
I want to say I'm very very sorry, not for slavery or the Irish Potato Famine, Blair has already done them; not even for The Dissolution of the Monatries or for Santa Claus The Movie even, although all of these were terrible crimes against humanity. No, I have to apologise for something much worse.
Last week, in commenting on The X - Factor I said The MacDonald Bros. were a Proclaimers Tribute Band.
Well to prove me wrong last night they showed their versatility by covering Shang - A - Lang by the Bay City Rollers, complete with a tartan-scarf-waving section in the audience.
I have to say it wasn't half bad (not 'arf - farewell Fluff, thanks for all the music.) If fact its sounded just like...
it would if The Proclaimers sang it.
Jelly Fish dish takes the biscuit. by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-02 – 18:24:37
Japan is beseiged by two metre wide, four hundred pound alien jelly fish (OK, I lied about the alien bit.)
But in a twist worthy of Tim Burton's sci - fi spoof movie Mars Attacks in which the seemingly indestructibe aliens explode when Slim Whitman's record of Indian Love Call is played, the fearless and brilliant students of Obama Fisheries High School in Fukui Province (sorry, no pronunciation guide available) have developed a technique for making the giant invertibrates into biscuits (or cookies if you are American.)
A Japanese food writer comments "the biscuits have a superbly textured sweetness nicely complemented by the bitter, salty taste normally associated with jellyfish.
I think I'll stick with my Hob Nobs
The Man With The Pollonium Gun by ianrthorpe @ 2006-12-01 – 17:37:20
The murdered Russian Spy story rumbles on and the trail of suspicion which has pointed to a London Hotel, a Sushi bar, The Kremlin and Muswell Hill now shifts once more. A new figure has emerged in the form of Professor Scaramella of Naples.
Professor who? Somebody is having a laugh. Was this new twist by any chance reported by a correspondent named Ffion Lemming?
And is the Professor a bald, weasel faced man who carries a Persian cat everywhere and rides round in a nuclear powered wheelchair that shoots jets of scalding hot minestrone soup at enemies.
I think the only way this case will ever be solved is if, for information leading to the capture of the criminals a substantial reward is offered.
ONE MILLION DOLLARS ought to do the trick
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Updated : Tue, 28 Aug 2012 09:53:42 +0000
Pramface writer, Chris Reddy, stopped by to give us some top tips and insight into the world of sitcom writing:
Hello. I've been asked to do a blog about my writing experiences on Pramface, so here goes...
In brief, an average day would consist of me sitting in a room, staring at a white board covered with illegible scribbles, grinding out pages of scripts late into the night to ever diminishing deadlines while stuffing my face with sugar rich-foods, trying to stay awake.
The next day I would typically wake up to notes from my producer telling me it was 'not good enough' and to 'go back and rewrite... and hurry up'. This went on for months.
So, no, there was not a lot of hanging out in the British Library having lattes, or Soho lunches with glamorous actors talking about how much they love my work. It was basically just one very long slog of writing, rewriting and rewriting again.
Have I put you off yet? If you're still reading, my guess is you're a writer because, let's face it, no normal viewer would be reading this.
So rather than ramble on I thought I'd try to share some of the stuff I've learnt and a few things I'd like to have been told when I was starting out. I'd also add that none of what follows is original, it's just stuff that has struck me as useful along the way. It's all in the many screenwriting books and courses out there already, which brings me to my first point.
1. Read the books
I am always amazed by how many scriptwriters haven't familiarised themselves with the basics of screenwriting technique. In no other profession (like dentistry for example) would you expect to just walk in and have a crack at it without any schooling.
Six episodes of a mid-priced sitcom is going to cost over a million pounds to produce. So when you pitch a script to a broadcaster, you are essentially asking them to spend a million quid on your idea. Whilst they're making this decision, it's probably in your interests for them to feel you have some idea of what you're talking about.
If you are a genius, then spending a couple of weeks reading won't stop you being a genius. You can then happily reject everything the experts say as formulaic nonsense and move on to collecting your armfuls of Oscars, Baftas and Emmys relatively untroubled. If, on the other hand, you're just a regular hack like me, you might find something useful in there.
Everyone bangs on about the importance of structure, and who am I to question them. Half hour narrative comedy is in some ways the most demanding dramatic form (that's right, I'm saying Keeping up Appearances was a tougher gig than Hamlet).
If you're making an art-house film, you've got time to go wandering off on a twenty minute philosophical tangent. The Everyman matinee crowd will love you and your rambling, ambiguous, anti-structure masterpiece.
TV audiences, however, are less tolerant. In television comedy you have to tell funny, coherent, integrated stories in a very compressed time frame. This requires discipline and practice, but you've chosen to write in a populist medium so, no pouting - get used to doing it.
And the truth is, learning to write structurally is actually one of the most rewarding bits of the job. And, when it comes to the dreaded rewrites, I've found having a strong grasp of my story allows me to work more efficiently and approach the task with more confidence.
So how do you structure your comedy script? Well first, don't start with the script...
Classical narrative sitcoms are made up of two acts, but they are acts ii and iii. What? All this means is that the de facto first act of a sitcom is the premise of the show itself. And I don't mean just the backstory; I mean the cast design, the character relationships, and the arena of the show. This is the real root of the comedy.
Make sure you spend time designing your premise rather than just churning out thirty-odd pages of script, hoping your natural gifts will carry you through. Been there, done that, my natural gifts carried me through to a forty page confusing mess that still hasn't been shot. No surprises there.
Writers' tendency to skimp on the design of their premise is the reason script development and script editing in half hour comedy is such a difficult job. By the time a new project makes it into development with a production company, it's often already broken.
And since TV production companies typically develop scripts rather than premises, the structural elements causing the problems will always be out of their reach. This is why, despite the best efforts of talented people, TV shows can still arrive on screen hobbled by the inherent weaknesses of the initial design.
4. Funny stories.
So now you've designed a robust narrative machine, you're going to need a funny story to feed into it.
It's important that the events of the story themselves are funny (or at least dramatically interesting) prior to the inclusion of any dialogue or action. The individual scenes should be amusing just by dint of their position and context in the overall narrative.
I go to my big whiteboard and start by plotting out the events I know I want in my story, putting them in approximately the right position, then I try to connect them up in an interesting way. It's somewhere between doing a jigsaw and drawing a picture. You try to see how the pieces you already have slot together, and then fill in the gaps.
Do this for your A plot and any subplots until you have an interesting, escalating story with promising comic scenes, and a strong payoff, then fill in the dialogue and action.
The benefit of this approach is that when you write your actual script, the dialogue magically improves because it's been released from the burden of carrying the plot.
Conversely, a properly positioned scene becomes much funnier because it has the full weight of narrative behind it. The comic tension is generated by the entire story rather than disconnected bits of business in-scene, or superficially 'comic' dialogue.
You should aim for about 35 pages in standard feature screenplay format. It'll be around six thousand words give or take a couple of hundred depending on how verbose you are with your stage directions.
5. Why won't they call?
So you've written your spec and sent it out, and now everyone is ignoring it. When you first start out, the industry can seem to take an age to respond. Sometimes it never calls back at all. It's easy to feel isolated and get frustrated when everyone seems to be ignoring you or, worse, deliberately excluding you. However, your fears are unfounded. Conspiracy implies a degree of organisation that is absent from most of the organisations you currently believe to be maliciously ignoring you.
If you have talent, then you will get through eventually. In the meantime, don't waste your time and energy getting angry and despondent. Get better at your job. The truth is that writing talent is relatively commonplace, craft is rare. If you develop your technical abilities, you will instantly distinguish yourself from 90% of the writers in the marketplace.
Very few people can write at a professional level, very few do. Most of the television being produced today is written by a small group of people. This group has three subsets made up of the supremely talented, the moderately talented who have learned some craft, and a bunch of people who you could supplant if you write a decent script.
Now stop browsing the Internet and go and do some writing.
Publ.Date : Tue, 27 Mar 2012 15:00:00 +0000
Ashley Blaker, series producer, co-creator & co-writer of The Matt Lucas Awards stopped by Comedy Towers to talk to us about making the final episode of series one.
Everyone was very excited about making this episode of The Matt Lucas Awards and there was a fun end-of-term feel around the studio. For starters it was the final recording of an incredibly intense period that should have carried a government health warning. We were also really looking forward to having Ruth Jones, David Baddiel and Griff Rhys Jones on since not only are they three really funny people, but they are also seldom seen on other comedy chat shows so we were thrilled they'd agreed to do this.
A few days before filming, the final Lucas was going to be Most Baffling Song and of course everyone would have to perform their nomination. However, locked in my office at Television Centre at around 2:30am - high on chocolate and processed food - Matt and I agreed we'd already had people singing and wanted to do something a bit different. So we changed the award to 'Most Baffling Campfire Song' and decided we'd like to build an actual campfire in the studio and get everyone to sit around it chatting and singing with the lights turned down. I'm sure the Health and Safety people were tearing their hair out, but credit to our amazing art department and in particular Production Designer Dennis De Groot who made it all happen.
A reason for personal excitement was also the fact that we managed to track down our former swimming teacher Mr Keith Talbot. The first award is the Lucas for School Subject Most Likely To Induce Severe Depression and David Baddiel - who went to the same school as both Matt and myself - nominated swimming. So it seemed only fair that the man who depressed David all those years ago should have the right to reply!
We asked fans of the show to send in their questions about The Matt Lucas Awards for Ashley to answer:
Who was Ashley's favourite guest/anecdote?
Favourite guest is a tough one. We really were blessed with having great guests who got into the spirit of the show and were happy to sing, perform magic tricks, eat cakes, perform gangster raps, wear silly wigs and anything else we asked them to do. So forgive me if I don't annoy 17 guests by picking one favourite.
One of my favourite anecdotes was one we didn't have time to hear in the end. In the recording of episode four we had a Lucas for Most Embarrassing Item of Clothing Ever Seen In A Guest's Wardrobe and Johnny Vegas told a story about how he wasted his first ever student grant cheque on a poncho in Camden Market. We brought out models wearing all the nominations but in Johnny's case it was a very large woman and when she appeared it was a very funny moment. Sadly there just wasn't time to have it in the final show.
What are the possible pitfalls of transferring a comedy from radio to TV? How have you avoided them?
That's a good question. On the one hand you run the risk of pointing a camera at the exact same show and having people criticise you for just making a radio show on TV. On the other hand, if you change too much you run the risk of ruining the show and losing what was good about it in the first place.
I'm sure there will be people who say they preferred the show on radio just as I know others who have told me they prefer the TV version. I think one needs to view them as quite distinct entities because there are things that we can do in one medium that we can't do in the other.
Where do you get all the sofas from?
Why? Do you want to buy one? Our Art Department did a great job on the set and in the weeks before filming they would constantly show us photos of sofas they had seen to find out if we liked them. They seem to be able to find anything although I genuinely have no idea where they get all this stuff. If we ask them for twenty 1970s annuals for a shelf they seem to magically appear.
Would you ever consider making it more spontaneous where for example the audience could shout out categories and the panel would then have to come up with things on the spot?
Absolutely, why not? Hang on, if we do that now you're going to say it was your idea!
Make sure you tune into the final episode of series one of The Matt Lucas Awards on Tuesday 15th May at 10.35pm on BBC One. There will also be a compilation episode on Tuesday 22nd May.
Check out Ashley's post on the TV Blog: Making the Matt Lucas Awards with my childhood friend Matt
Publ.Date : Fri, 11 May 2012 18:00:01 +0000
If you were visitng the internet yesterday, you may have heard about our new show for 2013 It's Kevin, starring and written by comedian Kevin Eldon.
You may have heard that it's sketches, it's songs, it's characters, it's guests, and it's a man who's old enough to know better mucking about, with help from a number of his comedy friends.
What you have probably not heard until reading it just now is that you can watch a clip from the show as a taste of things to come right here, right now!
It's Kevin: The Perspective Twins
Publ.Date : Tue, 19 Jun 2012 15:30:00 +0000
Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle has been commissioned for another two series. The show is set be broadcast on BBC Two in 2014/15.
Since the first series aired in 2009, the programme has built up a fiercely loyal audience, and Stewart will once again be taking the opportunity to ruffle a few feathers. Produced by Richard Webb and directed by Tim Kirkby, Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle is a mixture of stand-up and sketches, performed by Stewart and special guest.
BBC Comedy is thrilled with the commission, with the Head of In-house Comedy, Mark Freeland commenting: "How brilliant that BBC Two has given Stewart Lee two more series. It's reward for a unique, perfectionist, hardworking, bit scary comedy master and the wonderful team behind him. I'm standing by with my compliance forms".
Stewart Lee is also excited at the prospect of two more series: "It will be amazing to be able to move forward and experiment in this unprecedentedly secure position. Thanks to everyone out there who watched the series, wrote about them, or lobbied for their return. I will make you proud. Peace! I'm outta here! You shoulda killed me last year!".
Publ.Date : Fri, 23 Mar 2012 14:18:53 +0000
Armando Iannucci's award-winning political comedy series The Thick Of It returns to BBC Two this autumn.
Coalition rows take their place alongside Government embarrassment, ministerial cock-ups, backroom deals, policy U-turns, spin-doctoring, political back-stabbing and wild media speculation
Roger Allam returns as Peter Mannion MP, the new Secretary of State for The Department of Social Affairs and Citizenship (DOSAC), supported by his team of special advisors, commanded by Number 10's Director of Communications Stewart Pearson (Vincent Franklin) and thwarted by his new Coalition partner, DOSAC's Junior Minister Fergus Williams MP (Geoffrey Streatfeild).
BAFTA award winners Rebecca Front and Peter Capaldi reprise their roles as Nicola Murray MP and foul-mouthed spin doctor Malcolm Tucker, both now consigned to the Opposition. The ensemble cast is completed by Chris Addison, Joanna Scanlan, James Smith, Olivia Poulet, Will Smith, Ben Willbond, and Rebecca Gethings.
Armando Iannucci says that this series takes us into exciting and uncharted territory: "A new Coalition Government, and Malcolm and Nicola fretting in the wings. For the first time too a storyline takes us all the way through the series right to the bitter, bitter end, with Government and Opposition convulsed in an incident that questions every political convention imaginable, but in a funny way."
BBC Two Controller Janice Hadlow says she is delighted to welcome it back, "A new Coalition government, what better time for a new series of The Thick Of It?"
Head of Comedy Mark Freeland is excited to see The Thick Of It return too - "No other show could coin the term 'Omnishambles' and see it become part of the political lexicon."
Publ.Date : Thu, 12 Jul 2012 07:00:00 +0000
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The world teeters on the edge of war as Obama continues to provoke Putin and the Russian leader coninues to flick V signs at Washington. Will Obama do something following the latest insult after he demanded that Russia drop it's support for a referendum in Crimea on independence from Ukraine was contemptuously ignored?
Agenda 21: Wyoming welder faces $75,000 a day in EPA fines for building pond on his property
Agenda 21 may not have gained much traction here in Europe yet but it is forging ahead with its agenda of seizing control of private property and abolishing individual freedom in the USA where the fascist excesses of The Emperor Obama and his tyrannical administration are at war with the people. Think I'm exaggerating? Fools...
As Crisis Deepens Ukraine Population Show They Still Have a Sense Of Humour
The US administration seem to be set on provoking Russia into war over Ukraine. It is probably the most idiotic episode in the career of the idiotic American rent Boy President Barack Hussein Obama. With China and Iran siding with Russia and Idia leaning in their direction while the European Union cannot push too hard while Russia controls the gas pipelines, the west can't win.
USA, Russia, Economic War Over Ukraine - an explainer
As economic war between the EU / USA and Russia lookes more likely than a shooting war between east and west over Ukraine, we look at the reasons why it has come to this and the likely consequences for our readers.
Transatlantic Trade And Investment Partnership Attacks Democracy
The fascist global government lobby is up to iut's tricks again, not content with trying to force the Trans Pacific Partnership (TPP) on Asian nations and only succeeding in driving those nations closer politically and economically to Russia and China, the neo Nazi New World Order is not trying the same trick to rob European nations of their sovereign powers and put the banking / corporate cartel above all national interests.
Google's Brave New World Of Artificial Intelligence - And The Destruction Humanity
Almost every day we hear scientists burbling about artificial intelligence and how very soon machines will be smarter than humans. As scientists are nowhere near as smart as humans its hard to see how science can build something smarter. The problem is of course we don't understand what contsitutes intelligence - those who think academic qualifications are the only indicator are retards. So where will this madness to replace us with machines end?
Missing Malaysian Aircraft: Crash Or Cover Up?
How can a modern aircraft equipped with sophisticated (and bomb proof) tracking and security technology which is designed to stay intact through a crash or in flight explosion and keep tramsmitting its location for up to 30 days after being separated from the aircraft, just vanish. Yet that is exactly what we are being asked to believe happened to a Malasia Airlines Boeing 777 en route to China. The deeper we delve, the murkier the story gets ... read on below
There Is A Global Conspiracy Says World Bank Insider
We have reported on many situations that make it obvious our political leaders are collaborating with bankers and global corporations towards, it appears, a global government. Is this conspiracy in the inteerests of we the punters? You can bet your life it isn't. So far however it has been hard to convince indoctrinated Marxists and people who believe singing Kumbaya will make things right, that big government is not our friend but our enemy.
Your Lupins Or Your Life! EU Bureaucrats To Ban Your Favourite Flowers
With a video clip of the Monty Python sketch the title refers to, this Boggart blog satire takes a wey look at new powers being sought by EU bureaucrats that will enable them to order non native garden plants and shrubs to be dug up and destroyed even though these species have been part of European gardens for centuries. Could there be a more sinister motive behind the move? We think so.
Paedo Loving Comrade Mr. Harperson In Trouble Again
There seems to be no end to Labour's paedophile link woes. Allegations continue to surface about the three senior MPs, Patricia Hewitt, Harriet Harman and Jack Dromey who while working for the national Council for Civil Liberties supported an equal rights for paedophiles group which wanted the age of sexual concent lowered to FOUR. Meanwhile new revelations have now implicated a senior judge. The corrupt elitists have no morals.
Former US Presidential nomination runner Dennis Kucinich says US instigated Ukraine Crisis
We told you so - and now a US politician who once ran for the democratic nomination in the Presidential election has confirmed it, the USA and Europe were behind the revolution in Ukraine exactly as they have been in Egypt, Libya, Syria, Yemen, not to mention the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and as they were when The Balkans expoloded into war in the 1990s
E Bomb? Putin Has Obama Over A Fracking Barrel Again On Economic Sanctions.
While western media continue to provide immaculate body service to Barack Obama by swallowing all his shit, the US energy boom is falling short of expectations and Putin is still runnung rings round The Rent Boy President
The Science Fraud: Many Scientific Research Papers Are Pure Gobbledegook
The war between humanities and science goes on, both in academic faculties and internet comment threads. But in an environment that is increasingly politicised and influenced by corporate profit motives rather than the pure and unsullied pursuit of knowledge, can we trust either side? This article suggests not.
HAARP: Scientists Open Pandora's Box With Experiments In Changing The Climate
What do you think of the freak weather this year? Coincidence, climate change, solar activity or something more sinister. If you have heard the term HAARP chances are you're pretty sceptical about the official line. HAARP - the High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program is a research programme that experiments with changing the earh's upper atmosphere. you don't have to understand much science to realise it proves that as John Lennon said the world is run by insane people.
Most of the discussion about geoengineering has centred on chemtrails, those persistent vapour trails left by jet aircraft which seem to hand around much longer and behave very differently to the condensation trails we have been seeing since jet aircraft became a regular features of the skies above us
Homosexuality: As a liberal society we have a duty to tolderate, not celebrate.
Even though the government has accepted a very limited definition of same sex marriage the gay lobby keeps raving on about the greates non issue of all time. But in a free society should we be subjected to bullying if we do not show enough enthusiasm for homosexual and lesbian relationships? When did indifference become a hate crime?
World On The Brink - USA And Russia Square Up In Ukraine
It looks like this might be the big one. With all America's plans to destabilise non supine nations in ruins as phase 2, the intstallation of a puppet government proved impossible, Obama who has already been bested by Putin several times cannot back down again. And this time the Russians have forced the crisis in their own backyard where the USA cannot possibly win. Interesting
Climate change and the unsinkable Pacific Islands
Idiots like Cameron and Obama are still swallowing the bullshit of climate science scammers by the shovelful and saying a slight increase in the average global temperature will pose an existential threat to humanity. but one by one the threats are being exposed as hype by research grant phishing scientists, just as the science of mathematical models is being shown to rely on fraudulent data.
Internet Trolls - Are They Contractors Paid To Suppress Open Discussion Of Sensitive Subjects?.
Everyone who likes to follow online debates on sensitive or controversial topics will have encountered trolls. but are these people really just angry and obsessive, excesssively self righteous individuals. Or is there anyting in the claims that they are employed by contractors to suppress open discussion and discredit points of view which do not support government or corporate interests.
Ukraine: Russia launches 'armed invasion' as Obama warns Moscow of 'costs' of intervention
The FUKUS axis - well mainly the US, France and the UK are just sockpuppets as any fule kno - look to have screwed up again. With proof having emerged that the USA and the EU are unrest in Ukraine, Russia has taken steps to safeguard eyjnic Russians in the country. Obama warned of 'consequences' if Russia intervened - Russia sent more troops
Facebook boss Zukerberg Wants To Own The Internet
Facebook's latest acquisition Whatsapp cost $19bn, that's $40 per user. Whatsapp charge their users $1 per year. That means it will take Facebook 40 years to recover their outlay. And people are buying shares in this company? Insane.
Pollution Could Save Us From Climate Change Disaster
As politicians become ever more hysterical and scientists become ever more crazy about climate change because less and less people believe them while more and more climate scaremongering is exposed as junk science or plain and simple fraud, if it really is necessary or desirable to cool the earth's atmosphere, then according to some chinese scientists, the answer is staring us in the face.
So You Think Control Of Media Is A Conspiracy Theory
A story I found on Zero Hedge concerns a factual article posted on the Financial Times website which was quickly removed and never appeared in print. Zero Hedge reproduce the article in full so I was able to verify its content.
"Two days ago the FT released a clear, informative and fact-based article, titled simply enough "Gold price rigging fears put investors on alert" in which ..."
Geo - Engineering: The Science Isn't Settled
In another case of scientific dictatorship the American Government and the corporate cartel have invoked a Big Science scam to make $$$billions from geo engineering schemes 'to save the planet from climate change disaster'. The science is settled they tell us. Unfortunately once again it isn't. Geoengineering could have Ã¢â‚¬Ëœcatastrophic consequencesÃ¢â‚¬â„¢: Schemes to control climate change could backfire, a large group of concerned and influential scientists have warned.
Labour, The Party Of The Rich, Well - Connected, Elitist, Paedophile People
Labours paedophile agony goes on. Put on the reack by The Daily Mail over the involvement of three senior MPs with paedophile equal rights group PIE, the response was to deny the allegations. Unfortunately evert time harriet Harman, Jack Dromey or Patricia Hewitt deny something, The Mail produce documents to suppport their story.
Can Washington Change Three regimes At Once
The FUKUS axis - let's be honest, the Obama Administration in the USA, France and the UK are just sockpuppets, may have bitten off more than they can chew in trying to deliveer regime change in three nations at one to satisfy their paymasters the global bankers. The log jam has developed because of the failure to remove assad in Syria and the resolute support of Russia, China and Iran for their ally.
Transhumanism - What The Elite And Their Science Whores Have Planned For You
Transhumanism, the creation of - or turning us into - part human, part machine cyborgs is generating a lot of discussion and a lot of spontaneous ejaculations in the scientific community as they contemplate having their brains replaced by a computer. There are no limits on the ambitions of scientists fantasies, they even envisage creating robots that can interbreed with us, but how much is realistic?