Heather McCartney Vegan - She’s pulling your leg.
by Ian R Thorpe
2006-06-12
For a long time criticism of the McCartneys was a media taboo, Paul is such an all round good guy and ayway we are running out of Beatles much too quickly. And to attack Heather, suggesting she might be a publicity hungry gold - digger was to attack Paul. Since the marriage break - up however, the tabloids have declared open season on H Mills - McCartney. This gives Boggart Blog an chance to bring to you an exclusive report of a conversation that took place on the patio of the McCartney home and was overheard by Jenny Greenteeth as she was lurking in a ditch on the estate. Jenny recalled the exchanges verbatim while under hypnosis.
Paul:
Heather, come ‘ead, its lunchtime an’ Stella’s in the kitchen warming up some of R.Linda’s vegan lobscouse. D’y’ fancy some or wha’
Heather:
Howway man, vea - gan lobscouse, gerroutovit, ah’m on a low - carb diyet. Ah’m gaan hav’ some raw beebeh see-al.
Paul:
Yer norravin baby seal again are ya, yer’ve ‘ad a lorra baby seal this week.
Heather:
Whyaye man, its me favo. The eskimos knaw a thing or twa aboot foo-ad.
Paul:
Burrit doesn’t fit our image chuck, not with me owning R. Linda’s vegetarian ready meals an’ all that.
Heather:
Image be buggered, weez at hyem man, giower workin’ yersel’.
Paul:
Well OK chuck, but could yer tek the ‘ed off, I ‘ate to see them big sad eyes starin’ up at me from the plate.
Heather:
Howway yer big nancy. Did yer say Sstella’s in the kitchen (SHOUTS) Hey, sparrasankles, are yer gerrin uz some scan?
Stella (off):
Are you addressing me?
Heather:
Haad yer gob wi’ that posh talk yer stuck up bitch, Ah’m yer mam noo ye knaw. Gi’ me ony lip an’ ah’ll clatter yer lugs.
Stella:
You will never be my mother, you’re just a gold digging slag who has her claws in R. Da’.
Heather:
Paul, are you gaan kick her arse or am I…..Right, yer coppin’ oot as usual. You lady, ootside noo. If ah want tae eat a seal bairn I’ll feckin’ eat one.
Stella:
Tough titty, there’s none left. The only rotting carcass in your fridge is a chicken.
Heather:
Fine, ah’ll have a leg.
Paul:
Don’t talk to Stel like that. Listen chuck, there’s something I’ve been gorra say, in this family we are committed vegetarians. We take vegetables seriously.
Heather:
Yer kiddin’ man, I knaw yer didda single wi’ Michael Jackson but that wez years ago.
Paul:
No, vegetables as in food.
Heather:
Howway man, yer divvn’t caal that mung bean shite food dee ye. Meat is propah scran.
Paul:
Me an’ R.Linda both believed we have no right to make living creatures suffer for our benefit.
Heather:
Dee yer mean yer stoppin’ mekkin records then, pet?
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