Sir Hector Gobbett - Broadsides on Child Labour

Ian Thorpe

Sir Hector Gobbett - Broadsides has been the Conservative Member of Parliament for Rawtenborough since 1832. This makes him the longst serving member of the British Parliament. He is a right winger and a staunch supporter of old fashioned values, free market economics and the virtues of the class system. Sir Hector believes there are few problems contributing to Britain's "broken society" that could not be solved if only the poor would remember their place. Like all businessmen Sir Hector has been it hard by the enegy crisis and inceases in fuel costs. He has some very creative ideas on how we may generate affordable, sustainable energy for the future.

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A Child Could Solve This Energy Crisis

by Sir Hector Gobbett-Broadsides MP
This piece was originally posted on Boggart Blog

(Sir Hector, the most senior politician in the British Parliament has been the Conservative Member for the constituency of Rawtenborough since 1832. He is to the right of the Conservative Party)

In Parliament this week we’ve been talking about the enegy crisis. All the namby-pamby bleeding heart liberals are wringing their hands about old people falling into fuel poverty and not being able to heat their homes. Absolute tosh I say, people have free will haven’t they, hmm? The government gives them a pittance to live on, it’s up to them to decide whether they want to eat or light a fire. Damned good for nothings seem to expect the Government to make the decision for them.

’course what the namby – pamby liberals would like the government to do is say porr old dears, we’ll give them extra money for fuel so they can eat and keep warm. Now if the government was to start giving old people money for nothing like that they wouldn’t have any incentive to die would they, hmm? And what d’y’ think would happen next hmm? Why, those namby - pamby liberals would want the taxpayer to start helping younger good for nothings. I say if they’re workshy when poverty and hardship are staring them in the face they’d never get off their backsides if the taxpayer provided a comfortable living.

D’y’know what the problem is? Apart from namby-pamby liberals bleating about the unfairness of everything, that’s always the problem of course. but the other problem is we’ve all gone too soft. It started with taking chjildren out of the factories and giving them expectations. The last thing the unwashed hoards have any use for is expectations. A damn good flogging if they take anything that isn’t their, that’s the only thing they ought to expect. Start giving them expectations of fainess and justice and personal fulfilment and you set them on the slippery slope to socialism.

But we didn’t just go soft on the poor, oh no. Those namby-pamby liberals went soft on the damned colonials too. Gave them independence and the right to run their own nations and exploit the land. Now they’ve got all the oil and mineral deposits and we have a gun held against our nation’s head. Energy crisis they call it. Energy crisis my arse, what we have is a bloody foreigner crisis. And who is responsible? hmm? Namby - pamby liberals that’s who. It wasn’t enough for them to give this country’s land away to the people who lived there or to give the mining and drilling rights away to a bunch of toerags. Oh no, they mollycoddled the poor too, passed laws that stopped children working in factories, passed laws that gave the poor the right to be ill, disabled and old.

When I first became Member of Parliament for Rawtenborough you didn’t see any poor people who were old or sick or disabled. If they were they didn’t admit to it. No decent employer would give a job to somebody who was not capable of doing two days’ work for a fair day’s pay. Start being namby – pamby and mollycoddling the good for nothings like that and they only place it will get you is the bankruptcy court.

It’s all different now, namby – pamby liberals poking their noses in everywhere being fair to everyone and where has it got us? hmm? Into an energy crisis that’s where. If we had sent a flotilla to deal with the damned colonials instead of building schools anf hospitals for them, they’d not have dared to put up the price of oil. If they workshy good for nothings knew their only alternative was starvation they’d be glad to take any work on offer.

This energy crisis is so simple a child could solve it. Well not one child but lots of ’em. See in the days when I could go round the beer houses in Rawtenborough of a Saturday night buying up children for two shillings each to work in my factory I didn’t need oil from the toerags to run my machines. I just had to put a few dozen children on treadmills.

Now a treadmill with proper gearing will drive a generator. I mean look at those wind turbines, they don’t go round very fast but they generate electricity. There’s no limit to what human ingenuity can achieve with cheap labour and no interference from namby – pamby liberals. So I propose we stop all this namby – pamby liberal business of handing out free contraceptives, get women back to being breeding machines and put their good for nothing litte sprogs to work driving generators.

Energy criosis solved. All you need is a bit of common sense and some straight talking.


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