logo

Boggart Blog Central

Mouse Science Reinvents The Wheel (Again)
Scientists love to reinvent the wheel and if it involves mouse related research, even better. Here's our take on a project involving science, mice, snacks and a wheel to prove exercise makes humans more intelligent. So how much running does Setphen Hawking do?

Mouse Scientists Reinvent The Wheel (Again)
by Ian R Thorpe
2010-01-22
CREATIVE COMMONS: Attribute, non commercial, no derivs.
KEYWORDS: science, scientists, intelligence, mouse, snacks, research, human, humour, humor, testicles, bollocks, sperm

Having established a reputation as the world's foremost journal of mouse science for reporting the ingenious ways scientists find of wasting taxpayers money by doing mouse related experiments in the hope of gaining insight into human behaviour we are now expanding into the area of snack science.

In the highly specialised field of mouse science many of the experiments conducted using mice involve training the mice to earn snacks by learning to press buttons with their nose but we have now become aware this mouse snack science is a different technique with a different goal to that of, to use recent examples, feeding mice lots of fry ups in an attempt to find a way of guaranteeing Daily Mail readers offspring are all child prodigies or of giving mice mobile phones in an experiment aimed at developing a technique for slowing the progress of Alzheimer's disease. The conclusions of these experiments are that pregnant Daily Mail readers should exist on a diet of full English breakfasts from the local Greasy Spoon and that people genetically predisposed to develop dementia should spend more time on their cellphones taking to mice.

We have also covered a story about scientists who claim to have grown human sperm in mouse testicles. While the experiment might go some way towards countering the efforts of agri-business to stop human sperm growing in human bollocks we are not sure the breakthrough would have any practical value. Given the obsession of human males with size it is hard (oops, pardon) to imagine there would be many men up for having a pair of mouse bollocks in their undercrackers instead of the more usual walnut sized tackle that populates their scrotum.

The latest breakthrough for mouse science has been achieved by fusing mouse science techniques with snack science, the best know example of which is Pavlov's Dogs. Like the mouse fry - ups experiment it promises to be of great benefit to the kind of gullible, upwardly mobile cretins who imagine they are posh because they eat mung beans.

Take up running and you will become more intelligent and do better in your chosen career, increasing your social status and earnings potential. Using a combination of mouse science and snack science researchers have shown that running round a little wheel in pursuit of a snack they can never reach makes mice more intelligent. Their little brains actually grow more tissue.

Having run the mice round little wheels for a considerable time the researchers then subjected the rodents to a classic test on mouse intelligence, that of giving them the chance to earn a snack by pushing a button with their nose. Running mice were quickly identified as better at earning snacks than couch potato mice. When our special mouse science correspondent Thom Catt put spoke to project leader Dr. Di Luzien that maybe the couch potato mice simply could not be arsed with snacks having not burned off loads of calories running round a wheel Dr. Di Luzien replied, "You're clearly not a scientists and you don't understand science."

Thom was a bit miffed at this as his family understand mice better than anybody have been studying them for several hundred millennia.

The most striking part of the experiment is that while claimed to be as the cutting edge of mouse science, snack science and neuroscience it appears to confirm the work carried out by Hatha Yoga exerts five thousand years ago which proved that increasing the oxygen intake (by controlled breathing in the case of Yoga, but fair play to them, the wheel had not been invented) improves brain function and increases intelligence.

When it was put to Dr. Di Luzien that her team had at great expense simply reinvented the wheel by discovering something that was known already she replied that if it helped people become more intelligent it was worth every penny and that when people saw her intelligent mice they would understand the importance of science done scientifically by scientists and not listen to people like Boggart Blog who just try to get cheap laughs by ridiculing important research work.

To which our reporter Thom Catt, having eaten all the evidence of intelligent mice replied smugly:

"If you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you but when the seagulls follow the trawler is it because they think little fishes will be thrown in the sea. Have you produced any moue philosophers yet?"

RELATED POSTS:
Former Chief Scientist Talks About Green Scaremongering
Science: You Don't Say
I Don't Want To Eat Clone
Homeopathy Overdose Protest
Another Hogwash Breakthrough
The Bullshit Factor
Climate Change Science Scam
Climate Science To Blame
Demented Mouse Science
Evolution Classes
Forward Psychic Soldiers
Ignoble Science
Intelligent Mouse Babies
Lack Of Imagination And Merit
Looking At The Stars
Luddites
Man Or Mouse
Science: A Career For Tossers
Science Can Damage Your Mental Health
Science: Who Can You Believe
Scientists In Denial
Spunky Internet Entrepreneurs
Starve And Live Longer
Science & Technology Menu
Scientists Reinvent The Wheel
Crocodile Snack Science
Pavlov's Cat
Scientists Have Not Made Sperm
Stone Throwing Chimp Shocks Scientists
Fish Science
Scientists Have Not Made Sperm
Western Monkeys

If you liked this, please give it a boost

Bookmark and Share Contact Us

Close Window and return to menu
SITE SEARCH
find keywords on this site

Enter keywords& choose search engine:

Google: Yahoo: MSN:

This free script provided by
JavaScript Kit

INFORMATION & NAVIGATION

navigate

navigate

CATEGORIES

Fiction
Wide World - travel
Health / Wellbeing
Nature
Real Lives - biography
Past Perspectives
Philo & Sophia
Fools & Dreamers
Comment & Opinion Faith And Spirituality
Poetry Life And Times
Books
Entertainment
Music
Arts & Crafts
Environment
Food
Science & Tech.
Bog of Blogs

Visit The
BLOG INDEX
and keep up with our
comments around the
web

TAGS
Climate Change
BLOGS
Boggart Blog

Little Nicky Machiavelli

Boggart Network News

BOGGART BLOG ARCHIVES

BBselect001 BBselect002 BBselect003 BBselect004 BBselect005 BBselect006
MULTI MEDIA
Spoken Word
Video
Music
Graphic Art

Home
Top Of Page
Back Catalogue
Our Comments
FEATURESThe Daily Stirrer
Boggart Blog Central

Comedy Main
Comic Verse
Cartoons
A Tale Told By An Idiot
General
Fiction
History
Thought
Poetry
Science & Technology
Elsewhere

Boggart Blog Daily
Little Nicky Machiavelli
This writer at Authorsden Gathering
Delicious Greenteeth
Boggart Network News
Boggart Network News

More From Around The Labyrinth

LATEST POSTS & COMMENTS

BULLETIN
New Posts
The Evil Green Bastards Who Want To Save The Panet
So you heard all the politically corect propaganda and you thought going green wouls show you are a good person. Wrong. According to scientists adopting a green lifestyle is more likely to make you an evil, selfish bastard...

Ethical Knickers For Your Green Valentine
A sexy valentine gift for your green lover? Why not some ethical big knickers. Hemp knickers are all the rage with planet friendly females this year. If your girlfriend is more of a thong wearing climate change sceptic than a lentil loving Earth goddess howeer dont blame us if she kills you.

Calorie Offsetting - The Fair Trade Way To Stay Slim
Everybody has heard of carbon offsetting, the super wheeze that will allow those of us in the civilised world to carry on as we are while the people of developing nations sell us their carbon allowances to keep body and soul together. Well how do you fancy our calorie offsetting scheme that allows you to eat what you like and pay a poor person to get fat for you

Hate Crime Law - Another Step Towards Fascism?
Those in politics who like to call themselves the progrssive left or progressive liberals love to talk about fairness and equality. Why themn are they so keen to introduce 'hate crime' laws that will grant privilege to certain groups in a system that depens on all being equal? Call us old fashioned but in our view there does not seem to be much justice in replacing one privileged elite with another.

Nothing Good Has Come Of The Internet.
When a technophobe denounces the internet as anti - social, anti jobs, a force for dumbing down or a waste of time it can easily be dismissed but when the CEO of a major technology company like Sony saays nothing good has ever come of the internet we should perhaps listen.

Rubber Baby Syndrome
If you thought the title would lead to a piece about sexual fetishes you are wrong – well wrongish. A programme on television last night dealt with a fad among women of a “certain age” (post menopausal insanity syndrome) for buying fake babies and acting as if they are not rubber but real real. These women, all well heeled and expensively if often somewhat...
The True Hockey Stick
Believer in the new religion of AGW, anthropogenic global warming or climate change will be sick of having their science based faith mocked and their scientist priests ridiculed. To help them hold to their belief we offer a change to own a fragment of the true hockey stick, the sacred symbol of their religion.

Bond Villain Targets Britain's Future by John De Roe.
Bill Gross, the world's biggest bond investor might have voted for Obama hnd has some sympathy for Labour because they talk of creating jobs, but he thinks the British economy is in worse shape than anyone is going to admit and is quite willing to take advantage of our vulnerability."

Drugs Online
One of the few growth industries is the selling of fake prescription drugs online. So long as the drugs sold as viagra, vallium, ritalin etc are just sugar pills there is no harm done. It's when people buy the real thing the trouble starts...
Slutbot, The Internet Cyberhooker
Men, have you been approached by a slutbot yet. A slutbot is a piece of malwae that arrives liooking like an e mail from a sexy young female who is desperate to have sex with you. Click on a link to find out more however and you invite a worm. trojan or key logger onto your computer where it will steal all your personal data. Unlike a real prostitute however who may give you a social diseas or if you are lucky just a hand job before running off with your money, you are never going to get anything from Slutbot.

Internet Access As A Human Right?
A survey carried out by the BBC found a majority of people around the world believe internet access should be a basic human right. We suspect a bit of statistical rigging because the majority of people in the world live below the poverty line and probably have more urgent priorities than surfing the net.

Dodgy Donor Scandal, As Conservatives Squirm We Name Labour Non Dom
As senior figures in the Labour party continue to milk the issue of Conservative Party donor Lord Ashcroft and his non domiciled tax status Boggart Blog delves into the financial affairs of a businessman who has financial links with the Labour party.

Feng Shui Shite
Whether you are sceptial of all such things or you believe in feng shui ans stuff here's an article that shows people who make their liing selling this shite are just rip off merchants.

Life On Mars
After rubbishing reports of UFOs and alien visitations for years scientists got very excited when they thought they had found water (ice) on the surface of Mars. This indicates that other planets in our solar system miht just be able to support life. Not as good as seeing a flying saucer in your back garden though is it?

GO TO Boggart Blog Back Catalogue for links to older posts

COMMENTS AND RECOMMENDED READING AROUND THE WEB
Wind Farms Could Contribute To Global Warning
AGW sceptics have a new ally, the formerly drum beating, flag waving Climate Change evangelical Massachusetts Institute Of Technology has unveiled a report based on studies by their scientists (who cannot pooibly be wrong because they are scientists) that shows if plans for wind power go ahead wind farms could raise the average gloval temperature by 1degree by the end of the century. Which is nice Bailing Out The Banks Simin Jenkins writing in The Guardian today revealed bailing out the banks cust us poor punter £1 trillion. See The Daily Stirrer for more...

World Climate WidgetSick of self righteous climate change evangelicals. Get the climate csange widget that shows the world hasn't been warming for ten years.

LibLabCon Election Slogan Keeping The politics out of politics.

Time To Hug A Hoodie Dizzy Thinks celebrates the selection of porn movie director Anna Span as a Lib Dem candidate.

Your Right To Know The James Bulger muder case has reurned to the forefront of news and looks set to stay there. Should Jon Venables and Robert Thompson ever have been released into society in view of what they did?

Demolishing The Green Jobs Lie As the Church Of Science scream that the Big Oil lobby has crucified their AGW God we find that government policies on "investing in green jobs" are being influenced by big wind, big sun and big carbon capture.

A New E U Treaty. Believe it or not only months after securing the Lison treaty the EU Komissarat is now pushing for a new, further reaching treaty to extend central powers and further erode national sovereignty.

FOR OLDER COMMENTS from our blog index click here. MORE FAVOURITES