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Humour, or humor if you must, is in limited supply in the world but if you are looking for laughter look no more. The Boggart Blog team bridge the generation gap, the gender divide and leap across the many dimensions of the multiverse to bring you a funny and sometimes crazy take on whatever is in the news plus a few things that are not. In the past decade trust in the media has diminished so you would be justified in asking "Can we trust Boggart Network News?" Well yes you can, we are proud to say we have never sacrificed a joke for the sake of the truth. Delve into Boggart Blog but be prepared to find yourself taking life less seriously. Now scroll down for links to our pages.

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The Cheesemakers Of Outer Space

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Loonytoons By Election

Fuckwittery Of The First Order

Pretender To The Inheritance

Lembit Opik Hits Jupiter

The Moon Landing And The Earth Landing

Crusty Old Wives Tales Not So Unscientific

Swine Flu MP Misses Opportunity

Puffin Up The Power Of Technology

A Wing And A Cheap Ticket

A Rare Outbreak Of Sanity

Shagged Out Cyclists

Heather Mills McCartney On A Mission

Rat Arsed Badger

Scientists Have Not Made Sperm

Supermuslim

Shock Revelation: Obama and Michael Jackson

Schismism

Scary Willie Story

Career In Substance Abuse?

Talking Bollocks

Like A Ferret Up A Drainpipe

Benefit Fraud Psycho

Fear Of Soup Peacock Rescue

Life On Mars, A Guide To Modern Policing

It's The Sausages Stupid

The Apprentice Prime Minister

Will Labours Top Totty Topple Gordon?

Be Careful What You Wish For...

Knife Crime Is No Joke

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Britain's Got Talent Sensation!

800 On Waiting List For Death Clinic

Boycotting Britain's Got Talent

Sheep Burp, Cows Fart And The
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You Mean It Wasn't True

Fat Cat or Fat Bastard

Alistair's Darling Buds Of
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The Spirits Of Wycoller Sceptics scoff at the old man's stories of paranormal activity in an abandoned village and its ruined manor house. But when a group of young professionals decide to spend a night within the walls of the old house, the ghost hunters become the hunted. If anybody needs a reminder that it is always unwise to mess with the dark side they'll find it here.

The Grey Lady Of Dunkenhalgh

Every old house has its ghost and Dukenhalgh Hall in Clayton Le Moors, Lancashire, about two miles from where I live, is no exception. There are many reports of The Grey Lady being seen near the house or on the nearby bridge on winter nights and there is an element of truth to the story. I hope I have fashioned it into a suitable tale for Halloween.

Students censored – An Academic Community In A Crisis Of Collectivism.
Intellectual freedom in our universities is under threat from ... intellectuals. So overbearing have the left wing screechers of bourgeois politically correct leftism now become that even the universities have surrendered to the intellectual control freakery of cultural Marxism. But if universities are now dedicated to turning out dull minded conformists, what hope is there for western society?

It's Labour's Failure To Act On Child Abuse, Not UKIP's Poster That Is Despicable
UKIP leader Nigel Farage cause the politically correct left to throw a collective hissy fit last week when fter UKIP lanuched a new billboard poster poinying to the failures of Labour councils all arounf the nation to act against Pakistani gangs weh were systematically grooming and sexually exploiting girls unfortunate enough to find themselves in the council care system.

Tony Benn's inheritance tax dodge - another leftie hyocrite exposed
Remember the patron saint of loony lefties, Saint Anthony of Wedgewood - Benn, previously known as Viscount Stansgate? Agreeable sort of bloke, pip smokers, great speaker, utterly daft opinions as one would expect from an aristocrat who is so deluded he thinks he understands the working class?

British Democracy In Terminal Decline - Voting Is Redundant And Civil Liberties Are So Last Year
When did democracy go out of fashion. I don't remember voting on whether we wanted to give up our civil liberties or be ruled by a dictatorship of unelected bureaucrats from Brussels, but that is where we are heading, along with the other free nations of Europe. And the USA, so-called land of the free is further along the road to fascism than Europe.

You’re not feeling the economic boom are you? Here’s why
Our government keeps talking about economic recovery, so does the Obama administration in the USA and the bureaucratic dictatorship of unelected penpushers in the European Union headquarters, Brussels. but in the perception of most people, things are not getting better, in fact they are getting worse. So where's this economic 'growth' they keep talking about. Well nothing is ever what is seems to be, all the economic growth is in prostitution, drug dealing, gun running and smuggling ...

Top Scientist: This Version Of Ebola Looks Like ‘A Very Different Bug’
In another iteration of the old "The Science Is Settled" bollocks, President Obama and his senior advisers on medical science have been saying we know exactly how Ebola spreads. The case is however that there is much about this strain of the virus currently raging in West Africa that we simply do not know and the propaganda coming from the usual suspects who claim the science is settled looks very dubious.

Corporate plundering of the UK purse has to stop – Facebook pays zero tax again
Our finance expert looks at the latest tax avoidance scandal and wonders why the governments financial agencies are always to eager to go after small time tax and benefit fraud and yet year after year turn a blind eye to the blatant criminality of global corporations in their tax evasion techniques.

TTIP and CETA Degrade The Bundestag To A Folklore Event Says German Financial Newspaper
Another shocking revelation from German Financial Newspaper Deutsche Wirtschafts Nachrichten on the threat posed to deomcracy and the national sovereignty of EU member nation by the Trans Atlantic Trade And Investment Partnership (TTIP) which having been negotiated in secret by bureaucrats will give Corporations the power to overturn national law.

Big Brother Is Right Behind You And He Knows What you Are Up To
No doubt the smug complacent bourgeois fools will shouth conspiracy theirist and the emotionally needy leftist Sheeple will

bleat "racist bigot" (they always bleat "racist bigot" but it is not alarmist to say the UK is slowly becoming a totalitarian state. What else can we calli our nation if anti - terror laws are being used prosecute people for low-level offences such as Television licence dodging.

Taxi Customers In Heywood / Rochdale Ask For 'Local' Drivers

A taxi company in the child-sex scandal hit town Heywood, part of the Greater Manchester borough of Rochdale and the usually solid Labour parliamentary constituency almost won by Libertarian Party UKIP in a recent by election is now offering customers option of requesting white-only cab drivers, after two former 'Asian' drivers were imprisoned for their roles in the sexual exploitation gang.

Top Yorkshire cop 'likely' to face investigation over Rotherham abuse scandal
Shaun Wright, the police officer who tried to wriggle out of taking responsibility for his role in the Rotherham sex abuse scandal but was forced to resign three weeks after the release of the Jay Report into the sexual exploitation of 1,400 children in the town is now likely to be the subject of a criminal investigation we learned today.

Now Sheffied Paedophile Grooming Scandal Explodes In Establishment's Face
Vulnerable children in Sheffield were let down by police and social workers, it was claimed today as the the latest of a stream of sex scandals involving the grooming and exploitation of vulnerable children was revealed. Previously similar scadals were caused by officers seeking to aviod racially sensitive issues, ignoring the duty of politicians care workers and law enforcement officers to protect all members of society regardless of age, ethnic background or religion.

Cash-strapped NHS Wales Wastes A Fortune On Politically Correct Non-Jobs
The financial problems in the Welsh NHS do not seem to have dampened its Labour leadership's appetite for wasting money on oddly titled politically correct jobs. The Taxpayers' Alliance have published a list of 43 pointless jobs, which are costing the public £1.5m a year

How Western Intervention Turned Africa's Richest Nation Into A Failed State It is three years this week since the Western-backed assassination of Libya's dictator, Muammar 'Mad Dog' Gaddafi. The western bombing campaign in support of a rag bag army of Islamic religious fantatics, tribal warlords and self interested gangsters led to the fall and murder of Gadaffi and members of his family and the collapse of Africa’s richest and most morder nation. [Read more]

Death In The Desert - An Ill-Fated Attempt to Reach Fortress Europe.
Criminal gangs in Africa and south East Asia are recruiting desperate people for passages to Europe with promises of jobs and housing and tales of socialist utopias where the government pays all comers a good wage for doing nothing. Too often the would be immigrants are abandoned in hostile country or loaded onto unsafe boats or simply dunmped on foreign shore with no money, no documents and no hope.

Birmingham Child Abuse Scandal Set To Break - Will Dwarf Rotherham, Rochdale
Hot on the heels of child sex abuse scandals in Rotherham and Rochdale, another, bigger scandal is set to erupt in brimingham and the West Midlands. Gangs made up of predominantly Pakistani men, using the same modus operandi as the South Yorkshire and Greater Manchester abuse rings, targeted young girls and boys from broken home who were unfortunate enought to find themselves in the care of the local authority. Once groomed the children were raped and prostituted

The Ebola Outbreak - Natural Disaster Or Man Made Catastrophe The Daily Stirrer has always tried to bring you a controversial and off-message view of major news stories. We were ahead of the game on Malaysia Airlines Flights MH370 and Flight MH17. We went out on a limb again over the Ebola fever outbreak in west Africa, arguing that it looked more like a biological weapons experiment gone wrong that a natural disaster. And once again as evidence emerges the odds are swinging in our favour.

UKIP Withstands Euro-Attack, Reforms EFDD Group Just Days After 'Blackmail
Just a few days after an underhanded and undemocratic move to sideline the European Parliament (EP) anti-federalist group, the eurosceptics have outflanked neo - Nazi EP boss Martin Schulz by signing a new member. Formerly independent MEP Robert Iwaszkiewicz said he had joined in protest against undemocratic EU leadership.

European Parliament: Dictatorial Martin Schulz dissolves EEFD Group of Euro-skeptics
The Daily Stirrer has always said that the european Union was not an association of free states collaborating to make trade easier, but a bureaucratic dictatorship under the palsied heel of which the freedom and sovereigfnty of democratic nations wouldf be crushed. Here's an example of an EU Bureaucrat autocratically overruling the democratically expressed with of the voters.

Leaked TPP Chapter Exposes Sweet Deals for Big Pharma, Big Media and US Bully Tactics Crushing Smaller States Objections

Yesterday (17/10/2014) WikiLeaks released an updated version of the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) Intellectual Property Rights chapter, along with a statement accusing those involved in the secret negotiations of creating a Big Pharma fiendly deal that would will hinder access to affordable medicines globally for those earning average wages or less, remove most of the remaining safeguards against online surveillance, and erode civil liberties while benefiting corporate and other governmental interests.

Ciggy's £1.50 each. I smell an opportunity
A World Health Organisation conference on the most serious public health issue today (not ebola but smoking would you believe) is doing some very nasty things in secret. All in all their policy smells of prohibition. Oh well, that's good news for organised crime at least.

Hidden Agenda Behind the new Free Trade Deals
In this post from Wolf Street and others in this composite article, along with our many standalone posts on the so called Free Trade Agreements, TTIP (Trans Atlantic Trade And Investment Partnership) and TPP (Trans Pacific Partnership) we have stressed again and again that the seemingly benign phrase "free trade" is not used to signify the opening of markets dominated by global corporations to competition from small, efficient local businesses.

Second And Even More Lethal Strain Of Ebola Now Infecting People In Congo - Le Monde
We may now be facing two deadly Ebola outbreaks, a new strain of the virus which so far has killed 71 percent of those infected has been discovered in the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC). This is a higher mortality rate than the strain that has killed over 3000 people in Sierra Leone, Liberia and Guinea.

More Child Abuse Cases Like Rotherham, Rochdale To Be Revealed Says Top Police Officer
It seems inevitable that more child-abuse cases involving gangs preying on vulnerable boys and girls, like the recent cases in Rotherham and Rochdale will come to light. Simon Bailey, Chief Constable of Norfolk Police claims that the problem is far bigger than had been previously thought with up to 600,000 children having suffered some kind of sexual abuse, the National Household Survey of Adverse Childhood Experiences estimates.

Ebola, Stock Market, Nuclear War. It's all going tits up. WTF?
Woke up this morning (I know that sounds like the opening of a blues song, but bear with me), leisurely breakfast, watched the news - Osborne wittering about how well they economy was doing (which was an ominous sign), read for a while, drove Mrs T down the shops. Came in, turned on the computer.

Game of Groans: David Cameron and Ed Miliband will be torn apart as the election nears
Will Dave or Ed be Prime Minister after the 2015 general election or will a sicteenth centry witch fould up the best lain schemes of mice and men. 2015 could turn out to be the Demdike Man election, not through macick, but metaphor. The Witch of Pendle representas a communitity and culture that has been abandoned by the self righteous, politically correct concensus politics of the bourgeois establishment. Are the working and middle classes about to strike back.

The Real Significance Of The Jimmy Savile Case
Back to the Savile case, which while Anna Raccoon makes valid points about unreliability of witness evidence on events which occurred many years ago, they smug, authority worshipping people who dismiss our concerns are truly naive when saying "its just a lot of fuss about nothing, only Daily Mail readers are taken in by it," are the ones who really miss the point.

NHS Money Wasting Machine And The One Budget That Is Never Cut
After the usual empty promises made at the annual conferences of the three main political parties - all three party leaders swore that only their party can save the National Heath Service (NHS) eternally a key isue in UK politics, we decided it was time our we too a close look at why NHS finances are always in a mess. We assigned the task to our team of old gits with a vast store of business experience behind them and no fears of suffering career damage as the Politically Correct Thought Police exact retribution for the crime of being 'off message'.

The Immigration Problem
The politicians may run a mile when the topic is mentioned, the Islington Screechers and medi luvvies may cover their ears and go la-la-la-la whenever the topic comes up but there is no denying immigration is the big issue in Britain today. Labour's open doors immigration policy was a disaster, the coalition have failed to address it for fear of upsetting the politically correct thought police. Is it any wonder UKIP, the only party that will talk about immigration, is doing so well?

The Ongoing Propaganda War Behind GMOs Exposed
The United States has been paying farmers for over two decades to NOT produce food, yet biotech would have us believe that genetically modified organisms are necessary to feed the world. This is but one of the many lies they have perpetrated, all the while hiding the real truth behind GM crops. Genetically modified organisms and the chemicals which support their growth are just an outcropping of the military industrial complex and the war industry.

Emirates Airways CEO Thinks He Knows What Happened to Flight MH370
We can sometimes keep news stories running for several months by pointing out the sheer irrationality of those who scream 'conspiracy theory' and demand that we all believe the government / mainstream media version. One of the two biggest stories in 2014 was the complete disappearance of Malaysia Airlines flight MH370 on a routine flight from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing. Seven months later not a trace of the Boeing 777 aircraft or any of its passengers has been located. As the official explanations grow increasingly more ludicrous ...

MH-17 Report False Flag Exposed After Revelation Passenger Was Wearing Oxygen Mask

When exactly a month ago the supposedly objective, impartial Netherlands released its official, 34-page preliminary report of the MH-17 crash over Ukraine, presumably based on black box data, air traffic control records, and other “authentic, verified” information, there were precisely zero mentions of “oxygen“, “mask” or “oxygen mask.”

Things That Make You Boggle ... Like The Misplaced Confidence Of Academics
Why are economics academics always so sure that their predictions are correct. Given the abysmal record on economists on calling the economic trends correctly even after they have happened let alone ahead of the trend, you would think exponsents of the dismal science would be a little more cautious in proclaiming their gusses as evidence backed facts. They never seen to learn however.

European Union Euro - Nazis Block Democratic Challenge To TTIP Travesty
Yet again the news slowly leaking out of the Trans Atlantic Trade And Investment Partnershi negotiations tess us just why there is so much secrecy surrounding this trade treaty being negotiated between the EU and the USA that even our elected governments are not allowed to know what the final treaty will include. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Police to Investigate Allegations of Labour-LibDem Rochdale 'Deal' on Paedophiles
Fresh allegations have emerged regarding the systematic sexual abuse of Chil;dren in Rochdale. This time the story focuses not on the Pakistani men at the centre of the abuse gangs, but the political cover up by Labour and Liberal Democrat elected officials on Rochdale Metrtoplitan Borough Council who, it is claimed orchestrated the cover-up by Labour and Liberal Democrat Party officials in the Greater Manchester Area.

Obama and FUKUS Axis Air Strikes On ISIS Will Make Things Worse
The bombing of ISIS, the Islamic State is well under way in Iraq and Syria, and as predicted the American, British and French led campaign is already making things worse for civilians among whom the ISIS fighters are dispersed. And of course, far from making the west safer, it is stirring up more hatred against us in the Islamic world.

Bad News for the alarmists: 'Missing Heat' from Non-Existent 'Global Warming' isn't Hiding in the Ocean After All
The already mortaly wounded cause of climate taxes alarmism has bean dealt another blow in a new study published by a NASA research project carried out at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, USA.
Satellite observations and empirical measurements gathered by Argo temperature probes enabled the NASA team to calculate temperature variations and thermal expansion in ocean waters over 6000 feet deep.

Evil Labour Government Helped Private Companies Profit From NHS
If you live in Heywood and Middleton and were thinking of voting for the greedy, paedophile loving, elitists' party, Labour because you have been taken in by the lies peddled at the Labour conference that the wicked Tories plan to privatize the NHS, think again.

UK Health Watchdog: Studies Show Mobile Phones Cause Brain Tumours
Over the past last two years, following publication of metastudies like World Health Organisation's International Agency For Research On Cancer report on the effects of radio frequency electromagnetic waves, there is new evidence that mobile phones use can be dangerous to our health. A less technical summary of that is available from Cancer Research UK. Wireless phones, even those DECT systems you use with your landline so you can wander around with the handset, emit radio-frequency electromagnetic fields (RF-EMFs) when in use...

Another EU Wannabe Declares War On Free Speech A very dangerous and worrying trend, which has been gathering momentum for some time, has entered a new dimension in recent weeks. Political and business leaders around the world are blatantly calling for the censorship on reporting and discussing news in terms that are 'unhelpful' to their aims and ambitions along with further restrictions on free speech.

US Centre for Disease Control Opposes Blocking Air Travel from West Africa to Stop Ebola Right of return and gender dimension more important than stopping spread of disease? Well that sounds about right for the admistration of The Rent Boy President. Always put acting in a politically correct way before common sense. How about this for a totally fickwitted attempt to deal with a crisis (or mayve a smart but totally evil way to create a crisis.

Another Big Result For The 'Conspiracy Theorists' - US CIA Corrupts Western Journalists.
Ever wondered why anybody trying to report news truthfully or initiate intelligent discussion is branded a conspiracy theorist, especially if their news or opinion is critical of the American government of American business interests? Read the content of this page and you will know a lot more about what is going on.

The Crminalisation Of Dissent
There is a growing trend in what we like to think of as the free world to curtail civil rights, transfer national sovereignty from elected law making bodies to supra national bureaucracies and enact new laws restricting free speech and press freedom. Largely fictitious threats such as terrorism, Islamic fundamentalism and climate change are being used to justify this. but are the levels of risk sufficient to justify the destruction of democracy?

EU Kommisar Admits Brussels Is At War With Democracy
The German EU Commissioner Günther Oettinger, in an astonishing rant accused "bishops, non-governmental organizations and "Ami-Go-Home-Altgruppen" (whatever they are) of undemocratic agitation against the EU's free trade agreements. Oettinger was referring to the Trans Atlantic Trade and Investment Partnership (TTIP) the undemocratic deal being negotiated in secret between the European Union and the corporate paymasters who control the US Administration.

Proof Bill Gates is Linked to Ebola as it Hits Dallas, Texas?
Ebola fever has landed in America and predictably sparked panic (see headline). The question evert=yone asks is: "How much danger are me and my family in." The questions they should be asking are: "Why does the US Government Department Of Defense hold a patent on the Ebola virus; and: Why has a team from Tulane University and the US Department of Defence biological weapons research project been experimenting on the Ebola virus for several years?

Surveillance Society Ever had that feeling you are being watched, unseen eyes are monitoring your every move, recording your every action, even knowing what you think. We live in a surveillance society but few really understand how intrusive the activiries of the watchers are. Welcome to the Panopticon. Jeremy Bentham's ideal prison has become a metaphor for the world we have created.

New Global Crisis Imminen, New Geneva Report Warns The Geneva Report refers to a “poisonous combination of high and rising global debt and slowing nominal GDP [gross domestic product], driven by both slowing real growth and falling inflation”. The total burden of world debt, private and public, has risen from 160 per cent of national income in 2001 to almost 200 per cent after the crisis struck in 2009 and 215 per cent in 2013. “Contrary to widely held beliefs, the world has not yet begun to delever and the global debt to GDP ratio is still growing, breaking new highs,” the report said.

Farage Reckless Facing Rabid Left Wing Fanatics
Following the defection to UKIP of Conservative MP Mark Reckless, who yesterday shocked the media and political establishment (everyone else knew it was on the cards.) by announcing his switch from con to Kipper from the podium at the closing session of UKIP's conference, the Kippers latest recruit and his new leader yesterday faced angry but ineffectual protests

Vaclav Klaus, the free world's last honest politician: the West’s lies about Russia are monstrous.
There are few people in politics who will say in public the things that really think, thanks to the hypersensitivity of the American political establishment and their enthusiasm for bombing the crap out of anyone who upsets members of their anointed minorities. Its refreshing then to learn of comments made by veteran Czech Republic leader, putting the boot into the cowardly mealy mouthed sum who pass for conservative and libertarian politicians in the English Speaking countries.

Why Do Government Information Technology Projects always Screw Up? Because Everything Governmrent Touches Becomes Political
While scientists burble excitedly about the internet of things, computer-brain interfaces that will enable the government to control us from data centres, creating human / computers hybrids and other science fantasy rubbish as if any of it stands a chance of becoming reality, government Information Technology managers, with almost unlimited resources at their disposal, can't even manage to cobble together a simple database and search routine. The failure of the e borders project is the latest in a long line of screw ups.

Ukip takes on free market corporatists: Britain's immigration debate gets interesting
Immigration was the subject of the big debate at UKIP's conference in doncaster today. With the Rotherham paedophile scandal which involved Muslim men in the immigrant community abusing young white girls as open sore in South Yorkshire politics at the moment the topic was long overdue for serious debate. One of the reasons the Rotherham scandal happened was the politically correct left scremed racism whenever issue was raised. Immigrants are not above the law.

The Third Gulf War Has Started - Should Britain Get Involved
For the third time in twenty five years a British Prime ~Minister has led the nation into a war in Iraq. It's understandable that Iraquis might be a bit pissed off with us. This time the threat is not a brutal dictator like Saddam hussein or Muammar Gadaffi, the Libyan leader we helped depose, but Islamic State, a concept, an idea, but also a rabble of bloodthirsty maniacs funded by European and American money, aremed with European and American weapons and trained by European and American 'military advisers.

War In Iraq? Lard Bombs Away (SATIRE)
As usual Boggart Blog is totally against Britain becoming embroiled in another sectarian conflict in the middle east (the theme tune of which will be I Hate You Babe by Sunni and Shia.) But rather than send our clapped out, thirty year old warplanes to fire rockets and heavy calibre cannons and drop bombs on the IS, bearing in mind these guys are all fundamentalist Muslims we have a better idea. We can beat the Islamic State without shedding HUMAN blood.

Derbyshire Chief Constable Claims He Was Forbidden To Arrest Former Labour Minister Or Search His Home">South Yorkshire Police Commissioner Shaun Wright Finally Resigns Over Rotherham Child Abuse Scandal
Police chiefs blocked a paedophile probe into a top politician 25 years ago, one of the country’s most senior officers said yesterday. Derbyshire Chief Constable Mick Creedon was serving as a detective sergeant in Leicestershire when allegations surfaced against Labour MP Greville Janner in 1989. Mr Creedon said he was ordered to limit his inquiries into the MP, now Lord Janner of Braunstone.

Disaster Dave's Latest Screw Up On The International Stage
Tomorrow (26 September, 2014) the UK Parliament will meet to vote on whether Britain should support Prime Minister David Cameron and US President and Warmonger - in - Chief Barack Hussein Obama in launching yet another war in the middle east, this time against the forces of the Islamic Caliphate, a fundamentalist organisation set up by groups funded armed and trained by the USA and its allies in their quest to overthrow the regime of Bashar Al Assad in Syria.

War In Iraq: Confused? You Will Be
I'm always a bit wary about referring to The Daily Mail because mere mention of that rather sensationalist but immensely popular newspaper (compare its circulation figures with those of The Guardian or The Independent) is likely to attract a Two Minutes Hate session from Britain's biggest fascist movement,

Love Like Chains (poem)
There are needy lovers and there are controlling lovers (the lovers in my case have always been female but I know men fall into these categories too). They often seem to be modelled from the same clay. Having always been self contained person who liked to stand apart from the crowd I have never did very well in love affairs with either type. This poem is not adressed to a specific person but an amalgam.

Miliband Promises Same Old Shite - Not A Word About Action Against Paedophile Sex Gangs
Labour leader Ed Miliband's keynote speech at the Labour Party conference woyuld have to be the best speech of his life if he hoped to be Prime Minister after next years election, the consensus of opinon said. Ed's friends and opponents awaited the speech with very different hopes and expectations. in the end as Ed dodged the bg issues, the economy and debt, law and order, immigration and Europe, it was probably his enemies who were happier.

In Praise Of Sluts - Tits Out For The Boys Miley
In the last 24 hours both Marianne Faithfull and Jacqueline Bisset have criticised today's young women for dressing provocatively, the teasers for a story in today's news said.
Marrianne Faithfull, no slouch in the sluttiness stakes herself back in the 1960s but to a teenage male all the more appealing for that (I still get a little tingle when I look at a Mars Bar), told ITV News that Miley Cyrus, Rihanna and other good looking young pop tarts are, quite simply, sluts. She gave her reasoning thus:

'There is Only One Planet': The Bemusing Claims of London's Climate Warriors
Apparently blissfully unaware of their hypocrisy, marchers have left placards emblazoned with complaints about the government and environmental issues strewn around on the pavement. The thousands of left-wing activists who descended shouting and stomping through London’s streets no doubt moved on to bars, restaurants or their homes to smugly congratulate themselves on having done their bit for Mother Nature, unsurprisingly not only expecting other people to pay for everything they demand,

A Bunch Of Self Obsessed Air Heads Only Interested In Publicity
The headline sums up some of the speakers or yesterday's climate change protest in London. But we know scientists are vacuous wannabe celebrities. The surprising thing was the showbiz and media luvvies showed themselves even more stupid and out of touch with reality. Take Emma Thompson. A fine actress but we should remember her job is pretending to be somebody else. and having spent most of her life pretending to be somebody else, when ...

Nationalism the new target for left wing screechers
The screechers have a new target for their hate, Nationalism. OMFG, I am sick of seeing on Facebook and other Sheeple sites posts from the army of bandwagon followers condemning nationalism. Hate attacks on Andy Murray because he voted Yes for Scottish Independence were deplorable, the bloke is entitled to his opinion FFS. The lefties hater did not stop there however, attacks on his mother are just disgusting (but entirely typical of the Labour voting, free speech hating, all-things-British loathing, bourgeois left scum.)

Rotherham Childcare Chief Quits Over Mass Sex Abuse Scandal

After weeks of mounting pressure and in the wake of resignations by council political leaders and senior exectutives and also of the recently elected Police Crime Commissioner for the scandal hit town, Joyce Thacker the head of children's services at Rotherham council has finally quit. Following the revelation of a massive cover up by elected representative, police and care professionals who went to considerable lengths to avoid acting on allegations of organised sex abuse gangs consisting mostly of

GCHQ employs more than 100 dyslexic spies. So what?
A lot of people in comment threads seemed eager to get their knickers in a twist this morning about a story headlined: GCHQ employs more than 100 dyslexic and dyspraxic spies. The story tells how the government snoopers intelligence agency down in Cheltenham uses dyslexics' ability to analyse complex information in a 'dispassionate, logical and analytical' in the fight against terror.

Obama administration ‘blocking' information from the press
Uncovering information that should be available to the public has become increasingly difficult under the presidency of Barack Obama, an Associated Press bureau chief says. In some cases, it surpasses the secrecy of the George W. Bush administration. The White House's penchant for secrecy does not just apply to the federal government, according to AP's Washington bureau chief, Sally Buzbee.

An Interesting Perspective From Across The Pond On The Scottish Referendum Result
The almost inevitable accusations of fraud and vote rigging are beginning to emerge in the wake of the Scottish independence referendum. Surprisingly the likely culprit most fingers are pointing at is not the SNP, leaders of the YES campaign or the Westminster government which wanted to avoid the embarrassment of a no, but the Euronazis in Brussels whose plans for a single European nation would have suffered from a YES vote.

Submerged forests' drowned by ancient climate change revealed by 2014 storms.
Here's yet another smack in the mouth for those smug, condescending scientists who talk down to the rest of us. Far from being a new thing, climsste change was affecting the environment at the beginning of the Bronze age. How many fossil fuel burning power stations did the beaker people have then, and how many Chelsea tractors were tearing up and down the ridgeways?

1000 Scientists Break Ranks On Global Warming - Laugh? I Nearly Shat
You've all heard from members of the Church Of Scienceology Cult about how there was total consensus (despite a lack of empirical evidence) that the planet is warming so rabidly there are now no ice caps at either the North or South Poles, that the last polar bear perished when someone ate its Fox's Glacier Mint and that there are now ...

How To Be Totally Uncool (By TryingTo Look Cooler Than You Are)
Many of the 4700 people camped outside the Apple store on New York's 5th Avenue in the picture above are unemployed (and very likely being paid cash in hand by others to queue for days). Few, if any, among either the campers or the buyers will spend $3,600 for a "gold" iPhone like someone in China just did. But those who are buying will gladly pay ...

South Yorkshire Police Commissioner Shaun Wright Finally Resigns Over Rotherham Child Abuse Scandal The man who bears most responsibility for failure to investigate the Rotherham child abuse scandal has finally resigned after three weeks of excuses and evasions. Police Commissioner Wright has been under pressure ever since a report by Prof Alexis Jay (see below) revealed a huge level of child abuse in the South Yourkshire town of Rotherham. The organised sex crime rings had been operating for ...

UKIP MEP Received Death Threats After Criticizing Rotherham's Labour Council Council Over Sex Abuse Scandal Jane Collins, the UKIP Member of the European Parliament for Yorkshire, has been speaking out about the failure of the senior police officers, the social services department managers in Rotherham and leaders of the Labour controlled council all of whom failed to act on allegations that groups of mainly Pakistani men were carrying out the organised sexual abuse of under age girls who found themselves in the care of the authorities.

Bill Gates Foundation Giving Millions to Top University In Order To Influence GMO “Debate” - It Must Be Dodgy
Former Microsoft CEO and mega mogul Bill Gates has long utilized his vast fortune to push genetically modified organisms (GMOs) through his Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, but Gates’ efforts have been met with sharp criticism from millions of grassroots activists both home and abroad.

Rotherham: In the face of such evil, who is the racist now?
Here's a question for wannabe Mastermind contestants. If South Yorkshire Police can mount a raid on the home of pop singer Sir Cliff Richard, two hundred miles away from their patch in pursuit of evidence linked to a single and unsubstantiated allegation of child sex abuse 30 years ago, why were the same South Yorkshire Police force unable to conduct a proper investigation into multiple allegations against men who raped 1,400 children over 16 years?

Denis MacShane: I was too much of a 'liberal leftie' and should have done more to investigate child abuse
In a rare mome

nt of candour disgraced former Labour Member Of Parliament for Rotherham, Dennis MacShane admitted he could have done more to protect the victims of sex abuse gangs in his constituency who preyed on young girls in the local authority care system. While maintaing he knew of no specific allegations MacShane said he could have investigated rumours circulating in the town.

Rotherham Abuse Cover Up Cover UP
Not so long ago we were venting our spleen about the selection of Judge Butler - Sloss to head up an inquiry about how allegations of paedophile offences by well known celebrities, politicians and establishment figures were covered up for many years. It turned out Lady Butler Sloss was the sister of the now deceased Attorney General Sir Michael Havers who was directly involved in

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Pissed Pensioners Are A Social Blight
There is an ever growing tendency in government to stick their noses into the everyday detail of people's daily lives. Nowhere has this been more apparent than in the case of The Pised Pensioners. Despite the governmen'ts repeated dire warnins about the effects of drinking on health and the cost to health services of drinking related illness a lot of pensioners still like to enjoy the occasional glass of beer or wine. And the pokenose bureaucrats intend to put a stop to it. Read full post


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Education, Education, Education
Ian R Thorpe
27 April 2009> Is education all it's cracked up to be. Ian Thorpe thinks not and explains why in this article about the pretensions of science, the naivete of graduates with university degrees and the realities of the jobs market.

Oi Canada; Get Orf Our Laaand!
The coast of Northumberland is undoubtedly beautiful and dotted with historic sites. Bamburgh Castle , a rock promontory now topped by the remains of a Medieval castle has been a stronghold against invaders from the sea. Nearby the island of Lindisfarne with its ancient monastery is a world heritage site. In the heyday of the monastic system the monks of Lindisfarne created the famous illuminated gospel a facsimile of which can be viewed in the parish church on the island. The priceless original is kept in the British Museum.

Just outside the perimeter wall of the old site tourists can visit the cell of St. Cuthbert, a tiny chamber hewn out of rock just above the high water mark. There the saint would spend weeks in solitude, eating only one frugal meal of bread or porridge and water per day and enduring cold and discomfort as he contemplated they mysteries of life. He was a mentalist but don't tell that to the tourists.

just inland is Alnwick Castle, a place of pilgrimage for Harry Potter fans and the scene of many clashes with the Scots. The coast of...


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Alistair's Darling Buds Of Recovery Vaporised In Labour's Economic Large Hadron Collider?

Has it struck anyone else as day after day the economic news gets worse that the meltdown got really serious about the same time as thefuckwitted geeks who live in a hole near Geneva switched on their Large Hadron Collider? We are supposed to think it is just coincidence but it should make people ask questions

On Wednesday, six months after "Flash" Gordon Brown announced he was saving the world the task of making the sums add up following Brown's bank bailout fell to Alistair Darling and his animated eyebrows. This man is totally out of his depth as finance minister in the world's fifth largest economy but he would be a sensation on Britain's got talent. Never mind the fat bloke who does Michael Flastley impressions, Darling's eyebrows are more mobile than the entire Riverdance ensemble.

Having talked about sightings of green shoots of recovery at least once a week since February, the Chancellor knew as he delivered his April budget speech he had to turn these shoots into swelling, bursting Darling buds of May. Unfortunately the pans he announced have already been shaken by rough winds of indifference. It is not possible to spend our way out of recession when we have already spent our rainy day money on New Labour vanity projets, Blair's five wars and failed Information Technology schemes.

At this time of year we should be sailing a broad reach rather than struggling to stay on course as hostile currents drive us towards a dangerous reef (British writer's obligatory nautical metaphor) so why does nobody seem to have a clue how to get out of this worsening situation?

If you cast your mind back to the Large Hadron Collider, the machine that physicists hope (or rather hoped because they have backed off from their most ambitious claims,) will unlock the secrets of the Universe, the whole $6billion experiment is based on guesswork. Even if the machine had worked perfectly the scientists could not have know if what they were observing is what happened a billionth of a second after the Big Bang even if we allow them to assume the Big Bang happened. The Universe is to big and too old and too complex for us to understand. Scientists must learn a point is reached at which they have to accept "that's the way things are," When Thomas Edison was asked how electricity worked he replied "it works." So far nobody has bettered that but we have learned to control electricity and use it in thousands of beneficial ways. The LHC did not work so what do the scientists do? They persuade participating governments to spend a few billion more on it. The cost is justified by a promise that once it works it will do lots of useful stuff but nobody actually knows what.
To continue reading about Alistair's Darling Buds CLICK HERE

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***Breakfast With The Apprentices
On television the Apprentice rolls on oblivious of the budget, Britain's Got Talent and Barack Obama. Some might suggest that is because it was recorded several months ago but we at Boggart Blog would never stoop so low as to suspect Surrealan of being involved in such a deception. Trust us the programme goes out live in real time and is not edited at all. Next week's task for The Apprentices is to convince sceptics that pigs really can fly... CLICK ON BUTTON to open full post in a new window.

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The Age Of Arse Dribble
At Boggart Blog we have covered the attempts to get the anti - obesity arse dribble pill onto the British market. The arse dribble pill (or allili as it is branded) stops the body from absorbing fat so lardarses can beinge eat bizzas, burgers, fried chicken, lard, more lard and deep fried Mars bars without ever putting on weight. It would be the perfect solution to the obesity crisis but for one thing. Instead of being absorbed, metabolised and emitted as nice zeppelin shaped jobbies the fat goes straight through the digestive system, emerging through the holes in our bottoms as gooey, oily, slimy ARSE DRIBBLE.

Learn more about obesity pills here:
Unhappy Pills
and here
The Certainty of Arse Dribble
and here
The Misery Pill
and then find out about the dangers of overeating here
Don't Feed Your Daughter Any More Mrs. Lardarse
and here
Goodbye Lardarse, 2009 Is The Year Of The Lardhead

It;s enough to make you eat a healthy diet

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Driving Tests Will Be The Death Of Many
21 April 2009
Ian R. Thorpe

New Driving Tests May Be The Death Of You.
Anxious as ever to cover up their absolute cluelessness about how to deal with anything the government has resorted to the old ploy of trying to look as if they are doing a lot about everything.

Fresh from their successes is looking as if they intend to deal with binge drinking, anti - social behaviour, the credit crunch, immigration, education, discumknockeration, death of bees, diseases of knees, greedy bankers, Conservative wankers and galloping mange and climate change, New Labour have this week turned their attention to abolishing death. Not abolishing death by compelling us all to have vaccines against diseases we are not going to catch (that was last week when some government supporters were demanding pre-pubescent boys be vaccinated against cervical cancer) the politically correct thinkers of the Labour Party now want to abolish death on the roads. It is a worthy aim of course but the method is rather suspect in fact it looks like another bucketful of eyewash.

Aiming for the easiest target so as to make missing it seem a much greater accomplishment the Department Of Transport and Flying Sheep intends to target Young Drivers as this group are involved in a disproportionate number of accidents many of which involve tripping over Smart Cars while staggering home from the pub of a Friday night. In a bid to make young drivers into safe drivers the government plan to make the driving test easier to pass yes, easier to pass.

The proposals to be put before Parliament include splitting the test into four parts which may be taken separately over an extended period. Nice to see the government is down with the kids and understands the current generation has a much shorter attention span than those that went before. Concentration is irrelevant when driving, it is much more fun to randomly press buttons and see which lights flash.

The other main change is the new test will be treated as a syllabus and candidates assessed on overall performance thus it will be more difficult for people to fail on a single, trivial error like not bothering to stop at a T junction. In other words as education standards have improved so much under Labour they plan to apply the same principles to road safety.

Needless to say much more weight will be attached to the theory part of the test. We can all feel much safer now, so long as new drivers have a good theoretical understanding of driving technique what does it matter if they don't have a scrap of road sense.

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Ramsay's Very Own Kitchen Nightmare

Reality tv supershef Gordon Ramasay who preaches the doctrine of "fresh food prepared and cooked on the premises" is hoist by his own petard as restaurants in one of his chains are caught serving boil in ther bag meals EXTRACT: We have strong stomachs, my wife and I. week after week we roar with laughter as cantaloupe faced superchef Gordon Ramsay harangues hapless restaurateurs about the mouldy food, cavalier approach to hygiene and stone age cooking methods, and most of all about the way they are not serving fresh food but bought in, boil-in-the-bag and microwave ready meals. And despite this, despite the three month old lasagne, the mince with green fur and the penicillin crusted soup we still eat in restaurants. Oh well, we all have to die of something, better a dodgy dinner than dementia perhaps.

"Fucking fresh food prepped and cooked on the fucking premises," Ramsay yells at some poor sap whose business is going down the pan because they don't know a souffle from a suet pudding. Given their ignorance of the catering trade the creativity of the tricks these people get up to is amazing. Week after week Gordon discovers a stash...

CLICK HERE to read full post Ramsay's Very Own Kitchen Nightmare


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Sarky Sarko Slams World Leaders
posted by Ian R Thorpe
18 April 2009

It had to happen. That giant ego was never going to remain contained in such a small, slender body for long. The real Nicolas Sarkozy has at last burst out in all his Gallic superiority and thoroughly slagged his fellow world leaders.

Of German Chancellor Angela Merkel sarky Sarko said "Once the understood the state of German banking and the economy she came round to my way of thinking" while he was dismissive of Spanish leaders Zaperero's stance against the French plan for economic recovery in Europe, saying "Perhaps he is not every intelligent."

Rumoured to have been stung by reports in the US mainstream media suggesting he idolises Barack Obama, Sarko said of the new American President, he is newly elected and is nave and inexperienced. He has no never before been in charge of anything, perhaps this is why he falls short on efficiency and decision making. M. Sarkozy did say Obama has subtle intelligence but this of course is a very subtle very French way of suggesting Obama keeps whatever intelligence he may have out of sight.

Gordon Brown was damned with faint praise. It seemed Sarko could not even be arsed insulting the British Prime Minister confining himself to saying that politics is about being clever enough to get elected and the Blair / Brown Labour administration had been elected three times as has Italian political Godfather and convicted fraudster Silvio Berlusconi.

Asked who was the most clever politician Sarkozy said being clever was not the be all and end all of politics. In a snarky reference to his former rival and leader of the French socialist party Lionel Jospin he said, "I know people who are very clever but who did not even make the second round of the Presidential election.

Ooooooooh!

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Trial Of Transylvanian Has To be Halted
posted by Ian R Thorpe
. 17 Apr 2009

The trial of a Transylvanian man who stands accused of causing Grievous Bodily Harm had to be postponed earlier this week as Bristol Crown Court was closed when the buildings were permeated by an overpowering smell of garlic.

CCTV footage showed the culprit to be one of the chief witnesses in the trial of illegal immigrant Vald Dracula who claims he is descended from an ancient aristocratic family. The witness, Miss Heama Tomasic, a virgin from a remote peasant community in eastern Romania told police when questioned about why the surveillance cameras had showed her pouring garlic oil onto radiators; "it was to repel evil."

Heama later explained her action to a Boggart Blog reporter "they cannot expect me to go into the same room as The Count. Do they not know he can turn himself into a bat? No virgin within a hundred miles is safe. She also told us that she had not wanted to disrupt the work of the courts and for protection from The Count had planned simply to wear a large silver cross around her neck. Court officials had stopped her from doing this. They said it might offend any Muslims in the Public Gallery.

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Phil Spector To Join Browns Media Team?
posted by ianrthorpe
2009-04-15
Hot on the heels of Damien McBride's departure from the government public relations role he has fulfilled for some time Boggart Blog, thanks to our mole embedded in the government, can bring you news of a surprising and audacious move to replace McBride and his discredited sidekick Dolly Draper. Prime Minister Gordon Brown is expected to announce in the next few days that American record producer, convicted murderer and veteran mentalist...
CLICK HERE to read Phil Spector To Join Browns Media Team? at Boggart Blog

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word
posted by fatsally
2009-04-14
Good evening ladies and gentlemenah.
Welcome to tonight's "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word"!
On the show this evening our current champion, Gordon Brown, who is looking to extend his current unbroken run of refusing to say "Sorry". Last time on the show Gordon withstood calls from members of the public,the media and Parliament to say sorry for his part in the current financial meltdown, althoug he did have to be warned that blaming everything on...
CLICK HERE to read full post Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word and more great humour at Boggart Blog

General Motors New Puma Is Not What It Sounds Like
posted by ianrthorpe
@ 2009-04-14
Recession always brings out the worst in inventors it seems. Remember the Sinclair C5, the best joke of the early 1980s recession? We were told petrol prices would go through the roof, the government would tax drivers off the roads and we were all going to be hard up forever and would not be able to afford any personal transport except these ridiculous little battery assisted...
CLICK HERE to read full text General Motors New Puma Is Not What It Sounds Like at Boggart Blog

Improvised Explosive Pies
posted by ianrthorpe
2009-04-13
Boggart Blog prides itself on being first to bring you news of the latest developments in the food of terror war currently being waged by our gallant security forces on the purveyors of exploding gravy, dangerous cheese, corrosive sauce and sausages of mass destruction. Now we must warn you of...
CLICK HERE to read full text of Improvised Exploding Pies at Boggart Blog Britains Got Nutters
posted by ianrthorpe
2009-04-12
Britains Got Talent reappeared on our television screens last night, setting out to prove that real talent is scarce but what Britain does have in abundance is mentalists.

The nutters are what the show is all about really so in the early rounds anyone who does have talent will be kept well hidden by Mr. Cowell and Co. What did we see instead?

Well there was a bloke came on and announced himself as a break dancer . When the music started he just stood and waved his arms about like the crowd at a Robbie Williams concert when Robbie is singing Angels.

Another bizarre act was a man who ate Ferrero Rocher chocolates. He said he was going to set a world records for eating the greatest number of Ferrero Rocher in a minute. He only managed four. I dont know what the record stands at but I guess there are people in Texas who could eat a full box in well less than a minute. If you know what I mean.

A woman dressed as a witch came on stage. She was wearing a pointy hat and joke teeth. At least I thought they were joke teeth but it turned out they werent. Pity, they were the most entertaining thing about her act. Nobody quite knew what her act involved and I guess she didnt either. The panel thought she was crap too but when they told her so she put a curse on them. That was really frightening, they turned into Piers Morgan, Amanda Holden and Simon Cowell lookalikes. Kids will have nightmares about that for weeks.

Another act that mystified the audience was a man who did impressions of trees. Enough said.

About a million dance troupes of varying degrees of incompetence trooped across the stage. The most memorable was a bunch of pensioners who had been dancing together for ten years without having learned the idea of a dance troupe is everyone dances to the same tune.

Biggest cheer of the night went to a big girl who did a striptease and actually got em out. It could have been a recruiting ploy by the Chastity League. Fortunately the sfx boys covered her pendulous bits with cgi Union Flags.

The pick of last nights bunch though, the prime candidate for being banged up somewhere he could not be a danger for himself or others was a guy who dressed as a pirate, rode onto the stage on a motorbike and proceeded to chop up fruit with a chainsaw. He was thrown out of the talent contest but has a great chance of winning The Turner Prize for Modern Art.

This article is an exception to the Boggart Blog rule in that it is straight, factual reporting. None of it is made up. You just couldn't make this stuff up.

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With Friends Like That...
posted by fatsally
2009-04-12
Another story from Poland.
Marian Milczarek and his best friend were arguing about the loan of a trailer. That's pretty normal isn't it, cos when someone is your mate you don't make these things formal.

"Can I borrow your trailer to take this stuff to the tip?"

"Yeah sure, but I'll want it back by Friday afternoon."

"Oakidokee."

"Have you finished with my trailer yet, only I need it to take my disco gear to the pub for tonight's do."

"Oh! No, it's still full of rubble from that nuclear shelter I'm building in the cellar."

"Well I did ask for it back tonight."

"Yeah but I had to put in some overtime so I haven't had chance, and the tip's closed now."

"Well can't you take all your rubble out so I can use it? It is mine after all."

"Oh but you could fit all your disco gear in the back of your car at a pinch, specially if you left the glitter balls at home. It'll be a right pain emptying out all that rubble. Brick and plaster and everything."

"I can't leave the glitter balls at home. That's what the punters particularly like. I only said you could borrow it if I got it back and now you've gone and let me down."

But then things took a turn for the worse as Marian's mate picked up a chain and started hitting him with it. But that wasn't the worst of it, consumed with rage he pulled down Marian's trousers and started on his meat and two veg.... with his teeth.

"It was agony." said Marion.

Police searched for the missing pice of marital equipmant but have since come to the conclusion that the assailant must have swallowed it.

Eeeuuw!

Gives a whole new meaning to Polish sausage though.
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Pink Elephants
posted by fatsally
2009-04-11
You would think in these enlightened times people could just be that little bit more tolerant, wouldn't you? But oh no. Some people just can't cope with the idea that just because something is a bit different, or not the way they do it, then it is wrong. Thus a politician in Poland is denouncing his local zoo, saying, "We didn't pay 37 million zlotys (7.5 million) for the largest elephant house in Europe to have a gay elephant live there." No doubt the elephant is wriggling into his pink PVC lederhosen whilst practising the phrase, "I am the only gay elephant in Poland>" If I was the politician I would make sure when I visited the zoo I didn't have any reason to bend down in front of the elephant house. Long memories and long trunks! News Of Great Importance
posted by ianrthorpe
2009-04-11
The Daily Stirrer, newest publication in Boggart Blogs relentless march towards domination of global news media this week lamented the imminent demise of local newspapers. With much of their advertising revenue diverted to internet advertising and readers diverted to internet porn and social networking, local newspaper publishers are folding at an accelerating rate.

How we shal miss our local rag and all the earth shattering news it brings us. News like this story from the Ellesmere Port Pioneer:

Drunken Ellesmere Port man nearly run over in the middle of Overton Road.

Come on, admit it; your life has been enriched by reading that.

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Elephant Golf
posted by ian r thorpe
2009-04-10
Skipping through the TV channels last night my eye came to rest on the scoreboard for the U.S. Masters Golf. Now with the exception of Tiger Woods and a couple of the older guys I would not know one golfer from another but one name stood out. Ho ho I thought, he will be easily recognisable. Well you wouldnt forget a face like that of John Merrick would you?
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Dragon 1 St. Lewis 0
posted by fatsally
2009-04-09
Formula 1 roared back onto our screens a week last Sunday with an exciting race, no don't think too much of that, they always make the first one good, it's a hook to keep you hoping for another one and consequently tuning in, thus keeping the sponsors happy. Lewis Hamilton, who was undergoing the screening process for becoming a saint at the time, had a fantastic drive coming through from the back of the grid to take a points position. But which points position did he achieve was the question. Hamilton went up into fourth when the Red Bull of Sebastian Vettel slithered out of control into the charging Sauber of Robert Kubica taking them both out of the race and bringing on the safety car with just three laps to go. Under safety car conditions overtaking is barred so the race was effectively over, however Jarno Trulli, lying in third, ran wide off the track, allowing Hamilton past.
CLICK HERE to read full post Dragon 1 St. Lewis 0 and much more humour at Boggart Blog What Is The Price Of A Pint ? Freedom.?
by ianrthorpe
2009-04-08

Health experts are say the governments antidrinking campaign is not working and advising that only price increases will reduce binge drinking. As your Boggart Bloggers have predicted for many years the real agenda is to demonise drinking in the same way as smoking was demonised. Tasty food will be next on the agenda.

Imposing punitive taxes to increase the price of booze will not work, all it will do is alienate the responsible drinkers and boost the takings of cross channel ferry operators. My experience of working in Sweden revealed another likely result.

In Sweden drink prices are among the highest in the world. So is the rate of liver damage. At least this proves that human resourcefulness will always find a way to beat the system which is comforting.

Swedish drinkers have to pay almost a fiver a pint for beer and a bottle of spirits costs an arm and a leg which gives them a head start when they fancy getting legless. Even with those prices the streets are full of drunks on a Friday and Saturday night, friendly drunks: at least the booze does not \seem to bring out their aggression. How do people afford to get drunk at those prices? Home brewing and wine making are very popular pastimes in Sweden and I am pleased to confirm many Swedes are exceptionally competent practitioners of their hobby.

The resistance goes even deeper however. On television travel programmes you may have noticed the Swedish countryside is dotted with wooden cabins. most are quite innocent leisure homes used by families for holidays. A significant few however house illegal stills. In these cabins people distil their own Aquavit (water of life) a.k.a Moonshine, Mountain Dew, Idiots Broth, Journey Into Space etc. a fiery type of vodka.

Potent stuff this Aquavit is too. At one of our project parties a couple of guys brought in a jug of the product of their recreational distilling project. It was more Molotov Cocktail than Lem Moltow. For those of us brave enough to sample it they poured generous measures into paper cups usually used in the hot drinks machine. We never got to taste the liquor, it dissolved the glue that held the cups together.

I resolved to stick to Jack Daniels (made by Lem Moltow distillery for anyone who missed that joke), Chivas Regal and Old Bushmills.

Though doctors, health experts and alcohol abuse organisations back the government like but say too little is being done to curb the misuse of alcohol. The truth is they are all doing too much. Government action always achieves the opposite of what it aims to do so it follows that the more they promote the idea that drinking is bad the more people will do it.

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G20: World Leaders Declare Open Season On Witches
posted by Ian R. Thorpe
2009-04-07
The ExCel Centre in London Docklands is a forbidding place no, lets rewind, London Docklands is a forbidding place, more so now it is filled with soulless office blocks than when it was a maze of tumbledown warehouses and Dickensian streets filled with slum dwellers. At least the area had character then, the new docklands only has that air of desperation common to all manufactured communities. The ExCel, where the great and good were gathered last week to put the world to rights and set us on the road to recovery, fits comfortably into such an area.

Obviously I was not there in person, bloggers do not yet receive invitations to such events and bloggers who make it their mission to ridicule our leaders...
CLICK HERE to read full post G20: World Leaders Declare Open Season On Witches at [ The Daily Stirrer ] ... [ Boggart Blog ]

Yellow Carded By His Own Petard.
by Ian R Thorpe
@ 2009-04-06
Have you ever wondered what the phrase hoist by his own petard means? It does not make any kind of sense does it and what is a petard anyway?

The dictionary is not much help, it defines petard as a small bomb or the blast made by such a bomb. A working knowledge of French helps. In that language a petard is a small wind. So during the Napoleonic wars someone might have been said to be hoist by their own petard when their windbaggery was exposed as having little substance and thus they brought about their own downfall.

A small blast of wind with no substance (we hope)proved the undoing of a Chorlton Villa footballer in a Manchester Amateur League last Saturday. The player let rip loudly just as an opponent prepared to take a penalty kick.

The Referee was not amused and gave the man a yellow card for ungentlemanly conduct. When the kick was retaken Villas opponents scored.

The moral of this story is dont fart about in the penalty area.

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Good to be English? Well at least i'm not stupid.
posted by fatsally
2009-04-06

Well, it seems like the distaff side of the Boggartblog reporting team chose the right week to be away on holiday.

Which would you rather be doing, lazing by a pool drinking cold beer whilst the teenagers remain 2000 miles away in UK, or listening to Barry and Gordon telling us they have saved the world by inventing a $5 trillion rescue package and the fuckwit media, blinded by the light of sycophancy, lap it up and never stop to ask where is this money coming from anyway cos we taxpayers ain't got it.?

Obviously a rhetorical question.

Here's another one.

You travel 2000 miles to get away from it all, i.e. Engerland and all its woes, so what do you do when you get there? Have a full English breakfast, including chips; lie about in the hot sun till you're pinker than a lobster; decamp to the Irish bar and down many pints of Guinness whilst watching Engerland under 21s; go back to your rooms, fall asleep, wake up with a mouth like the bottom of a parrot's cage and then shuffle off to the English bar to eat fish and chips and watch the footie or back to back episodes of Hollyoaks, Emmerdale, Corrie and Eastenders.

Still at least it meant the few remaining restaurants that are still owned by natives were refreshingly quiet.

And finally, today we are told of a masterplan to post student's answers to examination questions on the web so the public can judge for themselves whether the populace is getting thicker... mental obesity perhaps.

However do we really need to do this when there are wonderful examples out there that can give us a reasonable indication anyway?

James Kettle, a horticultural student, decided to apply for a gardening job at the National Botanic Garden of Wales. However he managed to send his application to Aberglasny Gardens instead. Well they obviously are pretty similar names.

A kindly manager at the gardens did respond to James's application though.

To point out that when applying for a job in Wales it might be a good idea not to have an e-mail address that starts with atleastimnotwelsh...

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The American View on Michelle O's G20 Royal Gaffe
posted by Ian R Thorpe
2009-04-03

Americans are just incorrigible.

This was broadcast by CNN news network:

First lady Michelle Obama did not breach protocol by touching Queen Elizabeth II at a reception for world leaders attending the G-20 summit, Buckingham Palace told CNN Thursday.

"It was a mutual and spontaneous display of affection and appreciation between the Queen and Michelle Obama," the Royal Press Office said in a statement Thursday. "The London Summit reception at Buckingham Palace was an informal occasion," the statement also said.

No breach of protocol occurred, according to the Royal Press Office, because Buckingham Palace does not issue instructions about how to address the Queen.

Yeah right! Now I am no fan of the Royal family, I mean they are not The Royle Family are they, but I do know when the Royals are around there is no such thing as an informal occasion. It's a tad unbelievable then that meeting foreign leaders with news cameras present could be treated as such.

I know for a fact that at race meeting (not Royal Ascot) where the Queen is present to see one of her horses, people going into the owners encloseure (even those respresenting their ownership syndicates that day - well especially us plebs I suppose) are instucted how to behave. We are not to approach the Royal party, not to look at The Queen (in the way Rob Reiner was not to look at Nigel Tuffnel's guitar in Spinal Tap,) and if approached by The Queen blah blah.

You can't get much more informal than a day at the races.

So are we being asked to believe that 1,000 year old traditions can be set aside to accommodate American touchy-feely politicall correctness.

Other versions of the incident have it The Queen made the first move to embrace Mrs. Obama. That seems totally out of character unless of course Her Maj, a tiny woman, stretched her little arm around Michelle's ample hips and said, "Fack me Mrs Obama, thet's some big arse you have on you."

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Boggart Network News live from the G20.
Posted by ian R Thorpe
2009-04-02
As reports from the G20 meeting suggest Gordon Browns initiative has gone pear shaped with France and Germany linking up against Britain and America while Russia and China pursue their own agenda, President Lula of Brazil in a huff because he thought he was coming to London to open The Notting Hill Carnival, Mr & Mrs Obama trying to get a deal with OK Magazine for exclusive rights to report the parties they are allegedly thowing every week in The White House, Canada and Mexico complaining that the value of their properties has halved since the Blacks moved in next door and Silvio Burlusconi making everybody an offer they cant refuse, only Boggart Blog can bring you an exclusive from inside the conference centre.

Our reporter managed to secure a few words with Nicolas Sarkozy during the lunch break.

Boggart Blog:
President Sarkozy, rumours aboud that you have threatened to walk out if President Obama insists on other nations following Americas lead on the financial stimulus.

Sarko:
Zut alors, zese rumours, ow do zey get started.

BB:
You are not planning to walk out then?

Sarko:
I did not say zat. Cest vrai Obameur must eurnderstand ee is not President of ze Weurld but with elp freum eur freunds Zhermanee, Chine and Russeur we will elp im to leurn ee is as zey say in Amerique, Noveau Kid On Ze Bleurk.

BB:
So you dont have a problem?

Sarko:
I did not say zat. Obameur, ee is not ze probleum but ze meeja av insult Mme Sarkozy and French Womanood.

BB:
Really M. President. You have a problem with Mrs. Obama? How so?

Sarko:
Zey say Michelle Obameur, she is sexiest Politics WAG. Puh! My Carla is steunning, Michelle she av le grose fesses. Avast beind as you British wiz your obsessive fondness of Neurtical Metapheurs say. My Carla, er arse is like to two pool boules. Yet what do your presse report? Michelle Obameur is le mieux beautifeul Politics WAG, Michelle is fashion icon, Michelle is style setteur.

BB:
Quel dommage?

Sarko:
Quel dommage, Quel effing dommage? It is an inseurlt to France. Parisienne women are the most stylish, zis is acknowledge fact. If we allow American media hype to dictate style soon ze world will be dres in shell seurts. The American hegemony must be resisted. Zat one eyed haggis muncheur Gordon Brown has betrayed ze old alliance of France and Scotland so now we must scuppeur le Special Relationship. Zis could escalate into an internationale incideunt.

BB:
President Sarkozy, thank you for finding time to talk to us. And on that worrying note we leave the G20.

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Shock, Horror! Schools Teaching FILTH!
POSTED by ian R Thorpe
2009-04-01
We dont hear much from the Mary Whitehouse brigade and their campaign against FILTH! in the media in these amoral times but they are alive and well. The best place to find them is on radio phone ins. A good FILTH! story always makes for an easy life for Boggart Blog reporters so when we saw on The Anorak yesterday the story of a schoolteacher who had topped up her salary by moonlighting as a lingerie model (SEXIEST TEACHER IN TROUBLE)and the fuss that resulted when the pictures inevitably found their way onto the internet it was obvious an hour listening to radio today would be very fruitful.

We were not wrong.

No wonder we have the highest rate of teenage pregnancies in Europe when schools are encouraging FILTH! stormed one caller.

The Boggart Blog team are always fascinated by these teenage pregnancies statistics that are thrown about to back up claims of the moral decay of society. A 19 year old woman is still technically a teenager but may have been married for several years.

Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells and company are not interested in such subtleties. They are interested in FILTH! and ladies underwear is FILTH! in their view. We must assume the ladies of Tunbridge Wells do not have bodies. Or maybe they go commando. Anyway even though the teacher pictured filling her bra and panties very attractively was showing neither nipple nor pube she is still a candidate for tarring and feathering.

One caller demanded the abolition of the internet. When the presenter explained it was rather hard to abolish something that cannot really be said to exist, she refused to be put off. It does exist, she declared, and what is more it pumps FILTH! into peoples homes night and day.

I logged onto the net but all I could find was stuff about G20, warnings of a new virus and a report that said The Guardian will cease publication in print today and in future only be available on Twitter. All part of an evil capitalist conspiracy maybe but hardly FILTH!

Never mind. On the radio the phone in was still going on. Another caller opined that any time now we could expect to hear the FILTH! merchants who run our schools plan to offer GCSE courses in stripping, lap dancing and worse.

These people are so stuck in the twentieth century. Have they not heard Universities have offered degrees in lap dancing for nearly a decade?

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Woman gets pine cone stuck in her vagina
Posted by Ian R Thorpe
2009-03-31
We are not going to report the story of the woman who had to go to hospital to have a pine cone surgically removed from her vagina. We are not even going to try.

Sometimes the truth cannot be improved upon.

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Poverty Amazes Researchers
posted by Ian R Thorpe
2009-03-31
No week would be complete without news about an expensive research project discovering something so blindingly obvious only an academic could possibly think it worth researching.

It nice to see for a change a press release that uses the word researchers instead of trying to gain a veneer of mystery by saying scientists when describing the kind of people who make a very nice living for themselves by blagging research grants that pay them for doing nothing slowly.

The people who describe projects like why some people prefer milk chocolate and some plain or studying the effects on chavs of reading Shakespeare usually work in fields like cognitive behavioural science of evolutionary psychology.

Our first pointless research story for this week concerns researchers studying the effects of the recession on working class communities. The most stunning revelation they offer us is that as the crisis deepens poor people are eating less often.

Boggart Blog has a so far untested theory about why this might be so. We think it is happening because poor people cant afford enough food to have three meals a day, seven days a week.

This is pure speculation at the moment, so far we have gathered no evidence to support it. Even so we think we are onto something. Our next step is to blag s a few million from well meaning but terminally nave managers of QUANGOs, buy bread, soup, porridge oats, bacon, potatoes etc. and offer these items to poor people to discover if they will eat more frequently or if the credit crunch has triggered some evolutionary impulse to eat less and evolve into pygmies over a few hundred generations.

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The Counter Insurgency Sleeps With The Fishes
posted by ianrthorpe
2009-03-30
This week the British Army in Iraq will hand over its main base to the Americans. This is the beginning of The Long Goodbye for our half of the coalition of the willing. Soon there will only be a skeleton force left behind our Ministry of Defence source told us.

When they say a skeleton force we hope...
CLICK HERE to read full post The Counter Insurgency Sleeps With The Fishes and more humour at Boggart Blog

There's A Chink In Our Armour (web security)
posted by ianrthorpe
2009-03-29
After recent warnings that Alkie Ada (Gordon Brown's pronunciation, not ours,) are planning attacks on the west including possibly (cue portentous chords) the use of dirty bombs, which in reality are about as dangerous as a smelly fart, it is clear the government are trying to generate fear and panic. Oo-er, that means the economic situation it a lot worse than they are...
CLICK HERE to read full post There's A Chink In Our Armour and more humour at Boggart Blog

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More News From The Girls School
posted by ianrthorpe @ 2009-03-28
Last week we reported on the news that girls educated in single sex schools do better academically. Our in depth analysis on the topic revealed that while girls are distracted by the macho posturing of boys and do worse overall, boys are distracted from their lessons by anything and everything but the presence of girls at least encourages them to develop such skills as using soap regularly, changing their underwear once in a while and only demonstrating their fart lighting skills in private,
Since that article was published it has come to our notice that in the Labour manifesto the peoples party declared an aspiration (not a target or a pledge but an aspiration) that every girl should be educated in a single sex school but no boy ever should.
Its such a simple idea we wonder why nobody thought of it before. Single sex schools for girls, mixed schools for boys.
Education, education, education. Obviously Labour Party policy makers need much more of it.
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The Answer To All Our Problems? Midnight Basketball.
Posted by Ian
R
Thorpe
2009-03-27
One of the many negative aspects (are there any good ones?) of the so called Obama effect is the disproportionate amount of media attention being given to the utterances of every African American from comedians and gangsta rappers to the usual suspects, the preacher politicians. Obama overkill is hard enough to bear but the rest? Theyve been around years, what make anybody think they have anything new to say?

The latest of this ilk to come and give us British the benefit of his unique insight on the answer to Life, The Universe and Everything is The Rev. Dr. Jesse Jackson (D.Phil, University of Sendusthemoney).

The Rev Dr. was allegedly a mentor of Barack Obama in the early days of The Presidents march to world domination. It is clear that Jackson was a major influence, their oratory styles show a shared penchant for incomprehensibility.

Addressing an audience Dr. Jackson of politicians and media people, Dr. Jackson told them:

There are children of light and children of darkness: one grows tall and multiplies with fruit (most people find it easier with a calculator but each to his own), the other is stunted. The stunted one is the inferior one. It was denied the light and photosynthesis.

This was serious stuff, absolutely vital for people entering the giant leek growing competitions so popular in coal mining areas. But surely Jesse Jackson had not come to England to talk about growing leeks. We has a little more of a clue as to his real meaning from the next nugget of wisdom:

Children in the light are driven by hope, children in the dark are driven by fear. (OMG he was turning into Yoda) There is global street violence and corporate violence. he said, the wealthy are reprimanded, the poor go to jail.

Reverend JJ may as well have been talking about the known unknowns and the unknown unknowns. He might even have been talking about the unknown knowns, the things we know but dont know we know. One of the known knowns was that nobody in the audience knew what he was talking about and it seemed neither did he.

Eventually the evangelist moved on to the subject of prisons.

Prison does not work, he said. We have made an industry out of locking up our young men. There are a million African Americans and half a million Latinos in prison.

From there it was hard to guess where the lecture would go next. These pithy observations sounded more and more like Chance the Gardener in the film Being There, or Forrest Gump maybe. Jacksons speech had now come to a fork in its path. One road pointed to the fact that having one and a half million people banged up was a great way of disguising how bad the unemployment had really become. The other was signposted fiscal stimulus as the prospect of letting loose a million and a half thieves and crooks would certainly trigger a surge in demand for cars, televisions, computers, camcorders and small, expensive, portable items as people replaced stuff that had been stolen.

Some left wing commentators had spoken of Jacksons delivery being as mesmeric as Obamas. it is a sad reflection of the failure of British education that journalists no longer know the difference between mesmerising and stupefying. The politicians were just too polite to interrupt.

A senior Conservative Member of Parliament was the first to break. He stopped The Reverend and reminded him that prison had worked in Boston.

That was in a period when there was midnight basketball, was the riposte.

Midnight basketball? Is this the answer to all the ills of our inner city communities? With bated breath the live audience and those of us listening on Radio awaited the great revelation of how Midnight basketball might work for the common good. Alas it did not come, the speaker had not finished with prisons.

In school they got five free meals a week, in prison they get twenty one. Its a step up.

Hang on a minute, wasnt he just complaining about young men being sent to prison? So is this a suggestion that prison inmates meals be reduced to five a week? Does he want the poor lads to starve?

The second Parliamentarians veneer of reserve was broken. Martin Salter, a Labour MP tried to goad Jackson into condemning violent video games by asking if such pastimes made the situation worse in inner city areas. One could not help but hope for a reply to the effect that if the boys could play Midnight Basketball they would have no need to play Grand Theft Auto or shoot hos. It was not to be, Jesse had further to go into the realms of the surreal.

Freedom is victory over indecency, equality requires investment, he proclaimed, continuing: we must fight the disease with values, a lot more psychologists are needed.

Leaving aside the obvious question, What was he on and can we have some please, the most fascinating issue he raised was Midnight Basketball. Everybody was mystified by it, was it something to do with a type of Urban Zen, a raised state of consciousness. Would people one day say of a great teacher he quit crime and debauchery to devote his life to Midnight Basketball. Alternatively perhaps it was a reference to an imagined time of peace and plenty when everybody drove a Cadillac and nobody had anything to do but play Midnight Basketball. Or was it a coded reference to a forbidden pleasure in the way that in England the term French Polishing more often mean a service offered by ladies of negotiable affection that anything to do with antique furniture.

Perhaps Midnight Basketball is simply a phrase that conjures images of The Golden Age that exists in all our minds and always seems to slip from the future into the past without touching the present. In the way that Englishmen of a certain age go a bit misty when we recall the days we could take our girlfriend to town, see a show, have supper with wine in a good restaurant, be killed in a terrorist incident as we waited for a cab, have a respectable funeral and still have change out of five pounds.

All that of course was in a period when we had Midnight Cricket.

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Obama's Gift To The Taliban by ianrthorpe @ 2009-03-27
Remember that song from the Mel brooks film The Producers? Yes, THAT song:
"Springtime for Hitler and Germany..."

Well the Boggart Blog team had the idea of doing a musical to show the cuddly side of The Taliban. We were encouraged by the news of Barack Obama's exit strategy for Afghanistan this week, which pledges to send thousands of civilian advisors to that troubled country.

Thousands of unarmed non - combatants wandering around the war zones. Oh sorry it's not a war any more, its an Overseas Contingency Operation or some such thing. Even war has gone politically correct.

I don't know about springtime, The Taliban probably think Christmas has come early. We will keep you informed on progress with our new musical about the Afghan war, The Old Honky Tonk In Helmund.

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The Apprentice Is Back Hooray! by Ian R Thorpe
@ 2009-03-26

Its the Apprentice time again. This television series is becoming an annual celebration of the triumph of delusion over reality; the tragically ambitious, the terminally aspirational, those who were promoted beyond their level of competence the moment they were born get to entertain us with that priceless combination of arrogance and ineptitude that typifies wannabe corporate stars.

The Apprentice is Bread and Circuses television at its best. Oh the joy of us plebs at seeing somebody who believes truly, madly, deeply (emphasis on the madly), that they are ideally qualified to run a multinational megacorporation as they try to fathom out how a hosepipe works; the pure bliss of watching a team of would be CEOs pressure washing a luxury limo with its doors and sunroof open.

The very first task Surrealan set this years crop of Apprentices was to make money from cleaning, the sort of business venture once favoured by Boy Scouts during the quaintly named bob-a-job week (now to take account of inflation and management hyperbole renamed tenner a task week.)

Anyway Surrealan had ordered the teams to make money from cleaning. They chose two types of venture, a car wash and a shoe shine stand. None of these outside-the-box thinkers and business wizards thought of getting into money laundering which would have fitted nicely within the rather vaguely defined terms of reference.

If we exclude money laundering, cleaning business offers a rather narrow range of services to offer the punters. Had I been one of Surrealans evil henchpersons I would have advised him to widen the task definition to cleaning and maintenance. One or two members of the womens team looked as though they might have earned a tidy sum by offering a French Polishing service and several of the guys seemed to have great potential as pimps. As I said though, there was not much business nous on display.

The first to be fired from this new series was miserablist Anita who said she had a day job as a lawyer. Weve only got her word for it of course, but god help any crims she defends when they get to court.

I think Sir Alan doesnt like lawyers, she said as she left.

Maybe she is right but we think Surrealan takes the view that anyone who believes car washing is a better earner than money laundering or French Polishing does not really have far to go in business.

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New Primary Curriculum? We Hate To Twitter We Told You So.
posted by Ian R Thorpe
@ 2009-03-25

This blog has forever liked to lampoon politicians of the New Left (i.e. somewhat to the right of Genghis Khan) for every hypocritical duplicitous thing they do but particularly for their inept and toe curlingly embarrassing attempts to be kewl and get down with the kids. The yoof vote is not likely to be engaged by some middle aged bloke with a brush up his arse trying to rap or break dance.

If things keep going this way, we told you on umpteen occasions, the native language taught in British schools will not be English but txt.

n we wr rt 2.

The new primary schools curriculum acording to a daft, sorry; draft proposal resealed yesterday by the Department Of Education, Science and Silly Walks suggests primary school children will no longer have to study The Victorian era or World War 2 in history, nor will they need to learn basic geography. Instead they will study Twitter, Wikipedia, blogging and new media skills. And probably political correctness too.

It will come as no surprise to most readers that teachers organisations critical of the governments education policies were excluded from the consultation process.

And what, we wonder, are our little darlings going to learn in music lessons. Tomorrow Belongs To Me perhaps?

See the clip from the film cabaret where the boy sings Tomorrow Belongs To Me the Nazi lyric of the beautiful German folk melody, growing more strident and threatening with each verse. And note the way the dog gets up and walks out at the end.

Now hear the podcast on the new curriculum, but remember lest you catch yourself thinking it all sounds quite reasonable, a dumbed down society is a controllable society.

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Its Official Everything Is bad For You.
posted by Ian R Thorpe
2009-03-24

A Boggart Blog in depth analysis of recent news stories has thrown up some surprising results:

Having too much sex is bad for you; not having any sex is bad for you;

the recession is is turning us into comfort food guzzlers; the recession is causing some people to cut back on food so much they are becoming malnourished;

one or two alcoholic drinks contribute to a longer life; just one or two drinks a day will turn you into a rabid alcoholic with a liver the size of Siberia;

fat is evil, totally evil, any fat, anything in fact that you can taste will cause your arteries to fur up, your kidneys to burst, your brain to become custard, your knees to turn to jelly and your tongue to grow to big for your mouth, (Jamie Oliver eats way too much fat); fat is an essential part of your diet and even hard fats like lard and beef dripping if taken in moderation are not really harmful.

Fast food is bad for you, home cooking is bad for you unless you are fully conversant with all the bacteria that lurk in fresh food.

To understand what is a normal diet and lifestyle you must first learn New Labour Newspeak (NuLab Nuspeak), how can you be on message if you cannot understand the message. When we put it to a major fast food chain that their main product is just lips and arseholes, connective tissue, chemical colouring and flavouring and horrible greasy unhealthy shite a spokesperson for the chain asked Boggart Blog : are you referring to our high quality, affordable meal options,

Options? You can eat horrible greasy shite or horrible greasy shite in batter. Wheres the option to have a nice fillet steak with a butter drenched baked potato and salad? That would be an option in Boggart Blogs dictionary.

The government of course would rather we are lentil casserole made without chilli or garlic so it did not taste good. Lentil casseroles are the epitome of healthy, joyless eating. As Oscar Wilde said (or nearly said) An excellent cook is someone who knows how to make lentil casserole but doesnt.

It is not just food, drink and ciggies the killjoys want to scare us away from of course. Indulging in dangerous sports can cause permanent injury resulting in people becoming permanently incapacitated and ending up a burden on society. And why should the National Health Service expend valuable resources on treating people who injure themselves in pursuit of a few minutes selfish pleasure.

According to the government which always has one eye on costs and the other on jollies and privileges taxpayers money could be better spent on, and their tame scientists who will say anything required of them to get their names in the paper, everything is bad for us.

What can we do?

Is it wise to shun all the advice and carry on as we are?

Well to put things in perspective, if the supervolcano under Yellowstone Park USA blows as it is threatening to any time now, the volcanic winter will probably wipe out must life on earth. We dont know the volcano will blow and if it does there is damn all we can do about it.

So maybe we should just carry on making the best of our life while we have one.

Scare stories abound simply because Its the end of civilisation as we know it, sells newspaper and attracts viewers to television programmes while there really isnt much to worry about does not. If you want to see both sides of the argument presented objectively have a look at Panicology by Simon Briscoe and Hugh Aldersley Williams. With chapters on salt, fat, binge drinking, asteroid hits on earth, vaccines, the credit crunch and diseases of most kinds it is the best antidote to Fear and Panic you will find anywhere. Apart from Boggart Blog of course.

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Of Freedom,Wind Farms, Thunderbirds Puppets and Social Taboos.
by Ian R Thorpe
@ 2009-03-24

We are no longer allowed to think for ourselves, most regular readers of Boggart Blog will have arrived at that conclusion by thinking for themselves of course but its worth repeating for new visitors. Instructions on what it is permissible to think and what opinions are regularly handed down from the Ivory Towers of the Nu Labour meritocracy with the latest strictures against thinking for oneself spelled out in VERY BIG LETTERS (so Alistair Darling can read them).

Yesterday a Government Minister, the Secretary for Climate Change and Dead Parrots no less, loftily informed us all that opposing wind farms should be as socially unacceptable as not wearing seat belts or driving past a zebra crossing.

In the Boggart Blog editorial office we kind of wished the minister involved had been Ed. Balls thus giving us lots of talking bollocks joke opportunities. No such luck, it was in fact the other ministerial Ed case, Ed Milliband, the slightly less sinister of the Thunderbird Puppet lookalike NuLab brothers.

When, you might well ask (coz we did), when the hell did driving without a seatbelt become socially unacceptable? Or driving past a zebra crossing. Wife beating, child molesting and supporting Chelsea are socially unacceptable but driving without a seat belt? Come on. If that was socially unacceptable, along with similarly serious offences like parking badly, doing 32 mph in a 30 zone, farting in lifts, smoking a cigarette in a pub or taking more supermarket plastic bags than is absolutely necessary most of us would be ostracised.

Obviously a different set of mores and norms apply on Planet Politically Correct where New Labour supporters live. On this bizarre planet, calling for the death of all Muslims (or even saying Islam is not a very nice religion as Geert Wilders wanted to) is socially unacceptable; calling or the death of all Jews isnt until a public fuss forces the government to act to kick out hook handed agitators. On Planet Politically Correct it is socially unacceptable to have a couple of drinks with your mates of an evening as such behaviour can only lead to alcoholism and must therefore be classed as self harm but if you are an alkie who smells of urine, gets shit faced on cheap cider and staggers around the town centre breathing offensively on people it is a cry for help.

On Planet Politically Correct prostitution is a social evil and women who do it by choice for whatever reason are to be persecuted, stigmatised and jailed. The illegal immigrants who control the really nasty side of the sex business though are treated as asylum seekers and allowed to carry on their business unmolested by the law.

Alongside all these heinous crimes it now seems that exercising our right to protest peacefully. Only last week in the news we heard of one man was arrested for chalking the word Liberty on a pavement (were the police worried people might trip over the chalk line or were the Nu Labour commissariat afraid somebody might look up the word in a dictionary. Another man, a trainspotter, was apprehended for the dangerous and subversive act of using his mobile phone to film a train arriving at a station.

And while all this was happening the Minister for Justice and The Spanish Inquisition was championing a new Bill Of Rights, a document which will at last define clearly all the things we do not have the right to do.

All in all the government is getting its message across loud and clear.

YOU MUST NEVER QUESTION AUTHORITY.

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Vonderplanitz - yeah right
by fatsally
@ 2009-03-23

You know how everyone bangs on about the daffodils blooming eartlier, wasps and bees coming out of hibernation or whatever it is they do (I can't believe they die off otherwise they must grow very quickly, we've had no end buzzing about during last week's balmy days and they're all the size of gobstoppers.)

Well I think April Fool's Day is happening sooner this year too.

I honestly can't remember where I saw this, I think it was Saturday's Times, maybe in one of the supplements

. Anyway it was commenting on the latest fad diet, which is apparently raw, rotten meat. Alleged afficionados of the regime were reporting on the health benefits, saying that it cleared up all medical conditons, from dry skin to constipation, to shingles.

The inventor of the "Primal Diet" claims it is what we would have eaten when we were neanderthal and so, therefore, is what we ought to be eating now we have evolved somewhat, don't quite follow that logic myself, but there again, apart from working out that most things in moderation seems to work fine for me I haven't invented any diets or cults so who am I to say?

One chap claims he has been on the diet for seven years and has never felt better.

He claimed it was best to start on the raw meet and then progress to the raw, rotten meat once your body has had a chance to acclimatise to the change.

And the inventor of this new fad?

A chappie who claims to be called Aajanus Vonderplanitz.

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Full Marks (and Spencers) for Wise Buys and Big Knickers.
osted by Ian R Thorpe
2009-03-23
Not long ago we reported on the plans of posh peoples supermarket Waitrose to introduce its own budget brand to compete with Tesco No Frills and Asda Smart Price. Waitrose ignore our suggestion that the new line should be called "Not Very Many Frills" and chose to call it essentials. While some of you may wonder just how essential items like Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Balsamic Vinegar, Tinned Mung Beans and budget Pate de Fois Gras actually are to your shopping basket we are more concerned to find that now Waitrose have fallen to the recession, that bastion of suburban values Marks and Spencer are to follow.

M & S are aggressively promoting their own budget brand Wise Buys

Shopper watching in Marks will be a good way of finding out who is truly classy and who just has pretensions. Your real quality (a) would not be seen dead in an M & S sweater and (b) would not buy a budget brand because they would be aware of the old false economy maxim, buy chap, buy twice. Its surprising though how many of the showiest people are cheapskates. All fur coat and no knickers as the saying goes.

Which moves us on to the wisest buy for women shopping in Marks during these chilly economic times, the best money saver of all; Big Knickers. The traditional passion killers of the past ought to be the essential underwear of the recession.

How so? Big Knickers are truly passion killers, newly unemployed people with time on their hands may find their thoughts turning to afternoon delight before the kids get home from school. If you look at the latest official figures on the cost of bringing up a child you will understand the economic benefits of sexually repellent underwear.

More on Big Knickers in Ethical Knickers For Your ?Valentine While some women find security in Big Knickers others are insulted at suggestions they need such things. While British Supermarkets batlle it out with Budget brands over in Eastern Europe they are tacking the recession in much more creative ways. CLICK HERE to go to Love For Sale With Loyalty Points read what's going on. Home ] ... [ Boggart Blog ] ... [ Comedy Menu ] ... [ Humanitas ]


...But Some Of Us Are Looking At The Stars...
posted by ianrthorpe
2009-03-23

Every now and then we will post a blog on the weirder side of life; the latest UFO sightings (Turd Nine From Outer Space) cases of Alien Abduction, reports of the Amoeba Contabulae in Did You See That, said to be the inspiration for H. P. Lovecraft's Cthulhu, the irrationalities of Big Bang theory or anything we can twist a comic thread out of.

On such occasions it is inevitable some scientific dork will turn up in the comment thread a few days later (when Google has had time to index the piece) and berate us for our gullibility in believing such unscientific nonsense. It's stange how they always miss the fact that we are a comedy blog.

If Boggart Blog does have a motto though, it is "Same Rules Apply." So perhaps someone can tell us why it is OK for "scientists" to spend millions on chasing fantasies of aliens when we are "foolish and gullible" for feigning credulity for the sake of a few jokes? Take a look at this from Today's Guardian:

Jupiter and its moon system has been visited successively by Pioneer 10 and 11, by the two Voyager spacecraft, and by a dedicated spacecraft called Galileo. These revealed something unexpected: Europa is encased in a thick sheet of ice that seems to have fractured and been repaired, again and again. That is, it looks just like sea ice on planet Earth. The fracturing and refreezing could only happen if, under the ice, there is a liquid ocean. And water could only stay liquid so far from the sun if there is a source of energy at the core of Europa.

The fundamental requirements for life seem to be water and a source of energy. So, for more than a decade, space scientists have been tantalised by the possibility that, beyond Mars, beyond the asteroid belt, and wheeling around the second biggest object in the solar system, there could be living things, sheathed in an enormous goldfish bowl, masked by dense, self-repairing ice, the creatures of a separate genesis.

Read more of the Jupiter space exploration project in today's Guardian Online.

OK so they are talking about sending a hugely expensive space probe into (cue stressy music) The Outer Limits of the solar system, we are talking about having a few glasses of Scrumpy Cider or Theakstons Old Peculiar, smoking a bit of herbal mixture, going out into the back garden and looking at the sky.

But other than the scale of the operation where's the difference?

Boggart Blog UFO posts
Boggart Blog alien posts
Home ] ... [ Boggart Blog ] ... [ Comedy Menu ] ... [ Humanitas ]


Supersize Snacks (make Scooby Snack like like health food)
by ianrthorpe 2009-03-21
We are always going on about Nanny State wagging her finger at our little pleasures like the occasional pies I enjoy or fatsally's chocolate. And we're right to feel peeved....
CLICK HERE to read Supersize Snacks at boggart Blog

Ronald McDonald To Teach Australians Maths
posted by ianrthorpe
2009-03-21

The crisis in the maths class seems to grow ever worse. The latest news from the blackboard jungle down under shows that so great is the dearth of maths teachers in schools and the complete indifference of the pupils to the endlessly fascinating mysteries of pi or the occultism of quadratic equations, Ronald McDonald has been recruited by...
CLICK HERE to read Ronald McDonald To Teach Australians Maths and more great humour at Boggart Blog

Barack Obama's Teleprompter's Blog
posted by ianrthorpe
2009-03-21
17:25:36 More and more Americans, even some of the kool - aid drinking Democrats who signed up to the Cult Of The Obamessiah, are starting to notice that the "intellectual president" or as some would say "the great communicator" becomes a gibbering imbecile when he is more than a few feet from... CLICK HERE to read Barack Obama's Teleprompter's Blog and more great humour at Boggart Blog Dropped Crotch Fashion Disaster
posted by ianrthorpe
2009-03-20
Not long ago on an American blog I contribute to occasionally I referred to that bizarre fashion among young American males for wearing trousers five sizes too big so that when these young guys walk down the street their bum cleaveage shows and the arse piece of their pants drags on...
CLICK HERE to read full post Dropped Crotch Fashion Disaster and more great humour at Boggart Blog



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LATEST POSTS & COMMENTS

The Spirits Of Wycoller Sceptics scoff at the old man's stories of paranormal activity in an abandoned village and its ruined manor house. But when a group of young professionals decide to spend a night within the walls of the old house, the ghost hunters become the hunted. If anybody needs a reminder that it is always unwise to mess with the dark side they'll find it here.

The Grey Lady Of Dunkenhalgh

Every old house has its ghost and Dukenhalgh Hall in Clayton Le Moors, Lancashire, about two miles from where I live, is no exception. There are many reports of The Grey Lady being seen near the house or on the nearby bridge on winter nights and there is an element of truth to the story. I hope I have fashioned it into a suitable tale for Halloween.

Students censored – An Academic Community In A Crisis Of Collectivism.
Intellectual freedom in our universities is under threat from ... intellectuals. So overbearing have the left wing screechers of bourgeois politically correct leftism now become that even the universities have surrendered to the intellectual control freakery of cultural Marxism. But if universities are now dedicated to turning out dull minded conformists, what hope is there for western society?

It's Labour's Failure To Act On Child Abuse, Not UKIP's Poster That Is Despicable
UKIP leader Nigel Farage cause the politically correct left to throw a collective hissy fit last week when fter UKIP lanuched a new billboard poster poinying to the failures of Labour councils all arounf the nation to act against Pakistani gangs weh were systematically grooming and sexually exploiting girls unfortunate enough to find themselves in the council care system.

Tony Benn's inheritance tax dodge - another leftie hyocrite exposed
Remember the patron saint of loony lefties, Saint Anthony of Wedgewood - Benn, previously known as Viscount Stansgate? Agreeable sort of bloke, pip smokers, great speaker, utterly daft opinions as one would expect from an aristocrat who is so deluded he thinks he understands the working class?

British Democracy In Terminal Decline - Voting Is Redundant And Civil Liberties Are So Last Year
When did democracy go out of fashion. I don't remember voting on whether we wanted to give up our civil liberties or be ruled by a dictatorship of unelected bureaucrats from Brussels, but that is where we are heading, along with the other free nations of Europe. And the USA, so-called land of the free is further along the road to fascism than Europe.

You’re not feeling the economic boom are you? Here’s why
Our government keeps talking about economic recovery, so does the Obama administration in the USA and the bureaucratic dictatorship of unelected penpushers in the European Union headquarters, Brussels. but in the perception of most people, things are not getting better, in fact they are getting worse. So where's this economic 'growth' they keep talking about. Well nothing is ever what is seems to be, all the economic growth is in prostitution, drug dealing, gun running and smuggling ...

Top Scientist: This Version Of Ebola Looks Like ‘A Very Different Bug’
In another iteration of the old "The Science Is Settled" bollocks, President Obama and his senior advisers on medical science have been saying we know exactly how Ebola spreads. The case is however that there is much about this strain of the virus currently raging in West Africa that we simply do not know and the propaganda coming from the usual suspects who claim the science is settled looks very dubious.

Corporate plundering of the UK purse has to stop – Facebook pays zero tax again
Our finance expert looks at the latest tax avoidance scandal and wonders why the governments financial agencies are always to eager to go after small time tax and benefit fraud and yet year after year turn a blind eye to the blatant criminality of global corporations in their tax evasion techniques.

TTIP and CETA Degrade The Bundestag To A Folklore Event Says German Financial Newspaper
Another shocking revelation from German Financial Newspaper Deutsche Wirtschafts Nachrichten on the threat posed to deomcracy and the national sovereignty of EU member nation by the Trans Atlantic Trade And Investment Partnership (TTIP) which having been negotiated in secret by bureaucrats will give Corporations the power to overturn national law.

Big Brother Is Right Behind You And He Knows What you Are Up To
No doubt the smug complacent bourgeois fools will shouth conspiracy theirist and the emotionally needy leftist Sheeple will

bleat "racist bigot" (they always bleat "racist bigot" but it is not alarmist to say the UK is slowly becoming a totalitarian state. What else can we calli our nation if anti - terror laws are being used prosecute people for low-level offences such as Television licence dodging.

Taxi Customers In Heywood / Rochdale Ask For 'Local' Drivers

A taxi company in the child-sex scandal hit town Heywood, part of the Greater Manchester borough of Rochdale and the usually solid Labour parliamentary constituency almost won by Libertarian Party UKIP in a recent by election is now offering customers option of requesting white-only cab drivers, after two former 'Asian' drivers were imprisoned for their roles in the sexual exploitation gang.

Top Yorkshire cop 'likely' to face investigation over Rotherham abuse scandal
Shaun Wright, the police officer who tried to wriggle out of taking responsibility for his role in the Rotherham sex abuse scandal but was forced to resign three weeks after the release of the Jay Report into the sexual exploitation of 1,400 children in the town is now likely to be the subject of a criminal investigation we learned today.

Now Sheffied Paedophile Grooming Scandal Explodes In Establishment's Face
Vulnerable children in Sheffield were let down by police and social workers, it was claimed today as the the latest of a stream of sex scandals involving the grooming and exploitation of vulnerable children was revealed. Previously similar scadals were caused by officers seeking to aviod racially sensitive issues, ignoring the duty of politicians care workers and law enforcement officers to protect all members of society regardless of age, ethnic background or religion.

Cash-strapped NHS Wales Wastes A Fortune On Politically Correct Non-Jobs
The financial problems in the Welsh NHS do not seem to have dampened its Labour leadership's appetite for wasting money on oddly titled politically correct jobs. The Taxpayers' Alliance have published a list of 43 pointless jobs, which are costing the public £1.5m a year

How Western Intervention Turned Africa's Richest Nation Into A Failed State It is three years this week since the Western-backed assassination of Libya's dictator, Muammar 'Mad Dog' Gaddafi. The western bombing campaign in support of a rag bag army of Islamic religious fantatics, tribal warlords and self interested gangsters led to the fall and murder of Gadaffi and members of his family and the collapse of Africa’s richest and most morder nation. [Read more]

Death In The Desert - An Ill-Fated Attempt to Reach Fortress Europe.
Criminal gangs in Africa and south East Asia are recruiting desperate people for passages to Europe with promises of jobs and housing and tales of socialist utopias where the government pays all comers a good wage for doing nothing. Too often the would be immigrants are abandoned in hostile country or loaded onto unsafe boats or simply dunmped on foreign shore with no money, no documents and no hope.

Birmingham Child Abuse Scandal Set To Break - Will Dwarf Rotherham, Rochdale
Hot on the heels of child sex abuse scandals in Rotherham and Rochdale, another, bigger scandal is set to erupt in brimingham and the West Midlands. Gangs made up of predominantly Pakistani men, using the same modus operandi as the South Yorkshire and Greater Manchester abuse rings, targeted young girls and boys from broken home who were unfortunate enought to find themselves in the care of the local authority. Once groomed the children were raped and prostituted

The Ebola Outbreak - Natural Disaster Or Man Made Catastrophe The Daily Stirrer has always tried to bring you a controversial and off-message view of major news stories. We were ahead of the game on Malaysia Airlines Flights MH370 and Flight MH17. We went out on a limb again over the Ebola fever outbreak in west Africa, arguing that it looked more like a biological weapons experiment gone wrong that a natural disaster. And once again as evidence emerges the odds are swinging in our favour.

UKIP Withstands Euro-Attack, Reforms EFDD Group Just Days After 'Blackmail
Just a few days after an underhanded and undemocratic move to sideline the European Parliament (EP) anti-federalist group, the eurosceptics have outflanked neo - Nazi EP boss Martin Schulz by signing a new member. Formerly independent MEP Robert Iwaszkiewicz said he had joined in protest against undemocratic EU leadership.

European Parliament: Dictatorial Martin Schulz dissolves EEFD Group of Euro-skeptics
The Daily Stirrer has always said that the european Union was not an association of free states collaborating to make trade easier, but a bureaucratic dictatorship under the palsied heel of which the freedom and sovereigfnty of democratic nations wouldf be crushed. Here's an example of an EU Bureaucrat autocratically overruling the democratically expressed with of the voters.

Leaked TPP Chapter Exposes Sweet Deals for Big Pharma, Big Media and US Bully Tactics Crushing Smaller States Objections

Yesterday (17/10/2014) WikiLeaks released an updated version of the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) Intellectual Property Rights chapter, along with a statement accusing those involved in the secret negotiations of creating a Big Pharma fiendly deal that would will hinder access to affordable medicines globally for those earning average wages or less, remove most of the remaining safeguards against online surveillance, and erode civil liberties while benefiting corporate and other governmental interests.

Ciggy's £1.50 each. I smell an opportunity
A World Health Organisation conference on the most serious public health issue today (not ebola but smoking would you believe) is doing some very nasty things in secret. All in all their policy smells of prohibition. Oh well, that's good news for organised crime at least.

Hidden Agenda Behind the new Free Trade Deals
In this post from Wolf Street and others in this composite article, along with our many standalone posts on the so called Free Trade Agreements, TTIP (Trans Atlantic Trade And Investment Partnership) and TPP (Trans Pacific Partnership) we have stressed again and again that the seemingly benign phrase "free trade" is not used to signify the opening of markets dominated by global corporations to competition from small, efficient local businesses.

Second And Even More Lethal Strain Of Ebola Now Infecting People In Congo - Le Monde
We may now be facing two deadly Ebola outbreaks, a new strain of the virus which so far has killed 71 percent of those infected has been discovered in the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC). This is a higher mortality rate than the strain that has killed over 3000 people in Sierra Leone, Liberia and Guinea.

More Child Abuse Cases Like Rotherham, Rochdale To Be Revealed Says Top Police Officer
It seems inevitable that more child-abuse cases involving gangs preying on vulnerable boys and girls, like the recent cases in Rotherham and Rochdale will come to light. Simon Bailey, Chief Constable of Norfolk Police claims that the problem is far bigger than had been previously thought with up to 600,000 children having suffered some kind of sexual abuse, the National Household Survey of Adverse Childhood Experiences estimates.

Ebola, Stock Market, Nuclear War. It's all going tits up. WTF?
Woke up this morning (I know that sounds like the opening of a blues song, but bear with me), leisurely breakfast, watched the news - Osborne wittering about how well they economy was doing (which was an ominous sign), read for a while, drove Mrs T down the shops. Came in, turned on the computer.

Game of Groans: David Cameron and Ed Miliband will be torn apart as the election nears
Will Dave or Ed be Prime Minister after the 2015 general election or will a sicteenth centry witch fould up the best lain schemes of mice and men. 2015 could turn out to be the Demdike Man election, not through macick, but metaphor. The Witch of Pendle representas a communitity and culture that has been abandoned by the self righteous, politically correct concensus politics of the bourgeois establishment. Are the working and middle classes about to strike back.

The Real Significance Of The Jimmy Savile Case
Back to the Savile case, which while Anna Raccoon makes valid points about unreliability of witness evidence on events which occurred many years ago, they smug, authority worshipping people who dismiss our concerns are truly naive when saying "its just a lot of fuss about nothing, only Daily Mail readers are taken in by it," are the ones who really miss the point.

NHS Money Wasting Machine And The One Budget That Is Never Cut
After the usual empty promises made at the annual conferences of the three main political parties - all three party leaders swore that only their party can save the National Heath Service (NHS) eternally a key isue in UK politics, we decided it was time our we too a close look at why NHS finances are always in a mess. We assigned the task to our team of old gits with a vast store of business experience behind them and no fears of suffering career damage as the Politically Correct Thought Police exact retribution for the crime of being 'off message'.

The Immigration Problem
The politicians may run a mile when the topic is mentioned, the Islington Screechers and medi luvvies may cover their ears and go la-la-la-la whenever the topic comes up but there is no denying immigration is the big issue in Britain today. Labour's open doors immigration policy was a disaster, the coalition have failed to address it for fear of upsetting the politically correct thought police. Is it any wonder UKIP, the only party that will talk about immigration, is doing so well?

The Ongoing Propaganda War Behind GMOs Exposed
The United States has been paying farmers for over two decades to NOT produce food, yet biotech would have us believe that genetically modified organisms are necessary to feed the world. This is but one of the many lies they have perpetrated, all the while hiding the real truth behind GM crops. Genetically modified organisms and the chemicals which support their growth are just an outcropping of the military industrial complex and the war industry.

Emirates Airways CEO Thinks He Knows What Happened to Flight MH370
We can sometimes keep news stories running for several months by pointing out the sheer irrationality of those who scream 'conspiracy theory' and demand that we all believe the government / mainstream media version. One of the two biggest stories in 2014 was the complete disappearance of Malaysia Airlines flight MH370 on a routine flight from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing. Seven months later not a trace of the Boeing 777 aircraft or any of its passengers has been located. As the official explanations grow increasingly more ludicrous ...

MH-17 Report False Flag Exposed After Revelation Passenger Was Wearing Oxygen Mask

When exactly a month ago the supposedly objective, impartial Netherlands released its official, 34-page preliminary report of the MH-17 crash over Ukraine, presumably based on black box data, air traffic control records, and other “authentic, verified” information, there were precisely zero mentions of “oxygen“, “mask” or “oxygen mask.”

Things That Make You Boggle ... Like The Misplaced Confidence Of Academics
Why are economics academics always so sure that their predictions are correct. Given the abysmal record on economists on calling the economic trends correctly even after they have happened let alone ahead of the trend, you would think exponsents of the dismal science would be a little more cautious in proclaiming their gusses as evidence backed facts. They never seen to learn however.

European Union Euro - Nazis Block Democratic Challenge To TTIP Travesty
Yet again the news slowly leaking out of the Trans Atlantic Trade And Investment Partnershi negotiations tess us just why there is so much secrecy surrounding this trade treaty being negotiated between the EU and the USA that even our elected governments are not allowed to know what the final treaty will include. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Police to Investigate Allegations of Labour-LibDem Rochdale 'Deal' on Paedophiles
Fresh allegations have emerged regarding the systematic sexual abuse of Chil;dren in Rochdale. This time the story focuses not on the Pakistani men at the centre of the abuse gangs, but the political cover up by Labour and Liberal Democrat elected officials on Rochdale Metrtoplitan Borough Council who, it is claimed orchestrated the cover-up by Labour and Liberal Democrat Party officials in the Greater Manchester Area.

Obama and FUKUS Axis Air Strikes On ISIS Will Make Things Worse
The bombing of ISIS, the Islamic State is well under way in Iraq and Syria, and as predicted the American, British and French led campaign is already making things worse for civilians among whom the ISIS fighters are dispersed. And of course, far from making the west safer, it is stirring up more hatred against us in the Islamic world.

Bad News for the alarmists: 'Missing Heat' from Non-Existent 'Global Warming' isn't Hiding in the Ocean After All
The already mortaly wounded cause of climate taxes alarmism has bean dealt another blow in a new study published by a NASA research project carried out at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, USA.
Satellite observations and empirical measurements gathered by Argo temperature probes enabled the NASA team to calculate temperature variations and thermal expansion in ocean waters over 6000 feet deep.

Evil Labour Government Helped Private Companies Profit From NHS
If you live in Heywood and Middleton and were thinking of voting for the greedy, paedophile loving, elitists' party, Labour because you have been taken in by the lies peddled at the Labour conference that the wicked Tories plan to privatize the NHS, think again.

UK Health Watchdog: Studies Show Mobile Phones Cause Brain Tumours
Over the past last two years, following publication of metastudies like World Health Organisation's International Agency For Research On Cancer report on the effects of radio frequency electromagnetic waves, there is new evidence that mobile phones use can be dangerous to our health. A less technical summary of that is available from Cancer Research UK. Wireless phones, even those DECT systems you use with your landline so you can wander around with the handset, emit radio-frequency electromagnetic fields (RF-EMFs) when in use...

Another EU Wannabe Declares War On Free Speech A very dangerous and worrying trend, which has been gathering momentum for some time, has entered a new dimension in recent weeks. Political and business leaders around the world are blatantly calling for the censorship on reporting and discussing news in terms that are 'unhelpful' to their aims and ambitions along with further restrictions on free speech.

US Centre for Disease Control Opposes Blocking Air Travel from West Africa to Stop Ebola Right of return and gender dimension more important than stopping spread of disease? Well that sounds about right for the admistration of The Rent Boy President. Always put acting in a politically correct way before common sense. How about this for a totally fickwitted attempt to deal with a crisis (or mayve a smart but totally evil way to create a crisis.

Another Big Result For The 'Conspiracy Theorists' - US CIA Corrupts Western Journalists.
Ever wondered why anybody trying to report news truthfully or initiate intelligent discussion is branded a conspiracy theorist, especially if their news or opinion is critical of the American government of American business interests? Read the content of this page and you will know a lot more about what is going on.

The Crminalisation Of Dissent
There is a growing trend in what we like to think of as the free world to curtail civil rights, transfer national sovereignty from elected law making bodies to supra national bureaucracies and enact new laws restricting free speech and press freedom. Largely fictitious threats such as terrorism, Islamic fundamentalism and climate change are being used to justify this. but are the levels of risk sufficient to justify the destruction of democracy?

EU Kommisar Admits Brussels Is At War With Democracy
The German EU Commissioner Günther Oettinger, in an astonishing rant accused "bishops, non-governmental organizations and "Ami-Go-Home-Altgruppen" (whatever they are) of undemocratic agitation against the EU's free trade agreements. Oettinger was referring to the Trans Atlantic Trade and Investment Partnership (TTIP) the undemocratic deal being negotiated in secret between the European Union and the corporate paymasters who control the US Administration.

Proof Bill Gates is Linked to Ebola as it Hits Dallas, Texas?
Ebola fever has landed in America and predictably sparked panic (see headline). The question evert=yone asks is: "How much danger are me and my family in." The questions they should be asking are: "Why does the US Government Department Of Defense hold a patent on the Ebola virus; and: Why has a team from Tulane University and the US Department of Defence biological weapons research project been experimenting on the Ebola virus for several years?

Surveillance Society Ever had that feeling you are being watched, unseen eyes are monitoring your every move, recording your every action, even knowing what you think. We live in a surveillance society but few really understand how intrusive the activiries of the watchers are. Welcome to the Panopticon. Jeremy Bentham's ideal prison has become a metaphor for the world we have created.

New Global Crisis Imminen, New Geneva Report Warns The Geneva Report refers to a “poisonous combination of high and rising global debt and slowing nominal GDP [gross domestic product], driven by both slowing real growth and falling inflation”. The total burden of world debt, private and public, has risen from 160 per cent of national income in 2001 to almost 200 per cent after the crisis struck in 2009 and 215 per cent in 2013. “Contrary to widely held beliefs, the world has not yet begun to delever and the global debt to GDP ratio is still growing, breaking new highs,” the report said.

Farage Reckless Facing Rabid Left Wing Fanatics
Following the defection to UKIP of Conservative MP Mark Reckless, who yesterday shocked the media and political establishment (everyone else knew it was on the cards.) by announcing his switch from con to Kipper from the podium at the closing session of UKIP's conference, the Kippers latest recruit and his new leader yesterday faced angry but ineffectual protests

Vaclav Klaus, the free world's last honest politician: the West’s lies about Russia are monstrous.
There are few people in politics who will say in public the things that really think, thanks to the hypersensitivity of the American political establishment and their enthusiasm for bombing the crap out of anyone who upsets members of their anointed minorities. Its refreshing then to learn of comments made by veteran Czech Republic leader, putting the boot into the cowardly mealy mouthed sum who pass for conservative and libertarian politicians in the English Speaking countries.

Why Do Government Information Technology Projects always Screw Up? Because Everything Governmrent Touches Becomes Political
While scientists burble excitedly about the internet of things, computer-brain interfaces that will enable the government to control us from data centres, creating human / computers hybrids and other science fantasy rubbish as if any of it stands a chance of becoming reality, government Information Technology managers, with almost unlimited resources at their disposal, can't even manage to cobble together a simple database and search routine. The failure of the e borders project is the latest in a long line of screw ups.

Ukip takes on free market corporatists: Britain's immigration debate gets interesting
Immigration was the subject of the big debate at UKIP's conference in doncaster today. With the Rotherham paedophile scandal which involved Muslim men in the immigrant community abusing young white girls as open sore in South Yorkshire politics at the moment the topic was long overdue for serious debate. One of the reasons the Rotherham scandal happened was the politically correct left scremed racism whenever issue was raised. Immigrants are not above the law.

The Third Gulf War Has Started - Should Britain Get Involved
For the third time in twenty five years a British Prime ~Minister has led the nation into a war in Iraq. It's understandable that Iraquis might be a bit pissed off with us. This time the threat is not a brutal dictator like Saddam hussein or Muammar Gadaffi, the Libyan leader we helped depose, but Islamic State, a concept, an idea, but also a rabble of bloodthirsty maniacs funded by European and American money, aremed with European and American weapons and trained by European and American 'military advisers.

War In Iraq? Lard Bombs Away (SATIRE)
As usual Boggart Blog is totally against Britain becoming embroiled in another sectarian conflict in the middle east (the theme tune of which will be I Hate You Babe by Sunni and Shia.) But rather than send our clapped out, thirty year old warplanes to fire rockets and heavy calibre cannons and drop bombs on the IS, bearing in mind these guys are all fundamentalist Muslims we have a better idea. We can beat the Islamic State without shedding HUMAN blood.

Derbyshire Chief Constable Claims He Was Forbidden To Arrest Former Labour Minister Or Search His Home">South Yorkshire Police Commissioner Shaun Wright Finally Resigns Over Rotherham Child Abuse Scandal
Police chiefs blocked a paedophile probe into a top politician 25 years ago, one of the country’s most senior officers said yesterday. Derbyshire Chief Constable Mick Creedon was serving as a detective sergeant in Leicestershire when allegations surfaced against Labour MP Greville Janner in 1989. Mr Creedon said he was ordered to limit his inquiries into the MP, now Lord Janner of Braunstone.

Disaster Dave's Latest Screw Up On The International Stage
Tomorrow (26 September, 2014) the UK Parliament will meet to vote on whether Britain should support Prime Minister David Cameron and US President and Warmonger - in - Chief Barack Hussein Obama in launching yet another war in the middle east, this time against the forces of the Islamic Caliphate, a fundamentalist organisation set up by groups funded armed and trained by the USA and its allies in their quest to overthrow the regime of Bashar Al Assad in Syria.

War In Iraq: Confused? You Will Be
I'm always a bit wary about referring to The Daily Mail because mere mention of that rather sensationalist but immensely popular newspaper (compare its circulation figures with those of The Guardian or The Independent) is likely to attract a Two Minutes Hate session from Britain's biggest fascist movement,

Love Like Chains (poem)
There are needy lovers and there are controlling lovers (the lovers in my case have always been female but I know men fall into these categories too). They often seem to be modelled from the same clay. Having always been self contained person who liked to stand apart from the crowd I have never did very well in love affairs with either type. This poem is not adressed to a specific person but an amalgam.

Miliband Promises Same Old Shite - Not A Word About Action Against Paedophile Sex Gangs
Labour leader Ed Miliband's keynote speech at the Labour Party conference woyuld have to be the best speech of his life if he hoped to be Prime Minister after next years election, the consensus of opinon said. Ed's friends and opponents awaited the speech with very different hopes and expectations. in the end as Ed dodged the bg issues, the economy and debt, law and order, immigration and Europe, it was probably his enemies who were happier.

In Praise Of Sluts - Tits Out For The Boys Miley
In the last 24 hours both Marianne Faithfull and Jacqueline Bisset have criticised today's young women for dressing provocatively, the teasers for a story in today's news said.
Marrianne Faithfull, no slouch in the sluttiness stakes herself back in the 1960s but to a teenage male all the more appealing for that (I still get a little tingle when I look at a Mars Bar), told ITV News that Miley Cyrus, Rihanna and other good looking young pop tarts are, quite simply, sluts. She gave her reasoning thus:

'There is Only One Planet': The Bemusing Claims of London's Climate Warriors
Apparently blissfully unaware of their hypocrisy, marchers have left placards emblazoned with complaints about the government and environmental issues strewn around on the pavement. The thousands of left-wing activists who descended shouting and stomping through London’s streets no doubt moved on to bars, restaurants or their homes to smugly congratulate themselves on having done their bit for Mother Nature, unsurprisingly not only expecting other people to pay for everything they demand,

A Bunch Of Self Obsessed Air Heads Only Interested In Publicity
The headline sums up some of the speakers or yesterday's climate change protest in London. But we know scientists are vacuous wannabe celebrities. The surprising thing was the showbiz and media luvvies showed themselves even more stupid and out of touch with reality. Take Emma Thompson. A fine actress but we should remember her job is pretending to be somebody else. and having spent most of her life pretending to be somebody else, when ...

Nationalism the new target for left wing screechers
The screechers have a new target for their hate, Nationalism. OMFG, I am sick of seeing on Facebook and other Sheeple sites posts from the army of bandwagon followers condemning nationalism. Hate attacks on Andy Murray because he voted Yes for Scottish Independence were deplorable, the bloke is entitled to his opinion FFS. The lefties hater did not stop there however, attacks on his mother are just disgusting (but entirely typical of the Labour voting, free speech hating, all-things-British loathing, bourgeois left scum.)

Rotherham Childcare Chief Quits Over Mass Sex Abuse Scandal

After weeks of mounting pressure and in the wake of resignations by council political leaders and senior exectutives and also of the recently elected Police Crime Commissioner for the scandal hit town, Joyce Thacker the head of children's services at Rotherham council has finally quit. Following the revelation of a massive cover up by elected representative, police and care professionals who went to considerable lengths to avoid acting on allegations of organised sex abuse gangs consisting mostly of

GCHQ employs more than 100 dyslexic spies. So what?
A lot of people in comment threads seemed eager to get their knickers in a twist this morning about a story headlined: GCHQ employs more than 100 dyslexic and dyspraxic spies. The story tells how the government snoopers intelligence agency down in Cheltenham uses dyslexics' ability to analyse complex information in a 'dispassionate, logical and analytical' in the fight against terror.

Obama administration ‘blocking' information from the press
Uncovering information that should be available to the public has become increasingly difficult under the presidency of Barack Obama, an Associated Press bureau chief says. In some cases, it surpasses the secrecy of the George W. Bush administration. The White House's penchant for secrecy does not just apply to the federal government, according to AP's Washington bureau chief, Sally Buzbee.

An Interesting Perspective From Across The Pond On The Scottish Referendum Result
The almost inevitable accusations of fraud and vote rigging are beginning to emerge in the wake of the Scottish independence referendum. Surprisingly the likely culprit most fingers are pointing at is not the SNP, leaders of the YES campaign or the Westminster government which wanted to avoid the embarrassment of a no, but the Euronazis in Brussels whose plans for a single European nation would have suffered from a YES vote.

Submerged forests' drowned by ancient climate change revealed by 2014 storms.
Here's yet another smack in the mouth for those smug, condescending scientists who talk down to the rest of us. Far from being a new thing, climsste change was affecting the environment at the beginning of the Bronze age. How many fossil fuel burning power stations did the beaker people have then, and how many Chelsea tractors were tearing up and down the ridgeways?

1000 Scientists Break Ranks On Global Warming - Laugh? I Nearly Shat
You've all heard from members of the Church Of Scienceology Cult about how there was total consensus (despite a lack of empirical evidence) that the planet is warming so rabidly there are now no ice caps at either the North or South Poles, that the last polar bear perished when someone ate its Fox's Glacier Mint and that there are now ...

How To Be Totally Uncool (By TryingTo Look Cooler Than You Are)
Many of the 4700 people camped outside the Apple store on New York's 5th Avenue in the picture above are unemployed (and very likely being paid cash in hand by others to queue for days). Few, if any, among either the campers or the buyers will spend $3,600 for a "gold" iPhone like someone in China just did. But those who are buying will gladly pay ...

South Yorkshire Police Commissioner Shaun Wright Finally Resigns Over Rotherham Child Abuse Scandal The man who bears most responsibility for failure to investigate the Rotherham child abuse scandal has finally resigned after three weeks of excuses and evasions. Police Commissioner Wright has been under pressure ever since a report by Prof Alexis Jay (see below) revealed a huge level of child abuse in the South Yourkshire town of Rotherham. The organised sex crime rings had been operating for ...

UKIP MEP Received Death Threats After Criticizing Rotherham's Labour Council Council Over Sex Abuse Scandal Jane Collins, the UKIP Member of the European Parliament for Yorkshire, has been speaking out about the failure of the senior police officers, the social services department managers in Rotherham and leaders of the Labour controlled council all of whom failed to act on allegations that groups of mainly Pakistani men were carrying out the organised sexual abuse of under age girls who found themselves in the care of the authorities.

Bill Gates Foundation Giving Millions to Top University In Order To Influence GMO “Debate” - It Must Be Dodgy
Former Microsoft CEO and mega mogul Bill Gates has long utilized his vast fortune to push genetically modified organisms (GMOs) through his Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, but Gates’ efforts have been met with sharp criticism from millions of grassroots activists both home and abroad.

Rotherham: In the face of such evil, who is the racist now?
Here's a question for wannabe Mastermind contestants. If South Yorkshire Police can mount a raid on the home of pop singer Sir Cliff Richard, two hundred miles away from their patch in pursuit of evidence linked to a single and unsubstantiated allegation of child sex abuse 30 years ago, why were the same South Yorkshire Police force unable to conduct a proper investigation into multiple allegations against men who raped 1,400 children over 16 years?

Denis MacShane: I was too much of a 'liberal leftie' and should have done more to investigate child abuse
In a rare mome

nt of candour disgraced former Labour Member Of Parliament for Rotherham, Dennis MacShane admitted he could have done more to protect the victims of sex abuse gangs in his constituency who preyed on young girls in the local authority care system. While maintaing he knew of no specific allegations MacShane said he could have investigated rumours circulating in the town.

Rotherham Abuse Cover Up Cover UP
Not so long ago we were venting our spleen about the selection of Judge Butler - Sloss to head up an inquiry about how allegations of paedophile offences by well known celebrities, politicians and establishment figures were covered up for many years. It turned out Lady Butler Sloss was the sister of the now deceased Attorney General Sir Michael Havers who was directly involved in

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