Boggart Blog Central
Archive 6 - All the news that can possibly be made up

Humour /Satire /Entertainment/Philosophy/Life
Humour, or humor if you must, is in limited supply in the world but if you are looking for laughter look no more. The Boggart Blog team bridge the generation gap, the gender divide and leap across the many dimensions of the multiverse to bring you a funny and sometimes crazy take on whatever is in the news plus a few things that are not. In the past decade trust in the media has diminished so you would be justified in asking "Can we trust Boggart Network News?" Well yes you can, we are proud to say we have never sacrificed a joke for the sake of the truth. Delve into Boggart Blog but be prepared to find yourself taking life less seriously.

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The Cheesemakers Of Outer Space

Adrenaline Junkies

Loonytoons By Election

Fuckwittery Of The First Order

Pretender To The Inheritance

Lembit Opik Hits Jupiter

The Moon Landing And The Earth Landing

Crusty Old Wives Tales Not So Unscientific

Swine Flu MP Misses Opportunity

Puffin Up The Power Of Technology

A Wing And A Cheap Ticket

A Rare Outbreak Of Sanity

Shagged Out Cyclists

Heather Mills McCartney On A Mission

Rat Arsed Badger

Scientists Have Not Made Sperm


Shock Revelation: Obama and Michael Jackson


Scary Willie Story

Career In Substance Abuse?

Talking Bollocks

Like A Ferret Up A Drainpipe

Benefit Fraud Psycho

Fear Of Soup Peacock Rescue

Life On Mars, A Guide To Modern Policing

It's The Sausages Stupid

The Apprentice Prime Minister

Will Labour’s Top Totty Topple Gordon?

Be Careful What You Wish For...

Knife Crime Is No Joke

It's Supergordon!

Britain's Got Talent Sensation!

800 On Waiting List For Death Clinic

Boycotting Britain's Got Talent

Sheep Burp, Cows Fart And The
Government Has Pie In The Sky

HMS Discovery: the BNP's Election Battleship?

You Mean It Wasn't True

Fat Cat or Fat Bastard

Alistair's Darling Buds Of
Recovery Vaporised In...?

Breakfast Cereal Killers

The Age Of Arse Dribble

Driving Tests Will Be The
Death Of Many

Kitchen nightmare

Sarky Sarko Slams
World Leaders

Britain’s Got Nutters

With Friends Like That...

Pink Elephants

Elephant Golf

What Is The Price Of A Pint?

G20: World Leaders Declare Open Season On Witches

Yellow Carded By His Own Petard.

Good to be English? Well
at least i'm not stupid.

The American View on
Michelle O's G20 Royal Gaffe

Boggart Network News
live from the G20.

Shock! Horror! Schools Teaching Filth

Woman gets pine cone
stuck in her vagina

Poverty Amazes Researchers

There's A Chink In Our Armour

Midnight basketball

Obama's Gift To The Taliban

The Apprentice Is Back

New Primary Curriculum? We Hate
To Twitter We Told You So

Of Freedom, Wind Farms, Thunderbird
Puppets and Social Taboos.


Full Marks (and Spencers) for
Wise Buys and Big Knickers.

But Some Of Us Are Looking At The Stars

Fart Flavoured Snacks
We know everything is going to shite but are the British public ready for fart flavoured snacks? This is not traditional farty smelling snacks such as Dry Roast Peanuts we are talking about, they actually taste quite peanutty once the fart sealed inside the bag as a preservative has been released. Neither are we talking about Bombay Mix which provides...
CLICK HERE to read all Fart Flavoured Snacks

Escalator Crime Escalates
The Barnsley Chronicle (Town Edition) features pictures on its front page of two elderly gentleman who have apparently had a bit of a coming together with a rogue escalator.
Jack Faulkner, the earliest victim commented, "Someone is going to get killled...
CLICK HERE to read all Escalator Crime Escalates

Positive Reinforcement A Labour plan to encourage weight loss by giving incentives in the form of gift vouchers to fat people to lose weight could actually be seen by the aquisitive as an incentive to get fat, thus earning rewards. All the scheme proves is that the government is insane...

The Apprentice: Margate Falls Into Sere And Yellow Leaf. Not! by ianrthorpe @ 2009-05-14 – 19:25:40 Blind to the credit crunch, deaf to the cries of the dispossessed as hunger bites, oblivious to the Swine Flu, contestants in The Apprentice last night went down to Margate having been given the task of rebranding the tired, tawdry, run – down resort. Rebranding, that’s when you, like, don’t change anything, you just get

Lib Dems Expenses Claims Fail To Impress. The fervid anticipation preceding the release of Liberal Democrats dodgy expenses claims turned into a sense of disappointment today as the embarrassing items we had hoped to see were absent. Where, for example, were the invoices for 5000 gallon tankers of Vodka delivered to Charlie Kennedy’s second home or the bill...
CLICK HERE to read Lib Dems Expenses Claims Fail To Impress

Revenge On The Trouser Snake A word of warning to the boys, we know you have to sit on the loo, but it could be best to look before you dump. A chap went off to the loo, presumably with the Sunday paper for a nice, long, commune with nature...

CLICK HERE to read Revenge On The Trouser Snake>

The Feeding Of The Fifty Million Conservative and independent critics of the freespending ways of Barack Obama and his Magic band are wondering how the three and a half trillion dollars the new President has already committed itself to spending can possibly...
CLICK HERE to read
The Feeding Of The Fifty Million From A Bag O’Shite To A Chandelier And Back. Yesterday’s report on the Bag O’Shite MPs’ expenses scandal concluded with the promise we would bring you further and even more astounding revelations about the bizarre expenses claims made by Members of Parliament.
Today we honour our promise...
CLICK HERE to read From A Bag O' Shite To A Chandelier And Back

The Party's Over
With Labour in complete disarray and the Conservatives enmired in the Bag O' Shite scandal the upcoming European and Local elections offer a unique opportunity for radicals, freethinkers and borderline loonies to deliver some shocks to the smug, self serving troughers of the major parties.

Bricks And Mortar Tyrant

The word freedom is bandied about recklessly. Have human beings ever truly been free? Even now self hating white middle class guilt trippers blether about the evils of slavery as though the slave trade was an invention of Europeans in the 17th century when in fact it had been around since the beginnings of civilisation. But despite all the posturing and finger pointing are millions of peoplenot living as slaves

Labour home Secretary Announces The Death Of Free Speech.
As a Labour minister announces right wing shock jock Micael Savage is banned from Britain only a few weeks after a similar ban was imposed on Dutch politician Geert Wilders, The Daily Stirrer asks have Labour declared a wart on free speech?

Education: How Shite Are SATS Tests
We have had a discussion going on over on Little Nicky Machiavelli about the validity of SATS test, the government's pestilential league tables and the teachers' threat to boycott them. So how...

Donkeys Banned From Playing Basketball
News from America via (The Daily Telegraph): Donkeys are oppressed by new law.
Boggart Blog legal affairs correspondent A Cheever Looophole reports:

Surprise! Sex Does Not Sell Computer Games.
You might think computer games are one of the most obvious examples that the adage "sex sells" is not just an advertising industry cliche but a universal truth. Not so, sex does not actually sell computer games - at least not if it is the kind of sex that involves real woment or even realistic looking avatars.

American Government To Offer Three Flu Jabs This Autumn
Citizen Wells reports that over in America, as The daly Stirrer predicted will happen in Britain, the Swine Flue scare has been turned into a big spendfest of taxpayers money by government and another handout by stealth for the dark forces of...

Holy Hibernation Batman
Have the caped crusaders been beaten at last? Will a new disease than has been wiping out bat colonies across America and led to all Bat Caves being closed and boarded up finally put the Dynamic Duo out of action and left the streets of Gotham City without protection from the mendacious miscreants who prey on honest citizens? And what will happen when the disease wiping out bats jumps to humans? It's another opportunity for the government to spread Fear and Panic. Boggart Blog Central
Lend An Ear While I Tell Of Van Goch
As a new theory about the fate of the severed ear of artist Vincent Van Goch emerges, Boggart Blogger Ian R Thorpe reexamines the whole bizarre case of the severing of Van Goch's ear. Did the artist cut off his own lug'ole as previously thought or was it, as the new theory suggests removed by fellow artist Gaugin. And why did Van Goch give his ear to a prosttute?

Hugging An African Does Not Help
As theHollywood and New York glitterati turn the volume up to eleven of their shriekophonic charity appeal amplifier in response to news that guess what, the recession hitting the west so hard means Africa needs shitloads on our money. But is aid a good thing. Ian R. Thorpe for The Daily Stirrer reviews a book by African economist Dambesa Moyo that suggests western aid is counter productive.

Conspiracy Theory Of The Month - Dumbing Down
Ian Thorpe.

humour, satire education, politics, war

The Conspiracy Theory of the Month feature kicks off with Dumbing Down. A stupid population is a compliant population so what better way for the New World Order brigade to strip people of their rights, liberties and the ability to think for themselves than by first ...

A Generation Of Losers
As the teachers finally stage a rebellion against thedespised tests and targets the government are so obsessed with Daily Stirrer education expert Sally Redfern lambasts an education policy obsessed with centralisation and control freakery at the expense of childrens' futures. The boycott of the SATS tests next year will plunge the system into chaos and could close schools. Another resounding triumph for New Labour then.
Hate Crimes Law - Another Step Towards Fascism?

A new law defining hate crimes passed in the USA this week violates the constitution according to its critics. It threatens the right to free speech and in allowing more severe penalites to be imposed if a crime is ajudged a hate crime than if the same crime had been commited without hatred on grounds of race, religion or sexual orientation being part of the motive. This clearly breaches the first of the US constitution's "self evident" truths, that all people are equal.

Moving to Manchester? BBC Are Mad For it? How will the elitist, champagne socialist BBC media types cope with the move to Salford Quays. Will the BBC chance Manchester or will Manchester change the BBC. Our money is on Manchester.

The Lazy Pulpils Examination Aid.
Critics of Labour';s Education policy have said for many years dumbing down has gone too far. The idea reported in this article from Boggart Blog's archives suggests the Deparytment of Education have really crossed the line now.

The Power Of Punctuation
After being in decline for a number of years good grammar and punctuation are making a comeback. Not in schools as one might hope, the National Curriculum is still driven by trendy academic theory and Politically Correct Thinking, but more people in adult life are finding out that being able to communicate well through the spoken and written word is an ever more valuable career development tool than a University degree.

Tale Of The Easter Bunny
Ian Thorpe.
Greenteeth is a rather irreligious organisation, we believe that gods, like laws are created by humans and only nature can reveal the truth. Having said that, there are many ways to the truth and we would not deny that Christianity, Islam, Judaeism, Zoroastrianism, Hinduism and all the other religions, one stripped of dogma to offer something to people whose personalities incline them towards ritual. Buddhism BTW is excluded from the list as it is not a religion but a belief system.

Sarko Wants To Emulate The Stink That Was Rome
Sarko Wants To Emulate The Stink That Was Rome.
Ian R Thorpe

All politicians lose the plot eventually with the exceptions perhaps of Tony Blair, Margaret Thatcher and Barack (I’m President of the whole Universe and everything else besides) Obama all of whom were barking mad on assuming office...

Cameron. Clegg and Lumley CLICK HERE
I know they sound like a legal practice in Barnoldswick but Conservative leaders David Cameron, the Liberal Democrats Nick “Shagger” Clegg and Joanna (Patsy from Absolutely Fabulous) Lumley, still looking absolutely fabulous at sixty something, have been collaboration to embarrass Gordon Brown. Shifty Gordon had tried to shaft the Gurkas, those Nepalese regiments that for historic reasons are part of the British Army. The Gurkas have been asking quite politely for the right to settle in Britain after serving the nation for twenty years in...

Swine Flu: Crisis Or Conspiracy
The world seems to get more insane every day. Mainstream media in developed nations have in the past few days become frantic in their efforts to spread Fear and Panic. Why? Because of an outbreak of a new variant influenza virus that has so far infected a few thousand people and killed, up to now, around 150...

Ramsay's Very Own Kitchen nightmare

Anti Ageing Properties of Any Old Gloop Scientifically Proved.
by Ian R Thorpe
On seeing in the news today that began with the words Boots’ anti-ageing treatment my first reaction was to turn the page and look for something funny in the Swine Flu coverage. A product to keep boots in pristine condition is probably very welcome to some people but I wear trainers and would have no use for it.

Pissed Pensioners Are A Social Blight
There is an ever growing tendency in government to stick their noses into the everyday detail of people's daily lives. Nowhere has this been more apparent than in the case of The Pissed Pensioners. Despite the governmen'ts repeated dire warnings about the effects of drinking on health and the cost to health services of drinking related illness a lot of pensioners still like to enjoy the occasional glass of beer or wine. And the pokenose bureaucrats intend to put a stop to it. Read full post

BBselect 006
Another Boggart Blog Archive filled with humour and satire from Britain's top comedy bloggers. No topic is off limits and styles range from subtle irony and cruel parody to surreal silliness

Education, Education, Education
Is education all it's cracked up to be. Ian Thorpe thinks not and explains why in this article about the pretensions of science, the naivete of graduates with university degrees and the realities of the jobs market.

Oi Canada; Get Orf Our Laaand!
Many British tourists take holidays on the beautiful coast of Northumbria and visitors from overseas flock to it's Viking coast to see the historic sites that abound. Imagine the surprise of people who travel to the familiar location this year only to find the coast has migrated to Alberta, Canada. We can understand Alberta's envy, they have oil sands where Northumbria has sandy beaches. But do the Canadian tourist Office really think visitors hoping to visit the sites of battles between the Britush and Viking raiders are not going to be disappointed with a ride through the oil sands excavations on the Alberta Steam Railway?
[Boggart Blog ]...[ Comedy ] ... [ Daily Stirrer ] ... [greenteeth] It's comforting to know Conservatives are still obnoxious.
Social housing is newspeak for council housing crows a blogger. A council house tenant is to a Tory as a jew is to a nazi says the Daily Stirrer in this analysis that shows as Labour go into meltdown that we cannot believe the Conservatives claims that thy are now the cuddly, compassionate party... [ Daily Stirrer ]...[ humanitas ]

Alistair Darling's Buds Of May
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May says Shakespeare's sonnet but will Alistair Darling'd Budget survive the rough winds of ridicule. This satire compares the chancellors attempts to get the economy back on track to the futility of the Large Hadron Collider experiment in that the people in charge of the experiment do not really know what they are trying to do... [Boggart Blog ]

Breakfast With The Apprentices
The Apprentice rolls on oblivious of the budget, Britain's Got Talent and Barack Obama. Some might suggest that is because it was recorded several months ago but we at Boggart Blog would never stoop so low as to suspect Surrealan of being involved in such a deception. Trust us the programme goes out live in real time and is not edited at all. Next week's task for The Apprentices is to convince sceptics that pigs really can fly.

Vaccine hysteria or healthy Sceticism
Since the death from cervical cancer of Jade Goody the big pharma - compulsory vaccine chorus has been on full volume. but the usual doubts are being expressed about serious side effects from the HPV vaccine

Mainstream Media Fights Back
The Evil Empire seem to think if they annonce the death of mainstream media often enough it will become truth. As Associated Press move against Google and other internet news aggregators that use print and broadcast media content without paying are we about to see a fightback by the content creators?

The Race To Civil Unrest
The election of Barack Obama to the US Presidency was bound to have a negative effect on race relation all around the developed world, not just in the USA. Here The Daily Stirrer which brings you the best, most controversial opinion and comment on the web takes issue with a writer who complains that developed nations are not doing enough to preserve the cultural differences of minorities while helping them integrate. The complaint is a case of wanting to have your cake and eat it, a classic position of the race industry and the politically correct thought police.

Driving Tests Will Be The Death Of Many
Anxious as ever to cover up their absolute cluelessness about how to deal with anything the government has resorted to the old ploy of trying to look as if they are doing a lot about everything.
Fresh from their successes is looking as if they intend to deal with binge drinking, anti - social behaviour, the credit crunch, immigration, education, discumknockeration, death of bees, diseases of knees, greedy bankers, Conservative wankers and galloping mange and climate change, New Labour have this week turned their attention to
READ full post at Boggart Blog

Ramsay's Very Own Kitchen Nightmare
Reality tv supershef Gordon Ramasay who preaches the doctrine of "fresh food prepared and cooked on the premises" is hoist by his own petard as restaurants in one of his chains are caught serving boil in ther bag meals...Read Full Post or go to Boggart Blog for all our satirical blog posts

Sarky Sarko Slams World Leaders t had to happen. That giant ego was never going to remain contained in such a small, slender body for long. The real Nicolas Sarkozy has at last burst out in all his Gallic superiority and thoroughly slagged his fellow world leaders...

Trial Of Transylvanian Has To be Halted.
The trial of a Transylvanian man who stands accused of causing Grievous Bodily Harm had to be postponed earlier this week as Bristol Crown Court was closed when the buildings were permeated by an overpowering smell of garlic...

General Motors New Puma Is Not What It Sounds Like
Recession always brings out the worst in inventors it seems. Remember the Sinclair C5, the best joke of the early 1980s recession? We were told petrol prices would go through the roof, the government would tax drivers off the roads and...

Stupid Evolution
Religious fundamentalists claim evolution is only a theory and God's creation is far too beautiful to have happened by accident. The repulsive lifestyle of The Gulper Eel proves it isn't

A Sense Of Self
How do we stop commercial pressures stripping us of our identity and retain a sense of self in these times when we are what we own, our personalities are expressed through badges and T shirt slogans and our cellphone ring tone says as much about us as the books we read?

Improvised Explosive Pies
Boggart Blog prides itself on being first to bring you news of the latest developments in the food of terror war currently being waged by our gallant security forces on the purveyors of exploding gravy, dangerous cheese, corrosive sauce and sausages...

Britain’s Got Nutters
Britain’s Got Talent reappeared on our television screens last night, setting out to prove that real talent is scarce but what Britain does have in abundance is mentalists.
The nutters are what the show is all about really so in the early rounds anyone who...

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