Boggart Blog Central
(All the news that can possibly be distorted, misrepresented or made up)

Humour /Satire /Entertainment/Philosophy/Life
Humour, or humor if you must, is in limited supply in the world but if you are looking for laughter look no more. The Boggart Blog team bridge the generation gap, the gender divide and leap across the many dimensions of the multiverse to bring you a funny and sometimes crazy take on whatever is in the news plus a few things that are not. In the past decade trust in the media has diminished so you would be justified in asking "Can we trust Boggart Network News?" Well yes you can, we are proud to say we have never sacrificed a joke for the sake of the truth. Delve into Boggart Blog but be prepared to find yourself taking life less seriously.

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Learning To Grow Hashish At College

by ianrthorpe

It had to happen, there have been courses available in subjects such as Klingon studies, the Jedi Philosophy and...

2009-11-29 Cockermouth and Penistone - Not A Scary Willy Story
by fatsally

Today, for the first time ever, the towns of Cockermouth in Cumbria and Penistone in Yorkshire are united, being mentioned in the same article by....

Exclusive: Pebbles Wants To Move
by fatsally

You will all have had your memories refreshed regarding SuBo of Britain's got an X Factor, as her debut album has gone straight to number one with the highest...

Golf and Marriage are Dangerous Games.
by ianrthorpe

Golf and marriage may seem to have little in common but they are in fact both very dangerous games. In golf you can easily lose your ball and in marriage a man may easily lose his balls both...

A Job For The Boys: Lap Dance Researcher.
by ianrthorpe

The University of Leeds School of Social Science is advertising for a researcher to undertake research into "The rise and regulation of lap dancing and the place of sexual labour and consumption in the

Harrassed In The Hindu Kush
by ianrthorpe

Barack Obama is rehearsing the speech in which he will tell the American due to the brilliant success of his stategy he can now announce

If Ali G met Belle De Jour

In her first press interview since outing herself as the real Belle De Jour, research scientist Dr. Brooke Magnati who used earnings from prostitution to fund her...

The Strictly General X Factor Celebrity Election
by fatsally

In the previous post Ian wonders how much lower reality television can sink, likening it to the Roman circus, with the public lapping up the ritual humiliation invoked by progs such as I'm a desperate-attention-seeking-has-been-who's-bit-hard-up-for-cash-and-daytime-chat-show-offers, LOOK AT ME...
READ ALL The Strictly General X Factor Celebrity Election

Bread And Circuses TV (more reality from the celebrity jungle)
by Ian R Thorpe

Boggart Blog has said it before (we probably haven’t but who remembers every word we have ever published?) but the march of civilisation has definitely gone into reverse. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the field of low budget “reality” television or Bread and Circuses TV as it is...
READ ALL Bread and Circuses TV

2009-11-24 Quick Thinking Criminal or Slow Witted Plod?
by fatsally

We normally bring you stories of really stupid criminals, like the man who drove the getaway car sporting his own personalised registration plate, or the chap who ...
READ ALL Quick Thinking Criminal or Slow Witted Plod?

Afghanistan, Financial Crisis, Climate Change - Forget it, Katie Price has quit the jungle.
by ianrthorpe

Big news today is nothing to do with any of the major crises happening around the world, not with a government in meltdowm or the most frightening story, the one about new EU Prez. Van Rumpy Pumpy pledging to steer the union towards a ...
READ ALL Afghanistan, Financial Crisis, Climate Change - Forget it, Katie Price has quit the jungle.

Rompuy - Pumpy Rules EU
The newly reformed, even less democratic than before European Union has its first President. But will Herman Van Rompuy achieve anything or will his name just inspire rumpy-pumy jokes?

Monty Python and the Brussels Sprouts
by ianrthorpe

Controversy rages over the choice of Herman Van Rompuy (pronounched rumpy to rhyme with pumpy) to the EU presidency. Stung by British Rumpy Pumpy jokes the French-language Belgian regional newspaper La Capitale printed a list of our... READ ALL Monty Python And The Brussels Sprouts

We wish you a merry Christmas (but not in Dundee)
by ianrthorpe


Christmas will not be Christmas in Dundee this year. All references to the religious holiday have been dropped from the switching-on ceremony for the city’s festive lights. Instead of the traditional Christmas Lights switch-on, residents will be ... READ ALL We Wish You A Merry Christmas - But Not In Dundee

A Fit And Proper Person
by ianrthorpe

The dark forces of football oligarchy are ganging up on little Chester City but it looks like one rule for the minnows, another for the big clubs. The FA have ordered Stephen Vaughan, Chester’s owner and main financial prop to sell his shareholding because he is not a “fit and proper person” to be...READ ALL A Fit And Proper Person

Playing Politics With The Dear Old Queen
by ianrthorpe

The Queen’s Speech by convention, wile setting out the government’s programme is not about party politics nor is it supposed to be about a failing government shafting the opposition that will soon replace them by making it impossible for the new lot to...READ ALL Playing Politics With The Dear Old Queen

The Real Queen's Speech Redux
by ianrthorpe

It is well known that every year HM The Queen writes her own speech for the state opening of parliament and that every year The Government goes to great lengths to ensure the draft is lost and Queenie has to read the speech prepared for her by the Prime Minister. Last year one of Boggart Blog's unseen reporters managed to obtain...READ ALL The Real Queen's Speech Redux

2009-11-17 A Pretty Maid Must Show 40% To Get Laid.
by ianrthorpe

I'm an unlikely Daily Mail reader but this link, sent to me by a mate who knows how much Boggart Blog loves pointless research stories, pricked my curiosity. It will take you to an item that claims a "scientific" study has revealed that a woman should show 40% of her flesh if...READ ALL A Pretty Maid Must Show 40% To Get Laid.

President Rimmer Obama
by ianrthorpe

Looking around American blogs today I see there is a kerfuffle about President O's deep bow to the Emperor Of Japan. Typically the Politically Correct Thought Police...
READ ALL President Rimmer Obama

by ianrthorpe

To avoid misunderstanding the title is not a new Bond film or a character from tonight's (eagerly anticipated) Doctor Who adventure...
READ ALL Octomum 2009-11-14
Things Just Keep Getting Better!
by fatsally

The other day Boggartblog brought you the news that we're just not drinking enough, tipping the unfinished bottle down the sink wastes an incredible amount of the old Mucho Collapso and so we should all ensure that we drink every last drop, a practice Boggartblog has advocated for years. But things just keep getting better...

READ ALL But Things Just Keep Getting Better

Swine Flu - No worries, you'll just gain a few pounds
by ianrthorpe

The government of control freaks are keeping up their fear and panic campaign to turns us all into gibbering wrecks who cower in fear of swine flu. Boggart Blog has always said this scare is simply about making...

Marking Computer Says No AsTop Writers Fail Their English A Level.
by Ian R Thorpe

Boggart Blog makes it our business to invigilate the progressive education lobby for sings of loonyness. An we have to be honest, they keep us busy.
One of the most crackpot ideas to come out of the academic clique that supervises the dumbing down of standard was the recruitment of a marking computer to assess A level papers.
On being given samples of writing by great authors including... READ ALL Marking Computer Says No

Simon Cowell Secret Revealed
by Ian R Thorpe

Boggart Blog has not been following The X Factor this time round because, well let’s be honest, we have done all the cheap jokes in the past. Also the biggest X Factor joke this year is...READ ALL Simon Cowell Secret Revealed

Bottoms Up!
by fatsally

Good news for drinkers - the Waste and Resource Action Programme has estimated that Britons are pouring Ł470 million worth of wine down the plughole...READ ALL Bottoms Up

Going Batty For A BJ
?Very Short Post but funny enough to be worth a visit

Evolutionary Science Classes In Junior School Might Be Counter Productive.

A new plan to reform the primary curriculum proposes teaching evolutionary science to kids aged 4 to 11. This article shows how such an approach might be counter productive.

Bloggers Who Stare At Goats
by ianrthorpe

You have all seen adverts for the new Hollywood film release Men Who Stare At Goats. Well no need to waste your money to find out what it is all about...

Google Pledge Not To Be Creepy
by ianrthorpe
Speaking on American television Google CEO pledged that his company would not become a creepy gang of world domination freaks like Microsoft did some years ago.
Asked by the interviewer how from their dominant position on the internet Google could avoid this Schmidt adopted a really bad Russian accent and said...

The Fag Drag - Will Banning Cigarettes Spawn A New Industry?
by Ian R Thorpe

Still detmined to be the killjoy government Labour are passing new anti smoking laws. But do they really think banning the display if cigarettes in shops will stop anybody from smoking?
Kidman’s Alien Sex Fetish
by ianrthorpe

Statuesque blonde Australian actress and sex symbol (if you like that sort of thing) Nicole Kidman has confessed in a celebrity interview with GQ magazine that in one of her love affairs she had explored “strange fetish stuff.” Though Kidman

.... The New Guy Fawkes
by ianrthorpe

Where are Catesby and his co - conspirators when we need them? Where is our gunpowder plot this bonfire night? Not that I'd want the buggers to blow up The....

Stimulating The Radio Active Rabbits
by Ian R Thorpe

An American friend sent me this list of some of her favourite items funded by money from the US Government's stimulus bill.
•$300,000 for a GPS-equipped helicopter to hunt for radioactive rabbit droppings at...

Stupid Criminal Of The Week Returns
by ianrthorpe

It is with great pleasure we announce the return of the Boggart Blog stupid criminal of the week award. In the early days of Boggart Blog we would feature this occasional series whenever we encountered a news story about...READ ALL Stupid Criminal Of The Week Returns

The eXtacy factor
by ianrthorpe
Well Professor Nutt certainly kicked things off with his claim that drugs like E, Cannabis and LSD are no more dangerous that alcohol and tobacco. While we agree... READ ALL The eXtacy factor

E versus J & B
I know we say this quite frequently but where would this blog be without those whacky folks who feed us material by doing pointless research. The latest finding, announced by the appropriately named ... READ ALL E versus J & B

Tonguing Willie
by ianrthorpe

What a headline!!! Worth 3 exclamation marks. Well every now and them we Boggart Bloggers like to show up the Tabloid headline writers for the rank amateurs they really are.
So as this story is not going to concern hot celebrity head action what... READ ALl Tonguing Willie

Old Chinese Proverb: Beware Jumped Up Dictators With Ill Thought Out Scheme
by fatsally
Lord Stern of Brentford, who is quite possibly a climate change czar, or at the very least a marquise, called yesterday for everyone in the world to cut out meat in an effort to... READ ALL Old Chinese Proverb: Beware Jumped Up Dictators With

2009-10-28 The King Is In His Altogether....
by fatsally

Anatole Kaletsky, writing in The Times today applauds the creation of an Institute for New Economic Thought, claiming that this is a direct result of ... READ ALL The King Is In His Altogether

Classy Comic Or Rampant Rabbit
There is no doubt Michal MacIntyre is one of the top stand up comedy acts around at the moment. He has a good personality, quickfire delivery and some ...

You Wanna Show A Liddle Respect Or You get A Visit From Mr. Baseball Bat
by fatsally

This story came to light last week and it has troubled me, probably because as a teacher I have had parents say the same thing to me.
15 year old Daniel Walton was sent home from school because he refused to...
READ ALL You WannaShow A Liddle Respect

Trees For SPAM
by ianrthorpe

You may have been under the impression that goal of the Copenhagen Climate Summit in December is to agree a binding treaty to fight global warming, I know I certainly was. We have been misled however. According to leaders of a militant

ASDA Sat Nav Can't See The Wood For The Trees
by ianrthorpe

We love Stat Nav disaster stories at Boggart Blog so when we found a report of an ASDA delivery van driver showing a level of blind faith in science and technology that would ... READ ALL Asda Sat Nav

Blue Blair’s New Nazi Best Buddies?
by Ian R Thorpe

To be perfectly honest I never held out any hopes that the Cameron led Conservatives would be much different to New Labour’s “progressive left” neo nazis. David Cameron, a slick, silver tongued, smooth face ex public schoolboy for whom spin mattered ... READ ALL Blue Blair's New Nazi Best Buddies

Things Not To Do In The Delivery Suite: A Guide For Prospective Fathers
by fatsally
When I were nobbut a lass, there were many jokes, cartoons and comedy sketches involving birth. In all these instances birth was depicted as something that took place behind closed doors whilst the husbands paced up and down in the corridor, awaitng the news ... READ ALL Things Not To Do In The Delivery Suite

The First Aid Technique Formerly Know As Heimlich Manoeuvre
by ianrthorpe

It was a surprise to hear sometime in the past few days that we are no longer allowed to refer to that trick where when someone is choking on a fishbone, pretzel or.... READ ALLFirst Aid Technique Formerly Known As...

by fatsally

As speculation grows once again regarding plans to oust Gordon from the leadership of the Labour Party and therefore the Prime Ministership of the UK you have to wonder where the loyalty of his...READ ALL Biscuitgate

The First Aid Technique Formerly Know As Heimlich Manoeuvre
by ianrthorpe

It was a surprise to hear sometime in the past few days that we are no longer allowed to refer to that trick where when someone is choking on a fishbone, pretzel or...READ ALL First Aid Technique Formerly Known As Heimlich Manouevre

2009-10-20 Adipose Offsetting
by fatsally

Well, not only do we have several Olympic gold medalists, hold The Ashes and boast the current and elect Formula World Champions but also, according to The Sun, Britain is home to the world's fattest man...REAL ALL Adipose Offsetting.

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February 2020

Worst polluting coal and wood fires banned in fight to cut emissions
Domestic coal and certain types of wood are to be banned from sale from next year in a bid to cut air pollution, ministers will announce on Friday.

Macron Vows to Fight ‘Islamist Separatism’ with New Reforms

French President Emmanuel Macron has declared his government will fight against “Islamist separatism” with reforms including ending residency for foreign imams.

Switzerland’s environmental agency announces national moratorium on 5G
This blog has warned about the health risks of 5G wireless technology before, almost from the moment it was announced people who understand this technology (and two out of the three of us do,) have been saying that while there is always a risk from electro – magnetic radiation, with earlier technologis it was easily manageable if a loittle common sense was deployed. The exponentially higher intensity of 5G frequencies however, takes the health risks to humans to a whole different level.

Criminal damage in Cambridge reveals the police soft peddaling on Extinction Rebellion crimes Nobody is allowed to walk on the grass outside Trinity College Cambridge. I suppose an exception might be made if you were a 365-year-old don who once lolled under the famous apple tree with Sir Isaac Newton (probably a couple of those old fellows still holed up in the port cellar).

Otherwise, set one foot on that sacred turf and you will soon find yourself experiencing the full force of Newtonian gravity; rugby-tackled to the ground by a puce-faced porter in a bowler hat.

Germany's ruling party split over how to respond to AfD
Germany's Christian Democrat party (CDU) is as deeply divided as Britain's Labour Party over how to respond to the upsurge of nationalism. Facing a serious challenge from the nationalist (but not far right please, they are not that,) Alternative for Germany party (AFD) the CDU seems pitifully unprepared for departure of the Chancellor Merkel at a point when Germany its facing most serious political and economic crisis for decades.

Afer EU Engineered Hiatus Italy Heading For New Elections?
Matteo Salvini's Lega are by far the most popular political party in Italy and have been for some time, only a stitch up engineered by the Brussels bureaucracy has kept them out of power. But Brussels determination to prevent any Eurosceptic party becoming part of a governing coalition in any member state reveals the true, authoritarian nature of the European Union.

Sweden dystopia omnibusSwedish Communist Party: The Left Has Abandoned the Working Class For Migrants & LGBT issues
Are the left getting it at last? Is the message sinking in that the grass roots movements have been infiltrated and hijacked by middle class intellectuals. Are they starting to realise that the obsession with identity politics has supplanted income inequality, housing availability, jobs and the cost of living ... ?

Is the World Health Organization involved in biological warfare research?
Dr. Francis Boyle, a professor of international law, talked in a recent interview with about the Wuhan coronavirus now sweeping through the far east, laboratory in Wuhan, China, where the genetically modified virus appears to have originated, and the World Health Organization’s (WHO) clandestine involvement in biological warfare research ...Continue reading

13-year-old fights school policy allowing ‘trans girls’ into girls’ changing room February 7, 2020 (Paul Smeaton, LifeSiteNews) – A 13-year-old UK girl is taking her local council to court after it issued guidance that would allow boys who identify as “transgender girls” to access girls’ bathrooms, changing rooms, and dormitory rooms on student trips.
The guidance was issued last year as part of the Oxfordshire County Council’s “Trans Inclusion Toolkit for School 2019” project.

RACIST BRITAIN: ‘Black Studies’ Professor Says British Empire Was Worse Than Nazi GermanyBritain’s first professor of “Black Studies”, (yes you can get a Mickey Mouse degree from Toytown University in Black Studies,) who is aquiring quite a reputation for uttering ‘hate speech’ against Britain and white people in general, has now opined the British Empire did “far more harm” than Hitler’s Germany, and branded “whiteness” a “... Continue reading”.

Big Pharma billionaire charged with conspiracy and bribery of doctors
Not long ago it would have been inconceivable that one day a Big Pharma company founder and owner would be arrested for running a criminal drug cartel, but that is exactly what happened a few days ago. “Federal authorities arrested the billionaire founder and owner of Insys Therapeutics Thursday on charges of bribing doctors and pain clinics into prescribing the company’s fentanyl product to their patients ...

Coronavirus Contains “HIV Insertions”: Claim Stokes Fears Over Genetically Modified BioweaponFor the past two weeks mainstream media reporting of the epidemic of a new strain of coronavirus in China has been getting more and more hysterical. However, reports have pushed back against one "conspiracy theory" about the origins of the virus that has now infected as many as 70,000+ people in the central China city of Wuhan alone (depending on whom you believe).

Corona Virus: Should We Worry
The official data coming out of China and from other sources including the World Health Organisation (WHO) on the spread of the Wuhan coronavirus continues to suggest an exponential growth rate. With more and more infectious disease experts are now openly calling the virus a full-blown global pandemic, many people are asking should we in the west be worried and how bad might things get?

The Islamic Republic Of France
France’s left-wing elite are accused of cowardice for failing to support 16-year-old girl facing death threats after she insulted Islam online, the ruling class have been also accused of cowardice for failing to support a 16-year-old girl who has faced death threats after she allegedly insulted Islam online.

Clinton Kill List To Determine Who Will Be US 2020 Presidential Candidate?
And then, in accordance with Murphy’s law, which states just when you think things can’t get any worse, they do, Hillary Clinton has emerged, having found what she obviously thinks is a sure – fire route to the presidency, to offer her services as vice presidential candidate to whoever wins the nomination. And just to show how far The Democrats are removed from reality, many leading figures in the party and the left leaning media think it’s a good idea.

January 2020

Coronavirus Contains “HIV Insertions”: Claim Stokes Fears Over Genetically Modified Bioweapon
The theory that China obtained the coronavirus via a Canadian research program, and started molding it into a bioweapon at the Institute of Virology in Wuhan before it somehow escaped could be an attempt by the establishment (the Davosocracy,) to spread fear and panic as they see resurgent nationalism across the developed world and growing scepticism about

Italy most likely member to quit the EU and demand independence after Brexit -shock poll 23:01 (11 pm) 31 January, the United Kingdom is no longer part of the European Union.

Throughout the day, the last on which the UK will be a member of the European Union, more than 7,000 people took part in an online, and completely meaningless except as a gesture, poll which asked which nation they thought would be next to leave the 27 member bloc ...

US Democratic Party Orders Google To Spread Globalist Propaganda
The U.S. House of Representatives Select Committee on the Climate Crisis has demanded, in a letter to Google CEO Sudar Pichai that the Internet Search giant demonetize climate skeptics, and provide 'education' to millions of people who have been exposed to “dangerous misinformation”. Key actions demanded of Google by The Democrats are:

Time is NOT real: Physicists show EVERYTHING happens at the same time

The concept of time is simply an illusion made up of human memories, everything that has ever been and ever will be is happening RIGHT NOW. That is the theory according to a group of esteemed physicists who aim to solve one of the universe’s mysteries.
Most people do not even consider the concept of time but there is nothing in the laws of physics to state that it should move in the forward direction that we know. The laws of physics are symmetric ultimately meaning that time could have easily moved in a backward direction as it does forward. Indeed some adherents to the ‘big crunch’ theory say time WILL run backwards when the universe stops expanding and starts contracting back in on itself.

The BBC is panicking at the public’s rejection of its arrogant Left-liberal worldview
This is nearly over – this weird disconnect between what most of us understand as reality and the world as seen through the eyes of an all pervasive Authority that was apparently appointed (although we never knew by whom) to establish the limits of public discourse. The crisis of confidence at the BBC – and make no mistake, it is a full blown, all alarm bells ringing, catastrophic crisis ...

The grooming gang cover-up is Britain’s real racism scandal

Forget pathetic 'Princess Pushy' Megan Markle petulantly playing the race card when she found life in the goldfish bowl occupied by Britain's Royal Family was not to her liking, the grooming gang cover up is Britain's racist scandal - and it is far worse than the trivialities that get American libtards screaming about "White Privilege ..."

John McCain’s Widow Comments on Jeffrey Epstein’s Sex Trafficking ChargesJohn McCain’s Widow Comments on Jeffrey Epstein’s Sex Trafficking Charges

Speaking at a human trafficking event in Florida, McCain revealed that her family was quite familiar with Epstein’s wrongdoings as one girl from her daughter’s high school was actually among the financier’s underage victims, then suddenly acknowledging that she “knew” about his crimes.
More posts:

French Intellectual Jailed for Calling Mass Immigration an “Invasion”
French intellectual Renaud Camus (above) has been conditionally sentenced to 2 months imprisonment for arguing that mass immigration in Europe represents an “invasion.” reports: The writer, who is the author of Le Grand Remplacement (The Great Replacement), was charged with “public incitement to hate or violence on the basis of origin, ethnicity, nationality, race or religion.”

“Hard” Of Hearing? PornHub Being Sued By Deaf Man For Lack Of Subtitles
We read today that sex supermaket site PornHub is being sued by Yaroslav Suris, who has filed a lawsuit claiming that its lack of PornHub’s lack of subtitles for the hard of hearing is discriminatory. Suris’ bone of contention is that the website violates his rights under the Americans With Disabilities Act, according to showbiz gossip site TMZ, which broke the story ...

Quitaly Back On As Salvini Prepares To Take On The EU
While the bureaucraps of Brussels were still congratuating themselves on forcing Matteo Salvini’s Lega party out of Italy’s governernment, mainstream media barely bothered to cover the news that Lega won the state elections in Umbria towards the end of October 2019. Thus the story that should have had Europhiles like Emmanuel Macron and Guy Verhofshit crapping themselves was barely noticed.

Police Failed To Act Against Muslim Grooming Gang Due To Fears Over "Community Tensions" A new report based on the evidence of former Grester Manchester Police Detective Constable Maggie Oliver acknowledges that the force failed to stop dozens of girls being groomed and sexually exploited by a network of Pakistani men despite being fully aware of what was happening due to fears over creating “community tensions.” The report notes that the instruction to avoid prosecuting came "right from the top ..."

Asian grooming gang given free pass to rape; police officers told ‘find other ethnicities’ to investigate – detective.
A report published today, authored by child protection specialist Malcolm Newsam CBE and former senior police officer Gary Ridgway, comes following the reopening of an investigation into the death of 15-year-old Victoria Agoglia, who – after years of abuse and days after she was injected with heroin by a 50-year-old man – died in hospital of an overdose in 2003.

Greta Thunberg Slams Australia for Coal Industry, Expands List of Climate Demands
Little Greta Thunberg, who was elected by nobody apparently now speaks for us all on matters relating to climate change. The Swedish climate change hustler who is making a fortune for her handlers from donations to her campaign, again castigated Australia for continuing to mine and export coal despite her previous complaints, adding a call for an end worldwide to the actibity to her list of climate demands to be delivered at the upcoming World Economic Forum in Davos ...

Macron Digs In Against The General Strike, But Could It Finish Him?
As the French braces itself for the latest wave of protests and strikes across the country, as attitudes harden against President Emmanuel Macron's pension and retirement system reforms. Karel Vereycken, vice-president of France's Solidarity and Progress Party, has given his version what's behind the recent wave of strikes and why Macron's efforts to calm the situation down are backfiring.

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