Mobile phone networks are to be asked by London City Hall to cut off pimps and prostitutes during the run-up to the 2012 Olympic Games, by...READ ALL Do Sex Shops Smell Of Piss.

2009-09-08
Who Would Have Thought It? by fatsally

In the past Boggartblog has brought you news on Pies of Mass Destruction and Cheeses of Evil Intent, but now a more terrifying threat from the world of food.

Along with allegedly being the most popular biscuit with British consumers, Custard Creams have been identified as the most dangerous... READ ALL Who Would Have Thought It

2009-09-08
Little Nicky Sarkozy
by Ian R Thorpe
Nothing to do with our companion blog that goes by the name Little Nicky (Machiavelli) today we have to comment on the lengths French President Little Nicky Sarkozy has to go to in disguising... READ ALL Little Nicky Sarkozy

Return Of The Flesh Eating Zombie Bacteria
Actually the story linked is crap bur we couldn't not write the headline

2009-09-03
2009-09-06
Cat Woman And The Insanest Thing Ever
by Ian R Thorpe

I'm not a great fan of cats. So what was I doing watching a program on television that was devoted to the vile creatures. Well Joanna Lumley was presenting it, nuff said.

Anyway I'm glad I did because I saw the most insane...
READ ALL Cat Woman and the insanest thing ever. 2009-09-05
Big Brown Bag O' Shite
by Ian R Thorpe

Last week I posted an article to remind you all what a bag o’ shite Tony Blair is. The purpose was to make sure the truth is out there as Blair tries to reinvent himself as The World’s Greatest Catholic. The responses to the post included along with the usual witty banter from regular readers some outraged whines from fans of Tony Blair. These sad little people were, with one honourable exception, they are the type who create an e-mail address solely to comment in one thread so their comments have no value at all. But I would not want the nerds to think they are not appreciated. You see, being nerds they just couldn’t let things lie, they had to try to impose their views on Boggart Blog. This meant we got a bumper crop of comments which kept the thread attracting traffic for several days.

Let’s see if we can pull off the same trick with Gordon Brown who has been nominated this week’s bog o’shite of the week. Why has he been awarded that title you might well ask? It is because he continues to believe we are all too stupid to know that when he talks of green shoots of recovery he is just trying to get us.
READ ALL Big Brown Bag O' Shite at Boggart Blog

Enthusiastic reader Ian Thorpe pleads for his incandecent light bulbs to be given back, for reading lamps at least.

2009-09-02
A Degree Of Punishment
by ianrthorpe

A charity that campaigns and works for prison reform has said that prison officers should be required to have a University degree.
Successfully completing a degree course in beating people lightly with iron bars, administering electric shocks and performing body cavity searches will...READ ALL A Degree Of Punishment

2009-09-01
Wuthering Heights - Condensed Version
by Ian R Thorpe

Boggart Blog has often slated politicians and senior civil servants for drawing big fat salaries without having done any work to earn them. There is one profession however who are worse than even politicians when it comes to being paid for doing nothing and yet these people seldom come in for criticism. They are newspaper television critics.

Come on, how often have you read a review of a new show and thought “that bugger wasn’t watching the same programme I saw”. In fact he wasn’t watching anything, he was down the pub with his mates. The review is a thinly disguised version of the TV company press release.

The show that brought this to mind was the dreary, plodding adaptation of Wuthering Heights shown in two
READ ALL Wuthering Heights - Condensed Version

2009-08-31
No Flag, No Country
by Cleo Hart

Now then. China. They are generally unhappy about anything relating to the Dalai Lama, spitting in the direction of any country who welcomes a visit from him. This week they are unhappy about the Dalai Lama's visit to typhoon hit Taiwan in a bid to... READ ALL No Flag, No Country

2009-08-31 Blair 2 - Tony, The Papal Emmissary.
by Ian R Thorpe

What have we learned recently about Tony Blair? Well, that he’s a c ....; yes but we’ve always known he’s one of those, I was going to say that he’s a Catholic. A very recent recruit to the Catholic Church in fact. So as most Catholics are still practising after half a lifetime we have a right to expect Tone would have spent a bit more time learning the ropes before...
READ ALL Blair 2 - Tony The Papal Emissary

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The bare naked ladies of Paris are not revolting in the sense of being disgusting and repellant. As far as we know they are in that sense at least as charming as ever. No they are up in arms about their terms and conditions of employment. Click the button to read the full story...

– 15:57:32 Forget all that bullshit about Cool Britannia, Things Can Only Get Better and Twenty Four Hour drinking if you hadn't already. It was never anything but public relations puff. Revealing their true colours at last The Labour Perty have.. CLICK HERE to learn about Unhappy Hour Forward Psychic Soldiers
It is well know the United States Military has a physchic warfare unit. What is not quite so well known, nor discussed in the mainstream media regularly is that the people running this unit do not live on planet reality...

They Didn't Think It Through (Again)

Don't you love it when a story that ought never to be of interest outside the local papers makes world news because people who consider themselves very smart just haven't thought things through properly... 2009-08-29
Atheists get the Christian bird (or dog or cat or tortoise)
by ianrthorpe

In yet another of those “only in America” type stories we learn that a group of atheists have show humanist charity in offering to take in pets left behind on Earth when Christian families float up to heaven after all their clothes fall off in the event Christian writings refer to as... READ ALL Atheists Get The Christian Bird (or dog or cat or tortoise) 2009-08-28
The Only Reason You Will Ever Need To Hate The Toyota Prius...
by Ian R Thorpe

What is it that makes Ian R Thorpe hate the Toyota Prius. Is it the smug, self righteous bastards that drive them, the dubious statistics used to establish the green credentials of the car, the fact they look like a mororised turd or something else? Click on the button to find out

The cold light of reality is starting to shine on those who gathered in the newsrooms of media organisations to worship at the shrine of The Obamessiah. While the more fundamentalist members of the news community are today proclaiming the great “breakthrough” achieved by the...READ ALL Obama's Middle East Breakthrough...

Proposed laws published by the government today indicate a much tougher approach in future to people who persistently downloads music and video from free file sharing sites. The government proposal will protect the intellectual property of internet content creators by terminating the broadband service of persistent downloaders without...READ ALL Illegal Downloaders To Have Broadband Disconnected

2009-08-25
Why Is It Taking So Long?
by fatsally

Well good grief, The Ashes have been won for forty eight hours now, so why are the Government dragging their feet so? Where is...READ ALL Why Is It Taking So Long

Are We Becoming A Nation Of Cat Swingers.
by Ian R Thorpe
2009-08-24

Last week a report on Britain’s housing crisis , highlighting the unfit-for-purposeness of many new build “starter homes” quoted details of an offering from one well known house builder. We will not name and shame them because the rest are as bad and anyway if we’re going to get sued we want it to be for insulting some pseudo – celebrity or accusing a well know politician of taking backhanders from Colonel Gadaffi. The “home” in question featured living room of just 3m x 3m. Assuming there is a door that makes fitting in a...
READ ALL Are We Becoming A Nation Of Cat Swingers

2009-08-22
Conservatives' "Bottoms Up Carrots" Housing Policy
by Ian R Thorpe

Aren't The Conservatives brilliant! Just when their popularity is soaring in the polls and they should be charging towards an overwhelming election victory they produce an upper class berk to remind us the next Tory Government will be just as...
READ ALL Conservatives "Bottoms Up Carrots Housing Policy

21 August 2009
X - Factor Returns - Keep Smiling Danni
by Ian R Thorpe
After a few weeks of absolutely dire Saturday night TV during which I was reduced first to watching Casualty and then to reading the gardening pages in the weekend magazine from my Saturday newspaper, the return of The X Factor tomorrow night...
READ ALL X - Factor Returns, Keep Smiling Danni

20 Aug 2009
Gender Testing For Athletes - What A Load Of Bollocks
Jenny’s success, a triumph of perseverance and determination after coaches had written her off as too delicate to compete in an event like the 800m at the highest level, is all the more notable as it came in a race that involved people with beards and quite possibly bollocks. The race was won by...
Gender Testing For Athletes - What A Load Of Bollocks

How To Embarrass Your Teenage Daughter #163
1) Go to a large DIY store.
2) Send her off to the paint aisle.
3) Wait patiently for ten minutes...

2009-08-19
Piracy On The Silly Season Seas - BREAKING NEWS
by Ian R Thorpe

With news breaking every few minutes on the story of the Russian freighter Arctic Sea which disappeared as it steamed through the Baltic en route for Algeria and turned up a few days later 4000 miles away off Cape Verde, we go straight over...
READ ALL Piracy On The Silly Season Seas

2009-08-18
Secreting Weapons On Your Person Can Be Dangerous
by fatsally

Following an incident where an obese prisoner endured three searches but still managed to keep the 9mm handgun he had concealed in his rolls of flab hidden from the searchers...
READ ALL Secreting Weapons On Your Person Can Be Dangerous

2009-08-17
Allies Neutralise Afghan Beards of Terror
by Ian R Thorpe

Boggart Blog was the first mainstream news network to report fully and fearlessly the role played by beards in the war being waged by funny mentalists and people of Evelyn Tent against the civilised world. Beards are a weapon integral to the...
READ ALL Allies Neutralise Afghan Beards Of Terror

2009-08-17
We Don't Need No Edukashun
by fatsally

Whilst the nation's teenagers await their forthcoming exam results with baited breath, Boggartblog is able to bring you details of the government's latest plans for ensuring that everybody gets at least 12 A* passes (or equivalent) at...
READ ALL We Don't Need No Edukashun

2009-08-16
Fighting Back Against The Food Fascists.
by Ian R Thorpe

All too often in the past when we have reported on the activities of scientists who labour on behalf of Nanny State and her cohorts Big Pharma and Big Food it has been to warn you of their latest wild adventure in spreading fear and panic by...
READ ALL Fighting Back Against Food Fascists

2009-08-15
More Teachers Than Pupils Drop Out Of School.
by Ian R Thorpe
Earlier this week we had a New Labour clone drop in on one of our old education related posts to tell us Boggart Bloggers what evil people we are for making fun of those wonderful people who staff our schools and deliver... CLICK HERE to find out why more teachers than pupils drop out of school

2009-08-14
Me Doc? I Never Touch A drop!
by fatsally
Great news this week for anyone who imbibes on a regular basis but daren't go to the doctor with an ingrowing toe nail for fear of getting told off about the danger of...
READ ALL Me Doc, I never Touch A Drop

2009-08-14 Olympic Womens' Boxing, Another Resounding Triumph For Feminism
by Ian R Thorpe
Those redoubtable campaigners for women's rights have won another notable victory against the dark forces of masculine superiority. In the next Olympic games women will box competitively for
READ ALL Olympic Womens' Boxing, Another Resounding Triumph For Feminism

2009-08-14
Taliban Agree Ceasefire
by ianrthorpe

Great headline isn't it, one we all welcome but don’t get carried away. Though not noted for their commitment to the cause of freeman moxy The Taliban have agreed to a temporary ceasefire to allow the Presidential elections in Afghanistan to take place next week. Afghans will be able to go to the polls on election day without fear of being gunned down by the militant Muslim militia members.

A Taliban spokesman told Boggart Blog “ We, the Taliban, have no official candidate in the Presidential election so in the interests of fairness we decided to suspend hostilities in order to allow supporters of actual candidates to intimidate voters.”

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Those redoubtable campaigners for women's rights have won another notable victory against the dark forces of masculine superiority. In the next Olympic games...
READ ALL Olympic Womens' Boxing, Another Resounding Triumph For Feminism

2009-08-13 The Lost Generation - Youth unemployment
by Ian R Thorpe

News today that one in five eighteen to twenty four year olds is unemployed is indeed terrible. Are we to suppose this figure represents those actively... CLICK HERE to read The Lost Generation

2009-08-12
The Cure For Swine Flu – Clutch At A Straw.
by ianrthorpe
Nu Labour Health Minister the boyish Andy Burnham, as he tries to assure us the government is on top of the pandemic of fear and panic they generated about Swine Flu increasingly takes on the air of desperation of a... READ ALL The Cure For Swine Flu at Boggart Blog Bogoff Mr. Brown
by fatsally
News yesterday that the government wishes to prevent supermarkets from using BOGOF promotions in an effort to cut down on the huge amount of food thrown... READ ALL Bogoff Mr Brown at Boggart Blog 2009-08-11
Premiership Priorities
by ianrthorpe

The football season is with us again and though in the face of a global recession players wages and transfer fees are more inflated than ever it is good to hear of one Premiership clubs...READ ALL Premiership Priorities

2009-08-11
What's new Pussycat?
by fatsally

Well, on his return to government Boggartblog noted the resemblance of Peter Mandelson to the older guy out of...READ ALL What's New Pussycat

2009-08-11 Beware Greeks Bearing Lighter fuel
by fatsally

Oh dear, it's not easy being a "lad" these days is it?
There you are, off your face in a Greek bar. You see a tasty bit of local tottie, so what do you do?...
READ ALL Beware Greeks Bearing Lighter Fuel

2009-08-10
Who’s More Nazi Than The Anti Nazi League?
by Ian R Thorpe

One of the little ironies that gave sharp witted observers of the world much pleasure over the years was the fact that the most Nazi organisation in Britain was the Anti–Nazi League.
Yes, wherever your friendly local right wing extremist group tried to exercise their democratic right to demonstrate peacefully in support of their point of view, the anti – nazi league rent-a-mob would not...READ ALL Who's More Nazi Than The Anti Nazi League

2009-08-10
Cameron "All Sizzle And No Substance" by the man who would know.
by Ian R Thorpe

It is reported today that Barack Obama describes David Cameron as "all sizzle and no substance" adding that Gordon Brown is a man of substance.

Cameron should take this seriously, Obama, a man for whom...READ ALL Cameron all sizzle and no substance

2009-08-09 Politically Correct Thought Police To Abolish High Heels?
by Ian R Thorpe

During the Trade Union Congress (doesn’t that sound like a sex technique from The Kama Sutra specially for factory workers ?) annual conference this week the New Labour Politically Correct Thought Police (chairperson Hattie Harridan) have sponsored a debate about whether women being forced....READ ALL Politically Correct Thought Police To Abolish High Heels? RELATED POSTS: The Party's Over Are Labour washed up or is it the two party system that puts people off politics?
Women In Labour A bleak vision of a post apocalyptic world run by New Labour women.

2009-08-08
Spreading Fear And Panic, It’s Just Not Cricket.
by Ian R Thorpe

So England’s much hyped chances of clinching the Ashes series against Perfidious Bruceland at Headingly this week took a very rapid nosedive when Albion’s finest forgot which end of the bat they should get hold of.
Many things arse being blamed for...READ ALL Spreading Fear And Panic? It's Just Not Cricket

2009-08-07
Just What Don't They get?
by fatsally

Well it's happened again.
We get to the fourth test, Two draws and one win.
The press start up, lauding in this instance Freddie Flintoff, and guess what? He has to pull out, hurt.
The press are undaunted, they bang on about... READ ALL Just What Don't They Get at Boggart Blog

2009-08-06
Midsomer Mishaps
by ianrthorpe
I like Midsomer Murders, now don’t start some of you – I know you think I should spend all my television time watching documentaries on BBC2 but of an evening I like the kind of shite that does... READ ALL Misomer Mishaps at Boggart Blog

All Animals are Equal, But Some are More Equal Than Others
by fatsally
So Harriet Harperson thinks that men are no good.

Well I have to relate this little incident, it ranks along there with us girls not being able to read a map (I can cos I'm a tomboy); not being able to tell our left from right, and not being able to go to...READ ALL Harriet Harperson Thinks Men Are No Good

2009-08-05 The New Cow Tipping Is Smart
by fatsally

Have you ever heard about cow tipping? I'm not quite sure if this is urban or rather rural myth, but rumour has it out in the sticks bored youths will get together in gangs of three or four, and, probably fuelled by Special Brew, proceed to the nearest incline on which cattle are... READ ALL The New Cow Tipping Is Smart at Boggart Blog When Bill Met Kim by Ian R Thorpe
Former U.S. President bill Clinton travelled to North Korea yesterday for talks with the "dead leader" Kim.

Mr. Clinton was said to be disappointed to find himself confronted by a seventy year old despot. He though he had a date with the actress who played Samantha in Sex An The City.

2009-08-04 Life Is Just A Bowl Of Soap Suds.
by specialcorrespondent
Often when I mention that soaps are watched in our house people express surprise: “You don’t watch such nonsense do you Ian!” they will exclaim. Leaving aside the fact that just because the soaps are playing on television does not necessarily mean I am watching (although I might take more interest when...READ ALL life Is Just A Bowl Of Soap Suds

2009-08-04
RIP Benson: Star Of The Carps
by fatsally Boggartblog is saddened to report the death of Benson the carp. Benson lived in Bluebell Lakes, near Peterborough and was a firm favourite with the anglers. She was introduced into the lake in 1995, as a twenty pounder, when the owner thought she was about five years old. Over the ensuing years she continued to grow, eventually weighing
READ MORE about Benson The Carp

2009-08-02
Harriet Harridan slams male bias in Labour leadership.
by Ian R Thorpe
As former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin steps back from her high profile politcal career citing sexism in the media and American politcs as her reason for quitting the Labour Party deputy leader Harriet Harridan has launched an attack...
READ ALL Harriet Harridan slams male bias at Boggart Blog
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