Boggart Blog Central
(All the news that can possibly be made up)

Humour /Satire /Entertainment/Philosophy/Life
Humour, or humor if you must, is in limited supply in the world but if you are looking for laughter look no more. The Boggart Blog team bridge the generation gap, the gender divide and leap across the many dimensions of the multiverse to bring you a funny and sometimes crazy take on whatever is in the news plus a few things that are not. In the past decade trust in the media has diminished so you would be justified in asking "Can we trust Boggart Network News?" Well yes you can, we are proud to say we have never sacrificed a joke for the sake of the truth. Delve into Boggart Blog but be prepared to find yourself taking life less seriously.

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The Cheesemakers Of Outer Space

Adrenaline Junkies

Loonytoons By Election

Fuckwittery Of The First Order

Pretender To The Inheritance

Lembit Opik Hits Jupiter

The Moon Landing And The Earth Landing

Crusty Old Wives Tales Not So Unscientific

Swine Flu MP Misses Opportunity

Puffin Up The Power Of Technology

A Wing And A Cheap Ticket

A Rare Outbreak Of Sanity

Shagged Out Cyclists

Heather Mills McCartney On A Mission

Rat Arsed Badger

Scientists Have Not Made Sperm


Shock Revelation: Obama and Michael Jackson


Scary Willie Story

Career In Substance Abuse?

Talking Bollocks

Like A Ferret Up A Drainpipe

Benefit Fraud Psycho

Fear Of Soup Peacock Rescue

Life On Mars, A Guide To Modern Policing

It's The Sausages Stupid

The Apprentice Prime Minister

Will Labour’s Top Totty Topple Gordon?

Be Careful What You Wish For...

Knife Crime Is No Joke

It's Supergordon!

Britain's Got Talent Sensation!

800 On Waiting List For Death Clinic

Boycotting Britain's Got Talent

Sheep Burp, Cows Fart And The
Government Has Pie In The Sky

HMS Discovery: the BNP's Election Battleship?

You Mean It Wasn't True

Fat Cat or Fat Bastard

Alistair's Darling Buds Of
Recovery Vaporised In...?

Breakfast Cereal Killers

The Age Of Arse Dribble

Driving Tests Will Be The
Death Of Many

Kitchen nightmare

Sarky Sarko Slams
World Leaders

Britain’s Got Nutters

With Friends Like That...

Pink Elephants

Elephant Golf

What Is The Price Of A Pint?

G20: World Leaders Declare Open Season On Witches

Yellow Carded By His Own Petard.

Good to be English? Well
at least i'm not stupid.

The American View on
Michelle O's G20 Royal Gaffe

Boggart Network News
live from the G20.

Shock! Horror! Schools Teaching Filth

Woman gets pine cone
stuck in her vagina

Poverty Amazes Researchers

There's A Chink In Our Armour

Midnight basketball

Obama's Gift To The Taliban

The Apprentice Is Back

New Primary Curriculum? We Hate
To Twitter We Told You So

Of Freedom, Wind Farms, Thunderbird
Puppets and Social Taboos.


Full Marks (and Spencers) for
Wise Buys and Big Knickers.

But Some Of Us Are Looking At The Stars

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comments around the

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Past Perspectives
Philo & Sophia
Fools & Dreamers
Arts & Crafts
Humanitas Science & Tech.
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Gene Is Genetically Shy
by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-12

Not long ago it was reported by the national press and television that geneticists had identified a gene that causes shyness in human beings. Ever since then Boggart Blog, always willing to go where mainstream media fears to tread...
TO Read full post: Gene Is Genetically Shy CLICK HERE

Latest UFO sighting? The Return Of Turd Nine From Outer Space
. by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-12

UFO filmed hovering over Somerset? It’s the return of the cosmic turds.

Sometime last year we reported in an item titled Turd Nine From Outer Space, an acknowledgement of the greatest sci - fi movie ever made (not!) on the attack of the cosmic turds, a spate of UFO sightings in the 1980, details of which had been released into the public domain. The sightings, including photographs and video...
TO Read full post: Latest UFO Sightings? The Return Of Turd Nine From Outer Space CLICK HERE

Take Extra Care Through Roadworks
by fatsally @ 2009-02-11

Circumstances having dictated that I have spent the best part of the last two weeks hurtling between the White Rose County and the Red Rose County across the M62 I have once again been able to enjoy the words of wisdom on the dot matrix signs.

"Junction 20 Rochdale
27miles 24 minutes
Come On If You Think You Are Hard Enough"

Ha! 19 minutes mate. Stick that up your speed limit... TO Read full post: Take Extra Care Through The Roadworks CLICK HERE

Disproving Darwin?

by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-08 – 16:10:06

It is the two hundredth anniversary Charles Darwin’s birth and yet the basis of this great man’s contribution to modern civilisation, the theory of evolution, is still disputed by some.

On one side of the debate humanists....
Read full post: Disproving Darwin at Boggart Blog

Austrailia suffers floods, a plague of crocodiles and an even worse catastrophy

by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-07

News from Austrialia for global warming watchers, wannabe crocodile wrestlers and drinkers.

Severe floods in Queensland has washed saltwater crocodiles out of swollen rivers and into urban areas, where one 13ft “saltie”
Reasd full post: Australia suffers floods, a plague of crocodiles and worse at Boggart Blog

Oh Golly Gosh! Mother May Be Racist.
by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-06

The Politically Correct Thought Police are on the march again. Carol Thatcher’s careless use of the word “Gollywog” prompted them to kick off about what a nasty, racist nation we are. This has now turned into the biggest storm in a meeja teacup since Jonathan Ross and his witless sidekick made an obscene phone call...
Read Full Post : Oh Golly Gosh, Mother May be A Racist at Boggart Blog.

The Pupils Are Taking Over The School

by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-05 News reached us today of a Department of Education, Culture and Silly Walks scheme to deal with the growing shortage of teachers. More and more qualified teachers are leaving the profession in protest at ever increasing levels of bureaucracy, the restrictions on disciplining disruptive pupils and sexual harassment by first year pupils...
Read full post : The Pupils Are Taking Over The School

We're F****d and it's no wonder. have you seen what Blair is up to these days.

by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-05

Tony Blair's most astute political act was handing over to Godron Brown just before the shit hit the fan. But did Blair go willingly or was he told if he did not resign he would be sectioned on grounds of galloping insanity.

Appearing alongside Barack Obama who is so deluded he thinks he is President Of The Universe And Everything Else...
Read full post : We're Fucked and it's no wonder. Have You Seen What Blair Is Up To.

Childhood Drinking:The Slippery Slope That Brought Us To Boggart Blog.
by ianrthorpe @ 2009-01-31

Well now we know how it came down to this sorry end for your Boggart Bloggers.

Fatsally and I were set on our degenerate paths that led through decadence and debauchery to the final state of ruin that is being a Boggart Blogger at an early age it turns out. Our indulgent...
Read full post :The Slippery Slope at Boggart Blog

The Daredevil Diners of Tsuruoka

by ianrthorpe @ 2009-01-30

In some parts of the world eating out can be an experience only daredevils and people with strong stomachs can handle. You may be offered a sheeps eye in the middle east for example, the lightly sautéed entrails of chicken in Brazil, monkey’s brains in Indonesia or a floater pie in Australia.

The Japanese can top it all of course, well they're weird aren't they...?
Read full post The Daredevil Diners of Tsuruoka at Boggart Blog

Economic Meltdowns and Deep Bottoms

by ianrthorpe @ 2009-01-29

As Gordon Brown continues to run around trying to field request for bailouts while simultaneously working to prevent members of his government stimulating their own personal economy by soliciting bungs in return for amendments...
Read full post Economic Meltdowns and Deep Bottoms at Boggart Blog

A Rounded Education

by fatsally @ 2009-01-29

A new school is being built in Abergwnfi with circular classrooms. Teachers will stand in the middle with the children positioned around them, whilst a projector bounces words and pictures onto the walls...
Read full post A Rounded Education at Boggart Blog.

Failed Businessman Fails Again

by fatsally @ 2009-01-29

A failed businessman shot his mother and four dogs, before setting his house on fire and attempting to shoot himself, because the mortgage company were about to re-posess his home.
The man had run up debts of £109,000 against his home, which doesn't actually seem that much...
Read full post : Failed Businessman Fails Again at Boggart Blog

Scientists Now Not So Sure About Safety Of The Large Hardon Provider

by ianrthorpe @ 2009-01-28

So the Large Hadron Collider worried you. You were quite right too, some scientists have now recalculated the data and find it is a lot more dangerous than they thought. Scientists Now Not So Sure The Doomsday Machine Will Not Swallow The World Well OK I know its only Fox News but we have to get our posts where we can...
Read full post : Scientists Now Not So Sure About Safety Of The Large Hardon Provider at Boggart Blog

Burn after reading: Man finds military secrets on MP3 player

by ianrthorpe @ 2009-01-27

In a particularly cheap, crappy type of 1950s spy film, secret messages always ended with the words "burn after reading". This was picked up by movie makers The Coen Brothers in their film Burn After Reading which was a Brad Pitt movie (Brad Pitt movie isn't British rhyming slang BTW...
Read full post : Burn After Reading at Boggart Blog

Rescue At Sea Is A Risky Business

by fatsally @ 2009-01-27

The RNLI is the latest victim of the Health and Safety Executive which is insisting on copious amounts of paperwork being completed before the brave lads are allowed to launch their boats in response to distress calls. They have even been told that they need to do a vehicle check on their lifeboats and a risk assessment for the upcoming task...
Read full post : Rescue At Sea Is A Risky Business at Boggart Blog

Recession Is A Success For The Government

by ianrthorpe @ 2009-01-26

Boggart Blog has been accused of taking a negative view of the news and even of promoting pessimism and despair just to get cheap laughs. This is totally unjustified. We Boggart Bloggers like to think we are realists perhaps but pessimists, never...
Read full post: Recession Is A Success For The Government at Boggart Blog

Religious Cult behind Latest Labour Sleaze Scandal?

by ianrthorpe @ 2009-01-26

As calls gather strength and momentun for a criminal investigation into allegations that four Labour members of The House of Lords have been taking bungs for amending new laws we have to listen to these Lords explaining why...
Read full post : Religious Cult behind Latest Labour Sleaze Scandal at Boggart Blog

The flame still Burns (Remembering Rabbie Burns)

by ianrthorpe @ 2009-01-25

It's Burns night and as I've always loved Burns even more than I love McGonagall (Ian's tribute to McGonagall in the poet's own style) some kind of tribute was necessary. But what, an analysis of his poetry to offer an understanding of why he reamains so popular and why the popularity of the very Scottish poet is so universal is not really right for Boggart Blog...
Read full post: The flame still Burns at Boggart Blog.

Lies, Damned Lies and Government Statistics.

by ianrthorpe @ 2009-01-24

This defunct and bankrupt government has attempted to brainwash us with bogus statistics that appeared to back claims about the crime rate is falling. Aided and abetted by Blair / Brown’s chief nannying Czar...
Read full post Lies, Damned Lies and Government Statistics at Boggart Blog

It’s Odds-on the media is dumbing down.

by ianrthorpe @ 2009-01-23

The traditional (or mainstream) media is constantly complaining that new media is siphoning off it’s revenue stream and bleeding its business dry. Strangely though they never mention the way publications have dumbed down as a possible cause of the drop in sales and advertising revenue.
Read full post : Odds on the media is dumbing down

New Drinking Game - if you're liver is hard enough.

by ianrthorpe @ 2009-01-22

Republican Party members in the United States have a new drinking game. They turn on any National Network television news show and every time the newsreaders says the name of “The Chosen One” they neck a shot of their liver-damage of choice.
Read full post : New Drinking Game - If Your Liver Is Hard Enough.

The faithful atheists of Genoa.

by ianrthorpe @ 2009-01-21

Remember that kerfuffle about the advertising campaign on London buses for atheism and the row it caused?

Not the row in which the progressive bendy buses were insisting there is no god of buses while the more traditional Routemasters were still intent on worshipping the god BoJo who they believe has led them out of the wilderness...
Read full post: The Failthful Atheists of Genoa

Gordon’s Groundhog Day

by ianrthorpe @ 2009-01-21

Yesterday, or in this case last October seems to keep repeating itself as Gordon Brown’s government thrashes around desperately seeking a way out of the economic meltdown that look as if he is acting on his own initiative rather than sheepishly following Barack Obama's imbecilic and doomed fiscal stimulus.

On Monday of this week the government...
Read full post: Gordon's Groundhog Day

Belt and Braces Abet Burglars

by fatsally @ 2009-01-21

Women, and men I guess, of a certain age abhor the current fashion amongst male youths of wearing their jeans so loose that the crotch sways between their knees and if you inadvertantly glance down you get an eyeful of sprightly pubic hair ... Read full post Belt And Braces Abet Burglars

The faithful atheists of Genoa

by ianrthorpe @ 2009-01-21

Remember that kerfuffle about the advertising campaign on London buses for atheism and the row it caused?

Not the row in which the progressive bendy buses were insisting there is no god of buses

Read full post : The Faithful Atheists Of Genoa

"Obama The Great " Simpers Brown

by fatsally @ 2009-01-20

Well, there we go, Obama is President. I never thought I would see the day, and in actual fact I didn't, the Australian Open being shown live on Eurosport from midnight onwards, means that I spend my waking hours when not gainfully employed, watching the recordings I have made overnight...
read full postObama the Great Simpers Brown

Gordon’s Groundhog Day

by ianrthorpe @ 2009-01-21

Yesterday, or in this case last October seems to keep repeating itself as Gordon Brown’s government thrashes around desperately seeking a way out of the economic meltdown.

On Monday of this week the government, in
read full post : Gordon’s Groundhog Day

Boggart Blog Inauguration Special #1 - fashion

by ianrthorpe @ 2009-01-20

Great News For Women Everywhere.

The election of Barak Obama and the rapid growth of The Obamessiah Cult have led to Michelle (Mrs Obama for those who have been in a parallel universe)...
read full post : Great News For Women Everywhere.

Did The Bionic Woman Have Knitted Tits?

by fatsally @ 2009-01-18

An OAP from Brighton spends her days knitting breasts. Audrey Horncastle has been knitting breasts for the past three years and reckons to have made at least three hundred.
read full post : Did The Boinic Woman have Knitted Tits

Saving It Until She's Married?
by ianrthorpe @ 2009-01-18

News this week of a 107 year old Chinese woman who was afraid to marry when she was young but has now decided to look for her first husband. She hopes to find a fellow centenarian so they will have something to talk about...
read full post : Saving it until she's married

Baby Born On The Bog

by ianrthorpe@2009-01-07

Before Christmas the Boggart Blog news room were alerted to a story of a woman in Wales who was in court for killing her baby by flushing it down the toilet. The woman’s defence at her trial was that she had been using the toilet for normal reasons (Number 2s) and as she was straining the baby popped out and landed head first in the water where it got stuck in the U full post Baby Born On The Bog

The Terror Of Exploding Cheese

by ianrthorpe@2009-01-07
There is no doubt about it, the threat of being harmed by a terrorist attack in coming closer to our homes all the time. Terror as a political weapon works by spreading fear and panic of course and the chances of actually being harmed is very small. Even so is would be foolish to court disaster by ignoring the activities of people of Evelyn Tent..... read full post The Terror Of Exploding Cheese

Rack and Ruination Of The 99p Pint

by fatsally @ 2009-01-06

Now doesn't this sound like the sort of thing that politicians ought to be applauding? Weatherspoon's pub chain have decided to sell a particular brand of real ale at 99p per pint, in an effort to get the punters into their pubs.

The ale in question is 3.4%abv, so you're going to have to get through a fair few to get a bit tiddly, and indeed, despite not having any personal experience of this as I'm far too old to frequent the sort of places where it goes full post Rack and ruination of the 99p pint

Obama's Fishing Piolicy

by ianrthorpe @ 2009-01-06

At last we have some idea of His the worshipful President–Elect, Supreme Generalissimo-in-Chief Sidi Barak Hussein Obama’s policy position on one issue at least. Despite growing concerns among media and business communities about the deafening silence that answers the question “just what is your policy on this issue Sidi Obama?” every time it is asked we have finally full post Obama's Fishing Policy

Knife Crime - They're Missing The Point

by ianrthorpe @ 2009-01-05 - 16:48:31

Throughout 2008 we heard a lot about knife crime on the streets both on the news and in the media. The Conservatives said it was rising and out of control The government said it was falling and the Conservatives were misrepresenting the data.

So who is lying? the full post "Knife Crime, They're missing The Point"

A Place Of Learning

by fatsally @ 2009-01-04 - 19:10:49

A headteacher from Sheffield has decided that children are intimidated by the word school and so henceforth his establishment, formerly known as a primary school will now be known as "a place of learning".

Before he disappears up his own arse I feel it is my professional duty, both as a teacher, a boggart blogger and a pisstaker to point out some pertinent facts which appear to have escaped his notice.... read full post "A Place Of Learning" at Boggart Blog

Motorway Madness
by fatsally @ 2009-01-02 - 19:08:25

Off to pick up dear old Mum on New Year's Eve.
M1, M62, M61, M6.
The weather was a bit naff, murky, visibility about 200yds generally, apart from a little pocket of sunshine just west of Huddersfield, it was there on the way out and it was still there on the way back, strange.
Anyway there I was cruising along, read full post Motorway Madness

Goodbye Lardarse, 2009 Is The Year Of The Lardhead.
by ianrthorpe @ 2009-01-02 - 18:20:37

A news story in The Daily Telegraph on New Year’s Eve warned us all that too much thinking can make people fat.

Yes, that is correct, thinking makes you fat. According to research carried out by scientists (don’t you just love them?) at the University of Somewhere We’ve Never heard Of In Canada, spending one’s life sitting around thinking clever stuff can lead to obesity.... read full post Goodbye Lardarse, 2009 Is The Year Of The Lardhead.

Binge Drinking Related Brain Damage Bovvers NHS
by ianrthorpe @ 2008-12-29 - 19:44:24

New data released just before New Year's Eve (this is pure coincidence you understand) has shown a sharp increase in cases of brain damage related to binge full post Binge Drinking Related Brain Damage Bovvers NHS

Boggartblog Special New Year Credit Crunch Beater Offer
by fatsally @ 2008-12-29 - 19:43:00

Are you completely maxed out on credit?

Have you had your hours reduced?

Is the bank threatening to re-possess your home?

Are you thinking about sending the wife/girlfriend/daughters who look over 16 down behind the gasworks to bring in a little extra dosh? Are you considering marrying off to the highest bidder in return for British Citizenship any relatives who happen to stray near your door this festive period? ........... read full post New Year Credit Crunch Beater Offer

Animal loving Palestinian haters.

by ianrthorpe @ 2008-12-29

Listening to a radio phone in this morning I was as gobsmacked as the presenter at the enraged tone of callers wanting to rant about how Prince Edward should be ostracized / horsewhipped / hung drawn and quartered because he used a stick while trying to separate two dogs fighting over a pheasant. Nobody can confirm whether or not Prince Poncey actually hit the dogs...
read full post : Animal Loving Palestinian Hater

Sale! Christmas Down 66%!

by fatsally @ 2008-12-28

Oh how you have made a mockery of our traditons, mighty consumerism. Once upon a time there were twelve days to the Christmas festive season. Admittedly shops did start displaying seasonal goods at the start of December, but you could guarantee
read full post : Sale! Christmas Is getting Earlier Each Year

January Is Getting Earlier Each Year
by ianrthorpe @ 2008-12-27 - 18:51:41

One of the time honoured Christmas traditions to be killed by consumerism and the credit crunch is the annual ritual of queuing for the January sales.

Every year the Boxing Day news bulletins would feature a story about greedy little people turning up outside Harrods and other big stores with their tents, sleeping bags, camping stoves, extra woollies, a weeks supply of snack foods and a glint of steely determination in their eye. They wanted to be first in line when the doors opened on January 2nd, to get into the store and buy something they neither wanted nor needed simply for the sake of it’s being marked down to a bargain basement price because nobody wanted it or needed it......
read full post: January Is Getting Earlier Each Year

Bring Out Your Santas by fatsally @ 2008-12-24 - 16:42:57 Good grief, knee deep in Christmas cards, wrapping paper, cheesecakes baking, pate pattying, teenagers squabbling and cleaning my shitpit of a house from, well, not quite the top to the bottom, but getting rid of the first layer of dust at least, when there is a knock on the door.
read full post : Bring out your Santas

Exploding Gravy A Must For Christmas Dinner
by ianrthorpe @ 2008-12-22 - 18:20:38

Among the many dangers that face us this Chrismas, the threat of bankruptcy, homelessness and £million gas bills all pale into insignificance beside the threat families minister Ed Balls has been warning of. Exploding gravy will put many families at risk this Chrismas said this apparatchik of The Nanny State.

read full post : Exploding gravy a must for Christmas Dinner

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