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SATS - The Science Of Dumbing Down
The government and education academics have been obsessing about SATS tests for a long time, believing intelligence can be measured by examination results. All this pseudo - scientific bullshit has achieved is a meaurable dumbing down through a teaching to test mentality in which exam results give a false impression of school leavers intelligence.

SATS - The Science Of Dumbing Down
by Ian R Thorpe
2010-01-25
CREATIVE COMMONS: Attribute, non commercial, no derivs.
KEYWORDS: education, school, schools, english, language, teaching, teachers, humour, humor, satire

Standard Attainment Test Guidelines for year-six teachers

Spelling.

Modern standards are less rigid than in the past. Creative spellings like B4, pot8o and 2 (accepable for to, too, two) are fine as are American spellings, e.g. favorite color.

Over strict application of unecessary rules can impair a child's ability to learn. Learning by rote impedes logic and reasoned thought processes. Thus spelling can be oppressive. It is not important to spell traditionally providing the intention in clearly conveyed. Apply flexibility to the following words (suggested alternatives in parentheses): because (Bkoz); English (Inglish); Traditional (Reactionary), Conservative (Fascist); Patriotism (Xenophobia)

By year six a child must be able to spell and know the correct usage of words like; therapy, dysfunctional, manic depression, homophobic, racist, obsessive - neurotic, socio - economic, bisexual, disadvantaged, ethnic, discriminate, learning - difficulty; lesbian; counselling; therapy; personality disorder; paranoid psychosis.

English comprehension.

Year six children should be able to read TV listings and the menu in a fast food restaurant sufficiently well to enable them to order a meal.

In a multi - ethnic, munti - cultural society exposure to classic books and poetry is to be discouraged. The work of Lewis Carroll has paedophile undertones while Beatrix Potter's Peter Rabbitt is overtly racist. Consider, the anthropopmorphic hero has fur the colour of cafe latte which clearly indicates he is Asian or of mixed race. In the best known example of the stories Peter steals carrots and then involves himself in a variety of subterfuges aimed at perverting the course of justice. This plants firmly in impressionable minds the idea that Blacks and Asians are fundamentally dishonest, predisposed to criminality and engaged with other minority groups in a conspiracy to break down the rule of law. Consider also the author's name. Beatrix Potter. Beatrix, pronounced Beer-tricKs. Note the presence of the K. Innocent enough perhaps, until the family name of Potter is considered. What is the tool of a Potter? A wheel or circle; from the Greek kyklos. Two more Ks, making three in all. KKK. Beatrix Potter was the founder of the Ku Klux Klan. Is further evidence needed.

A more appropriate source of reading material for year six children who show talent for creative writing can be found in rap lyrics. In contrast to the corrosive influences of Mrs. Tiggywinkle and the Flopsy Wopsy Bunnies, children will find a positive role model in the lyrics of the Wu Tang Clan.

Mathematics

It has long been known that children learn mathematics more easily if, rather than being treated in an abstract way as a pure science it can be related to things they will experience everyday. Try problems like these, with which most ten year - olds should experience little difficulty.

MATHS TESTS

PAPER 1:FOR CHILDREN WHOSE PARENTS EARN LESS THAN $50K A YEAR.

1.Deco has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells a "fat one" to the Vinster for $300 and 90 grams to Loose Loueez for 90 bucks a gram what is the street value of the rest of his stash?

2.Ant pimps 3 whores downtown. If the price is 40 bills a hump, how many tricks per day must each whore turn to support the Vinster's $500 a day crack habit?

3. Wakka wants to cut the kilo of coke he bought for $7k to make a 20% profit. How many grams of strychnine will he need to make the coke "top banana"?

4. Christy got a 6-year stay at the Assache Hotel for murder. He also was paid $350,000 for the hit.If his whore - bitch wife spends £33,100 per month on thermal underwear and waterproof coats, how much money will be left when our boy gets to tread the streets again?

Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Christy get for killing the bitch that spent his hard-earned cash?

5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square meters and the average letter is 1 square metre,how many letters can be sprayed with eight cans of spray paint if you get 20% extra paint free?

Extra Credit Bonus:How many cans will fit in the hood of a Tommy Hilfiger jacket?


6.Liam steals Eamo's skateboard.As Liam skates away at a speed of35mph, Eamo loads his brother's Armalite. If it takes Eamo 20 seconds to load the gun, how far will Liam have travelled before Eamo offs him?

PAPER 2: FOR children whose parents earn more than $500k a year.:

1. Julian smashes up the old man's car, causing (x) amount of damage and killing three people. The old man asks a local judge to intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim and receives a payment of (y). The difference between (x) and (y) is three times the life insurance settlement for the three dead people. What kind of car will Julian drive when he is old enough to legally hold a license.?

2. Chloe's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own-brand products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course of a month, she saves the price of a return ticket to Manilla and Chloe doesn't even notice the difference. What is Chloe's IQ?

3. Roly fancies the ass off a certain number of babes, but he onlyhas enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14 Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two-thirds?

4. If Savannah throws up four times a day for a week she can fit intoa size 6 Versace dress.If she only throws up three times a day for twoweeks, she has to make do with a size 8 Dolce et Gabbana. Should she consider liposuction?

5. Alexander is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners. However, he only has access to the cleaning cupboard on the maid's day off. What political party will he represent when he enters politics ?

Well, what do you think, are SATS the modern educationalists best toool in their efforts to help the government create a Britain capable of moving forward to met the challenges of a new century or are they a load of pretentious, irrevevant, bureaucratic bullshit?

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