Ve haff Vays Off Edukating You About Sex

Another short stretch of the Labour Party's road to tyranny was laid last week when plans were revealed to make sex education in schools compulsory foe 14 - 16 year olds. The government's new law will not allow parents to request their children are excused sex education classes on religious grounds.

While the new law does not go as far as Boggart Blog has previously suggested and provide a practical course in sex education we are against these proposals. Boggart Blog is not a publication run by prudes so you might well ask what our objections to these seemingly sensible measures are.

Just think objectively about education and the effect it has on the young for a moment. We are all supposed to unthinkingly agree that education is a jolly good thing but is it? We know that our readers are all intelligent, well read types so you will all be aware of how much truth there is in Oscar Wilde's observation that "nothing worth knowing can possibly be taught. And how does formal education affect the attitudes of pupils in life? The USA is the most pious and overtly religious nation in the free world and yet there is no religious education permitted in state schools. In Britain where we have religious Education we are the most irreligious nation anywhere. Since the 1960's when Harold Wilson coined the phrase "The White Heat Of Technology" and put Tony Benn nee Anthony Wedgewood Benn, the politician formerly known as Viscount Stansgate in charge of the Orwellian sounding MinTech governments have pushed the sciences as the way forward and science courses have been promoted at all levels of education. Result? Science education has never been less popular and we are forced to look abroad for people to fill jobs in the geekier professions.

Having seen that formal education is a turnoff are we wise to promote sex education? Perhaps the government, renowned for its killjoy attitude to anything that puts people at risk of having fun, is trying to put the young off sex. Well that would certainly save the health service money, much lower incidence of STDs, cervical cancer, AIDs, Hep C etc. and less teenage pregnancies, fewer single mothers wanting council flats, the benefits of that are almost endless.

Apart from furthering the government's hidden agenda however what other results can we expect from compulsory sex education. Fourteen year olds these days have been daisy chaining for a couple of years, they know all about french polishing, rimming, teabagging, golden showers, frottage, fisting, gamming, tie and tease, eproctophilia and all types of paraphilia. What can they possibly learn from a geeky teacher inculcating sexual practices prescribed by bureaucrats. Most 14 year olds not only do not need to be told where the G spot is, they can tell teacher where the A spot can be found.

One provision of the new law that look beneficial at first glance is the rule that faith schools will not be exempt from providing government sex education. As one of the clauses in the law requires that homosexuality is dealt with in class and Labour's faux - progressive Thought Police have always been keen on presenting same sex relationships in a positive way we anticipated problems with Catholic, Islamic and Evangelical faith schools. It will not be so, the law will force faith schools to teach sex but allows them to approach the subject according to the beliefs and tenets of their faith. So Jesuit priests in Catholic schools will still be able to teach than anybody who stands in front of a mirror and looks at their naked body will become so inflamed with lust their will forget to be vigilant against Satan who will jump up the hole in their bottoms and set fire to their stomachs while Evangelical schools will be able to hire holy rollers to preach that women are unclean and to even look at one will result in being cast down into hell to burn in eternal fire…. ETERNAL FIRE… ETERNAL FIRE.

So the new law will not change very much at all then except by putting pressure on religious parents who do not want their kids to have official sex education to move their bright, academically able kids from the state system to private schools. RESULT!

When concerns were raised about the possible negative effect of the bill, Schools Secretary Ed Balls who, we suspect, knows more about teabagging than he does about education said, " It is up to faith schools to teach the subject according to the precepts of their faith."

Balls was not alone in spouting meaningless drivel. A spokesperson for sexual health charity Brook Advisory said that good quality sex education is long overdue. "Good sex education will make a huge difference to all young people," he added. This is true but how can we define good sex education. Learning about sex should be a voyage of discovery, not an academic exercise. Lord chesterfield, a 19th century man of letters summed it up when he said, "There is nothing sets up a young man so well as having an older lover." We could only improve on that by extending it to include women.

The problem with incorporating Lord Chesterfields advice is he was talking about young men aged twentyish. Children develop sexually at an earlier age now. So where are we going to find enough willing older lovers who do on arriving home after a session with their protege not mind picking chewing gum out of the crack in their arse before getting into bed.

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