Boggart Blog Central

Sleeping With Conservatives
Could You Hug A Tory asks a feature in The Guardian some time ago. Several typical Guardian writers describe their feelings of fear and loathing when, purely in the interests of science of course, they hugged prominent members of the Conservative Party. Me? Sex is non political. The last thing I worry about when a woman I fancy smiles at me is her politics

Sleeping With Conservatives - The Sex Of Politics
by Ian R Thorpe
2010-07-09
CREATIVE COMMONS: Attribute, non commercial, no derivs.
KEYWORDS:guardian, labour, conservative, politically correct, authoritarian, liberal, angst, sex, lust, psyche, politics, political, opinion, philosophy, satire, humour, humor

Could You Hug A Tory asks a feature in The Guardian some time ago. Several typical Guardian writers describe their feelings of fear and loathing when, purely in the interests of science of course, they hugged prominent members of the Conservative Party.

In another feature the excellent Lucy Mangan describes what it is like to be a typical labour voting, politically correct thinking Guardian writer and be married to a Conservative. And yet she loves her Tory Boy hubby. Apart from proving that we cannot control who we fall in lust with this is a very amusing article. Our Guide To The Conservative Psyche

What I find disturbing about all this is the American belief, patricularly stong among Obama's supporters (and before you ask, yes he does still have some) that we must hate all those who differ from us politically and only communicate with them by shouting “fascist” across an ever widening divide as they shout back “limp wristed namby pamby diorreah dollop.” When I was politically active as a member and Council candidate in the Liberal Party it was possible to have a drink and trade comical canvassing tales with members of the Labour and Conservative parties. Labour were a bit more difficult, aside from their authoritarian tendencies they were simply unable to understand how people could possibly hold a different opinion to theirs but apart from that and being bar shy they could be OK.

Things have changed a lot since then. Margaret Thatcher must take much of the blame; she made it immoral if not quite a criminal offence not to hate and despise anyone less wealthy than oneself and as already remarked on we have also imported a lot of bad habits from America. And where has all this blinkered intolerance got us? Look at the politicians we have now on all sides. Tossers to a man (or woman.)

The problem is people take it all too seriously. For Heaven’s sake it’s only politics.

The interesting thing about Lucy Mangan’s article though is the description of the way a Labour and a Conservative supporter who share a bed react to each other when not in bed. It raises another question though, why should it seem strange that a conservative and a socialist should have a sexual relationship? I know New Labour types like to think of themselves as “the liberal left” but there is nothing liberal about them, populist authoritarianism is a more illiberal philosophy than those of religious control freak cult leaders so I want to make it clear such people are nothing to do with the political philosophy I follow.

Speaking personally, though I was a Liberal throughout the years I was running around with my knob out (which lasted for some considerable time after my marriage) I have always found it more fun to sleep with Conservatives or simply disinteresteds than with women who had a commitment to Labour or Liberal politics. Why should that be? I think the answer is simple. Conservatism is about self – reliance, taking responsibility for one's own problems. The further to the left people are the more they are influenced by that touchy – feely, quasi – hippy collectivist psychobabble. Thus with a Conservative supporting female a shag is a shag, foreplay is a bonus; live for the moment is their attitude and if the moment lasts longer than a moment or is revisited in quick time so much the better.

I recall one lover, Carol (the wife of a wealthy buinessman) not just for her looks and enthusiasm but for her sense of style. Most of our assignations were in "service flats" or else involved booking into cheap hotels but only staying for two hours. We did however get away for one full night together, to see a show in London. The morning after our night at the theatre we checked out of the hotel skipping breakfast. It was not fear of being seen, Carol thought as out love affair was so transitory the railway station was the only place it would seem right to eat.

For me, crossants and coffee in Euston Station with a beautiful woman ten years my senior seemed a perfect way to end the only full night we would spend together.

Another older lady, Linda, (she was thirty four, I was nineteen - commonplace now but scandalous forty two years ago) was a freelance fabric designer and a proto - goth, the type one would expect to be quite left wing. She used to say, "At least Conservatives are happy to admit they're bastards so everyone knows where they stand. Socialists pretend to care as they stab people in the back." Linda gave me my first joint and my first blow job and we had a magical eight months. She ended it by saying, "The longer this lasts the more I will get hurt when you open your eyes and it finally sinks in how much older I am. Look how saggy my tits are."

"I love your tits," I protested but she was too wise to let me talk her round. For some years I'd see her from time to time around Manchester. It was always a warm and friendly meeting, if we had time we would go for a cup of coffee or a drink depending on the time of day. And in the end I knew she had been right, to have carried on would have been disastrous.

My other Conservative lovers, Liz (Lady Elizabeth to you) Claire, Patricia, Sylvia, Kathy, Pauline, were not all rich by any means but have all been distinguished by their education, cultural values and ability to enjoy what life offered. Perhaps they have not been typical Conservatives but people who simply cast their votes that way because they saw through the caring pose of socialists and recognised the innate elitism and assumptions of moral superiority that lay beneath the veneer of egalitarianism. They were certainly all bohemian in their attitudes, had they been otherwise they would have hated me because when Oscar Wilde said "We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars," he could have been referring to me as well as himself.

Left inclined potential lovers on the other hand are altogether more complex. You buy the dinner with fine wine, do all the small talk, eye contact, say their name a lot i.e. I like your hair Denise, Lovely dress Denise, can I shag you Denise? (a nod to Paul Calf there) and with a Conservative you are home and dry – well hopefully not dry but you know what I mean. If your date is a Labour supporter though, to get from an agreement to do it to actually getting down to doing it us lads have to be prepared to endure interrogation about third world poverty, gay rights, whether possessing a penis is sexist and what we think the governmenr should be doing about human rights abuses in China. With a Lib Dem lady it's two hours of middle class angst and self analysis. Am I too intense? Am I too frivolous? Did I make the right career choice? Do people think I’m a slapper? Do you just want me for sex or are you looking for a relationship? (Like any man is going to give an honest relpy to that.)

And though the man really wants to say “Look, this is our first date, Yes, I’m looking for uncomplicated sex,” should he fail to give the required answer to any of these questions his chance of a bunk up evaporates like methylated spirit on a hotplate.

Even after we get our leg over the ordeal is not over. There is another two hours of angst and self analysis about was she good in bed, is she frigid because she doesn't give BJs, are her tits too big / too small blah blah blah. And all the time you want to roll over and go to sleep.

And so the association of socialism with that kind of earache is why I will remain a Liberal though Labour supporters are ever more likely to get angry because I do not accept their world view as the only one that makes sense. My article should offer an insight into the reasons why Labour always come to power on a wave of hope and leave on a Tsunami of despair.

It should also win a few more supporters for the cause of anarchic humanism.

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COMMENTS AND RECOMMENDED READING AROUND THE WEB

In this section we do not necessarily support the views expressed in linked articles but try to give a coss section of interesting and well written articles that we think are likely to stir things up a bit.

COMMENT:
(A random and ecletic mix of what we thought was worth reading recently)

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