logo

Boggart Blog Central


The Ship of Dead Dreams. (The Fate of X-Factor Losers)
The X Factor ended another run in December, the winner had a hit record, No 2 in the pop music charts, the other finalists up will get their moment or fifteen as the show goes on tour but what of the rest. For them the New Year is a ship of dead dreams.
The Ship of Dead Dreams. (The Fate of X-Factor Losers)
by Ian R Thorpe
2007-12-17
CREATIVE COMMONS: Attribute, non commercial, no derivs.
KEYWORDS: x factor, fame, celebity, music, television, talent, cowell, reality, humour, humor

Pity the undead, not the creatures of Gothic fiction and Hammer Horror movies, but the real undead, those who simply do not know how to die. Age does not spare them its indignities and infirmity is their constant companion as they cling to a slender thread of life, unable to find the key that will open the door to admit them to the unexplored country from in whose bourne no traveller returns.

Where do they go, these stupendously decrepit individuals, how do Governments conceal their uneconomic non – existence from we who are constantly exhorted to labour and save in order the fund the growth the global economy needs?

The answer is they book cruises on the Cruiseship of Dead Dreams.

You or I could not pop into our local travel agent and say “I want a cruise on the Ship Of Dead Dreams, the counter staff who all undergo special training at the Russell Crowe Academy of Bad Acting, would effect unconvincing expressions of incredulity and deny the existence of such a ship.

“This is an urban myth,” they would protest, much as Jewish priests would deny the Merkabah, the fantasmagorical chariot in which Jehovah rides in the opening chapter of the Book of Ezekiel. This chariot whose wheels are rimmed with fire and spoked with four living creatures, a lion, a serpent, an eagle and a man circles the earth eternally carrying the sacred fire of God, just like the one created by Hermes Trismegistos to ferry the sun through the heavens. No wonder the Jews keep that quiet.

In the same way Simon Cowell suppresses knowledge of the Ship of Dead Dreams as it circumnavigates the globe bearing its cargo of the lost and the hopeless, the secret that the boring do not die bust simply pass on to a life of hellish blandness and mediocre music. You see the undead do not know how to die because they never truly lived. They are the people who spend Saturday nights electing the winners of television talent shows.

For their sins they are condemned to suffer being entertained by failed winners and defeated finalists of a talent show for the talentless, the flotsam and jetsam of showbusiness, the rejects of the celebrity mill.

The ship's current entertainment staff, led by Steve (somewhat less interesting) Brookstein, Goat-boy Chico and Journey South who would have been better advised to make the journey back north after their Grail Quest had ended in a cul-de-sac in Neasden, are all would be stars whose dreams died when they failed to make the transition from talent show to real world. Also on board are Andy Abrahams, Rowetta, and somebody called Tabby (who might once have been one of fatsally’s cats) Soon they will be joined by last years losing finalists little Ray Quinn (still available for panto, producers please note), and Proclaimers Tribute band The McDonald Brothers.

This years finalists make the ship in record time and be the cargo that capsizes the Cruiseship of Dead Dreams. The preternaturally happy bother and sister act with their automaton grins look as if they were created by some evil mastermind in the empty magma chamber of an extinct volcano on the Isle of Wight* while galloping albinism sufferer Rhydian who managed to make great rock ballads sound ridiculous by singing them in an operatic tenor with a thick Welsh accent has the look of a perpetually startled gerbil. Yes I did say an operatic tenor. Did you think this show was about finding pop singers? Well to The-Undead-In-Waiting, Bridge Over Troubled Waters is “a bit of that there heavy metal.”

We must hope the Ship Of Dead Dreams continues its voyage or where will the wannabes go to die. Then, like Joe Pasquale, Brian Conley and Gary Wilmot the will haunt our lives and our television screens forever.

* Wight is an island off the South Coast, wight is an Old English for undead spirit. Cool connection eh?

RELATED POSTS:
Bread And Circuses
Britain's Biggest Gobshite
Festival
We're All Going To Die
Gold Plated Dog Turd
If Only The World Were Fair
Jackson's Death Faked
Let her Breasts SAtisfy Thee
Logic Of Python
Memoirs Of A Performance Poet
Nike Stands By Its Tiger
Prisoner Cell Block Hilton
Breakfast Apprentice
Generation Of Losers
Pebbles The SuBo Cat
QE the credit crunch panel game
Tiger Woods Apology
Nike Stands By Its Tiger
X Factor Time Out Ancient Rites - Guilty Feelings

There's A Lot Of It About
X Factor vs Strictly Come Watching Lettuce Go Limp

>
SITE SEARCH
find keywords on this site

Enter keywords& choose search engine:

Google: Yahoo: MSN:

This free script provided by
JavaScript Kit

INFORMATION & NAVIGATION

navigate

navigate

If you liked this, please give it a boost

Bookmark and Share

Close Window and return to menu
Home
Top Of Page
Back Catalogue
Our Comments
FEATURESThe Daily Stirrer
Boggart Blog Central

Comedy Main
Comic Verse
Cartoons
A Tale Told By An Idiot
General
Fiction
History
Thought
Poetry
Science & Technology
Elsewhere

Boggart Blog Daily
Little Nicky Machiavelli
This writer at Authorsden Gathering
Delicious Greenteeth
Boggart Network News

More From Around The Labyrinth

LATEST POSTS & COMMENTS

BLOG BULLETIN Home [...]The Daily Stirrer [...] UK Home

Latest Posts
Greek trump card fails as stronger Europe shrugs off break-up threat
The European Union's strongest economies and institutions for the first time gave a clue that they are willing to risk a Greek default and the departure from the European Monetary System (EMS aka The Euro) if Athens refuses to comply with austerity demands. The governments and central banks calculate that the eurozone is now ...
Lay Off Our Adele, Limpdick.
Here at the Accrington end of the Boggart Blog operation we love Adele. She is a talented and original songwriter, has a wonderful voice and comes across as a really fun person who is not up her own arse. OK she's not a bag of bones like ...

U.S. Drones target aid workers and mourners at funerals.
Another "We Told You So" moment for The Daily Stirrer. We have reported many times that the Obama administration is interfereing in places where it has no business interfereing all around the middle east and east Africa. "President" Obama announced with great fanfare and to rapurous cheering from his pseudo - liberal, crypto - Nazi supporters that in any conflict his administration would ...

Can The Euro Survive If Greece Leaves The Single Currency System?
Away with banners and air horns and out with batons and knuckleduster in Athens this afternoon as a wave of public protests agiants the EU imposed austerity measures and the hijack of Greeek democracy by European bureaucrats swept the country.. Greek police have been trying to disperse protesters with tear gas, leading to a few violent clashes outside parliament. Police say up to 8,000 people ...

Zombies Getting Back Together
Older punters may remember the Zombies, younger followers of Boggart Blog will perhps have heard their biggest hit "She's Not There" with singer Colin Blunstone straining his vocal cords to sing way above his natural range and behind him probably the greatest bassline in ...
Klondike 2: The Great Arctic Oil Rush
As the case for CO2 driven climate change continues to crumbe we start to look at how we can keep the wheels of our national economies going. Drilling for oil in the Arctic is a high risk activity but absolutely necessary

Shakespeare's Proud Loner and The Wisdom Of Crowds

Internet billionaires and trendy, fad following media pundits like to talk of the wisdon of crowds suggesting a mob can produce a better, more intelligent result that a small team of specialists. If we look at a few examples of the widom of cowds however we soon find things are not what they seen to be.

UN Veto On Military Action Against Syria Shames The West Says Hague
In yesterday's United Nations Secirity Council meeting Russia and China provoked international outrage for using the veto to block attempts to initiate military intervention by the west in Syria's internal affairs ostensibly to end the violence but really to bring about regime change. UK Foreign Secretary William Hague accused the two major military powers of ...[ War ]

Mrs Obama and the most expensive knickers in the world. The Currant Bun las week was full of news and comment about Mrs Obama going on a spending spreed in sexy undies shop Agent Provocateur that ended up with her spending £32,000 ($50,000) on sexy knickers. In one way this is hrad to believe. Why would the first lady lash out on ... [ more comedy and satire posts ]

Middle East Problems Getting Worse Human rights groups claim 200 civilians killed in Syria by government troops as demands for the removal of President Bashar al-Assad's regime goes before the UN security council. As news of the violence spread, a crowd of Syrians stormed their country's embassy in Cairo and protests broke out outside Syrian missions in Britain, Germany and the United States. The Syrian government says reports of the violence and numbers of dead is greatly exaggerated and it ... [Middle East]

Argentina accuses Britain of using the Falklands as a distraction from economic woes


hrgentina has accused David Cameron's government of fanning the row over the Falklands Islands in an attempt to distract the British public from high unemployment. The moves "have to do with British domestic politics, with the high ... [ War by Proxy] ... [World Politics]

Environment Minister Resigns. Environment Shouts 'There Is A God' Liberal Democrat Chris Huhne resigned this morning from his role as Energy Secretary after being charged alongside his ex-wife Vicky Pryce with perverting the course of justice over speeding cover-up allegations. Mr Huhne and Miss Pryce have both been charged with the same offence after Miss Pryce allgeged that he asked her to take speeding points ...[UK Politics]

Green Policies Will Not Save The Planet But Are Costing Poor Families The Earth>
Politicians bleat sabout the plight of the poor then press on with their clean, green, sustainable energy policies which include stealth taxes to subsidise expensive and inefficient wind turbine and solar panel power generators. Can they not see it is the green agenda that is driving up inflation ...[Environment]

Globalisation can work, but only with a unified international plan says Will Hutton. WRONG!
by John de Roe.

>We need global economic and social institutions working across national borders economist Will Hutton who now appears to have been re educated and started working for The New World Order argued recently. If only it were that simple. Unfortunately globalization is the enemy not the trigger of the kind of economic recovery we need ... [Money - Finance]

Egypt Football Riot kills dozens
Remember the hope and anticipation that followed the downfall of former Egyptian President Honsi Mubarack. Remember how American President Barack Hussein Obama strutted around the world stage as if he had personally led the protests in Tahir Square that led to the overthrow of the dictator's regime? Remember how The Daily Stirrer told you it would all end in tears? After the outbreak of violence at ... [Middle East]

No Jobs For The Masses In The New Economy Despite University Education
No matter how leaders like David Cameron and Barack Obama try to talk up their economies or assure voters the jobs market is improving, growth returning and unemployment will soon start falling, the truth is change does not equal progress and forcing the pace of social change has only masked the true depth of economic and social problems. One of these is unemployment and particularly joblessness among the young. Even a universdity education does not provide a guaranteed career path ... Education

More Old People Are Falling Through Gaps In The Care System Old people are increasingly being let down by a lack of co-operation and communication between the NHS and council-run social care, MPs looking at the crisis in care will reporert this week.
Conclusuions drawn from a study by the all-party health select committee ... [
Age Problem]

Not Qualified To Press A Button
Janice Woodward spent 75 minutes trapped with her granddaughter in a lift at her local ASDA store at Portland, Dorset, after health and safety rules stopped staff pushing a button to rescue them according to ...

Drivers Cool About Electric Cars
Have you purchased your new, clean, green, politically correct, all electric car yet? No? I thought not. Neither have I. It is not so much that I hate the enviroment or that I do not want to support the fabulous clean, green, sustainable job creating indistries fabulous, clean, green Dave has promised us will ...


GO TO Boggart Blog Back Catalogue for links to older posts...

COMMENTS AND RECOMMENDED REA.DING AROUND THE WEB

In this section we do not necessarily support the views expressed in linked articles but try to give a coss section of interesting and well written articles that we think are likely to stir things up a bit.

COMMENT:
(A random and ecletic mix of what we thought was worth reading recently)

One Decent Jobs Report Does Not Make A Recovery
There are two reasons why President Obama rushed to the microphone on Friday shortly after the government’s Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) released relatively good news (by recent standards) that the unemployment rate dropped to 8.3% in January, while the economy added 243,000 seasonally adjusted jobs. ...

Let's Learn From Libya Before We Get Involved In Syria
If we are not careful we are soon going to find ourselves getting into the same mess over Syria as we did in Libya. This time last year the clamour for a military intervention in Libya was gaining ground as forces loyal to Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi threatened to overrun the eastern city of Benghazi ...

India Disses UK Aid: 'More Importasnt To Donors Than Recipients'.
Congratulations to Rahul Bedi for putting into words what we all half-suspected: India neither needs nor wants UK aid. Such grants are outdated and patronising, he says, and encourage corruption. Indeed, Indians have ‘become so contemptuous of Britain’s contribution that they accept it merely to avoid causing the embarrassment’.

London Atheist And Secularist Societies Under Attack From Islamists
I know on occasions in the past I've asked you, dear readers and fellow bloggers to share something widely that needed wider exposure. Well this situation desperately requires that wider exposure and all the help we can provide, especially as the mass media are notably silent on the issue - very likely because of a self-censoring trend itself inspired by fear of what has befallen ...

Unemployment at 8.3% Still Leaves A Vast And Destructive Jobs Deficit Robert Reich, The Guardian
The most significant aspect of January's jobs report is political. The fact that America's labor market continues to improve is good news for the White House. But as a practical matter, the improvement is less significant for the American workforce.
President Obama's only chance for rebutting Republican claims that he's responsible for a bad economy is to point to a positive trend. Voters respond to economic trends as much as ...

Much Media Ado About Nothing What connects seemingly disparate works such as The Silence of the Lambs, Cape Fear, Mad Men, and Seinfeld? It is the philosophy of nihilism, first popularized by Friedrich Nietzsche in the late 19th century. But in the last few decades, how did it become the dominant worldview of Hollywood? Dawn Of The Ice Age Signals The End Of The Global Warming Scam Back then, the media and activists trumpeted the arrival of a new ice age, with the specter of ice sheets and glaciers covering half the northern hemisphere, and brutal winters in the remaining ice-free zones. The fact that the media and popular culture and academia have veered from one panic-inducing disaster scenario to another one which completely contradicts the first one is funny enough in its own right. But reading The Weather Conspiracy: The Coming of the New Ice Age opened my eyes to an even more significant aspect ...

Hundreds of Independent Bookshops Face Closure
Hundreds of independent bookshops could be forced to close unless local authorities do more to support them, a leading retail group has warned. The Booksellers Association (BA), which represents 3,500 independent bookshops across the UK, has written to almost 400 council chiefs urging them to do more to support their local high streets or risk ...

Solar Panels Subsidy Was The Most Ridiculous Green Scheme Deramed Up
A plan to subsidise solar panels on homes was “one of the most ridiculous schemes ever dreamed up”, a Government minister has said.
Lord Marland, an Energy minister, hit out at the cost of so-called feed-in tariffs, which the Government has axed as part of the cuts programme. Last week Court of Appeal ruled that the sudden axing of the tariffs ...

Goodbye Great Britain
Recently, there have been two powerful challenges to the conventional wisdom about the United States. First, Robert Kagan published a lengthy essay in The New Republic, arguing that predictions of America's decline as a global power are woefully premature. .Is it possible, I found myself wondering, to do something similar for Britain? Robert Colvile has a go in this Daily Telegraph article ...

Our rising debt levels are becoming unsustainable – soon we may be talking about wealth confiscation (By Daniel Knowles, Daily Telegraph)
Debt, debt, debt; we’re drowning in it. This morning, the Office for National Statistics published the latest estimates of public sector borrowing. Though borrowing is falling faster than anticipated, thanks to the fact that spending cuts are finally beginning to kick in, the national debt has risen to 64.2 per cent of GDP. More significantly,…

The Obama administration knifes Britain in the back again over the Falklands - By Nile Gardiner World
In yet another display of disdain for the Anglo-American Special Relationship, the Obama administration has weighed in on the mounting tensions between Great Britain and Argentina over the Falkland Islands. Just two days after Prime Minister David Cameron issued a robust statement in the House of Commons vowing to defend the sovereignty of the Falklands,…

Drones In The Hands Of The Paparrazi - It's an ethical minefield
America's use of drones for targeted killings is serious enough. But commercial and law enforcement uses are on the horizon. Whether you view them as model aeroplanes for grown-ups or the handmaidens of the killer robot, unmanned aerial vehicles (UAVs), commonly known as drones, are taking off in earnest. ...

The Observer uncritically regurgitates Trotskyist smears against Katharine Birbalsingh- By Toby Young, Daily Telegraph
There’s a disgraceful attempt to smear Katharine Birbalsingh in this morning’s Observer. Under the headline “Katharine Birbalsingh criticised over ‘wasteful’ free school project“, the paper’s policy editor Daniel Boffey tries to create the impression that there’s growing local opposition to the Michaela Community School – Birbalsingh’s free school – which is due to open in…

We’re being sent the bill for the euro crisis again – this time by the IMF - By Daniel Hannan First it was individual banks; then whole industries; then entire countries; now it’s the world. Western leaders have reacted to the failure of each bailout by decreeing a bigger one. Unable to admit their mistake, slaves to the defunct economist whose thinking dominates our economics faculties and central banks, they act like so many Nick Leesons,…

The Three Parent Family More on the progressive left's war on the family and the scientific dictaorship's attempts to dehumanize us all. Babies with three biological parents could be born within three years. Scientists have come up with an IVF technique that uses the undamaged DNA of a third party when couples risk giving their children a genetic conditions such as muscular dystrophy or ataxia. The Wellcome Trust has funded the research (the figures vary between £4 million and six million …

As Obama Positions Himself For A War In Syria We Learn That Like Gadaffi, Assad Is Popular With His People
Most Syrians back President Assad, but you'd never know from western mediaAssad's popularity, Arab League observers, US military involvement: all distorted in the west's propaganda war. Suppose a respectable opinion poll found that most Syrians are in favour of Bashar al-Assad remaining as president, would that not be major news? Well one did and we never heard a word of it in the Obama felching western media ...

Bullshit Sherlock
While other blogs are full of how great the cliff - faller ending of Sherlock Holmes was I felt a bit let down. The fake suicide was telegraphed all through the show. And the coda assured us Sherlock had survived. We should not forget of course it was the habit of ...

Will bringing back grammar schools boost social mobility? by Toby Young Daily Telegraph
The possibility that England may shortly see its first new grammar school in over 50 years has, predictably enough, re-opened the debate about selective education. Yesterday, for instance, Allison Pearson came down firmly in favour, while Fiona Millar shot back with an instant rebuttal. I’ll get into that argument in a moment, but first let’s be…

So Why Read Books Anymore
There is great “truth and beauty” in Homer’s Iliad, but I would not try to make his sale on such platitudes. Gibbon’s The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire remains a classic. But I confess it can be hard to get through. Conrad’s Victory or Knut Hamsun’s Growth of the Soil, if authored by writer X this year, would be trashed on Amazon.So what are the reasons, in this age of ...

Eric Holder and the Chicago Way In America Obama's Brownshirts are getting hysterical as they try to make race the major issue in the election campaign.

Dystopian Prophecies Are Coming True - The Government Will Soon Choose Our Wives
Thinking of this entertaining new literary award – “the Hatchet Job of the Year” – it was natural to turn to Macaulay’s Essays, for few reviewers have ever been less reluctant to wound. I had in mind two long review-essays, one on Robert Montgomery’s Poems, the other on The State in its relations with ...
FOR OLDER COMMENTS from our blog index click here. MORE Featured posts