|
The Ship of Dead Dreams. (The Fate of X-Factor Losers) by Ian R Thorpe 2007-12-17 CREATIVE COMMONS: Attribute, non commercial, no derivs. KEYWORDS: x factor, fame, celebity, music, television, talent, cowell, reality, humour, humor Pity the undead, not the creatures of Gothic fiction and Hammer Horror movies, but the real undead, those who simply do not know how to die. Age does not spare them its indignities and infirmity is their constant companion as they cling to a slender thread of life, unable to find the key that will open the door to admit them to the unexplored country from in whose bourne no traveller returns. Where do they go, these stupendously decrepit individuals, how do Governments conceal their uneconomic non – existence from we who are constantly exhorted to labour and save in order the fund the growth the global economy needs? The answer is they book cruises on the Cruiseship of Dead Dreams. You or I could not pop into our local travel agent and say “I want a cruise on the Ship Of Dead Dreams, the counter staff who all undergo special training at the Russell Crowe Academy of Bad Acting, would effect unconvincing expressions of incredulity and deny the existence of such a ship. “This is an urban myth,” they would protest, much as Jewish priests would deny the Merkabah, the fantasmagorical chariot in which Jehovah rides in the opening chapter of the Book of Ezekiel. This chariot whose wheels are rimmed with fire and spoked with four living creatures, a lion, a serpent, an eagle and a man circles the earth eternally carrying the sacred fire of God, just like the one created by Hermes Trismegistos to ferry the sun through the heavens. No wonder the Jews keep that quiet. In the same way Simon Cowell suppresses knowledge of the Ship of Dead Dreams as it circumnavigates the globe bearing its cargo of the lost and the hopeless, the secret that the boring do not die bust simply pass on to a life of hellish blandness and mediocre music. You see the undead do not know how to die because they never truly lived. They are the people who spend Saturday nights electing the winners of television talent shows. For their sins they are condemned to suffer being entertained by failed winners and defeated finalists of a talent show for the talentless, the flotsam and jetsam of showbusiness, the rejects of the celebrity mill. The ship's current entertainment staff, led by Steve (somewhat less interesting) Brookstein, Goat-boy Chico and Journey South who would have been better advised to make the journey back north after their Grail Quest had ended in a cul-de-sac in Neasden, are all would be stars whose dreams died when they failed to make the transition from talent show to real world. Also on board are Andy Abrahams, Rowetta, and somebody called Tabby (who might once have been one of fatsally’s cats) Soon they will be joined by last years losing finalists little Ray Quinn (still available for panto, producers please note), and Proclaimers Tribute band The McDonald Brothers. This years finalists make the ship in record time and be the cargo that capsizes the Cruiseship of Dead Dreams. The preternaturally happy bother and sister act with their automaton grins look as if they were created by some evil mastermind in the empty magma chamber of an extinct volcano on the Isle of Wight* while galloping albinism sufferer Rhydian who managed to make great rock ballads sound ridiculous by singing them in an operatic tenor with a thick Welsh accent has the look of a perpetually startled gerbil. Yes I did say an operatic tenor. Did you think this show was about finding pop singers? Well to The-Undead-In-Waiting, Bridge Over Troubled Waters is “a bit of that there heavy metal.” We must hope the Ship Of Dead Dreams continues its voyage or where will the wannabes go to die. Then, like Joe Pasquale, Brian Conley and Gary Wilmot the will haunt our lives and our television screens forever. * Wight is an island off the South Coast, wight is an Old English for undead spirit. Cool connection eh?
RELATED POSTS:
There's A Lot Of It About |
>
find keywords on this site This free script provided by
|
|
|
More From Around The Labyrinth
| LATEST POSTS & COMMENTS
BULLETIN
September 2010
Uptight - The Blood Donor Experience
August 2010
Uptight
Just been along to blood donors.
The first time I went, to a permanent centre in London, you could have a tin of Guinness as your post donating drink if you wished. A splendid idea but unfortunately it tended to attract the alcoholics, especially as ...
2010-09-01
The chattering classes are up in arms about the news that Britain and France are to pool their resources and share aircraft carriers.
Court Victory For Anti - MMR Campaigners.
Property Prices To Fall Again?Despite government eforts to talk up a recovery the economy remains stubbornly stagnant. It is unsurprising really, the UK economy still relies far too much on the housing and property market and with incomes being squeezed and house prices remaining so high they are beyond the reach of first time buyers there is little change of increased activity while unemployment continues to rise.
Food Will Cost The Earth
Last Of The Summer Whine ...
Conflicting Views On The Economic Recovery
Little Nicky Machiavelli writes: Nobody seems to know what is going on in the global economy. Take these two articles on the state of the recovery ...
Cameron in Babygate Puzzle
Do We Need GM Salmon
GO TO Boggart Blog Back Catalogue for links to older posts...
COMMENTS AND RECOMMENDED READING AROUND THE WEB
Dumb Science Story Of The Week: Old People Forget Things
64% of Women Would Release A Sex Tape To Get Ahead
Ageing Star Wallows In Steam Bath Not a celebrity sex scandal but an astronomy story as the Herschel telescope reveals a cosmic mystery that challenges existing ideas about the Universe
Hawking Says God Not Needed
The Big Bang was the result of the inevitable laws of physics and did not need God to spark the creation of the Universe, Stephen Hawking has concluded.
The scientist has claimed that no divine force was needed to explain why the Universe was formed.
Crisis Boosts London's Dominance In Currency Trading
Brown Was Maddening Says Blair
Main talking point in today's news is the publication of Tony Blair's memoirs of his time as Prime Minister. Everybody in politics has been eager to find out what Blair would say about his successor Gordon Brown and their relationship during the ten years Brown served as DChancellor while Tony Blair was Prime Minister.
William Hague Denies Relationship with a man
Is There A Need For HD Audio
Darwin's Secret Experiment Acenscion Island is a lush tropical paradise 1000 miles from Africa and 2000 from South America. According to the laws of nature it should be barren and so it would be had the orginator of evolutionary science Charles Darwin not begun a great experiment there, one that is still running almost 200 years later...
The Frogs Are Starting To Simmer In The Land Of The Free
A Solution To Company Pensions Crisis
Obama Caves To UN Over Arizona Immigration Law
The BBC Pretended To Be Balanced On Climate Change
House Owners In Negative Equity For Another Four Years
Afghan Bomb Attack Kills Four US Soldiers
A roadside bomb attack in eastern Afghanistan has killed four US soldiers, Nato sources revealed yesterday.AFP quoted spokesman James Judge as saying that a home-made bomb, one of the main weapons of the Taliban, was used in the attack.The attack comes a day after seven US soldiers were killed in two bomb attacks in southern Afghanistan.These deaths add to the rising trend of casualties for Nato's International Security Assistance Force (Isaf). June and July were the worst months for foreign troop deaths since the
FOR OLDER COMMENTS from our blog index click here.
MORE FAVOURITES
|