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A Child Is Born On The Bog


The people who run television channels have a weird idea of what will entertain us at Christmas. Or do thhey perhaps understand better than we do that what the public wants amid all the Bacchanialian feasting and Lupercanian unsrestrained shagging of the modern Christmas festival what we really want is Roman Circuses?...
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A Child Is Born On The Bog
by Ian R. Thorpe
2009-01-06
CREATIVE COMMONS: Attribute, non commercial, no derivs.
KEYWORDS: christmas, baby, child, television, humour, humor

At this time of year we are asked to remember that 2000+ years ago a child was born in a stable. This unlikely birthplace indicates the child was very special, the divine child, the child of light, the messiah. What then ought we to make of the story of a child who was born on the toilet? How special is that?

Not as special as you might think apparently.

Before Christmas the Boggart Blog news room were alerted to a story of a woman in Wales who was in court for killing her baby by flushing it down the toilet. The woman’s defence at her trial was that she had been using the toilet for normal reasons (Number 2s) and as she was straining the baby popped out and landed head first in the water where it got stuck in the U bend. At the time we rejected this story which we did not think could possible be true, Boggart Blog is a responsible publication, we don’t report made up news unless we have made it up ourselves.

Earlier this week however, while watching a Sky 3 television documentary that set out to find Britain’s roughest village we discovered a place named Skellingrove in North Yorks where one of the locals, a youth who had not just one central eyebrow but one central eye was explaining that his anti social behaviour (he was a one man gang of chavs) was perhaps because of his inauspicious start in life. He had been born on the toilet.

“Me mam thowt she needed a shit so she sat down an' farted an' I popped out” he proudly told the camera. The story continued with the lad’s mother sending his elder sibling to fetch a woman from up the street who had also given birth while sitting on the toilet expecting to pass a turd (in a manner of speaking both women had done just that of course.)

Clearly we were wrong to pass over the story of the Welsh woman. Among the underclass popping babies out while straining is a common occurrence.

How the other half lives eh?

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