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Tiger Woods Says: Sorry, But Dont Forget Im The Victim Here.
Following on from the Tiger Woods car crash and the Tiger Woods, prodigious shagger scandals we now have the Tiger Woods prolific apologiser saga. But who was Tiger apologising too? Hilarious take on celebrity apologies...

Tiger Woods Says: Sorry, But Dont Forget Im The Victim Here.
by Ian R Thorpe
2010-02-20
CREATIVE COMMONS: Attribute, non commercial, no derivs.
KEYWORDS: tiger woods, apology, sport, celebrity, sex, porn, pornography, humour, humor

So Tiger Woods has apologised, to whom we are not quite sure. His wife, his mother, the fans, his sponsors, The King Of Norway? Maybe all of them.

The stage managed setting and somewhat theatrical contrition at times made the rambling, fourteen minute apology sound more like an Oscar winners speech. Actually it might not be a bad idea if Oscar winners were required to apologise rather than thanking everybody they have ever met.

If Kate Winslet, Leonardo di Caprio, James Cameron et al had been required to apologise for their involvement in Titanic they all might have been more particular in their choice of subsequent work. If Sylvester Stallone had had to apologise for Rocky he might not have inflicted Rocky 2 to 6 on us. If Hugh Grant was made to apologise for everything he might fuck off.

Tiger Woods had not won an Oscar though he might have been a contender for one of those porn movie Oscars they have in America, The Rogers I think theyre called, or something like that. Sadly he forgot to post footage of his exploits on You Tube and so did not qualify.

What Tiger mainly did in his apology was cast himself as the victim. He whined about his childhood, his lack of self worth, the way people around him who should have kept him on the straight and narrow encouraged him to believe the rules did not apply to him. He was a victim of his childhood, his success and his celebrity in other words.

In all, despite embracing his guilt and owning it according to one shrink the apology was laden with self pity and sounded like a plea to his fans to allow him back into their hears and wallets. Despite all the affected humility and the pain he obviously feels at having let down people who saw me as a role model, Tiger came across as a man who has a very high opinion of himself for someone whose success and fame rests on his ability to hit little balls with sticks.

There is the possibility of course it was all just a sop to sponsors.

The problem is of course the celebrity culture. Tiger Woods is a sports star like David Beckham, Ashley Cole or Freddie Flintoff. Why should we require that they be paragons of virtue? What business is Tigers sex life, Beckhams extravagance or Freddies liking for more than a few beers to do with the public? We ought to be glad we can enjoy their talents and not pander to the medias need to exploit their flaws.

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