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Drunk Friendly Streets - Why Not Driver Friendly Roads
News that the Welsh capital city, Cardiff is to create drunk friendly streets to prevent rat arsed revellers hurting themselves as they stagger from pub to bus station full of drink and alcohol fuelled bonhomie prompted petrolhead fatsally to ask 'Why not driver friendly roads?

Drunk-friendly Streets, Driver -Friendly Roads
by fatsally
2010-07-23
CREATIVE COMMONS: Attribute, non commercial, no derivs.
KEYWORDS: gordon brown, labour, prime minister, downing street, movie, television, satire, humour, humor

Have the scientists at last found out something useful?

A team from cardiff University has observed drunken revellers in the city centre and come to the conclusion that drunken violence could be cut if the streets were more drunk friendly.

The scientists say that if it was less difficult to negotiate the street furniture, drunks would be less frustrated in their attempts to get home and therefore less violent.

Now I know there is nothing a Boggartblog reporter likes better than to knock scientists and their spurious research but in my many years of observing drunken revellers in many situations they have always fallen into one of three categories; the boisterous drunk, the maudlin drunk and the belligerant drunk.

The boisterous drunk wants to be everyone's best mate, go on to the next watering hole, party or anywhere else he can get another drink; the maudlin drunk just wants to sit on his stool by the bar and be miserable; the belligerant drunk will start an argument with anybody or anything and is all too ready to put his fists up or get in first with the headbutt.

So while making the streets drunk friendly by wrapping the lamp posts in bubblewrap, putting handrails at the kerbs, making sure bollards are those clever ones that sink into the ground when they sense an erratic human weaving towards them, but obviously not sinking into the ground when they sense an erratic human running to leapfrog them, will probably cut down on some accidents you will still find the belligerant drunks facing up to the post mounted litter bin demanding:
"Are you laughing at me? Take that you bastard!"
whilst the sober late night pedestrians are still as likely to get trampled by the hordes exiting one drinking establishment as it calls time to hurry on to the next one.

However I do like the idea behind this one, get rid of the irritations to make something safer.

Just think how quiet the roads would be if you could get rid of all the incompetant drivers; Mums on the school run, people talking on their mobile phones, white van drivers, Ford Mondeo drivers, old men with pipes and hats, young men with baseball caps, anyone drinking from a sport bottle, women with their tits stuck in the steering wheel, middle aged men who sit in the outside lane even though the middle lane is empty, older men in Mercedes who speed up by as much as 20 mph when you are trying to pass them, people towing caravans, able bodied people who park in disabled spaces, you know the sorts I mean.

Ban them all, burn their licences, crush their cars!

Then those people who can drive, enjoy driving, want to drive can get on with it in peace, or at least the roar of their favourite engine. And think of the positives, less accidents, less emmisions, less road rage.

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