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The Certainty Of Arse Dribble
Anal incontinence will get you sometime, not just in old age thanks to the zeal of health science waging war on the obesity pendemic. New anti obesity drugs that stop the body absorbing fat have among their side effects arse dribble. So take you choice, either eat less and get more exercise, settle for being overweight and bugger your health or accept the arse dribble of liquid shit as the price of your self indulgence.

The Certainty of Arse Dribble.
by Ian R Thorpe
2007-10-01
CREATIVE COMMONS: Attribute, non commercial, no derivs.
KEYWORDS: alli,arse dribble, drug, obesity, weight loss, fat, health, obese, gas , satire, bad, dubious, taste, humour, humor

It used to be said there are only two things in life we can be certain of, death and taxes. To that can now be added a third because you can be certain Boggart Blog, in our unrelenting determination to get to the bottom of things will return to the subject of arse dribble at least once a month.

Our regular readers may have already observed that arse-dribble usually crops up in these columns when the subject of anti – obesity drugs hits the headlines.

Sure enough, sales figures released by Smith Kline Beecham show that its anti-obesity pill Alli is enjoying a phenomenal run of success. In just five weeks since its launch Alli has clocked up $155million in sales in spite of negative reviews prompted by its most unfortunate side effects, bloating, gas, oily stools and “anal leakage” to use the polite term.

Alli has not been launched in Europe yet as licences are being withheld by the EU pending further investigation of the underwear of users. Also, the name might be a problem considering its similarity to French, Italian and Spanish words for garlic.

Now what puzzles us about the runaway success of Alli in the US market is that so many Americans are concerned enough about obesity to be prepared to tolerate the socially embarrassing consequences of taking the drug but not concerned enough to stop stuffing themselves with pizza, pork scratchings, apple pie with ice cream, fried chicken, ribs, burgers (all on the same plate you understand) pancakes with cream and Maple syrup and other foods consisting mainly of deep fried lard.

What else puzzles us is that the directions for using the drug which is available over the counter, state clearly that it is only effective as an aid to weight loss when used in conjunction with a low fat diet and regular exercise.

WHAT??? For fucks sake Americas, your society invented snake oil salesmen, can you still not recognise them? Save your money, the low fat diet and exercise will do the job, dump the drug and see your social life improve and the need to change your guzzies six times a day disappear.

But wait, let’s not be too hard on Americans because not so long ago the fascist wing of the British Medical Association were floating suggestions that the entire population should be given fat buster drugs as a measure to combat the obesity epidemic. The want to medicate us all, even the anorexics, with arse dribble inducing drugs? I can see that going down like a lead ploppie with the millions of people who work out and eat salad. As well in fact a the proposal to put anti-depressants in the drinking water. But unfortunately, if governments can be persuaded such measures will save them money the plans will be adopted, the conformity police will be unleashed to bully us into believing that not taking our anti depressant arse dribble pills is as anti-social as having a smoke or a few drinks and only the strong minded will be spared the experience of having their intimate moments punctuated by squitty sounds.

The drug is gaining an army (well, a platoon) of fans however, and has even spawned a website www.myarsedribble – sorry, www.myalli.com Member, in the great American tradition of “sharing the experience” are invited to describe their “TEs” (treatment effects) in graphic detail.

One writes of his horror on changing into casual clothes after work and finding “pizza oil” on the back of his work pants. Another tells how she experienced “the worst case of gas ever” while browsing in a Hallmark Cards shop.

“I had to keep moving from aisle to aisle so nobody would know it was me,” she reports. If we assume these emissions were silent then obviously the writer was not aware of the quantum physics phenomenon that causes fart gas to follow its creator.

Bottom gravy and bad smells are only the outwardly apparent side effects of Alli. The drug works by blocking the effects of the lipase enzymes that work in the digestive system, breaking down fats. Thus much of the fat we eat passes straight through, and with it those essential nutrients that are dissolved in fat. These include vitamins A, D, E, K and beta carotene.

And finally, to wrap up our case for the utter uselessness of Alli, the active substance of the drug, orlistat is only really effective if taken in 120milligram doses, three times a day. The tablets sold by SKB provide just 60 milligrams three times a day. So users get nothing but squits for their money.

We have to admit, this time Big Pharma have excelled themselves. They have created a drug that has no benefits (except to corporate profits) many negative effects, the worst of which is having to wear adult nappies, lacks even a placebo – effect benefit and even if it did work would only add its unpleasant side effects to what could be achieved by natural means.

A resounding triumph for medical science all told.

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There are few people in politics who will say in public the things that really think, thanks to the hypersensitivity of the American political establishment and their enthusiasm for bombing the crap out of anyone who upsets members of their anointed minorities. Its refreshing then to learn of comments made by veteran Czech Republic leader, putting the boot into the cowardly mealy mouthed sum who pass for conservative and libertarian politicians in the English Speaking countries.

Why Do Government Information Technology Projects always Screw Up? Because Everything Governmrent Touches Becomes Political
While scientists burble excitedly about the internet of things, computer-brain interfaces that will enable the government to control us from data centres, creating human / computers hybrids and other science fantasy rubbish as if any of it stands a chance of becoming reality, government Information Technology managers, with almost unlimited resources at their disposal, can't even manage to cobble together a simple database and search routine. The failure of the e borders project is the latest in a long line of screw ups.

Ukip takes on free market corporatists: Britain's immigration debate gets interesting
Immigration was the subject of the big debate at UKIP's conference in doncaster today. With the Rotherham paedophile scandal which involved Muslim men in the immigrant community abusing young white girls as open sore in South Yorkshire politics at the moment the topic was long overdue for serious debate. One of the reasons the Rotherham scandal happened was the politically correct left scremed racism whenever issue was raised. Immigrants are not above the law.

The Third Gulf War Has Started - Should Britain Get Involved
For the third time in twenty five years a British Prime ~Minister has led the nation into a war in Iraq. It's understandable that Iraquis might be a bit pissed off with us. This time the threat is not a brutal dictator like Saddam hussein or Muammar Gadaffi, the Libyan leader we helped depose, but Islamic State, a concept, an idea, but also a rabble of bloodthirsty maniacs funded by European and American money, aremed with European and American weapons and trained by European and American 'military advisers.

War In Iraq? Lard Bombs Away (SATIRE)
As usual Boggart Blog is totally against Britain becoming embroiled in another sectarian conflict in the middle east (the theme tune of which will be I Hate You Babe by Sunni and Shia.) But rather than send our clapped out, thirty year old warplanes to fire rockets and heavy calibre cannons and drop bombs on the IS, bearing in mind these guys are all fundamentalist Muslims we have a better idea. We can beat the Islamic State without shedding HUMAN blood.

Derbyshire Chief Constable Claims He Was Forbidden To Arrest Former Labour Minister Or Search His Home">South Yorkshire Police Commissioner Shaun Wright Finally Resigns Over Rotherham Child Abuse Scandal
Police chiefs blocked a paedophile probe into a top politician 25 years ago, one of the country’s most senior officers said yesterday. Derbyshire Chief Constable Mick Creedon was serving as a detective sergeant in Leicestershire when allegations surfaced against Labour MP Greville Janner in 1989. Mr Creedon said he was ordered to limit his inquiries into the MP, now Lord Janner of Braunstone.

Disaster Dave's Latest Screw Up On The International Stage
Tomorrow (26 September, 2014) the UK Parliament will meet to vote on whether Britain should support Prime Minister David Cameron and US President and Warmonger - in - Chief Barack Hussein Obama in launching yet another war in the middle east, this time against the forces of the Islamic Caliphate, a fundamentalist organisation set up by groups funded armed and trained by the USA and its allies in their quest to overthrow the regime of Bashar Al Assad in Syria.

War In Iraq: Confused? You Will Be
I'm always a bit wary about referring to The Daily Mail because mere mention of that rather sensationalist but immensely popular newspaper (compare its circulation figures with those of The Guardian or The Independent) is likely to attract a Two Minutes Hate session from Britain's biggest fascist movement,

Love Like Chains (poem)
There are needy lovers and there are controlling lovers (the lovers in my case have always been female but I know men fall into these categories too). They often seem to be modelled from the same clay. Having always been self contained person who liked to stand apart from the crowd I have never did very well in love affairs with either type. This poem is not adressed to a specific person but an amalgam.

Miliband Promises Same Old Shite - Not A Word About Action Against Paedophile Sex Gangs
Labour leader Ed Miliband's keynote speech at the Labour Party conference woyuld have to be the best speech of his life if he hoped to be Prime Minister after next years election, the consensus of opinon said. Ed's friends and opponents awaited the speech with very different hopes and expectations. in the end as Ed dodged the bg issues, the economy and debt, law and order, immigration and Europe, it was probably his enemies who were happier.

In Praise Of Sluts - Tits Out For The Boys Miley
In the last 24 hours both Marianne Faithfull and Jacqueline Bisset have criticised today's young women for dressing provocatively, the teasers for a story in today's news said.
Marrianne Faithfull, no slouch in the sluttiness stakes herself back in the 1960s but to a teenage male all the more appealing for that (I still get a little tingle when I look at a Mars Bar), told ITV News that Miley Cyrus, Rihanna and other good looking young pop tarts are, quite simply, sluts. She gave her reasoning thus:

'There is Only One Planet': The Bemusing Claims of London's Climate Warriors
Apparently blissfully unaware of their hypocrisy, marchers have left placards emblazoned with complaints about the government and environmental issues strewn around on the pavement. The thousands of left-wing activists who descended shouting and stomping through London’s streets no doubt moved on to bars, restaurants or their homes to smugly congratulate themselves on having done their bit for Mother Nature, unsurprisingly not only expecting other people to pay for everything they demand,

A Bunch Of Self Obsessed Air Heads Only Interested In Publicity
The headline sums up some of the speakers or yesterday's climate change protest in London. But we know scientists are vacuous wannabe celebrities. The surprising thing was the showbiz and media luvvies showed themselves even more stupid and out of touch with reality. Take Emma Thompson. A fine actress but we should remember her job is pretending to be somebody else. and having spent most of her life pretending to be somebody else, when ...

Nationalism the new target for left wing screechers
The screechers have a new target for their hate, Nationalism. OMFG, I am sick of seeing on Facebook and other Sheeple sites posts from the army of bandwagon followers condemning nationalism. Hate attacks on Andy Murray because he voted Yes for Scottish Independence were deplorable, the bloke is entitled to his opinion FFS. The lefties hater did not stop there however, attacks on his mother are just disgusting (but entirely typical of the Labour voting, free speech hating, all-things-British loathing, bourgeois left scum.)

Rotherham Childcare Chief Quits Over Mass Sex Abuse Scandal

After weeks of mounting pressure and in the wake of resignations by council political leaders and senior exectutives and also of the recently elected Police Crime Commissioner for the scandal hit town, Joyce Thacker the head of children's services at Rotherham council has finally quit. Following the revelation of a massive cover up by elected representative, police and care professionals who went to considerable lengths to avoid acting on allegations of organised sex abuse gangs consisting mostly of

GCHQ employs more than 100 dyslexic spies. So what?
A lot of people in comment threads seemed eager to get their knickers in a twist this morning about a story headlined: GCHQ employs more than 100 dyslexic and dyspraxic spies. The story tells how the government snoopers intelligence agency down in Cheltenham uses dyslexics' ability to analyse complex information in a 'dispassionate, logical and analytical' in the fight against terror.

Obama administration ‘blocking' information from the press
Uncovering information that should be available to the public has become increasingly difficult under the presidency of Barack Obama, an Associated Press bureau chief says. In some cases, it surpasses the secrecy of the George W. Bush administration. The White House's penchant for secrecy does not just apply to the federal government, according to AP's Washington bureau chief, Sally Buzbee.

An Interesting Perspective From Across The Pond On The Scottish Referendum Result
The almost inevitable accusations of fraud and vote rigging are beginning to emerge in the wake of the Scottish independence referendum. Surprisingly the likely culprit most fingers are pointing at is not the SNP, leaders of the YES campaign or the Westminster government which wanted to avoid the embarrassment of a no, but the Euronazis in Brussels whose plans for a single European nation would have suffered from a YES vote.

Submerged forests' drowned by ancient climate change revealed by 2014 storms.
Here's yet another smack in the mouth for those smug, condescending scientists who talk down to the rest of us. Far from being a new thing, climsste change was affecting the environment at the beginning of the Bronze age. How many fossil fuel burning power stations did the beaker people have then, and how many Chelsea tractors were tearing up and down the ridgeways?

1000 Scientists Break Ranks On Global Warming - Laugh? I Nearly Shat
You've all heard from members of the Church Of Scienceology Cult about how there was total consensus (despite a lack of empirical evidence) that the planet is warming so rabidly there are now no ice caps at either the North or South Poles, that the last polar bear perished when someone ate its Fox's Glacier Mint and that there are now ...

How To Be Totally Uncool (By TryingTo Look Cooler Than You Are)
Many of the 4700 people camped outside the Apple store on New York's 5th Avenue in the picture above are unemployed (and very likely being paid cash in hand by others to queue for days). Few, if any, among either the campers or the buyers will spend $3,600 for a "gold" iPhone like someone in China just did. But those who are buying will gladly pay ...

South Yorkshire Police Commissioner Shaun Wright Finally Resigns Over Rotherham Child Abuse Scandal The man who bears most responsibility for failure to investigate the Rotherham child abuse scandal has finally resigned after three weeks of excuses and evasions. Police Commissioner Wright has been under pressure ever since a report by Prof Alexis Jay (see below) revealed a huge level of child abuse in the South Yourkshire town of Rotherham. The organised sex crime rings had been operating for ...

UKIP MEP Received Death Threats After Criticizing Rotherham's Labour Council Council Over Sex Abuse Scandal Jane Collins, the UKIP Member of the European Parliament for Yorkshire, has been speaking out about the failure of the senior police officers, the social services department managers in Rotherham and leaders of the Labour controlled council all of whom failed to act on allegations that groups of mainly Pakistani men were carrying out the organised sexual abuse of under age girls who found themselves in the care of the authorities.

Bill Gates Foundation Giving Millions to Top University In Order To Influence GMO “Debate” - It Must Be Dodgy
Former Microsoft CEO and mega mogul Bill Gates has long utilized his vast fortune to push genetically modified organisms (GMOs) through his Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, but Gates’ efforts have been met with sharp criticism from millions of grassroots activists both home and abroad.

Rotherham: In the face of such evil, who is the racist now?
Here's a question for wannabe Mastermind contestants. If South Yorkshire Police can mount a raid on the home of pop singer Sir Cliff Richard, two hundred miles away from their patch in pursuit of evidence linked to a single and unsubstantiated allegation of child sex abuse 30 years ago, why were the same South Yorkshire Police force unable to conduct a proper investigation into multiple allegations against men who raped 1,400 children over 16 years?

Denis MacShane: I was too much of a 'liberal leftie' and should have done more to investigate child abuse
In a rare mome

nt of candour disgraced former Labour Member Of Parliament for Rotherham, Dennis MacShane admitted he could have done more to protect the victims of sex abuse gangs in his constituency who preyed on young girls in the local authority care system. While maintaing he knew of no specific allegations MacShane said he could have investigated rumours circulating in the town.

Rotherham Abuse Cover Up Cover UP
Not so long ago we were venting our spleen about the selection of Judge Butler - Sloss to head up an inquiry about how allegations of paedophile offences by well known celebrities, politicians and establishment figures were covered up for many years. It turned out Lady Butler Sloss was the sister of the now deceased Attorney General Sir Michael Havers who was directly involved in

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