News From The Girls School
posted by ianrthorpe
2009-03-19
A rather unsurprising admission from The Department of Education, Science and Silly Walks informs us that in the secondary school phase of education, which children embark on around the same time as they sprout hairs in funny places and drown in unfamiliar hormones, girls do better in single sex schools. It has been known for many years that at this point in their academic lives girls forge ahead of boys in terms of achievement but it now turns out that relieved of the stress of fighting off spotty little chavs who are only interested in getting inside their knickers girls do...
CLICK HERE to read News From The Girls School and more great humour at Boggart Blog
A Cheetah Won't Change His Spots
posted by fatsally
2009-03-18
A couple of weeks ago the nation, well the media, were outraged by the size of Sir Fred Goodwin's pension, negotiated under the very noses of Cabimet Ministers. Harriet Harman announced that the government would claw some of the money back, but alas this was not...
CLICK HERE to read A Cheetah Won't Change his Spots and more great humour at Boggart Blog
Which should women love more, dogs or shoes?
posted by ianrthorpe
@ 2009-03-18
On Monday night (OK, I’m a bit behind the pace) between episodes of Coronation Street, worth watching at the moment for Katherine Kelly’s wonderful comic portrayal of barm pot Becky, a serious documentary about the expense of keeping pets and how our furry friends will be affected by the recession was shown. If we follow the recommended care regime for our pets they cots a fortune it seems. Pets, like everything else are an industry in our self indulgent times...
CLICK HERE to read full post Which should women love more, dogs or shoes? at Boggart Blog
£2000 for CRAP... Oooops Sorry, SCRAP
posted by fatsally
2009-03-17
Oh don't you just love it?
As this government clings onto life tighter than Jade Goody, the schemes they come up with to try and take our minds of the mess into which, under the fiscally prudent(not) former chancellor has gotten us, who, just like his banking cronies, has been rewarded for his cock-ups by being promoted.
The latest madcap scheme is designed to aid the ailing motor industry, bearing in mind that the truly British motoring industry expired way back in the eighties one wonders just who we are helping here with the taxpayers money...
CLICK HERE to read full post £2000 for CRAP... Oooops Sorry, SCRAP at Boggart Blog
Q.E. with Stephen Fry: The television panel game for Quantitative Easing, recession and financial crisis.
posted by ianrthorpe
@ 2009-03-17
A television studio set of a pnel game. four panellists are arranged in pairs on either side of the host, Stephen Fry.
Stephen Fry:
A very good evening and welcome one and all to Q.E. the panel game about Quantitative Easing and other aspects of the financial crisis that have led to recession and possibly the end of civilisation as we know it. This is a show similar to QI in many ways in that I ask incredibly difficult questions about the collapse of the global economy so the panel can give excruciatingly incorrect answers. I then correct them in a smug and patronising yet simultaneously witty and charming way only a national treasure like myself could possibly carry off.
It matters not though that our panel are seldom able to give the correct answer as nobody truly knows...
CLICK HERE to read full post Q.E. with Stephen Fry at Boggart Blog
Obama's F grade for economics - Too late to save the world?
posted by Ian R Thorpe
2009-03-17
The love affair is starting to look jaded.
As more jobs are threatrened in the US and Obama's poll ratings among the white middle class plunge President Obambi is looking increasdingly like a man who is not waving but drowning.
We told you he was always out of his depth of course.
CLICK HERE to read the full post Obama's F Grade For Economcsat Boggart Blog
Show Me The Tax Haven - (tax evasion finance banks)
posted by ianrthorpe
2009-03-16
We all know things are bad but those of us who have been saying things are really really really bad stand vindicated. Unusually when things are bad governments start blaming each other. It’s the Yanks, it’s the Chinese, it’s the French and Germans, it’s all of them but it isn’t us, say the...
CLICK HERE to read full post Show Me The Tax Haven
at Boggart Blog
Whatever happened To Winnie Mandela - cult obama messiah schools streets by ianrthorpe @ 2009-03-16
Found a story today that made me wonder whatever happened to Winnie Mandela. ( Yes We Can. Schools, streets named after Barack Obama )
Think back to the 1970s and 80s, the days of left wing militancy when every minority had its own group of crusties in combat suits and sandals, perpetually angry and doused in patchouli oil, stridently campaigning for its rights? Remember the days when flying pickets closed factories and even topped the charts...
CLICK HERE to read full post Whatever Happened To Winnie Mandela at Boggart Blog
Vampire’s Grave Opened In Italy
posted by Ian R Thorpe @ 2009-03-14
There are many legends and superstitions concerning vampires. The blood drinking faction of the undead seem to have been busy all around Europe from the medieval era until the 1930s when they all moved to Hollywood or Pinewood. Most of the superstitions centre on how vampires can be deterred, killed and interred. The way the corpses of supernatural manifestations should be disposed of in order to stop them becoming undead again is of utmost importance...
CLICK HERE to read full post Vampire's Grave Opened In Italy at Boggart Blog
Obama Appoints Drug Friendly Drug Czar
posted by Ian R Thorpe
2009-03-13
Having notably failed to recruit a suitable team to oversee America’s financial affairs for his administration, all the nominees so far having been identified as crooks, tax evaders, involved in “liveware" trafficking or been the subject of ongoing FBI investigations long before...
CLICK HERE to read full post Obama Appoints Drug Friendly Drug Czar at Boggart Blog
Pissed Pensioners Are A Social Blight say Thought Police
posted by ianrthorpe
2009-03-12
As Gordon Brown and his government grow more desperate in their attempts to divest themselves of any responsibility for the state of the nation and divert attention from their manifold cocking-up of the economy, education, employment, law and order, immigration and national security the dark forces of Politically Correct Thinking have turned the Thought Police stormtroopers on pissed pensioners. Silly buggers like us may be obsessing over Brown’s nauseatingly sycophantic gay love affair with...
CLICK HERE to read full post: Pissed Pensioners Are A Social Blight say Thought Police at Boggart Blog
Are The Rumours About Michael Jackson True?
by ianrthorpe
2009-03-11
As the auctions of Michael Jackson’s personal effects grow ever more weird and in order to stave off bankruptcy the Wizard of Weird prepares to take the freakshow back on the road with a London gig scheduled for the summer, anxious parents may be wondering...
CLICK HERE to read full post Are The Rumours About Michael Jackson True? at Boggart Blog
Parking Fine is Dead Money
by ianrthorpe
@ 2009-03-11
While working on a Boggart Blog investigation into government and local authority money raising scams we learned of a case where a hearse attending a funeral (and thus containing a coffin) parked outside the home of the deceased to wait for mourners to get into the following limousines...
CLICK HERE to read full post Parking Fine Is Dead Money at Boggart Blog
Stone Throwing Chimp Shocks Scientists.
by ianrthorpe
2009-03-10
As humanity, past its apex on the evolutionary scale starts the long downward slide to oblivion could chimps be preparing to step up to the plate and take over our role as the most intelligent species of land mammal?
Cognitive scientists at Furuvik Zoo, Sweden think so after observing the behaviour of Santino, a 31 year old male chimpanzee at the zoo. Santino’s penchant for pelting visitors with stones has led to him developing...
CLICK HERE to read Stone Throwing Chimp Shocks Scientists at Boggart Blog
Gordon's Bright Ideas No. 5,137
by fatsally
2009-03-10
Isn't it wonderful how Gordon the Terrible can keep coming up with these bright ideas to save, well, everybody and everything?
Today he announces fast track teacher training to encourage...
CLICK HERE to read full post Gordon's Bright Ideas No 5137 at Boggart Blog
News From The Breadline #2
by ianrthorpe
2009-03-09
Not quite news of folk already on the breadline in this post as people who are already on their way there. Posh peopls’ supermarket Waitrose, not pereviously known for its “stack ‘em high, sell ‘em cheap” marketing promotions ...
CLICK HERE to read full post News From The Breadline #2 at Boggart Blog
News From The Breadline #1 - At The Soup Kitchen With Michelle O.
posted by ianrthorpe
2009-03-09
The big photo – op for Mrs. Obama last week was not during Gordon Brown’s visit to Washington but when The First Lady and other wealthy Democratic Party women put in a shift at a soup kitchen.
Shots of a smiling Mrs. O and her buddies cooking and...
CLICK HERE to read full post News From The Breadline #1 - At The Soup Kitchen With Michelle O. at Boggart Blog
The Married Dating Club
posted by ianrthorpe @ 2009-03-08
Having had notifications of a couple of new messages on MySpace hanging around for a while I finally logged in to the site to see what they were. One was from Nell, a novelist for whose new book I am acting as British Slang Consultant and the other just a not asking why the hell I never log in to MySpace.
Fair enough. I answered both and logged out. SURPRISE!!!
On the logout page there was a message from The Married Dating Club inviting me to "meet hot married women in my area." ...
CLICK HERE to read full post The Married Dating Club at Boggart Blog
The Regulator and the Wrestler
posted by ianrthorpe @ 2009-03-07
The Prime Minister Gordon Brown, fresh from performing analingus on Barack Obama and sensing perhaps that the game is up for him and Labour is still pushing the outrageous claim that he steered the British economy through a decade of stability...
CLICK HERE to read full post The Regulator and The Wrestler at Boggart Blog
The Long And Winding Road That Leads To PhD
by ianrthorpe @ 2009-03-06
We have often reported on the wonders of New Labour education policy with it’s worthwhile and meaningful targets like “There shall be a University on every street corner” or “Every child shall pass a million examinations,” or “A degree is not just for Christmas, it’s for life,” but now we hear even the NuLab government’s Department of Education, Science and Silly Walks has surpassed itself in devaluing a University degree qualification by making PhDs accessible to the huddled masses.
Now we are delighted to bring you news of a new initiative...
CLICK HERE to read full post: The Long And Winding Road That Leads To PhD at Boggart Blog
£3,000 per term Private School Abandons GCSE - Only for thickos says head..
by ianrthorpe @ 2009-03-05
The highly regarded and comfortingly expensive Manchester Grammar School shocked the education establishment today when the head announced the school would no longer be offering it’s pupils the opportunity to sit GCSE examinations approved by the government’s Department of Education, Science and Silly Walks.
Instead Manchester Grammar pupils will take...
CLICK HERE to read full post £3,000 per term Private School Abandons GCSE - Only for thickos says head at Boggart Blog
Labour's War On Fun
by ianrthorpe @ 2009-03-04
Long ago I suggested both here and on the now on life support but clinging on Little Nicky Machiavelli blog that in order to stop Labour's jackbooted march towards authoritarianism we would have to start a campaign of civil disobedience...
CLICK HERE to read full post Labour's War On Fun at Boggart Blog
Celebrity Goss Bloggers Go Crazy As Jesus Boffs Madonna.
by ianrthorpe @ 2009-03-04
Report from celebrity gossip correspondent Totty Farquhar Parkinson.
The world of celebrity gossip is agog today as Madge, recently separated from her hubby, parades he new beau for the Paparazzi. The Queen Of Wrinkly Rock, Madonna (97) is boffing a new man, the exotically named Jesus Luz (13¾).
Leaving the legal implications of sexual congress between Madonna and child, the whole of the Boggart Blog news team is gobsmacked...
CLICK HERE to read full post Celebrity Goss Bloggers Go Crazy As Jesus Boffs Madonna at Boggart Blog
Joe King by name and Joe King by nature...
by ianrthorpe @ 2009-03-03
What do you call some of the most unfortunate people in Britain? Well just in case you are stuck for an answer here are some suggestions. Justin Case (sic), Barb Dwyer and Stan Still. It sounds like a typical
CLICK HERE to read full post Joe King By Name and Joe King by nature at Boggart Blog
Poles Driving The Paddy Wagon
. by ianrthorpe @ 2009-03-02
News of how police in the Irish Republic finally caught up with the country's most reckless driver have emerged, the Irish Times reports.
Prawo Jazdy had been wanted from counties Cork to Cavan after racking up scores of speeding tickets and...
CLICK HERE to read full post Poles Driving The Paddy Wagon... at Boggart Blog
Did Snail Porridge Kill The Fat Duck
posted by ianrthorpe @ 2009-03-01
Did Snail Porridge Kill The Fat Duck?
Conehead chef Heston Blumenthal the culinary alchemist and gourmet cook who gave the world such dubious delights as snail porridge has suffered the indignity of having his best known restaurant, The Fat Duck at Bray in Buckinghamshire, closed by the local environmental health department. News of the celebrity chef's embarrassment reached us yesterday and...
CLICK HERE to read full post Did Snail Porridge Kill The Fat Duck? at Boggart Blog
Brainy Gail Trimble To Get Em Out For The Boys?
by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-28
It was inevitable this story would come up. Having emerged as the most successful contestant in the forty – odd years history of University Challenge and thus the brainiest bird in Britain, the Universe and probably everywhere else besides and also the cleverest woman since...
CLICK HERE to read Brainy Gail Trimble To Get 'Em Out For The Boys at Boggart Blog
The Dead Flag
posted by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-28
As the idiocies of Brown, Lord Mandy and their Nu Labour buddies get even more inept we take one of our occasional excursions into song with a new revolutionary anthem. If you don't know the tuneCLICK for the melody and original lyric to The Red Flag which was once the official song of The Labour Party. On visiting the plage click Play Midi to hear the audio track.
The Dead Flag.
Now all the bankers have gone broke
And can’t afford a line of coke...
CLICK HERE to read full post The Dead Flag at Boggart Blog
Ryan Air Cheap Flight Revolution.
posted by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-28
Budget airline Ryanair have developed a wonderful business plan to be the recession. They will fly you anywhere in the world for £1 but will charge £500 to use the lav if you need an in flight...
CLICK HERE to read full post Ryan Air Cheap Flight Revolution at Boggart Blog
Toilet Paper Tigers
.
posted by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-27
Americans like to tell us theirs is the most powerful and richest nation in the world, that their military is invincible (???) and their standard of living second to none. While all these claims can be disputed there is one area in which America’s superiority cannot be questioned. They use twice as much toilet paper per...
CLICK HERE to read full post Toilet Paper Tigers at Boggart Blog
Intellectually Bankrupt
posted by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-26
While the government touts higher education as the panacea for all social ills (and a great way of keeping around half a million or so young people off the claimant register for at least three years we learn that as the recession bites many Universities are in dire financial straits.
Not all these are arty farty progressive colleges offering degrees in...
CLICK HERE to read full post Intellectually Bankrupt at Boggart Blog
Parliamentary Pancake Race
by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-25
We will postpone an item on David Cameron’s child justice policy until another day and offer Mr. Cameron and his wife our condolences instead. In the meantime here is a different item altogether.
Every shrove Tuesday members of the Houses of Lords Commons and London Zoo media vulture house hold a pancake race in Parliament Square. It’s a mystery how this event has managed to escape the attentions of The Health and Safety Executive, something to do with Parliamentary Privilege perhaps, but it went ahead as usual yesterday...
CLICK HERE to read full post Parliamentary Pancake Race at Boggart Blog
Hugging An African Does Not Help
by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-25
It has been the big thing for fading celebrities who have an album, film or book to promote, they know it will make them look cool and right – on global champions of politically correct thinking and it is so easy and costs very little. They just get a charity or television company to send them to Africa as a “Goodwill Ambassador”, have their press agents inform the media and then, having made sure plenty of paparazzi are watching they grab the nearest African and hug them...
CLICK HERE to read full post Hugging An African Does Not Help at Boggart Blog
Hope To See You Again Soon
... by fatsally @ 2009-02-24
It's alright riding shotgun with BBC. I get to see a lot of things one doesn't necessarily notice whilst driving.
Today we passed the prison. We've passed it many times before, but today I clocked the sign:
WELCOME TO HM PRISON AND Youth Offender Iinstitute, NEW HALL...
CLICK HERE ro read full post Hope To See You Again Soon at Boggart Blog
Now gambling is as bad for you as booze and pies
by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-23
Following on from our recent news report about Nu Labour’s War On Pies comes a leaked report from a government Think Tank that has been looking at the evils of gambling.
The report describes gambling as being “as addictive as booze, drugs, cigarettes, tasty food, Daniel O’Donnell records, soap operas, stamp collecting, popular fiction and sex.” The report details how gambling has led to people losing their homes, cars, shirts, savings, self respect and...
CLICK HERE to read full post Now gambling is as bad for you as booze and pies at Boggart Blog
Fear and Panic and H.P. Sauce.
by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-21
Those two fiery – eyed black horses that in ancient Greek myths pull the chariot of Greek war god Ares have galloped though Boggart Blog many times and today they are with us again in spirit if not in actuality. Phobos and Deimos or Fear and Panic in English do not work for an ancient pagan god now but for the dark forces of authoritarianism and their evil henchmen The Politically Correct Thought Police who use these mythical beasts to inflate trivial risks in our minds to the proportions of imminent catastrophe. Thus they persuade We The Punters into meekly surrendering age old liberties and hard won civil rights in the name of The War On Terror...
CLICK HERE here to read full post Fear and Panic and HP Sauce at Boggart Blog
NuLab’s effing Food Fascists Target Our Pies.
by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-20
The government has really lost its collective sanity. Their only anser to the economic meltdown is more of the financial irresponsibility that got us into the mess and now we find their anser to rising unpopularity among voters is more of the kind of control freakery that made us all hate them in the first place.
If you were ever a fan of the 1980s and 1990s television comedies Yes Minister and Yes Prime Minister you will remember that the terminally mediocre and very John-Majoresque politician Jim Hacker was propelled into Downing Street after standing up for British sausages against a tsunami of bureaucratic regulation emanating from the headquarters of the EU...
CLICK HERE to read full post NuLab’s effing Food Fascists Target Our Pies.at Boggart Blog
Women In Labour by ianrthorpe
@ 2009-02-19
Last week (the news was a tad slow in arriving) 85 female Labour Party activists descended like harpies on London for the 2009 Labour Party women’s summit. You missed this inspirational and life affirming event didn’t you? Shame on you all.
There is, I always feel, something deeply unappealing about female Labour activists. It is perhaps to do with their earnest demeanour, their patronising
CLICK HERE to read full post Women in Labour at Boggart Blog
Erase that trauma with a pill. by ianrthorpe
@ 2009-02-18
The stories coming out of the world of medical research get more and more insane. The latest, about the pill that will erase traumatic memories, apart from drawing attention to another instance of the collaboration of corporate and academic fascism, is a total load of bollocks.
First, the active drug in the pill...
CLICK HERE to read full post Ease that trauma with a pill at Boggart Blog
Need to chill? Why Not Skin Up A Toad?
by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-17
With a constant stream of bad news battering us who could be blamed for seeking temporary respite in a little mild substance abuse? Smoke the odd joint, drop a couple of Es maybe? It’s no big deal. There is a risk with all drugs of but how great a risk depends on one’s susceptibility. For a healthy person who is not prone to allergic reactions smoking a joint or popping a few pills is no more dangerous that wholesome sports and hobbies such as horse riding, mountain biking or sliding down Ben Nevis on a Grand Piano...
CLICK HERE to read full post Need to chill? Why Not Skin Up A Toad? at Boggart Blog.
Hope Over Experience
by fatsally @ 2009-02-17
Controversy raged last week over plans by banks which had been subsidised with taxpayer's money continuing with their annual bonus beanfeast. Politicians, commentators, journalists, Uncle Tom Cobley and all railed against the suggestion that bankers deserved...
CLICK HERE to read full post Hope Over Experience at Boggart Blog
The Apocalyptic Rider and Pale Horse’s Arse
by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-17
The White Horse of Ebbsfleet, dubbed by some The Angel Of The South continues to provoke chatter in the news media. While the pretentious and arty farty of the art world compare it to The White Horse Of Uffingham and a symbol of hope, national pride and redemption other less kind but more honest types have compared it to an oversized version of those little potteries ornaments a fussy maiden aunt in the 1950s might have collected.
The debate too a darker turn when somebody raised the matter of the Apocalypse and...
CLICK HERE to read full post The Apocalyptic Rider and Pale Horse’s Arse at Boggart Blog
Hope Over Experience
by fatsally @ 2009-02-17
Controversy raged last week over plans by banks which had been subsidised with taxpayer's money continuing with their annual bonus beanfeast. Politicians, commentators, journalists, Uncle Tom Cobley and all railed against the suggestion that bankers deserved...
CLICK HERE to read full post Hope Over Experience at Boggart Blog
Whose the Daddy, Alfie or Damien?
by fatsally @ 2009-02-16
Well aren't the Screaming Redtops having a field-day with the story of 'little' Alfie Patten who has allegedly fathered a child with his 15 year old girlfriend, despite the fact that he is only four foot tall, looks about eight years old, his voice hasn't broken ergo his balls haven't dropped and he still wouldn't let a girl touch his willie because...
CLICK HERE to read Whose the Daddy, Alfie or Damien? at Boggart Blog
NHS Database: How To Turn Failure Into Success
. by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-16
Many leading headlines or top stories in the national news have shown Gordon Brown as increasingly pathetic in his attempts to cling to Barack Obama’s coat tails; there was the call for a cap on banker’s bonuses, empty bluster about shutting down tax havens (like the super rich who funded Obama’s campaign and bought the loyalty of the Labour Party will ever allow that) and the promises to restart their two nations’ economies by creating millions
CLICK HERE to read NHS Database: How To Turn Failure Into Success
Get The Snouts Out Of The Trough
by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-15
The Anorak, a populist and sensationalist web news and scandal sheet we like very much has started a campaign to get the porcine snouts of Greedy banker out of the trough of public funding by launching a petition.
Boggart Blog, being a more highbrow forum for informed opinion and comment does not trouble itself with...
CLICK HERE for full post Get The Snouts Out Of The Trough
Cow Urine Cola: In India It’s the weeal thing: by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-14
In India they've done what?
Made cola from cow wee?
They haven’t have they?
They surely have. In India you will soon be able to drink a refreshing cola beverage made from cow’s urine.
We know some parts of the world have serious shortages of fresh water but we never knew things were this bad...
TO Read full post : Cow Urine Cola, In India It's The Weeal Thing CLICK HERE
The Recession And The Nigerian Banker
by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-13
The papers are full of advice on how to survive the recession these days. Professional tightwads have never had it so good. Even television companies are hiring “money experts” show us how to be miserable, miserly bastards like them and offer tips on how to live a life devoid of pleasure without spending any money at all.
The give us tips like “Just hang around the kebab and burger van, so many drunken people throw away half eaten meals a thrifty person can dine well for free
TO Read full post: The Recession and the Nigerian Banker CLICK HERE
Real British Engineering, Real Japanese Jobs?
by ianrthorpe @ 2009-02-13
This week Gordon Brown’s government (perfoming their party piece Not Waving But Drowning) announced exciting news for trainspotters. The current generation of inter city trains, aka Thomas The Tank and friends are to be replaced by whizzy, shiny new Japanese trains...
TO Read full post: Real British Engineering, Real Japanese Jobs CLICK HERE
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