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New Gadgets Guaranteed To Break The Ice At Parties
The world is in trouble, over production, over consumption and over population combine to mess up the environment, the global exonomic system and the societies humans have formed. And the only solution our leaders can offer? More of the same stuff that screwed everything up ...

New Gadgets Guaranteed To Break The Ice At Parties
by Ian R Thorpe
2011-09-18
CREATIVE COMMONS: Attribute, non commercial, no derivs.
KEYWORDS:gadget, technology, electronics, computer, e book, tablet, reader, smartphone, television, satire, humour, humor

Televisions you can draw on, video memo notes that stick on to the fridge, everything you don't need and only a cupid stunt would waste money on ... and all, if not quite under one roof then under many rooves at one exhibition. Every year in September Berlin is host to nerd heaven, the Internationale Funka-usstellung (IFA), said to be the world's largest electronics trade show.

Spread across more than two dozen halls the size of football pitches, more than 1,400 exhibitors build massive stands to win attention with bright lights and soft carpets. Almost every company you've heard of is there.

The one that's not is Apple whose PR people are far smarter than their developers of useless, overpriced gadgets and are aware it's best to launch alone rather than compete with your rivals for attention. Though the iPad is not on show hundreds of clone tablets pose like twenty dollar prostitutes and scores of iPod docking stations and cases jostle with each other.

Sony dominate the show.

Most products announced are to be relesed in the two or three months that follow this jamboree. Some products however will not make it to the market place for very good reasons.

What was a hit at the world's biggest electronics conference this year? What will be the cause of you having to pay over the odds for your stuff because technology firms are run by nerds and spend fortunest developing this crazy shit? Here's a selection (H/T The Independent because I simply edited their fawning reviews to give a more objective impression.)

The Intenet Enabled Fridge:
This is a refrigerator which sends you an email to remind you what stuff you have taken out of your fridge. Like you don't remember eating it. This gadget could be useful for people with Alzheimers dieease of course, providing they remember to check their email.

Sony Tablet S:
Try as they may, makers of tablets just can't make inroads on the iPad's dominance. Sony may be about to change that. The Tablet S is a beautiful, classy machine, designed like a folded newspaper with the weight centred on one edge. In theory this makes it easier to hold, especially when you're using it as an ebook. It will however be fucked the first time you put it in the cat's poopoo tray because you have run out of cat littler.

Samsung Galaxy Note
How big a smartphone can you manage? This phone has a massive display (5.3ins) which is pin-sharp and gloriously colourful. If you fancy watching movies on the go, this is a great combination of amazing picture quality and ultimate portability. If you only need to call home to say "I'm working late at the office dear," you'll need a three ton truck to lug the battery pack around which kind of spoils it.

Native Union Play Video memo pad
Fridge magnets, Post-Its, they're all so 20th century. But a video posit it note, for fuck's sake even Boggart Blog can't find words to describe the pointlessness of this idea. The Native Union memo pad sticks to the fridge and has a front-facing camera and microphone so you can record a video message up to three minutes long. Unfortunately the only creeps sad enough to buy this crap are sure to live alone.

LG PenTouch TV
So you've got your eye on LG's 600in PZ8590T plasma TV but you feel there's something missing? Perhaps you're not satisfied with Freeview HD, or the way the TV can convert 2D programmes to 3D although this is not as good as true 3D. Well, how about the facility to write on the telly? You can draw silly facial hair and geek specs on David Camereon and Nick Clegg or a big flying todger aiming for Katy Price's cleavage. Guaranteed to break the ice at parties (Monty Python video).

Toshiba 55ZL2 glasses-free 3D TV
The annoying thing about 3D is the glasses. Toshiba's new flatscreen aims to make them obsolete. This is thanks to the high resolution four times full HD resolution, ie, 3,840 x 2,160 pixels. A camera below the screen works out where you're sitting to create sweet spots for multiple viewers. Now you can ditch the annoying glasses and learn how annoying 3DTV is in it's own right.

Sony PRS-T1 Reader Wi-fi
Not another ebook reader. Actually this is pretty good. It kicks the arse of an iPad which is such a useless reader for twice the price it has to pretend to be a computer, Sony's new model is very light and has a large, easy-to-read 6in screen. It's glare-free and, like the Kindle, or one of those really advanced gadgets called a book, it is easy to read in bright sunlight. At 130 it will give Amazon's Kindle a run for its money.

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