Little Tony and Little Gordie Have A Falling Out.
by ianrthorpe
first posted at Boggart Blog, 2006-04-09
Its handbags at dawn in Downing Street at the moment. Gordon Brown's supporters are saying Tony Blair has reneged on his promise to stand down before the next election, Blairites are saying Gordon Brown snatched the pensioners £200 fuel allowance to ensure Labour do badly at the local elections and Tony will be forced to quit.
It is understandable that Blair is having second thoughts about his future of course. He has spent the last eight years working to secure his place in history only to find the place history has set aside for him is next to the rat that first brought the Black Death to Britain.
Brown's frustration too is understandable, like the electorate he has been patient and loyal, only to see every promise broken.
Put all this together and its easy to see that relations between the Downing Street neighbours are strained to say the least.
Boggart Blog's mission is to bring our readers the inside story from wherever important events are unfolding. To this end our editor in chief, the world - famous water boggart Jenny Greenteeth has gone under cover disguised as the fetid water in a vase of spring flowers in order to eavesdrop on a private meeting between the two.
Tony:
Hello Fatty Brown, Gordon the glob, what have you messed up for us this week? You mess everything up. Fatty Brown, the thickest kid in town.
Gordon:
I'm not talking to you Blair, you're not my friend anymore, you tell lies.
Tony:
That's OK, I don't want you as my friend. You're fat and you smell. I've got loads and loads of friends. Everybody hates you, fatty.
Gordon:
Liar, you haven't got any friends coz you tell lies about people.
Tony:
I've got more friends than you.
Gordon:
Haven't,
Tony:
Have,
Gordon:
Haven't,
Tony:
Have, Georgie Bush is my friend
Gordon:
Liar. Liar, liar, pants on fire. He only said he would be your friend coz he wanted you in his gang against Saddam's gang.
Tony:
Yeah?
Gordon:
Yeah!
Tony:
Well why has he asked me to be in his gang against Iran if he's not my friend?
Gordon:
He hasn't, liar. He's got nukes to use on Iran, he doesn't need a gang. You only tell people Georgie is your friend coz he doesn't live round here. You've go no friends.
Tony:
Got more friends than you.
Gordon:
Who are they then? What are their names? Who are your friends?
Tony:
You don't know them.
Gordon:
I know everyone. They all hate you.
Tony:
You don't know my friends.
Gordon:
Oh yes I do. See that smelly old tramp begging in the street, he's dirty and scruffy and he's got a big beard with mice and beetles running round in it? He's your best friend he is.
Tony:
No he isn't. I hate him.
Gordon:
He is, he comes to your house for his dinner. I've seen him.
Tony:
Well, see that bag lady with the greasy coat with all drops of dried soup down it. She dribbles spit down her chin, there she goes, dribble, dribble. And she stinks of wee.
Gordon:
Well?
Tony:
Well she's your girlfriend. You want to kiss her you do...
At this point a member of domestic staff entered the room to change the flowers.