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Humourous and Satirical Posts:

Labour's bacon Sandwich Fail Show They Are Unfit To Govern Some people might think Boggart Blog has the same style of rabid hatred for all Labour politicians and Labour supporters and lefties reserve for Michael Gove. [ ... ] Take for your example the infamous bacon sandwich incident on the day before the European elections. Warned that Labour were losing votes to UKIP because working class people felt the party was elitist and out of touch, some out of touch elitist in the Labour Public Relations team decided Ed, who is not religious but is Jewish all the same, should be pictured eating a working class breakfast, a bacon sandwich.

Mind Control: How It Works and how The Elite Use It
Mind control, the ability of science to deliver a completely compliant and uncomplaining population. It had been the goal of tyrants for over a hundred years, just as the abilty to comtrol human minds and turn us into humandroids has been the goal of mad scientists. But is such scientific advance getting uncomfortably close to reality? The idea of a scientific dictatorship able to subjugate individuality was born over a century ago by insane scientists and control freaks who saw human qualities like empathy and compassion as an obstriction to scientific progress. welcome to Dystoipia.

Civilisation Isn't Over 'Til The Bearded Lady Sings

Freak shows went out of fashion in the 1950s and rightly so in my not so humble opinion. Two headed dogs, a man with goat hooves, people who swallowed live animals (geeks) and bearded ladies were not anybody's idea of sophisticated entertainment. That being the case, why do Europe's media luvvies who think they are oh so sophisticated persist with the annual freak show that is the Eurovision song Contest?

Labour, the (very rich, elitist) People's party plans to ban your beer and pies
Are Labour still the peoples party or have they forgotten their core voters and working class roots and sold out to the metrpolitan left-wing intellectual media mafia. After the latest P R faux pas, few voters over 40 will be able to asociate the people's party with cloth caps and ciggies. Ed Miliband's proposed crackdown on tobbacco, alcohol and 'unhealthy eating' could well be the policy that loses the election.

Don't Worry If You Are A Barm Pot, Insane Is The New Normal
Have you noticed more and more people seem to be mentally ill these days. It isn't that we are getting crazier (the world is going insane, we are no more mad than our ancestors were), but that the bar people must jump to be diganosed bonkers is being set lower...

Technowanks for technowankers with Google Glass?
Almost every day we are reporting the latest 'breaktrhough in dehumanisation and a further step towards making us all slaves to technology. The scientists are out of control, semi - autistic nerds with no understanding of ethical boundaries are giving politicians with no scruples about reviving Naziism the tools to enslave us.

Mr. Hollande's Soap Opera
The bedroom antics of France's latest President would have brought down the government in most nations, particularly those tending to the protestant version of Christianity. So why has the exposure of a love affair betwen France's Francoise Hollande and a beautiful actress much younger than himself caused so little difficulty for the distinctly uncharismatic M. Hollande?

Oxbridge bias equals unfunny comedy says Bob Mortimer
If you don't know who Bob Mortimer is, you are either very young or an alien. He was half of the Reeeves and Mortimer team that made some hilariously surreal sketch shows throughout the 1990s and more recently co presenter (with Vic Reeves) of the bordertline insance panel game Shooting Stars.

Meat Will Only Be For The Elite If Leftie Scientists Get Their Way
A group of leading environmental scientists have tabled a report blaming cow farts for global warming and demanding punitive taxes on meat. Is there anything solid in their theory or are they all piss and wind?

How American Forces Network Saved Our Lives Britain in the 1950s was a monochrome society, a rigid, unyielding social order and overt class consciousness constrained social interactions, people were reluctant to do the right thing for fear of it being deemed by "polite society" as the wrong thing. Fortunately a radio station we should not have been listening to, and the subversive music it played took the lead in releasing us from our bonds

Britspeak
Some American academics are concerned about the number of British slang words and colloquialisms that are finding their way into the pure and beautiful American language (which they call English) after being picked up from TV shows and films. One particular individual who shall be nameless because he is probably the type of small minded, humourless Herbert who would sue, is getting his knickers in a right old twist and throwing hissy fits about it every chance he gets.

Comical Ali Is Back And Now Working For The New World Order
A CNN documentary on nuclear power as a source of clean, green energy now that wind and solar have failed very expensively to live up to scientists expectations (as us sceptics said they would) was so biased it reminded us of the broadcasts from Iraq's Information Minister in the Gulf War

History Is Older Than They Are Telling Us The official story goes Weez aalz from Afreekaa, humans crossed the strait of Gibraltar about a million years ago and after some serious delays at Malaga airport, arrived in britain arounf 400,000 years ago. But it's wrong. humans were already here a million years ago and they were taking caravan holidays by the sea. Civilization began in England, but we always knew that didn't we folks?

Scientists Prove Science Is For The Terminally Insane
News coming out of the world of 'science' is getting crazier. But is that any wonder when the government and the BBC keep throwing money at idiots like Brian Cox who does a little come in his pants every time he uses the word science (which explains why he uses it six times a minute)

Haunted Vagina Star Opens Up For Boggart Blog
The latest music business Hollywood celebrity MK Ultra meltdown comes from bubble gum music act Ke$ha who is boasting about having a haunted vagina ...

Man Sues Wife Over Ugly Baby
Back to China for this nutty story. In the week the Chinese Renminbi replaced the US$ as the reserve currency it seems the Chinese are getting ready to replace Americans at the world's top nut jobs. According to a Local 10 news report Jian Feng sued his wife over their ugly baby recently. According to the lawsuit the "beautiful" couple could not ...

A Dragon Flies Over Truro
Now I know some among you who have relied on your belief in reason, logic and order to protect yourselves from having to face the fact that we live in a a crazy, insane world in which nothing makes sense will be throwing a hissy fit at the notion that a dragon might have escaped from ...

BBC-outed-on-left-wing-political-bias-in-climate-change-coverage-by-astute-pensioner-they-are-a-globalist-propaganda-tool-nature-daily-stirrer-dailystirrer
For years the BBC have denied showing left wing bias in their reporting of climate change and the fraudulent science that has steered government policy on the environment. Now the supposedly neutral but increasingly politicised public broadcaster has been outed by an astute pensioner as a New World Order prpoaganda machine.

History Is Older Than They Are Telling Us The official story goes Weez aalz from Afreekaa, humans crossed the strait of Gibraltar about a million years ago and after some serious delays at Malaga airport, arrived in britain arounf 400,000 years ago. But it's wrong. humans were already here a million years ago and they were taking caravan holidays by the sea. Civilization began in England, but we always knew that didn't we folks?

Budgie Smugglers the only safe swimwear on Hampstead Heath
After years of being ridiculed by the terminally under endowed and the fashion conscious my swimwear of choice is now suddenly back in the public eye. Budgie Smugglers are the recommended swimwear for those who don't want their nudger or testicles bitten by ...

Too Fat To Die
We are all used to the drama of the diminishing appeals of prisoners on death row, if only via books and film. Usually the condemned is trying to gain a stay of execution so he can prove his innocence. However not many prisoners actually get the nod from ...

War on mororists a myth, we hate everybody, says Labour think tank.
You have to hand it to the loony lefties of Labour. In spite of their being totally humourless and having no sense of either irony or the absurd they manage to be wonderfully comical. Having waged unrelenting war on ...

Give And Take: Guess who gives and who takes lf Sufficiency, the American dream, a return to the lifestyle of the pioneers. Take care of yourself, take care of your own, live on the bounty of nature. Even in Oregon the State is encroaching. Those who dream of a similar lifestyle Original post: Give and take - Anna Raccoon

Scientists Turn Rat Into A Jellyfish
Scientists have "created" an artificial life form that resembles an other-worldly alien from a sci-fi movie and has a name to match. But real-life scientists created the multi-limbed "Medusoid" which swims with the help of pulsating rat heart cells.The artificial creature, measuring several ...

Scientists Turn Rat Into Jellyfish Scientists have "created" an artificial life form that resembles an other-worldly alien from a sci-fi movie and has a name to match. But real-life scientists created the multi-limbed "Medusoid" which swims with the help of pulsating rat heart cells.The artificial creature, measuring several ...

Accrington Man Sells Children Into Slavery To Buy Jubilee Bunting
As Britain goes jubilee crazy our newsdesk has picked up the story of an Accringon man who has sold his two children into slavery to buy bunting for his house.
Mr. Alf Slackbotham of Slagside Avenue told reporters ...

Things Must Be Pretty Bad When Primark Fakes Are Selling In Dubai
Fake Christian Louboutin shoes I can understand although those wanting to plug such crap in my comments thread can eff off, I'll just delete you. Fake Louis Vuitton bags, Dolce and Gabbana wossits, ...

Dogging site goes to the dogs.
A Surrey beauty spot popular with dog walkers and notorious as a location for adults to gather and have sex in public with total strangers is to be the subject of a new project aimed at

Norwegians Rebel Against Fat Police
We frequently report of the activities of the Politically Correct Thought Police Food Fascist Squad and their incessant wars on tasty food, fat, salt and sugar. It is great for one to be able to report on a nation not far from us culturally of geographically that is staging a fightback against the control freaks.

California: The Global Capital Of CrazyCalifornia has long been known as the global capital of crazy. Every stupid, solipsistic, acid dropping, dope smoking dickhead in the world is welcome there and every bad idea will find an enthusiastic following. California's economy depends on high tech industries. And yet people are prepared to put money into promoting a return to pre - steam, eco friendly technologies. ...

Cardinal Sin?The row over same sex marriage is going to go on for a long time - and get a lot sillier Coming Soon To A Waste Pipe Near You - Intelligent SlimeBut you don't want to read such dross today so here's a story about the yellow peril. We're not being racist, this yellow peril is intelligent slime that can think like humans (i.e. it's about a billion times more intelligent than the computers that are ...
Mozart Exposes Another Scientific Scam
The world is in trouble, over production, over consumption and over population combine to mess up the environment, the global exonomic system and the societies humans have formed. And the only solution our leaders can offer? More of the same stuff that screwed everything up ...

Suicide Dolphins
Amongst the numbers of missing and unaccounted for in the aftermath of Hurricane Rita are a number of fully armed combat dolphins who are trained to carry out missions behind enemy lines. Such Dolphins are not expected to return from their assignments but be happy to lay down their lives in the service of their country.

Evidence (As If You Needed Any) That All The Green Movement Are Insane
The Green movement are trying to make a big thing of earth hour, suppoedly the one hour each year we all switch off our lights and appliances to remind ourselves of how our lifestyles harm the planet. The trouble is despiter much hype and dishonest reporting from mainstream media Earth Hour has never really caught on. In fact most peope are completely in the dark about it.

Midsome Gang Wars The Politically Correct Thought Police have the fictional coppers of Midsomer Murders in their sights. They say there are no ethnic minority members in the cast. So while most of us ordinary punters are fine with prople from Africa, the Caribbean Asia and the Indian Sub Continent we have yet another reason to hate politically correct lefties.

Empathic Chickens Or Silly Science
In a news item that deserved to be listed in the 'gobsmacking scientific breakthrough of the week' dedicated to the work of scientists who get very excited when they discover something the rest of us hown known for years, we report on the discovery of empathic chickens. The Wonders Of Brian Cox
I haven't much time for scientists normally, especially those con artists who cooked up the global warming scam and the lapdogs of Big Pharma who tell us if we would only take enough prescription drugs we could live forever. Brian Cox on the other hand is as always good television in his new Wonders of the Universe series..

The Truth Is Not Out There
The truth is out there, promised the voiceover man at the start of television cult sci - fi series The X Files. Well it might be but if it is we are no nearer to finding it. And since the X Files introduced us to cryptozoology and quantum weirdness we don't seem to be any closer to the truth. Maybe out there is the wrong place to look.

Football Is Becoming A Game For Wimps or Who Banned All The Pies
News that a football stadium has gone vegetarian is never going to do the game's already tarnshed image much good. We get the feeling there soon will be a day when grizzled old pundits will be more likely to remark, cor, nice arse about the Ref rather than his comely female assistant. Football ued to be a man's game,there was a kind of poetry involved in the play of Tom Finney, Johhny Haynes, George Best and the other greats but it was the poetry of ...

You Can Keep Your Hat On - If You Want To Beat Climate Change.
Never go out without a hat in cold weather was Grandma's wise advice. Turns out the old girl was right. Gooing outside without a hat may be contributing to global warming ...

Malawi: Where Farting Is A Crime.We in the west have endured the gradual erosion of our civil liberty, human rights and personal freedom in the name of politically correct thinking but while we look to the developing world as offering a simpler, more common sense approach to life it seems their situation is worse. A new law in Malawi has made farting a crime. At least in the west we can still fart at will.
Face It: Eating Shite Makes You Fat And Ill
Governments are worried that we as a nation are getting too fat. Bigger ambulances and bigger prison cells are needed. They blame the public for lack of self control. But we are being brainwashed by advertisinf and the food industry into eating toxic chemicals that make us gain weight. Hilreious comedy rant.
Everything They Said Is Bad For You Is Good For You.J
ust when you thought it was safe to go back into the pleasuredome Nanny State's Politically Correct Thought Police are now using CAll Me Dave's Dave's nudger try to nudge us towards being better citizens, eating more shite and refusing things we like, drinking less booze, smoking less ciggies, avoiding dangerous sports like bowls and tiddleywinks, driving less miles in a less cavalier fashion and being less idle (unless of course being idle is the alternative to driving, boozing, eating or enjoying yourself by doing things the Thought Police do not like.
Tobogganing Teacher Sacked
The Politically Correct Thought Police read their ugly heads again as a teacher in a secondary school is sacked for putting pupils at unnecessary risk by letting them do a bit of toboganning in the recent cold, snowy weather.

And Starlings Will Fall - Bladdered -From The Heavens
Odd, and we mean really strange, stuff happens all the time. The world is a strange place. Sometimes when strange stuff happens God fearing types start yelling about the end of the world and the raptures when all our clothes fall off and we ascend to heaven Nothing happens of course. Scientists say science wil provide the answer and it doesn't because the world is not scientific. And all the time only Boggart Blog knows what happened.

Filth Is The Most Popular Thing In Suffolk
If you Boggart Blog readers, like us Boggart Bloggers Fatsally, Cleo Hart and myself, hate public relations campaigns and the whole industry that has grown up around telling us what we have to think and how we have to ...

SHOCK HORROR! Cats More Manipulative Than Humans In another instalment of our Utterly Gobsmacking Scientific Revelation Of The Week series be bring you an item from MSNBC that reports veterinary researchers have found cats are even more cynical and manipulative creatures than was previously thought ...

Christmas Is Bollocks part 2.
For Christmas 2010 Boggart Blog has continued its long tradition off slagging off the modern, consumer oriented, shoddy, politically correct, conformist christmas if favour of supporting people who do their own thing.

You Get What You Deserve.
Are mobile phones, celphones as they are called in some parts, destroying good manners and the basic civility we need in order for ociety to finction? In the internet destroying our way of life? Are we becoming slaves to technology? Boggart Blog's resident technophobe Fatsally has a few things to say on that.

Apprentice Speak: Talking Corporate Bollocks.
As the government tried to sell off last year's stock of swine flu by telling us the pandemic that did not happen last year had come back to not happen again this year. There is a pandemic running round at the moment though as evidenced by this year's UK run of The Appentice on television. If Lord Sugar's candidates were as good at getting things done as they are at talking management spek bollocks he's be on a winner.

It's Life Craig, But Not As We Know It.
Since the publication of Frankenstein and maybe before that it has been the ambition of many scientists to discover the science of life itself and thus create new life in the laboratory. Now modern adances in delusional thinking have led science to move beyond dreams into the realms of fantasy fiction and claim they have created artificial life when they have not.

Batteries Not Included
"Batteries not inclded" The dreaded words on the boxes of toys bought for Christmas presents. At first sight of those words Dad knew that stuffed with turkey, roasties and duff he was in for a trek round the destered streets on Chistmas day to find an open all hours. Now as governments and sciencyheads and green, three hugging weirdie - beardies whose love of science and the environment is more to do with religious zeal than reason and logic we are starting to the that the words "batteries not included will be even mkore terrifying when see in the small priint of the contract we have just signed for a new electric car.

Magic Hat Works For Me.
It does not take much to get the grumblies grumbling and mumbling. I'm talking about the sciencyheads and people whose irrational belief in logic, reason and order makes us pity them. Ten to one they will be getting their knickers in a twist about any mention of my magic hat. Well when I'd worn my hat to go out shopping for wine and it's magic helped me to pull a pretty girl of less than half my age, that's the kind of magic I can believe in. And the sciencyheads and pointyheads can fuck right off.

Normal, Fat, Obese?
Can it be true as one newspaper headline suggested this week parents do not know whether their child has a weight problem because they do not know what the difference between normal, fat and obese. But with the politically correct though police forbidding us to call somebody a fat bastard and medical professionals using terms like clinically obese (slightly over the ideal weight) and morbidly obese (a right tunb of lard) is it any wonder people are confused.

Ban Terry Jones
As usual the Labour Loony Left are getting their knickers in a right old twist about somebody most of us might not care to have as a dinner guest being allowed into the country. When you hear the name Terry Jones you might think of phrases like 'He's not The Messiah, he's a very naughty boy,' or 'Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition,' but alas it is not the Terry Jones of Monty Python fame.
It's Life Jim But Not As We Know It. Scientists, those shallow, excitable people so to prone to hyperbole and easily moved to hysteria were last week claiming they had discovered alien life forms in the shape of arsenic eating bacteria in Lake Mono, California. Science and reality are often a long way apart and in the cold light of reason we wonder what the NASA astrobiologist who led the project was getting wound up about.

Milliband: Labour Will Demand Equal Rights For Toothpaste.
New Labour leader Ed Milliband pledged at his press event relaunching the party under his leadership that Labour will lok after the "squeezed middle." The press, broadcast media and the world of politics have been speculating about what this means. Only Boggart Blog can bring you the exclusive, Ed was talking about family values, sibling rivalry and toothpaste.

SAS - Satnav Antipathic Soldiers and The Misadventures Of Suzie From The Isle Of Skye
Boggart Blog loves Sat Nav stories. We love all stories that make those people trying to turn science into a religion and make technology one of its idols look stupid. Not that we are against science and technology, we are simply against the kind of people who try to tell us what we can and can't think. And if we give up map reading slikks and the power to think for ourelves then when the machines go wrong as sat nav often does, we're fucked. As a young friend of ours found out.
Carl Sagan Day.
If there is one man the sciencyheads hail as the prophet of their religion, the worship of speculative theories and unproveable assertions, the conflation of fact with fantasy, legend and myth and the replacement of hard evidence with mathematical modelling it is Carl Sagan. So was the man a genius or a knobhead. Read this article and decide for yourselves...

Under The Influence Of Mind Altering Drugs Eight Legs Is A Few too Many
You may have heard of the Men Who Stare At Goats if only throuh the George Cloony film of the same name but have you heard of the Men Who Do Drugs With Spiders? Not 'do drugs and see spiders' you understand but actually get together with spiders for the purpose of taking consciousness altering drugs. It's another war winning idea from the US Department of Defense Advanced Research Projects team. Go America, those bearded ragheads must be shitting themselves.

They're Coming
The recording on video of a vapour trail from an unexplained aerial object sighted near California has caused a stir.
The American government and military deny it was anything to do with

Obama The Philosopher President
In anew book to be published soon Havard Philosophy Professor James T Kloppenberg (that is not a Boggart Blog piss take, it's his real name OK) hails Barack Obama as ...

Breaking News - Nanny State On Suicide Watch
Reports are just coming in of a dramatic incident at the Palace of Westminster. It seems a mythical woman has been prevented by fire brigade and police officers from committing suicide by impaling herself on John Redwood's pointed ears.The woman, whose real name is not know but who has previously been referred to by the media as Nanny State became distraught as David Cameron announced a new government policy aimed at dismantling the ..
Footballers More Highly Valued Than Scientits - Scientists Complain
We are used to scientists whingeing, oh they're so hard done by, they work long and hard at the task of extending human knowledge and are paid peanuts ('if you pay peanuts you end up hiring monkeys' goes an old business maxim. Now they are complaining immigration law values football more highly than science as footballers' work visas are priorities. Why not we ask, footballers entertain some people, scientists seem to spend all their time molesting mice. When you see (below) some of the work they turn in you might think as we do that if scientists are earning peanuts we're overpaying them...

Comedy Cops Oust Plod.
Police chiefs have finally come clean and admitted their officers spend more time dealing with bureaucracy than chasing criminals. This exposes the ever improving crime statistics proclaimed by the previous government as a fraud. It was not jut that police were not investigating crimes, they wrre not even logging the calls. Boggart Blog reports on the bureaucracy of policing.
Ello, 'Ello, 'Ello, Who's Engine's Running Here Then?
The crazier a law is the more enthusiastic the police will be in enforcing it. Report a murder, robbery or gand fight and the boys in blue will turn up two days later to give out leaflets on victim counselling but go 1mph over the speed limit and they're like mustard.
Speed Dating For Lawyers
When somebody decided to launch a spped dating for single young lawyers who are to busy to develop relationships tt must have seemed a good idea at the time, not so says Boggart Blog's Ian R Thorpe, lawyers are as entitled to the cuddles, companionship and sex we all seek from relationships, but speed dating. Lawyer and speed are words that will never sit comfortably together
Apocalypse North
England is two nations, north and south it is often said. Most people think this refers to the wealth gap, they have more money in the south, in the north we have better beer, better pies and we get more sex. But the real gap is cultural. This does not mean southerners are always at the opera or ballet while we are at football or bingo. It means southerners are obsessed with social status, we in the north couldn't give a fuck what you think of us so long as we're having a laugh.

Recycling Into Danger
Power may well corrupt but it certainly removes those who hold it from reality. So as Gordon Brown squats in Downing Street hoping that a bizarre sequence of events following the indecisive election will lead to him staying on as Prime Minister in a hung parliament one cannot help but think The Gordon Show is turning into a Truman Show type movie fantasy.

Safety First, Second and Third, Fun Last.
The politically correct thought police and their health and safety cohort are tireless in their efforts to ensure you are never ever at risk from anything, especially the risk of having fun.

Are You Smarter Than Your Kids.
Every year we are told school pupils are getting brighter as record numbers of exam passses are achieved. Every year employers complain that their new recruits, from university graduates to year ten drop outs are getting dumber. So is the education system really turning our brighter children or are the examining boards cheating?

Ryanair To Let Passengers Fly Planes?
News that in a cost cutting move budget airline Ryanair were considering abolishing the role of co - pilot and training cabin vrew to fly planes was greeted with disbelief. We wondered why, the travel industry has been hit hard by the recession and ruthless efficiency is necessary for survival. A Boggart Blog investigation revealed however that there may plans to go even further and let passengers fly planes.

David Cameron Shoots Himself In The Face
David Cameron had got off to such a good start in his relations with America, putting Obama in his place about economics and deficit spending, revealing plans for withdrawal from Afghanistan, pointing out the BP has not been British Petroleum for many years and getting some concessions for convicted pentagon hacker Gary McKinnon. So why has it gone wrong?

Is It A Bird, Is It A Plane, Is It Superman, No, its Supermuslim!
In an effort to show Muslims are really fun people and Islamic publisher has launched a muslim superhero comic book series. Move over Superman and all the other all American superheroes, Super Muslim has arrived.

Parent Power: Mr & Mrs Lardarse Join The Parent Council
One of the recent big new ideas in education is parent power and the introduction of parent councils in schools to encourage parents to have a more active role in school life. The problem here is will the more articulate type of middle class parent dominate or will the more physical approach of Mr. and Mrs Lardarse win the argument?
Back To Basics by Sir Hector Gobbett - Broadsides
Sir Hector Gobbett Broadsides, Conservative MP for Rawtenborough since 1832 and a great champion of old fashioned values has agreed to write for us in support of a return to traditional convervative values, self determinations and the restoration of traditional British right like Primae Noctis. In this first article he argues for the reten of ritualistic beatings in schools, the death penalty for single mothers and the 95 hour working week for poor people.

Pity The Poor Binmen
Whether the government in power is Labour, Conservative or coalition their idea of improving public sector efficiency sems to be to stop provinding services to the public but hire bigger and bigger armies of penpushers to administer the non provision of services. Just look what has happened with refuse collection over the years. We have ended up with a situation in which binmen are not allowed to lift or carry a bin for health and safety reasons...

2010-06-28
New Political Leaders let us down.
by ianrthorpe

As satirical bloggers we have been waiting for David Cameron to fall flat on his face. It's disappointing then that he has emerged from the G20 conference of political leaders as the figure the world looks to for...

2010-06-28
What Goes around, Comes Around
by fatsally

Well, you have to admit there is a certain symmetry in life, even if you have to wait 44 years.
I thought it was quite ironic that England were denied a goal that clearly was over the line, (and yes the fans at the stadium were correct, the ref was a wanker... didn't his...

2010-06-28
The Ball Was In
by cleohart

Football. The World Cup. There's no escape, so I might as well cover it. On Sunday we lost spectacularly against our nemesis, Germany. To be fair, we were shit, and have been throughout the contest according to all commentaries. Really we should think ourselves lucky we didn't achieve ultimate embarrassment by ...

Welcome To Our World Cup
America's football (soccer if you must)team is taking part in the World Cup again. Lets hope their gallant performances as underdogs, and their good natured sportsmanship are not treated with the same indifference as four years ago. After all, though a sports team alone cannot undo the damage done to America's international reputation by the Bush administration, its a start.

England's Flag Racist?
Crimes like murder, robbery, kidnapping, rape and arson are not serious enough to warrant urgent police attention these days. The crimes that matter are... a flag that identified him as an England football supporter? Well no, he was actually pulled up because his World Cup flag was “racist and likely to offend Muslims.

England, England, England
World Cup fever doesn't strike Boggart Blog's fatsally. No worse than Swine Flu the writer says

World Cup: The Idea Is To Win But England Players Don't Get It.
Far be it from us to suggest footballers are thick, I mean thinking the idea of a penalty shootout is to put the ball as far wide or high of the goal as possible is a simple mistake to make. Emile Heskey reached a new level of incomptence however, and what more he did it in a warm up game against....

Rooney Not Of The Old School
It was always inevitable that England striker Wayne Rooney would get into trouble at the world cup. The scouser's ripe language was bound to upset referees who have been bribed (allegedly) to find any excuse for sensing off England players. But getting in trouble is a friendly with a local team exceeded our expectations...

Rooney To Ref: Swive You Earsling - Now Wayne Can Vent His Spleen Safely
Boggart Blog. though not a football blog is for the World Cup as patriotic as any British blog can be so we came up with a scheme to protect England star Wayne Rooney from overzealous foreign referees. We are sending out our expert on medieval English, Grammercy Pecksniff to coach Rooney in using archaic swear words and insulting phrases words even English referees will not understand..

The Misery Pill: Unhappiness and Arse DribbleWe have reported extensively both here and at the original Boggart Blog on the plague of obesity and the scourge of arse dribble that punishes those who seek a quick remedy in fat busting drug. Now the pharmeceutical indusrty has gone one better and created a pill that not only causes arse dribble, it makes people depressed as well.
The Worm In The Apple iPhone Apple CEO Steve Jobs, a man whose entire career has been built on finding creative ways of avoiding an admission that his company’s technology is overpriced shite insisted there is nothing wrong with the new iPhone and people are experiencing problems because they are holding it wrongly. We disagree...

Should The Cuts Hit The NHS?
As anticipation mounted about Chancellor George Osborne's emergency budget aimed at bringing the public sector spending deficit under control people were asking if budhgets for the National Health Service (NHS) would be cut. We can think of one area of the NHS where cutting the budget might improve matters...

The Adventures Of Posthumous Sperm
Parliament will allow women to be impregnated by Posthumous Sperm my first thought was to find out who this Posthumous Sperm person might be and why he is particularly qualified to impregnate women. It is after all a job many of us blokes would be well up for if we were given the chance...

Hybrid Embryos Will bring Viz Characters To Life
Parliament debated the hybrid embryo clause of the human fertility bill yesterday and despite the irrational and superstitious fears of Church of Scienceology scientists cult leaders that our elected representative “do not understand science” and therefore were not qualified to debate the bill, the clause was...

FILTH! The Mary Whitehouse Effect
Advance publicity for “FILTH!” a dramatised version of the Mary Whitehouse story starring Julie Walters and coming (oops, pardon!) to a television near you has predictably aroused (oops, pardon!) the holier-than-thou brigade to start ranting about ... any mention of “FILTH!” in the media tends to make the legions of the narrow minded come over Mary Whitehouse (oops, pardon!).

Is It Time To Ban Maths From Schools?
Academics and politicians are always banging on about how school pulpils have no interest in maths and science. They blame everybody but themselves of course. When you get down to it, maybe the way Maths and Science are taught in schools is to blame. Or maybe it is the nerds who teach it and try to infect pupils with their own irrational enthusiasm for the uttrly pointless that has made these subjects so uncool.

Welcome To Our World Cup
America's football (soccer if you must)team is taking part in the World Cup again. Lets hope their gallant performances as underdogs, and their good natured sportsmanship are not treated with the same indifference as four years ago. After all, though a sports team alone cannot undo the damage done to America's international reputation by the Bush administration, its a start.

High Flyers Wanted For Astronaut Jobs
In the light of secondary school teacher fatsally's experience of the current cup of school leavers the European Space Agency campaign to recruit astronatuts by advertizing the job as 'no formal qualifications needed' seems ill advised.

Bed and Breakfast Bible Society
When a gay couple turn up at a bed and breakfast hotel looking for a double room nobody bats an eyelid these days. Unless that is, the B & B is run by a Christian fundamentalist couple.

Sexless In The City
The great success of the series Sex In The City has always puzzled Boggart Blog because only one (Kim) of the four sex bombs in leading roles is actually sexy. Some critics have suggested the series ties in with the aspirations of many young cosmopolitan professionals. Are there really so many sex straved screwed up, neurotic fuck brains in the world? Read this hilarious critique...

British Teeth
Our American friends like to make jokes about British teeth. They might be more sympathetic towards our desire to keep our natural teeth if they knew the history of British dentistry since the formation of the National Health Service.

Conspiracy Theory of the Month - Patriotism
Whenever the word conspiracy is mentioned someone is bound to shout "Tin Foil Hat Wearer." The shouter is obviously involved in some kind of conspiracy and trying to divert attention from their activities. Conspiracies are all around us, large and small. Governments may not be beaming radio signals into our brains to control us but if such a technology was available you can bet they would be. This conspiracy theory concerns patriotism, an age old conspiracy among the elite to persuade the sons of the non elite it is a good and noble thing to die for one's country. Especially if the dead guy was the one carrying the flag.

When David Met Angie (satire)
What would happen when Britain's new Prime Minister David Cameron, leaders of the Conservative / Liberal Democrat coalition met Angela Merkel, German Chancellor and leaders of a coalition headed by the conservative Christian Democrats? The mother of all love ins perhaps? Of might one of our two star crossed lovers play it horribly badly?

War On Terror 2008: A Suspect Called Paddington
Paddington Bear makes a return to the printed page in a new book by author Michael Bond.

In the story Paddington copes with life in the 21st century in his inimicable way, leaving a trail of chaos and bemusement behind him. But just think if Paddington was making his debut in the 21st century, rather than the gentler more trusting times of post-war Britain.

Sugar is Kosher; Stupidity and Michael’s Chicken Aren’t
I have not been able to get interested in this new television series of The Apprentice with a bunch of chavs trying to demonstrate their budding business acumen to Lord Sugar and his sidekicks. The usual crop of desperate wannabes on The Apprentice are aged beteen twenty and thirty and thus have had time to develop the unique and idiosyncratic personality flaws and disorders that make them such a repulsive and obnoxious bunch of...

Teenage Prostitute Baby Poisoners
Today we have a surfeit of riches. Our favourite paper led on the headline “ Schools may be judged on teenage pregnancies and drug problems. What is all that about? Is the education system planning to start handing out GCSEs in getting up the duff and stonerology? Are the government offering NVQs for sex workers?

Ten - The First Night David and Sam Spend In Their New Home Turns Into A Nightmare
It is said ghosts are just echoes of the past, electro - magnetic shadows of long ago dramas imprinted on the fabric of buildings. But what is it like to enter a house where recent real life tragedies have taken place? And what mysteries of the mind might draw the people involved in those events back to the scene?

Labour Contenders Line Up With David Milliband To The Fore
Before Gordon Brown had even finished is maybe but not just yet, maybe never resignation speech David Milliband was pushing himself to the fore as a potential successor to Brown. But what other contenders may emerge from the Lbour ranks and can Milliband, admired by the party elite, the london metrosexual set and the intelligensia wing the hearts and minds of the grassroots Labour supporters

The Gordon Truman Show
Power may well corrupt but it certainly removes those who hold it from reality. So as Gordon Brown squats in Downing Street hoping that a bizarre sequence of events following the indecisive election will lead to him staying on as Prime Minister in a hung parliament one cannot help but think The Gordon Show is turning into a Truman Show type movie fantasy.

Lord Of The Blair Rings, (Emily, Tony and Precious)
Power corrupts maybe but it certainly removes those who hold it from reality. Tony Blair sits and schemes through his last days in office, hoping to find a way to hold on to his precious, the ring of office held by every Prime Minister or First Lord Of The Treasury to give the office its proper title. One cannot help but think power has warped Blair's mind so much he thinks he is the living embodiment of a character in a fantasy fiction.

Woman in Kansas lived on boyfriend's toilet for two years.
Boggart Blog's Star Reporter from the netherworld brings our readers the most private musings of Heather Mills McCartney as she contemplates her divorce, lawyer, injusdtice, prostetics and the burdens of celebrity.

Dangerous Musings of a Disturbed Mind
Boggart Blog's Star Reporter from the netherworld brings our readers the most private musings of Heather Mills McCartney as she contemplates her divorce, lawyer, injustice, prostetics and the burdens of celebrity.
[ Comedy & Humour ] ... [ celebrity ]

It's A Great Career Move, Britney.
What is poor Britney Spears to do. She's all out of comebacks, and everybody has had more than enough of her flirtations with madness and her star is fading fast. She has even worn out her victim status, her Dad having rid her of all the parasites who were sucking Britney and her bank accounts dry. Where Tiger Woods can repair his reputation by doing what he is good at, hitting little balls with sticks Britney's popularity depends on popularity. In the circumstances there is only one way forward for the fading celebrity, the fame junkie who is no longer famous. Fatsally reveals what in this article...

Scientists Blame Ancient Goddess For Volcanic Dust Disruption
Can this be true. While the volcano in iceland is still projectile vomiting ash and dust into the atmosphere scientists who have spent the last few decades dissing Gaia theory as superstitious unscientific nonsense are now saying the dust clouds are natures way of controlling global warning. Oo-er Missis, ancient earth science goddess very angry.

Mouse Scientists (Or Mickey Mouse Journalists) Do It In The Dark
We love scientists here at Boggart Blog (honest, we do) Where would we be without the constant stream of materiasl they feed us, especially on mouse science related projects. That is the science of studying mice and claiming to have gained vital understanding of human problems. Or fuckwittery to us uneducated folk. Here's a story of a health risk to humans identified by shing lights on mice at night.

Volcanic Dust And Divinity
The volcanic eruption in Iceland has closed most north European airports and grounded flights. Flying through the kind of dust emitted by the eruption can cause catastrophic failure in aircraft engines. So what could flights already in the air do except pray for divine. intervention...

Stating The Obvious Will Not Rebuild Our Economy

Given the obsession governments have with science and their irrational faith in the idea that sciencfe and technology will lead us out of the financial meltdown and rebuild the western economy, it is time we questioned some of the loony project that are being undertaken in Universities...

Schlock Celebrity Sex Tape Sounds Death Knell Of The Internet
No matter what depths web content sinks to the internet seems to go from strength to strength. But will a new celebrity sex video push back the boundaries of taste too far and bring about the backlash that will be the death of the world wide web

The Cheetah and the Television Cheats

Ever wodered how makes of those BBC television wildlife programmes get the wild animals to be so co-operative? Did you ever think there might be a bit of cheating going on? No, of course not, that nice David Attenborough who personally supervises all BBC wildlife programmes (he does, honest,) would never allow producers to cheat. Prepare to be shocked as we bring you the story of one little cheetah and the television cheats.

If There Weren't Any Canadians You'd Have To Invent Them
In the past few days I have been intrigued by a news story emerging from a district attorney’s office in Texas. A memo sent by an assistant DA to a prosecutor congratulated him on overcoming “a subversive defence that had some "Canadians" on the jury feeling sorry for the defendant. Canadiands it seems was a new euphemism for a certain ethnic minority group...

Poly Clinics - Not Just For Avian Flu.
In the latest example of pointless politically motivated tinkering with the National Health Service the Labour government announced today it is to introduce polyclinics to replace the traditional doctor's consulting rooms which will be phased out. But what kind of doctors will we see in these poly clinincs?

Ladettes To Ladies
One of the most bizarre and most entertaining of reality TV shows is ladettes to ladies. In this low budget schedule filler young slappers who habitually binge drink, shag around, piss in the street, get their tits out and projectile vomit are handed over to a charm school whose staff must attempt to turn the contestants from slappers into seductresses.

The Bash Street Politicians - Labour's Top Strategists.
Anthony "El Captainomundo" Blair and Beefy Prescott, two leading politicians of The Bash Street Kids Party are discussing how they can shrug off the legacy of Old Labour and winf the support of Mr. Richie Bastard in the election.

Research Suggests From Talking Bollocks Expert Surprise Liberal Democrat Victory
A new academic paper published by a researcher in sociology (the science of talking bollocks) suggests Nick CDlegg's erotic capitalpoints to a surprise Liberasl Democrat victory in the election.

The Whining Academy
Whining seems to have become a national sport. Politicians spend their time whining about the public's lack of respect for them except for when they are busy embezzling public funds, cutting cash for influence deals with fake lobbyists, sucking up to dodgy donors, fiddling their expenses or boffing their secretaries.

Giant Haystack Cheats The Law
A story of a man who when planning permission to build his dream home was turned down went ahead anyway, hiding his house behind a giant haystack has amused us.
Should Human Eggs Be Sold?
Should the sale of human eggs be banned? This and other etical questions raised by the advance medical science in solving fertility problems is addressed by the Boggart Bloggers in their usual irreverent style.

Samantha Cameron and The Spanish Inquisition
As the 2010 election campaign hots up attention is focusing on the party leaders wives. Samantha Cameron though she had won the battle of the headlines by getting pregnant but then she didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition

Live Forever Or Choose Life
Never a week and scarecely a day goes by without the latest shot in the wannabe global government's campaingn of fear and panic being fired at us ordinary folk. It will relate to health, drink, drugs, diet or smoking and offer in exchange for another freedom some dubious advantage. The lastest on the British front in this war on reality is a warning that air pollution in casusing 55,000 early deaths a year. Now if we stop all indusry in its tracks (because industrial processes are the main cause of pollution) thus increasing unemployment to 99% of the employable population (those who work in public services are in real terms unemployable) thus stopping those 55,000 deaths, ban smoking and drinking, stop people eating dodgy stuff that promotes stomach cancer etc. etc. pretty soon, if you add up all the lives these measures will save, nobody will be dying... Which would be a nightmare future in a world full of incontinent old gits.

No Help For Those With Self Inflicted Health Problems
News that the National Health Service will if future offer only palliative care to people whose heath problems can be described as self inflicted either through lifestyle or high risk behaviour is not a surprise coming from an increasingly authoritarian bureaucratic dictatorship.

The Contraltos
The Contraltos are a family of ruthlessly ambitious politicians who originated in the dark age of industrial politics when labour was a consumable resource. Though not individually capable of hitting the real political high notes as the Sopranos had, The Contraltos, by a combination of dirty tricks, murder and covering each others backs the contraltos have become a dominant force in British politics...

A Crisis In An Englishmen's Undercrackers
One of the causes of the west's economic decline has been the rise in imports from low labour cost nations like China and the depletion of our own industries that can no longer compete. This in turn has led to a crisis of quality in underwear. One good fart can blow the arse out of your guzzies these days. Which is good for China because we have to buy replacements every five minutes but bad for our country because it increases imports and bad for us. Join Boggart Blog in demanding a return to the days when a man could buy underwear he knew would last his lifetime and be passed down through succeeding generations.

The Evil Green Bastards Who Want To Save The Panet
So you heard all the politically corect propaganda and you thought going green wouls show you are a good person. Wrong. According to scientists adopting a green lifestyle is more likely to make you an evil, selfish bastard...

Ethical Knickers For Your Green Valentine
A sexy valentine gift for your green lover? Why not some ethical big knickers. Hemp knickers are all the rage with planet friendly females this year. If your girlfriend is more of a thong wearing climate change sceptic than a lentil loving Earth goddess howeer dont blame us if she kills you.

Calorie Offsetting - The Fair Trade Way To Stay Slim
Everybody has heard of carbon offsetting, the super wheeze that will allow those of us in the civilised world to carry on as we are while the people of developing nations sell us their carbon allowances to keep body and soul together. Well how do you fancy our calorie offsetting scheme that allows you to eat what you like and pay a poor person to get fat for you

Rubber Baby Syndrome
If you thought the title would lead to a piece about sexual fetishes you are wrong – well wrongish. A programme on television last night dealt with a fad among women of a “certain age” (post menopausal insanity syndrome) for buying fake babies and acting as if they are not rubber but real real. These women, all well heeled and expensively if often somewhat...
The True Hockey Stick
Believer in the new religion of AGW, anthropogenic global warming or climate change will be sick of having their science based faith mocked and their scientist priests ridiculed. To help them hold to their belief we offer a change to own a fragment of the true hockey stick, the sacred symbol of their religion.

Slutbot, The Internet Cyberhooker
Men, have you been approached by a slutbot yet. A slutbot is a piece of malwae that arrives liooking like an e mail from a sexy young female who is desperate to have sex with you. CFlick on a link to find out more however and you invite a worm. trojan or key logger onto your computer where it will steal all your personal data. Unlike a real prostitute however who may give you a social diseas or if you are lucky just a hand job before running off with your money, you are never going to get anything from Slutbot.

Gordfellas - Is The Labour Government Really Like Goodfellas?
Stories coming from Downing Street accusing Labour Prime Miniter Gordon Brown of bullying and being tempramentally unstable should worry us all. We know little of what goes on inside the seat of government and what we hear makes it sound like the movie Goodfellas. Read this hilarious pastiche then decide.

The World's Strongest Beer
So what is the world's strongest beer? Carlsberg Special Brew, Tennants Super, HSL which is a kind of Ace for the seriously brain damaged? For those not in the know about beer or Viz characters Ace, a weak, cheap beer best drunk when fortified with barbecue starter, is the poison of choice for Octavius Tinsworth (Eight) Ace. Well wrong, wrong and wrong. The strongest beer in the world now is Sink The Bismarck at 41% Alcohol By Volume from Brew Dog brewery in Aberdeen...

The Little Cellphone - A Christmas Story
What happens to all those cellphones that have given loyal and efficient servive only to be abandoned to their fate at Christmas when a newer model with more bells and whistles, apps and software widgets replaces them

Starve Yourself And You Might Live Longer
New scientific research advises us to starve ourselves if we want to live longer. But is it as usual just a case of you will not actually live longer, being permanently hungry on your calorie free diet will just make it seem so...

Health And Safety Halloween
First they killed bonfire night with stupid, petty rules and regulations, now the politically correct thought police and the nanny state conspiracy are trying to kill halloween. It will be another step towards abolishing everything that puts people at risk of having fun.
READ ALL Health And Safety Halloween

Book Review: How To Talk About Books You Haven't Read.
Can we really talk about books we haven't read as the title of the book reviewed here suggests? The author, french literature academic Pierre Bayard argues that it is perfectly feasible as books are not so much about narrative and characters as ideas. Does Bayard's argument hold up? Poet Ian R. Thorpe reviews How To Talk About Books You Haven't Read (without having read it of course)

2009-11-20
A Fit And Proper Person
by ianrthorpe

The dark forces of football oligarchy are ganging up on little Chester City but it looks like one rule for the minnows, another for the big clubs. The FA have ordered Stephen Vaughan, Chester’s owner and main financial prop to sell his shareholding because he is not a “fit and proper person” to be...READ ALL A Fit And Proper Person

Presidential Pardon For The A Team?
In a little reported incident in 2007, in odrer to stop the costs of the Iraq war running out of control President Bush offered a full pardon to The A Team if they could get some of the combat vehicles wrecked by roadside bombs back into action.
2009-11-19
Playing Politics With The Dear Old Queen
by ianrthorpe

The Queen’s Speech by convention, wile setting out the government’s programme is not about party politics nor is it supposed to be about a failing government shafting the opposition that will soon replace them by making it impossible for the new lot to...READ ALL Playing Politics With The Dear Old Queen

2009-11-17
The Real Queen's Speech Redux
by ianrthorpe

It is well known that every year HM The Queen writes her own speech for the state opening of parliament and that every year The Government goes to great lengths to ensure the draft is lost and Queenie has to read the speech prepared for her by the Prime Minister. Last year one of Boggart Blog's unseen reporters managed to obtain...READ ALL The Real Queen's Speech Redux

They Prayed Him Straight
After the latest developments in the bizarre story of rent boy using homo hating evangelical preacher Ted Haggard I my have to rethink my lifelong refusal to have anything to do with religion.
No Bitching

The New York Politically Correct Thought Police are planning to make use of the word 'bitch' a crime. Will that make all dog breeders criminals ponders Ian Thorpe.
Bad Taste Treat
The great Mel Brooks onc said "you can't crate humour without bad taste." Was he right? If you though your neighbours were were read about some of these people.

2009-11-14
Things Just Keep Getting Better!
by fatsally

The other day Boggartblog brought you the news that we're just not drinking enough, tipping the unfinished bottle down the sink wastes an incredible amount of the old Mucho Collapso and so we should all ensure that we drink every last drop, a practice Boggartblog has advocated for years. But things just keep getting better...