28 Jan 10 Poverty: Labour Succeeds Where Thatcher Failed. Ian R Thorpe
At last, a success New Labour can claim as their own. Under the party's rule over the past twelve years the gap between rich and poor in Britain has gone bak to the level of 50 years ago. We get a view from the MP for Rawtenborough since 1832 Hector Gobbett - Broadsides on what this means for unemployment, the revovery and the election prospects of conservative and labour...
Keep Health Out Of Politics
Have those government sponsored health scares about fats, alocohol, chocolate and ciggies ever got up your nose? No? They would if you knew the special advisors dreamed them up over brandy and cigars after a jolly good lunch.
Looks Like A Job For …… BICYCLE REPAIR MAN!
One of my favourite Monty Python sketches though it is remembered by few other people which may prove I am more of a Python geek than I thought, featured a Superhero called Bicycle Repair Man. A bike mechanic superhero? you might well ask...
The Fag Drag - Will Banning Cigarettes Spawn A New Industry?
Still detmined to be the killjoy government Labour are passing new anti smoking laws. But do they really think banning the display if cigarettes in shops will stop anybody from smoking?
The World Champion Losers
Nobody remembers the guy who comes second say vulgar colonials like the people from America and Australia. We British beg to differ, our athletes and sports competitors are still committed to the corinthian ideal that it is not winning that matters but playing the game. We refuse to stoop to the win at all costs attitudes of our former colonies.
Stupid Criminal Of The Month
You can't help loving stupid criminals. They don't do much harm and provide us with endless enetrtainment. Here's an example from our Stupid Criminal Of The Month Series
Nine Out Of Ten Brits chose Custard Creams? Get outta here!
by Ian R Thorpe
2007-08-28
Is The Internet Making Us All Stupid.
The more gullible and wide eyed among academics like to burble ecstatically about how the internet has ushered in a new age of creativity. We have to wonder just how much time these self styled experts have spent surfing scial networking sites
Web Induced Dementia
In most civilised societies there are laws governing what outrageous claims advertisers can make for their products. This does not apply on the web it seems, where 'revolutionary new world changing technology' means 'not fit for purpose'
A Clockwork GCSE Exam Paper
Repeated complaints from bosses suggest school exams in English have become too easy. But is this true or are examiners simply testing not so much on formal grammar as English like wot it is spoke?
The Stools Of Satan Another American evangelist has heard the voice of the Lord. This one was told his mission was to warn the faithful against letting the devil enter their digestive tract. Christiand must be ever vigilant lest they find their bottoms passing The Stools Of Satan...
Another Stupid Criminal Story
You can't help loving stupid criminals. They don't do much harm and provide us with endless enetrtainment. Here's an example ...
Daredevil Diners Of Tsuruoka
Are you sick of all those government health warnings about the dangers of eating perfectly good food? Miss the days when the Health and Safety Police were not all powerful and pie and chips down the local greasy spoon was a high risk experience? You should head for Japan where high risk dining is still on the menu.
Strange Bedfellows, a lib dem and a lingerie model by ianrthorpe
What topics do we think might come up in the post coital conversation of a Liberal Democrat MP and business & enterprise spokesman and a lady who models underwear for...READ ALL Strange Bedfellows
2009-10-15
Let Down By Hope? Embrace Nihilistic Despair. by ianrthorpe
Following the shock of last week’s announcement that the Nobel Peace Prize for 2009 had been awarded to Barack Obama in spite of nominations for the prize closing only a few days after he was inaugurated as President of the...
READ ALL Let Down By Hope - Embrace Nihilistic Despair
Guinness Gazing Education Expert.
The latest recommendations from the health and safety nannies and the politically correct thought police to halt all scientific experiments in school classrooms in the interests of child safety makes mockery of the givernment's pledges to boost science teaching in schools. So where will the do -gooders attack next?
Learn Yersel Jadeish.
The government is in the process of revising immigration policy in response to complaints that people who come here to work should be able to speak English. But academic tutoring may not prepare people for the workplace, they need to learn English like what it is spoke.
GCSE English? F*ck Off.
One of the recurring themes in the education debate is the issue of dumbing down. Educationalists always insist this is not happening. One examiner when making this year's english papers was plleasantly surprised by an erudite answer we are happy to report
Practical Sex Education
Schools have been teaching the theory of safe sex for years but with STDs and teenage pregnancy on the rise the lessons don't seem to be sinking in. What kids need is practical sex education says Boggart Blog's Fat Sally... READ ALL Practical Sex Education
Macology, The Science Of Burger Flipping
For some the announcement that employer - specific specialised training courses are to be accepted as vocational qualifications is proof that standards in education have hot rock bottom. But how do those people feel for whom a degre in Macology might be the only qualification they wll ever get... READ ALL Macology, The Science Of Burger Flipping
posted by Ian Thorpe 2005-05-11
NOTE: Some people may find this in bad taste.
For years employers and concerned parents have complained that school examinations are getting easier. Politically correct thinking among education academics aims to eliminate failure. But have new plans gone a step too far. The plan which proposes taking into account the emotional state of the pupil rather than marks being pased on the quality of the answers would be open to abuse by wily pupils this article suggests.
by Ian Thorpe @ 2005-07-16
Many commentators on the Right of the political spectrum have banged on for years about the steady lowering of standards in education. Left of Centre opinion holds that a different type of education is needed if modern children are to grow up able to cope with the emotional demands of post - industrial society. The truth ought to lie somewhere between these extremes but the Greenteeth investigative team have found what is actually going on to be much more sinister. Evidence suggests that the trend known as Dumbing Down has been engineered by a conspiracy of the Government, the Press and that bloke with the jam - jar bottom goggles on the Halifax ads....
posted by Ian Thorpe @ 2005-08-16
As record numbers of semi literate pupils achieve grade one A levels in a million subjects each the annual storm over standards in secondary education breaks out. Now as someone who was a manager I do sympathise with the employers who complain that even recruits with the highest degrees as lacking in basic academic skills. On the other hand I know... click button to open window
posted by Ian Thorpe@ 2005-12-13
Forgive me for feeling like a smug bastard but once again I have been proved years ahead of the mainstream in my thinking. A friend remind me of a conversation we had years ago when, after the unfortunate death of John Smith we were discussing the prospects of the new Labour Leader... click button to open article
To Hell And Back Before The Pubs Close
With religions having such a downer on sex one might think they would be in favour of drink, I mean if you drink enough you are going to be too busy choking on your own vomit to bother about shagging. In spite of that religious leaders continue to promise hell and buggeration to people who like a bevvy
Here Be Dragons
Adults in the developed nations of the west claim they are not frightened on monsters but our fears emanate from the most primitive parts of the brain. Can you really be sure there are no monsters lurking in the deep dark depths of your imagination?
KEYWORDS: monsters, dragons, medieval
Politically Correct Liars
Congressman Joe Wilson made a lot of trouble for himself when he shouted 'You Lie' at Barack Obama during the Presidents big speech on healthcare. Wilson was not wrong but it is a breach of etiquette to name someone, especially the President, as a liar in the debating chamber. Here are some politically correct ways of saying Liar, liar, pants on fire.
Nude Models Of Paris Are Revolting
The nude models of Paris are revolting. This does not mean they have beome less attractive or charming than they ever were, they are simply up in arms about the poor pay and conditions for their job.
Forward Psychic Soldiers It is well know the United States Military has a physchic warfare unit. What is not quite so well known, nor discussed in the mainstream media regularly is that the people running this unit do not live on planet reality...
They Didn't Think It Through (Again)
Don't you love it when a story that ought never to be of interest outside the local papers makes world news because people who consider themselves very smart just haven't thought things through properly...
V2G, Technology You Can't Believe In
Vehicle to Grid ( V2G), the new idea for clean, pollution free cars. Probably the craziest and most ueseless idea yet from the "Let's make a quick buck out of climate change" fear and panic industry...
The Only Reason You Will Ever Need To Hate The Toyota Prius...
by Ian R Thorpe
What is it that makes Ian R Thorpe hate the Toyota Prius. Is it the smug, self righteous bastards that drive them, the dubious statistics used to establish the green credentials of the car, the fact they look like a mororised turd or something else? Click on the button to find out
Memoirs Of A Performance Poet
Performance poetry is at best on the fringe of the entertsinment business. There is more to it that sitting on a stage in front of three people and muttering monomaniacal thoughts into your own navel. Sadly not enough peiple are aware of this.
Never Mind The Politics, Sport's The Bollocks
KEYWORDS:
Oddball behaviour from politicians is not news, they're all insane deviants anyway. But when it comes to self flagellation, sports stars are not far behind in the crazy stakes. Share with us some of the best moments of self inflicted pain from the year's top sporting events.
A Tenor Less
Everybody loves those operatic tenors who sing the great arias in such impassioned tones, even people who are normally opera haters. How do those guys reach such glass shattering high notes as they render tunes that are actually quite hummable? So it is a matter of global importance when we lose a great tenor.
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Shock Revelation! Michael Jackson and Barack Obama Are The Same Person by Ian R Thorpe
7 July 2009.
Heather Mills On A Mission
Heather mills is back and this time she's on a mission. The ex Mrs McCartney and unber mentalist aims to save the planet by turning us all into vegans
Breaking News from the Boggart Blog Conspiracy Theory Department.
As fans gathered in Los Angeles to pay a tearful farewell to their hero, the self – proclaimed King Of Pop Michael Jackson (tickets $2000 each - no concessions) the mourners were shaken by the latest revelation from the Boggart Blog conspiracy theory investigators tasked with delving into the mysteries surrounding the death of the word’s greatest
The Seven Profitable Habits Of Self Help Gurus
How do all those self help gurus whjo have made millions form their wealth / success / self-esteem programmes keep managing to sell their unremittingly banal, predicable and useless self help books? Here satirical writer Ian Thorpe reveals the secret methods know only to a few wealthy international con artists that keep those self help books selling..
Michael Jackson's Death Was Faked And We Can Reveal Why
KEYWORDS: music,celebrity,media,fame,humour,humor,satire,relationships
It is inevitable that people would quickly start to claim Michael Jackson is not really dead. It happened with Buddy Holly, Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, Jim Morrison and Janis Joplin who all found it possible to be dead, dead famous and at the same time evade the all seeing eye of the media. But at Boggart Blog we like to go a step further and so we will reveal why Whacko Jacko and his handlers decided death was the only way left to salvage the singer's stalled career.
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A Career In Substance Abuse? Sounds Just The Job...
KEYWORDS: career,public,violence,ethnic,sex,singing,humour,humor,satire
There are some weird jobs advertised in the public sector but a full page in a newspaper recruitment supplement dedicated to careers in substance abuse deminded investigation
Britain's Biggest Gobshite
The Boggart Network News search for Britain's Biggest Gobshite is over. We have found a man so vain, so up himself he makes even Barack Obama seem modest.
Examination Questions, Whacky Answers
Schoolkids eh? Don't we love the way their little minds work.
They Didn't Think it Through
It's surprising how often people just don't think things through, as you will see from these website domain names.
Fear Of Soup
Dendrophobia (fear of trees) Pognophobia (fear of beards) and claurophobia (fear of clowns) are all recognised conditions, but fear of soup, that's a joke surely? Not so, there are people out there with an irrational fear of soup, they start...
Men No Longer Hitting On Jordan
It was quite a surprise today to learn that 85% of the people who visit the website of Jordan (aka Katie Price) are women. A disturbingly high proportion are in fact young women hoping to pick up some tips on how to become a professional tits
Suit You Nurse
How are the National Health Service suits planning to deal with the burden of adminidtration placed on then by a government obsessed with targets and bureaucracy? They are going to make nurses spend less time looking after patiens and more on paperwork
Who's Looking After Homeland Security Politicians use the threat of terrorism to justify imposing all sorts of restrictions on or human rights and civil liberties. It is necessary for security reasons in the homeland they tell us. But when you get down to it, just who is looking after our homeland security?
Bring On The Racing Tortoises
Television sport producers seem to be obsessed with showing interminable swimming championships. Are there any slower sports than swimming that they might offer us. Ian Thorpe for Boggart Blog speculates on one.
Father's Away Day
Should father's be present in the delivery room during the birth of a child? Opinions have changed about this over the years, in this satirical artricle Boggart Blog describes how the birth procedure has developed over 30 years.
Sex On The Beach
When we are holidaying in sub tropical climes, the warm, balmy evenings, the booze and the romantic atmosphere make a midnight romp on the beach seem tempting. The British government warns travellers against such adventures though. Here Boggart Blog explains why.
The Art Of Cheating
Boggart Blog's Cleo Hart and artist who actually makes pictures people enjoy looking at by slapping paint on paper, canvas or board has a little rant about the moderist approach to art of putting any old shite in the middle of a room and talking bollocks about it.
Sun, Sand and Sweaty Feet
A sure way to avoid problems when holidaying abroad is to become familiar with local customs and observe them. Often though local customs are just TOO weird for west Europeans
Peacock Rescue When a Peacock invaded the Boggart Blog garden the incident turned into a typically bizarre, surreal, story for Britain's most popular comedy blog. Naturally, this being Boggart Blog it wasn't just a case of the Royal Society For The Protection Of Birds getting involved, somehow Steve Irwin, the Aussie crocodile wrestler, King Henry VIII and a blues singer are part of the story too.
Farting About With The Climate Will the Cow Fart Tax proposed by the Obama administration in America do anything to help the fight against climate change or is it just another gimmick. Get the Boggart Blog view.
It's The Sausages, Stupid
The European federalisation lobby sneer at suggestions that Bureaucrats in Brussels want to regulate British sausages and standardise on the Eurosausage model. But Bureaucractic regulatory schemes never die, they are just put into suspended animation.
Exclusive Interview with Susan Boyle's Cat Pebbles
Following the sad news of Britain's Got Talent Star Susan Boyle suffering a nervous breakdown as a result of media pressure following her success we bring you an exclusive interview with Susan's cat Pebbles.
The Best Day Of His Life
Concern over the quality of education available in state schools continues to grow as reports reach us that many pupils leaving juior school for comprehensive education can barely speak let alone read and write. In this piece we look at a piece of work turned in by one ten year old pupil and at his English teachers reaction to it.
Health Of The Nation
This is a very sad poem about the privatisation by stealth of the UK National Health Service. Sad; because I wrote it almost twenty years ago and it is just as topical now. Being familiar with the wrong side of the institutionalised incompetences perpetrated by public service bureaucracy I hate to think what human rights abused could be dreamed up by healthcare accountants in pursuit of a profit.
Sexual Salvation
Almost every man in a reltionship dreams of having an extra partner join in for a threesome. But over in overtly religious America they have some stange ideas about who might be joining them forkinky group sex.
Ascot Follies
Horses know they have no manners and they jusdt don't care. This freedom from inhibition was the cause of an extraordinaruy incident in 2005 when the Royal Ascot meeeting (transferred to York due to rebuilding) was taking place. The normal horse racing activities of betting, boozing and socialising gave way to an explosion of mirth when one of the horses got excited.
Can Things Get Any Worse?
The government, as always anxious to meddle in the minutae of our lives, health, lifestyle, diet, exercise, drink etc. resurrects a plan for compulsay mass medication, this time giving us all drugs to lower blood pressure whether you have high blood pressure or not. A mother is to have her baby taken for adoption having been branded too stupid to be a mother. On the same day news that 800 Britons are on the waiting list to visit a Swiss suicide clinic. How much worse can things get
Obama Prepares To Conker The World
U.S. President Barack Obama seems to have lost interest in domestic politics and the realities of the economic crisis and the global recession. People familiar with Obama's track record will be aware that every time he has been elected top an office, state congresss, US senate...
Favourite Boy
Ever wondered what happened to that little shit who made your life misery in school, the little shit who was fortunate enought to be good at the school sport which gave him immunity from any rule or sanction. He was the bully but anyone who fought back was punished. He stole the nerd's homework project and copied it but the nerd was accused of copying. Such people teach us a valuable lesson of course, authority will always favour those who kiss its arse.
Practical Sex Education For Schools
Most subjects in the school curriculum include a practical element so why mot sex education. Boggart Blog's fatsally suggests a radical approach to teaching the practical side of sex as opposed to pure theory.
Dr. Strangelove's Secret Bacon Butty Weapon
As the science versus faith debate revs up again it seems a good time to bring back online dome of the posts on Little Nicky Machiavelli blog in which a logician challenged those who would elevate science to the status of a religion. In this post, Dr. Strangelove's Secret bacon Butty Weapon the argument in the main post and related comment thread centres on a report published by scientists which was so shoddily written and presented even an averagly intelligent person with no interest in food science could blow it apart. As usual the scientific community then blamed misreporting by the media for the inadequacies in their work.
Extrudedpolymerhange
What's the daftest thing you ever heard? How about a bunch of hippie scientists and weirdie-beardies trying to recreate the jurney of the Bluestone sarsens from the quarry in the Preseli mountains, Wales to Stonehenge. Daft eh? But doing it with styrofoam blocks instead of granite, that just does not make sense.
Did You See That? Have you ever seen something strange in the sky, something that was there for a split second then after you blinked it was gone. We're not talking about UFO's or hallucinations here but weird shapes, like the primitive amorphous creatures that live in the ocean depths only bigger and airborne.
Lost Weekend
You are seeking solitude in a small reote hotel. There is only one other guest, the solitude seekers worst nightmare, an evangelical vegan cyclists. Is there any way you can escape?
Are You Educated - Quiz Have you ever wondered how educated you are. Governments tell us standards of education offered in state run schools are rising all the time so people who have not been in full time education for twenty years or more ought to be total mortons, right? Take the test and find out how you rate.
Positive Reinforcement As A Tool For Behaviour Change, An Assessment
A Labour plan to encourage weight loss by giving incentives in the form of gift vouchers to fat people to lose weight could actually be seen by the aquisitive as an incentive to get fat, hus earning rewards. All the scheme proves is that the government is insane
Surprise! Sex Does Not Sell Computer Games.
You might think computer games are one of the most obvious examples that the adage "sex sells" is not just an advertising industry cliche but a universal truth. Not so, sex does not actually sell computer games - at least not if it is the kind of sex that involves real woment or even realistic looking avatars."
Holy Hibernation Batman. The Bat Cave Is Closed
Have the caped crusaders been beaten at last? Will a new disease than has been wiping out bat colonies across America and led to all Bat Caves being closed and boarded up finally put the Dynamic Duo out of action and left the streets of Gotham City without protection from the mendacious miscreants who prey on honest citizens? And what will happen when the disease wiping out bats jumps to humans? It's another opportunity for the government to spread Fear and Panic.
Lend An Ear While I Tell Of Van Goch
As a new theory about the fate of the severed ear of artist Vincent Van Goch emerges, Boggart Blogger Ian R Thorpe reexamines the whole bizarre case of the severing of Van Goch's ear. Did the artist cut off his own lug'ole as previously thought or was it, as the new theory suggests removed by fellow artist Gaugin. And why did Van Goch give his ear to a prosttute?
Conspiracy Theory Of The Month - Dumbing Down Ian Thorpe.
humour, satire education, politics, war The Conspiracy Theory of the Month feature kicks off with Dumbing Down. A stupid population is a compliant population so what better way for the New World Order brigade to strip people of their rights, liberties and the ability to think for themselves than by first making everybody stupid. The decline of education and its replacement by coaching to examination, the homogenisation of the media, all could be parts of a giant conspiracy to take us back to the days when ordinary people could be sent put in a very deep hole for breaking wind in front of a gentleman. The gentleman had a divine right to fart first.
posted by Ian Thorpe 2005-05-11
NOTE: Some people may find this in bad taste.
For years employers and concerned parents have complained that school examinations are getting easier. Politically correct thinking among education academics aims to eliminate failure. But have new plans gone a step too far. The plan which proposes taking into account the emotional state of the pupil rather than marks being pased on the quality of the answers would be open to abuse by wily pupils this article suggests.
EXTRACT: In my school days, admittedly more years ago than I care to remember, trying to justify the non - delivery of homework projects with the excuse "please Sir, the dog ate it," was not exactly fresh and original but was still guaranteed to raise a ripple of laughter from classmates. Now of course it is a tired and lame excuse used as a last resort only by the terminally dull - witted. Family pets have advanced in status so much they can actually make a positive contribution to academic achievement.
Pissed Pensioners Are A Social Blight
There is an ever growing tendency in government to stick their noses into the everyday detail of people's daily lives. Nowhere has this been more apparent than in the case of The Pised Pensioners. Despite the governmen'ts repeated dire warnins about the effects of drinking on health and the cost to health services of drinking related illness a lot of pensioners still like to enjoy the occasional glass of beer or wine. And the pokenose bureaucrats intend to put a stop to it. Read full post
Alistair Darling's Buds Of Recovery Shaken By Rough Winds...
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May says Shakespeare's sonnet but will Alistair Darling'd Budget survive the rough winds of ridicule. This satire compares the chancellors attempts to get the economy back on track to the futility of the Large Hadron Collider experiment in that the people in charge of the experiment do not really know what they are trying to do.
CLICK HERE to read all Alistair Darling's Buds Of Recovery
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Breakfast With The Apprentices
Ian R Thorpe
23 Apr 2009
The Apprentice rolls on oblivious of the budget, Britain's Got Talent and Barack Obama. Some might suggest that is because it was recorded several months ago but we at Boggart Blog would never stoop so low as to suspect Surrealan of being involved in such a deception. Trust us the programme goes out live in real time and is not edited at all. Next week's task for The Apprentices is to convince sceptics that pigs really can fly.
The usual stereotypes are emerging among the contestants, the obligatory loudmouth, sneak, backstabber, gobshite, airhead, slapper and bitch are all there as well as the girl who is competent but too nice to win and the tosser who is incompetent but enough of a bastard to win. CLICK HERE to read all Breakfast With The Apprentices
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The Science Of The Stones
Sometimes scientists get a bit above themselves and need to be put in their place. It has been so recently which a faction seemingly trying to place science in the role of a religion. This article by Ian R. Thorpe analyses the shortcomings of science when it is applied to philosophical questions and historical conundrums. Humour, satire
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Boggart Blog On Education (Vol 1)
Twenty hilarious articles of the craziness of the education system from the bloggers at Britain's top comedy blog Boggart Blog. Find out how easy exams are gtting these days, learn of plans for practical sex education, read about how burger flipping became a science. There are also blogs on Dumbing Down, the benefits of private education, how to get a degree in stating the obvious, teaching Englsh as a foreign language to Polish plumbers and much more
The New Way To Chill? Why Not Skin Up A Toad
As the UK government raises the dangerous drug classifications for cannabis and ecstasy from Calls C restricted substances to Class B and the recession puts the bite on people's wallets it gets hrder to chill out through a little mild substance abuse. Fear bot. Greenteeth has found a new legal narcotic that can get you out of your head without your having to worry abouth the drug squad breaking the door down.
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Atheists Miss The Bus A plan to put advertisements promoting atheism on London buses misses the point, says satirist Ian Thorpe. Surely if we have to advertise our opposition to the views of religious organisations we are conceding that maybe they have a point.
Broadsides on the Energy Crisis
An outrageous satire on the energy crisis suggesting how unwanted children may be used to generate power
Broadsides on Child Labour
In another outrageous political satire from comedy writer Ian Thorpe veteran right wing politician Sir Hector Gobbett - Broadsides gives his views on the disastrous effect the abolition of chiold labour had on western industrial nations .
William McGonagall is widely acknowledged as the worst poet ever published. Now ith the benefit of post modern irony and the fact he has ben dead a hundred years we have come to love his badly written, unimaginative poems as comic gems, the writer's sheer ineptitude and choice of mundane subject matter making them wildly funny.
The Government is pushing a new law to make it illegal to buy or sell sex (would that they were planning laws to ban buying and selling toxic debt derivatives) but in the past neith law, nor witch hunt nor religious persecustion had succeeded in utting an end to "the oldest profession. So long as there are men willing to buy sex there will be women willing to sell it. But if oppressive laws drive the sex trade off the streets where will it go. Could an idea from Hungary to put legal brothels in Supermarkets have any potential we wonder...?
Queen Vic's Knicks Fetch A Tidy Sum
Why do Queen Victoria's skanky knickers fetch such astounding pices at auction. Ian Thorpe has some off the wall ideas about what the attraction might be.
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