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Boggart Blog Central

Poverty: Labour Succeeds Where Thatcher Failed.
At least, a success New Labour can claim as their own. Under the party's rule over the past twelve years the gap between rich and poor in Britain has gone bak to the level of 50 years ago. We get a view from the MP for Rawtenborough since 1832 Hector Gobbett - Broadsides on what this means for unemployment, the revovery and the election prospects of conservative and labour..

Figures released yesterday show the gap between right and poor in Britain is wider than it has been for almost half a century. This is the best news Gordon Brown could have been given at the start of a long election campaign.

The Blair Brown junta that grabbed control of the Labour party in the 1990s, rebranded it and led New Labour to power managed to grab the Mondeo Man vote by taking the party to the right of Margaret Thatcher's Tories at the height of The Gorgon Of Grantham's war on the working class. They did this in pursuit of votes from the Mondeo owner who'd like to be a Mercedes owner demographic.

In order to finance the upward mobility of these people, all things being relative, it was necessary to make somebody poorer. And the working class would vote Labour no matter what wouldn't they. Such simple but elegant logic. There is a flaw however, if everybody is middle class the middle class are the lowest stratum of society. And on the bottom is not where Bovis Homes man or Debenhams woman thinks they should be. So as the traditional working class became the underclass, the Dalits, the Untouchables of British society the lower middle class, the slightly grubby white collar workers, the aspirational artisans of Labour legend found they were the lower class, buying their stuff on credit, worrying bout unemployment and debt, collecting cardboard boxes as insurance against their homes being repossessed. Above them is a void then come the extended upper middle class which started from the modestly affluent and stretched up to stinking right but no style arrivistes. Thus had New Labour succeeded where Margaret Thatcher had failed in restoring old fashioned values of snobbery, condescension and self - importance. Now all they have to do is teach the new poor to be deferential. If they can do that and engender a belief that the poor should be grateful for the stale crumbs from a rich man's table it will be a big step along the way to commencing the regeneration of our industrial base.

Interviewed yesterday, the Conservative spokesman on poverty, ignorance and malnutrition Sir Hector Gobbett Broadsides, MP for Rawtenborough since 1832 told a Boggart Blog Parliamentary correspondent of his plans to make the new poverty a positive factor in Britain's economic resurgence:

"The return of abject poverty is the best news British industry could have been given. We have been too soft on slackers for too long. The Conservative election manifesto will suggest bringing back the workhouse. A few months oakum picking will sort out the workshy. They'll never turn down a job as a bowel emptier in a slaughterhouse again, No sense being soft on these people, they've been getting away with it for too long.

Only a few months ago I had a young man sent to me by the name of Willie Eckerslike sent to my factory by the Job Centre. He was applying for the job of general flunky. When my manager told him the hours were 4 a.m. to ten p.m. with ten minutes for lunch and the duties included doing everything he was told and speaking to management in a grovelling and obsequious way he read out a list of his demands. He told us he expected double the wage on offer and would work a thirty five hour month, starting at ten thirty in the morning or later if he did not feel like getting out of bed or was on the nest, he could not be asked to bend is back or lift anything as it might interfere with his beer drinking action and he expected managers to address him as "Your Lordship."

Last week he was back, tail between his legs. No more of your 'I've got three GCSEs' stuff, oh no. He'd been reclassified from upwardly mobile to poor you see. Marvellous how being poor teaches oiks to know their place. That and having their benefit suspended.

I noticed a complete change in his attitude. Now look here young Willie Eckerslike, I told him, if you want to work for me you will work a twenty seven hour day without pay, no breaks and you will be fined a week's low income supplement if you fail to start a shift on time even though you haven't finished the last one. And if you work diligently and manage to keep your nose clean and no blowing it on company time think on, I shall reward you by grinding the sole of my boot in your face.

"Oh thank you so much Sir 'ector", he says, "you have done me a great favour because if I am engaged in honest work no matter how poor I may be I shall have my self respect. It will be a 'onour and a privilege to have your boot ground in my face Sir."

Well I liked the tone of his obsequious grovelling so much I promoted him on the spot to senior general flunky and told him he would be allowed to pay me for the privilege of working in my factory. And when I promised to be sure the sole of my boot was very dirty before I ground it in his face he looked as if he was about to ascend to Heaven.

Industry needs to be freed from the shackles of socialism and all this namby pamby, touchy feely, let's all sing Kumbaya do - goodery. Only when we a free to be complete bastards will the wealth creators be able to get this country back on its feet.

This seems to be the culmination of New Labour's journey to the right. From being the party of academics, lawyers and media types who have never done a days labour in their lives they have become the party of fat cats, shysters and quick buck merchants. By the time of the election they could well be taking votes from the BNP core constituency.